Why I Am Pro-Mickelson

1) Married to Amy; 2) heavier set; 3) never in tip-top shape; 4) admits to not playing much golf when he can get away with it; 5) agrees to give all of his earnings from one designated tourney to New Orleans relief funds -- will do so for 5 years. http://articles.news.aol.com/sports/article.adp?id=20060426190109990009

Kellie Pickler -- Boot

While I am still upset that Paris did not get booted (there is always next week), the decision to vote off Pickler was justified by the awful performances given in the last two weeks (one of which I scored as worse than Bucky Covington, so, 'nuf said). While Idol fans have some random voting problems (Jasmine Trias, Diana DiGarmo), the appeal of the show, in part, is that so many people vote that the best singer has always eventually won. Paris Bennett (really from MN) and Kat McPhee (admits to being from CA) form 40% of the final 5. No Idol from a blue state has come in the top 2 since Juston Guarini (PA) in season 1. Since then we have had Alabama over NC; NC over Georgia, and Oklahoma over Alabama. Texan Kelly Clarkson's win in Season 1 also means that no Idol winner has ever come from a blue state.

Pamela Rogers -- "She's Gotta Have It"

Even if it means jail time in Tennessee -- http://articles.news.aol.com/news/article.adp?id=20060412232109990001&_ccc=6&cid=842. She may learn exactly how unwanted sexual advances feel....At least the kid will be 21 when she gets out of the crowbar hotel...

Come On, Do We Live In China?!?!?

Can't get away with anything nowadays, geez. What next, no porn flicks at lunch time? http://articles.news.aol.com/news/article.adp?id=20060426165509990037&ncid=NWS00010000000001

Shania Twain

Also from News of the Weird: (1) Matt Brownlee, 33, with a long record as a drunk driver, was acquitted of criminal DUI charges in Ottawa, Ontario, after psychiatrists concluded that his latest accident was the result of a sincere belief that singer Shania Twain was helping him drive the car. (A 1996 brain injury might have given him a disorder in which he believes that celebrities communicate with him telepathically.) (2) Following a hung jury in England's Winchester Crown Court in April, Linda West faces retrial in the 2005 death of her husband, which she said was accidental, in that her gun slipped while she was energetically performing a Shania Twain number ("Man! I Feel Like a Woman") in what she described as the couple's sex game. [Canadian Broadcasting Corporation, 3-28-06] [Daily Telegraph (London), 3-30-06] . Is there a guy out there who doesn't believe that Shania has, um, "helped" him perform certain acts?????? Item #2 -- "Man, I feel like a-shootin' you!"

Part III -- Bad Internet Connection

According to a February police report on the Arizona State University student newspaper's Web site, an 18-year-old student, arrested at Hayden Library for masturbating openly while watching Internet porn, explained to police, "To be honest, the Internet connection at my dorm isn't good enough." [St. Petersburg Times-Bradenton Herald, 2-28-06] [ASUWebDevil.com, 3-2-06]

News of the Weird -- Part II

1) Kuwait Times reported in April that food inspectors shut down the Hawally bakery in Kuwait City after finding dough stored in a toilet, which the owner explained was so that the humidity would keep it moist.

News of the weird -- Part I

In February, several patients at an unlicensed mental health facility in Columbus, Ga., told the local Ledger-Enquirer newspaper that they had recently worked security at the Georgia Dome in Atlanta during football games of the University of Georgia and the Atlanta Falcons. The facility, the Greater Grace Community Center, has recently been shut down, but the newspaper was able to verify much of the patients' story. Among the facility's patients are those diagnosed with anti-social personalities or bi-polar disorder or homicidal tendencies. [WXIA-TV (Atlanta)-Columbus Ledger-Enquirer, 3-2-06]

Kobe/Nash

This really is a no lose series for me, as I detest Nash and D'Antoni as much as The Devil. Thanks to DJK for the pic.

Query

http://articles.news.aol.com/sports/article.adp?id=20060426004109990002&cid=. Bonds is at 710. He will almost certainly pass Ruth. Let's assume he struggles to 725 this year. He will need 31 to pass Aaron. Why isn't he being traded to the AL to be a DH? Wasn't this the whole point when the Dh was passed in the 70s? Great players who could still hit would be allowed a couple extra years? Why have the guy hobble around left field in frigid San Fran when he could be DHing in, say, Texas?

Charlie Sheen -- Summary of Likes and Dislikes

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0421061sheen1.html.

Summary of Likes: young girl porn, gay male porn, posting pictures of his erect manhood on the Web, abortion rights, breast feeding, internet pharmacies, sports gambling, holistic medicine, leaving voice mail messages, 4 letter words.

Summary of Dislikes: women who are his wife (i.e. Denise Richards), pregnant women, possibly miscarrying women asking for immediate help during a televised basketball game, pregnant women trying to give birth during games he has bet on, people with cancer, black people, baby formula users, childhood vaccinations, being told not to hang with hookers at his children's home, lawyers, women lawyers, pregnant women lawyers, people who inquire about his AIDS test results, his wife's parents and (probably on both lists) the late Chloe Jones: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chloe_Jones.
HM

American Idol -- April 25 Review

Overall, not the worst night of all time, but probably the worst overall song choices in a LONG time. Where to start?
6. Kellie Pickler -- Righteous Brothers "Unchained Melody" -- I think that someone is deliberately sabotaging the idiot Pickler. Hey, Kellie, why don't you sing "Suds In A Bucket"? Damn, still on the show, howze about "Bohemian Rhapsody"? Still on, shit, how about a low vocal range song that is horribly overplayed -- "Unchained Melody"? There is nothing worse than this effort. Bucky was better. At least he had a bravado brought on by an unjustified confidence. Pickler, by contrast, seems to sense was she is sucking and just falls apart quicker. She is the Cliff Robinson of singing playoffs. 9 out of 100.

5. Paris Bennett -- Barbra Streisand's "The Way We Were" -- as I always say, when I think of the next Barbra Streisand I think of a wealthy black girl raised in Minnesota and pretending to be from Georgia! Every bad attribute of Paris came out -- bad mimicry, acting 50 years old, corny stage antics. And for 30+ years the song has always been sung "can it be that it was all so simple then." In 2006, Paris decides to go with "so so simple then." For good measure, she decides to try out "But it's the laughter we will remember; whenever YOU remember." Um, it's "we remember" -- sorta the point of the song, check the title....Yuck, yuck, yuck. Mr. Yuk is mean, Mr. Yuk is...better than ever having to listen to this again. 50 out of 100.


4. Elliott Yamin -- some Donnie Hathaway song (I looked it up, it is called "A Song For You") -- as Ruben Studdard is learning the hard way, people do not like Donnie Hathaway-type songs. They just don't. I thought Elliot showed excellent vocals, but in 90 seconds I almost fell asleep and was BEGGING for the damned thing to end! I know the judges loved him, but for goodness sake, the thing was interminable...72 out of 100.

3. Katharine McPhee -- Whitney Houston's "I Have Nothing" -- another poor song choice, but I thought that she did the best she could with the song and did not think she had nearly as many pitch problem as did the judges. She is getting very, very poor advice. She has a nice full straight voice with limited range or flexibility. She is very pretty, moves well, and can sing very well when singing a fun and peppy tune. Yet she features herself as a true vocalist in the mode of Whitney Houston (pre-crack) and Celine Dion. For McPhee to ever have a hit with a ballad, you would need so much studio magic that it would bring to mind the Simpsons' phrase, "Thank you, NASA." Simple rule for you, "Kat" -- stop singing songs that make your dad cry and start performing in a manner that will make him start shopping for chastity belts. Young boys should have to excuse themselves from the family room after your upcoming performances. 73 out of 100.

2. Taylor Hicks -- James Ingram's "Just Once" -- this is one of my favorite songs of all time. Taylor is no James Ingram. But he understood the song, and I thought his version was FAR better than the credit he was given. 85 out of 100. He gave his best, but I guess (we'll see if) his best wasn't good enough.

1. Chris Daughtry -- Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman by Bryan Adams -- oddly, Chris picks one of the sappiest, most inane songs ever written. "When you love a woman, you tell her that she's the one...." Uh, THAT's your advice? Is there a drunk high school or college boy who isn't smart enough to figure out that that is a good idea???????I mean, good lord. ........................Ironically, by picking one of the worst songs ever written, Daughtry basically insured himself the best performance of the night. NO ONE could possibly EVER want to hear the Bryan Adams version EVER again, so what might otherwise have been seen as a classic Daughtry screw up of rocking out parts of a love song became, instead, a VERY welcome respite from the dreck he would otherwise have been forced to sing. 94 out of 100.

dialidol.com has Paris and Pickler as 6th and 5th with McPhee as 4th. Tough night for the ladies!

Ricky Williams -- See Ya...

http://articles.news.aol.com/sports/article.adp?id=20060425192709990002&ncid=NWS00010000000001. Pass the Kouchie, I guess....How does it feel when ya got no herb? (Extra points for the name of the band who did Pass the Kouchie and for the band who ripped off the song in the 1980s.)

The Underrated All-Time Greats

Here are folks that I don't believe have ever really been given their due by the general public: 1. Elvin Hayes -- beat Alcindor once in college while E was coached by Guy Lewis and Alcindor was coached by John Wooden (think Mike Woodson over Phil Jackson here). Hayes ranks way up the career list on virtually every single major stat (scoring, rebounding blocks) and his teams won. Yet he is given short shrift when people talk about the greatest forwards of all time.

2. Stan Musial -- when baseball named all-century team for the 20th century, it set aside certain spots for people left off by idiot fans. First guy added under this criteria -- Stan Musial. 3 time MVP, 7 time batting champ, 20 time all-star. Was left off in lieu of, for example, Pete Rose. Um, OK.

3. Ricky Henderson -- http://www.baseball-reference.com/h/henderi01.shtml, 3055 hits. #1 in all-time steals and runs. Was actually a very good fielder. 6 times in the top 10 for MVP. Tough personality, but a helluva player.

4. Tom Seaver -- Tom Seaver was 311-205 lifetime. Ask a casual fan who Tom Seaver was, no idea. Ask who Nolan Ryan was, they will know.

5. Stephan Edberg -- http://www.tennisfame.org/enshrinees/edberg.html. Yet his name is almost swept away into the dustbin of tennis history while people recall Yannick Noah and Boris Becker far more easily.

6. Monica Seles -- had 8 Grand Slam titles in a hurry and was simply dominant. Got stabbed, got fat, lost her rightful spot in tennis history. See "Kirby Puckett" and replace "stabbed" with "glaucoma."

7. Raymond Floyd -- 4 majors, 22 total wins during a stretch where Jack and Trevino and Watson were all playing and playing well. Could also have won the 1990 Masters, lost in a playoff. Won a tour event at age 49. Most younger sports fans do not even know who the hell he is.

8. Jerry Rice -- hard as this is to imagine, people are already writing off the charismatically-challenged Rice's career. When he retired people were saying he was not even the greatest receiver of all-time (offering up WWII era Don Hutson). If any list of all-time greatest NFL players does not have Jerry Rice on its top 10, toss it away and look elsewhere. Here is a stat for the Don Hutson lovers out there -- Jerry Rice 207 TDs. Steve Largent plus Don Huston -- 203. Nuf said.

9. George Brett -- Playing for KC, Brett never really received his due. There was no one who could turn around a fastball any more reliably than George Brett. Decent fielder, had several seasons with over 10 steals, and, oh yeah, hit .390 one year. Best description I ever heard of Brett's hitting prowess: "the ball come off his bat like a golf ball off a 1 iron." Yet in 10 years his name will be swept away with the Zach Wheats and Paul Waners.............................................................................................................. .10. Rickey Jackson -- Is it really Rickey Jackson's fault that he played in the same era as Lawrence Taylor? He had 9 seasons with 9+ sacks (LT had 8). He has 128 career sacks (10th all-time, 4 sacks less than LT). He had 28 career fumble recoveries and 8 INTs (LT had 11 and 9). Was Jackson as good as LT? Of course not. Does he deserve a GREAT DEAL more credit as a player than he is getting -- certainly.

HM

10 Overrated Superstars (9 past, one present)

I am NOT stating that any of the folks on this overrated list weren't above average at their sports. What I am trying to convey is that history has left the impression that certain folks were better than they actually were.

Overrated (not in order):

1. Julius Erving -- The least truthful moments are when people toss Dr. J. a bone by saying "Not Bird and Magic....Bird, Magic and Dr. J." No, simply not so. Sadly the good doctor left his best game back in the ABA, and NBA fans never got to see anything approaching the ABA stats. But if you are objective and look just at his NBA career, he really was not anything near a Bird or Magic type player. His team lost in the finals to Bill Walton's undermanned Blazers and would return to be waxed by Magic and the Lakers. By 1983, he was a Pippen-esque helper to the great Moses Malone when the title finally came to Philly. Barkley was a better Sixer.

2. Mark McGwire -- Let's put steroids to one side (even though they greatly boosted his career and single season stats). He only finished in the top 10 in MVP voting 5 times in 16 years. He was often hurt. He gave you NOTHING on the basepaths. His career numbers, other than home runs, contain almost no top 50 career finishes. Even with the juice running full tilt, McGwire still could not win one MVP. Yet many refer to him as "the greatest pure power hitter of all time." Bull.

3. Dennis Eckersley -- The mark of a true great reliever is that he comes through when things are really at their toughest against the toughest competition. Does this description fit "Eck"? Ask Kirk Gibson, ask the 1990 Reds, ask Roberto Alomar and the 1992 Toronto club. I think your answer will be found in Eck's 6 ERA in those situations...

4. Nolan Ryan -- here is a guy whom everyone loves. Heck, I have nothing bad to say about the guy as a competitor or a person. But at 324-292, he had MANY opportunities to prove that he was the best pitcher of all time and at least 292 times could not do so. In 1986 he was pitching the Astros to victory 1-0 over the Mets. Perhaps a chance for a key defining career moment??? Gave up a homer to Strawberry and ended with a no decision. Great guy. Great stuff. Could never quite come through for the key W.

5. Andy Roddick -- Steve Stifler's lookalike has received more press for a mediocre career than Paris Hilton. Now says that his early round losses of late have been due to focusing "too much on Roger Federer." Roughly equivalent to me saying that my venture a couple months ago to 220 lbs. plus was due to focusing too much on looking like, well, Andy Roddick.

6. Steffi Graf -- how could I be hating on Steffi? Great legs and has some similar aspects to her looks to my dear wife. That said, she was unable to effectively compete with Monica Seles until Gunter Parche came out of the crowd to stab Monica Seles and achieved his goal of returning Steffi to #1. Even the much fatter Seles was able to almost defeat Graf in 1995. But for the attack, Steffi probably just serves as a small player in tennis history.

7. Johnny Miller -- While he does enjoy 25 tour wins (including 2 major championships), Miller's name recognition is simply FAR too high for his accomplishments. Most of his wins came in a brief burst from 1973-76. His career has been less successful than, for example, Phil Mickelson or Vijay Singh (and they are still playing), but his announcing gig has seemed to cement him in the public eye as someone who once challenged Jack Nicklaus for supremacy. (This is roughly equivalent to comparing David Thompson's NBA career with Michael Jordan's.)

8. Laura Davies -- Never let it be said that being overweight is always a handicap. People who can name women's golfers probably name Annika and Laura. Laura has one excellent three-year stretch (1994 to 1996) in the U.S. Sorenstam then took over shortly thereafter and Davies basically faded away.

9. Sammy Sosa -- I guess this almost goes without saying, but he is regarded in a far better light than his ability actually warranted. Could never field or do any of the little things required of a baseball player. Wrigley plus some mystical X factor seem to have accounted for that 6-7 year stretch of great hitting.

10. Dan Marino -- When it came right down to it, Marino could never get the job done. Elway had "The Drive." Jim Kelly led his Bills to 4 straight Super Bowls. Aikman got it done seemingly every year in the playoffs. Favre got it done. Montana -- goes without saying. Steve Young -- won. Dan Marino? Nope. Had one Super Bowl appearance where he threw it 50 times but only for a measly 318 yards 1 TD and 2 ints. He has 87 career rushing yards. That's right, 87. Jeff George has over 300. Marino's career basically comes down to being a stat-man and putting up big numbers in futile efforts toward a title run. But even there, he was only the #1 fantasy football player at his position for 2 years out of his entire career! http://www.pro-football-reference.com/players/MariDa00.htm. The Dominique Wilkins of football. My apolgies to Nique.

Next up -- underrated. HM

Can't Find a Girlfriend?

http://www.nothingisreal.com/girlfriend/index. Stupid, but worth posting...

More Pop Culture

Charlie Sheen -- um, mean....http://celebrity.aol.com/people/ataol/articles/0,19736,1186548,00.html. On a related note -- Starship Troopers, awesome flick....

Nick Lachey -- Pathetic

Anyone who ever watched "Newlyweds" always felt sorry for Nick Lachey haveing to live with the complete idiot Jessica Simpson. Their post-breakup behavior has led me to feel very sorry for JESSICA! http://celebrity.aol.com/people/ataol/articles/0,19736,1186627,00.html. Good lord, man, have a smidgeon of pride and self-esteem. STOP with the "oh, I was blind-sided..." and "I still love her" crap. Go get drunk on a nightly basis and end up with a different starlet every night of the week. Then I might not consider you the biggest wuss known to man... Of course maybe if I was missing the pictured bod, I might not be any better...

Good Rental

I am sorry, but I thought "Just Friends" was pretty good. So shoot me. It made me laugh and I enjoyed both Anna Ferris and Amy Smart. I swear -- 7.5 out of 10 stars...

Phoenix 107, Lakers 102

Steve Nash must be a huge Big & Rich fan (see last verse and chorus) -- http://www.lyrics007.com/Big%20&%20Rich%20Lyrics/Saved%20Lyrics.html. In light of this Game 1 and the Cavs/Wiz game 1, I have decided that my old comparison of Devil/LBJ is grossly unfair (roughly like comparing Roseanne Barr/Carmen Electra). So, I now move Mamba into a far easier competition that he may have some chance of winning: Kobe v. Tim Thomas. Game 1 -- Kobe 22 and 6 in 46 minutes; Thomas 22 and 15 in 34 minutes. We will have to stand by to see who is the better player over the next 3-6 games, but Timmy with the HUGE early edge....

Ann's Ice Balls

http://www.enquirer.com/editions/2001/06/17/loc_ice_balls_sweet.html. How I missed this during my trip, I have no idea. The t-shirt alone would have been worth the trip!

Where the Wind Comes Sweepin' Down the Plain

http://us.video.aol.com/video.index.adp?mode=2&guideContext=65.73&pmmsid=1636070. And when we say, Yeeow! Ayipioeeay! We're only sayin' you're doing fine, Oklahoma, Oklahoma, O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A, OklaHOOOOOOma!

Straight Chalk, Homey

Spurs over Kings in 6 -- The Spurs have had an unusual year. They haven't had a 15+ game win streak; they have struggled in some big games. The Kings, by contrast, are far better with the addition of the Tru Warrior, Ron Artest. That said, no way Spurs drop a first round series.

Pistons over Bucks in 6 -- Are the Bucks a great team? No. Is Terry Stotts a great coach? No. So they really have no chance. That said, the chinks in Flip Saunders' armor will start to show even this early on. Flip is an offensive coach, and in the NBA playoffs you need to be a defense-oriented coach. Flip's boys will drop two as a sign of things to come.

Suns over Lakers in 6 -- Guy with the worst haircut in the NBA (Nash) over guy with the worst attitude (Kobe). Wouldn't kill me to see either team lose. Phil-D'Antoni coaching matchup is riduclously one sided in Lakers' favor.

Heat over Bulls in 6 -- Heat are not a great team, but I think Wade wills them through here

Nuggets Over Clips in 6 -- I just think George Karl outcoaches Dunleavy

Nets over Pacers in 5 -- I can't see how this is even close.

Mavs over Grizzle in 5 -- see above

Cavs over Wiz in 7 -- Cavs are a miserable team, not particularly well-coached, but they have LeBron and that should be enough.

Randy Moss Comment

I will be posting an NBA playoffs prediction. Before I do, I noticed that I am picking the higher seed in each matchup (even Denver who has a worse record but is a higher seed). Anyway, I have decided to call that blog entry "Straight Chalk, Homey," stealing from a favorite Randy Moss line (when asked how he paid his fine he said, "Straight cash, homey.") But I just have to note -- on the list of biggest "fake gangstas" in the world, Randy Moss is way up there. Moss pretends to act all street and cool, but then cries and whines to the media when he gets in trouble. Add that to the fact that he is not particularly tough on or off the field and you have a guy with about as much street cred as Chris Rock's character in "CB4," Jamie Kennedy's is "Malibu's Most Wanted" and Anne Hathaway's in "Havoc" -- but not Bijou Philips' character in "Havoc", she is far more credible for obvious reasons). Moss, by the way, hails from tiny Rand, West Virginia, a town near Charleston, West Virginia (population 54,000, 80% white). I, by contrast, hail from a tiny town not too far from Rochester, New York (population 200,000+, 48.30% white). I have a better claim to being gangsta than does Moss!

One of the Best Italian Meals I Ever Had

http://www.cincinnati.com/freetime/dining/reviews/041902_briotuscangrille.html. Nothing says Italian like northern Kentucky, but still. 9.5 out of 10. Awesome stuff.

American Justice

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,192565,00.html. Why shouldn't I get paid? Tremendous body language and remarkable consistency in her statements: http://us.video.aol.com/video.index.adp?mode=2&guideContext=65.491&pmmsid=1635979. Amazing how the prosecutor suddenly found it in his heart to allow her to reduce her bail. Amazing...

Arenas and Poker

http://www.cardsquad.com/2006/04/18/gilbert-arenas. God forbid he actually take the time to: 1) try to study why his man is consistently blowing by him; or 2) listen to his teammates bitch about never getting the ball. Nothing says dedication like a guy logging on to play poker at halftime, nothing!!!

Out of Office Reply

"HM is out of the office this week. I will check his calendar to see when he will next blog..."

Idol

I missed Idol because I have a trial this week in Cincy. That said, I will offer up Entertainment Weekly's article so that I do not completely leave you without Idol feedback: http://www.ew.com/ew/article/commentary/0,6115,1184915_3266575_0_,00.html

#2 Overall Picks

What is it that causes #2 overall picks to generally suck? Is it the disappointment of not being #1? Is it that the team picking #2 just passes on its bad luck of finishing second worse? Is it that the team tries too hard to go for potential after missing out on #1? NFL #2 picks over the past 21 years: 1985 Bill Fralic, (4 pro bowls) 1986 Tony Casillas, (0); 1987 Cornelius Bennett (5); 1988 Neil Smith, (6); 1989 Tony Mandarich, (0); 1990 Blair Thomas, (0); 1991 Eric Turner (2); 1992 Quentin Coryatt, (0); 1993 Rick Mirer,(0); 1994 Marshall Faulk (7); 1995 Tony Boselli,(5); 1996 Kevin Hardy, (1); 1997 Darrell Russell, (2); 1998 Ryan Leaf (0); 1999 Donovan McNabb, (5); 2000 LaVar Arrington, (3); 2001 Leonard Davis (0); 2002 Julius Peppers, (2); 2003 Charles Rogers, (0); 2004 Robert Gallery, (0); 2005 Ronnie Brown (0). Average number of Pro Bowls -- 2. Median number of Pro Bowls -- 1. Mode -- 0. Number of the 21 guys with 0 Pro Bowls -- 10 out of 21. NBA #2 picks over the past 21 years -- Waymon Tisdale; Len Bias; Armon Gilliam; Rik Smits; Danny Ferry; Gary Payton; Kenny Anderson; Alonzo Mourning; Shawn Bradley; Jason Kidd; Antonio McDyess; Marcus Camby; Keith Van Horn; Mike Bibby; Steve Francis; Stromile Swift; Tyson Chandler; Jay Williams; Darko Milicic; Emeka Okafor; Marvin Williams. Not any better. Thoughts?

I Would Watch

http://www.tvsquad.com/2006/04/17/who-wants-to-be-a-mistress-of-the-dark

Lakers' Late-Season Run Helps Hawks, Hurts Suns

By winning 10 of 13, the Lakers have moved their draft pick all of the way down to #20. The Lakers' pick will ultimately end up with Phoenix, because.... The Lakers traded the pick to Boston for Gary Payton. And when the Hawks moved Antoine Walker to Boston the Hawks received the lesser of Boston's actual #1 or the #1 the Celtics got for Payton. And when the Hawks acquired Joe Johnson from Phoenix, they agreed to give the Suns 2 #1s -- A) the #1 they were due from Boston this year; and B) Atlanta's own #1 in 2006 (unless top 14); 2007 (unless top 3) or 2008 (unprotected). Summary -- Hawks have dodged one bullet; they gave up a pick way down at #20 in what is considered a weak draft. Now, they have to have either a really good 2007 (giving Phoenix another shitty pick) or be in the league's bottom 3 again (and keep their pick). Disaster scenario for Atlanta: they keep the pick in 2007, suck again in 2008 and give Phoenix the #1 pick in the 2008 draft.

Biggest "Impact" As an NFL Rookie Since 1981

Per cnnsi.com: 10) Urlacher; 9) Shockey; 8) Charles Woodson; 7) George Rogers; 6) Ben Roethlisberger; 5) Barry Sanders; 4) Javon Kearse; 3) Eric Dickerson; 2) Lawrence Taylor; and 1) Randy Moss. NFL Draft is this weekend, will we add Vince Young to the list, or will his name be recalled in the same vein as Heath Shuler and Akili Smith?

Omaha School District Split Along Three Lines

http://www.cnn.com/2006/EDUCATION/04/14/omaha.schools.ap/index.html. One black, one white, one Hispanic....um, OK... I would say this if I had to defend the Omaha (per the Counting Crows, "Somewhere in middle America") solution -- if your school district is majority non-white, and the majority (i.e. the blacks and Hispanics) want this plan and think it will help them, is it really a violation of the Equal Protection Clause to: 1) do what the blacks and Hispanics believe will help them, and 2) let the minority whites keep what the whites believe is the better school district? I know you have to satisfy "strict scrutiny," but geez, if this is how the districts break down anyway, what has really been done here????? My point -- it sounds much worse than it is. No chance in hell it survives a court challenge though...HM

NBA MVP Projection

This will be the tightest MVP ballot in recent history. Using insidehoops.com's list of the 8 most likely candidates, here is how I rate the percentage chance that each will take the award........8. Tim Duncan -- 2% -- the Spurs have had another good year, but Timmy's numbers are fading and it would take a lot of explaining to tell someone why a guy at 18.6 ppg, 11.1 rpg, 3.2 apg, 2.0 bpg deserves the MVP

7. Kobe Bryant -- 8% -- Lakers are only 42-37, so that will hurt the Devil. He does have huge stats: 35.2 PPG, 5.5 RPG, 4.4 APG, 1.58 SPG, 44.4% FG......................................................................
Tied for 6th -- Elton Brand (44-33) 24.8 ppg, 10.1 rpg, 2.7 apg, 2.57 bpg and Chauncey Billups 19.0, 3.2, 8.7 -- both guys are at 9% for different reasons -- Brand's team faded, and Chauncey's team played just as well after Chauncey cooled down.


4. Steve Nash (51-26) 19.2 ppg, 4.2 rpg, 10.4 apg, 51.3% FG -- Another great year for Nash, arguably better than last year because he did not have Amare Stoudamire or Joe Johnson. But, imagine the outrage if a short white Canadian wins two in a row. Jesse Jackson has already got the league on speed dial and will be demanding Congressional action. Steven Smith's show may actually be worth watching for a day or two if this occurs. It might, but probably won't -- 15%


3. LeBron James (47-30) 31.7 ppg, 7.1 rpg, 6.7 apg, 1.58 spg -- his numbers are historically good, but it is not the NBA's tendency to reward guys with the MVP if their team doesn't even win the division. 17%

2. Dwyane Wade (51-27) 27.5 ppg, 5.8 rpg, 6.8 apg, 1.92 spg -- Every move that the Heat has made this year has backfired. Yet Wade has somehow led them to a division title while the second best player on the team (most games) is 80 year old Alonzo Mourning. 18%.


1) Dirk Nowitzki (59-19) 26.5 ppg, 9.0 rpg, 2.8 apg, 1.05bpg -- NBA writers are nothing if they are not stubborn. They feel a need to give the MVP to a guy whose team has won 60+ games. Dirk, Chauncey and Duncan are the only ones who qualify here, so look for the German to take home the award. One drawback for Dirk is that the white foreigner Steve Nash won last year, but somehow tall white guys (Bird, Walton) seem more easily forgiveable and acceptable than short ones....22%.

American Idol Prediction -- Final 7

Chances of Winning It All: Paris -- 1% -- I cannot imagine any possible scenario in which she could prevail over a lengthy period of time.

Ace -- 5% -- Ace has such little talent that you would think he has no chance, but he is good looking and could get the young girl vote rolling if he were to actually sing well twice in a row.

Elliott -- 8% -- He just doesn't have the personality and his voice isn't sufficient to overcome the lack of charisma.

Taylor -- 18% -- has a huge following and is very unique, but I think that he is the worst of the top 4

Katherine McPhee -- 20% -- I just don't think she understands how to play to her tremendous strengths; if she ever does, she could win

Kellie Pickler -- 22% -- never underestimate the appeal of a hot blonde girl from the south

Chris Daughtry -- 26% -- it is really his contest to lose, he has got the look, he has got the voice, but he at some point is going to have to concede that people want to be entertained or they won't always vote for you.

Utah -- Not So Bright

http://kutv.com/local/local_story_102091042.html. Wait until the Jazz follow suit and accidentally sign THIS free agent Cliff Robinson http://www.basketball-reference.com/players/r/robincl01.html instead of THIS free agent Cliff Robinson http://www.basketball-reference.com/players/r/robincl02.html ....

Sorry, But....

I somehow missed announcing these results: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/features/hottestWomen_Vote. In fact, I have no idea when the poll was taken. Featured on the Blog so far: #2, #4 and #5. I think the winner is a bit too frail for my taste, but I will break down and provide you a pic of the 3rd place snowboarder Kristi Leskinen....By the by, Swin Cash??? Swin Cash??? Swin Cash??? Sorry. Just hard to fathom.

Next Up -- All Play Action Passes

http://sports.espn.go.com/sports/news/story?id=2407322. The fumblerooski has been banned for years in the NFL? Because the officials get confused? This is an awfully sad commentary on the state of football. A good play action fake or bootleg fake is as deceptive as a fumblerooski, and the offensive team certainly takes far less risk is executing the fake. More evidence that football officials take themselves way too seriously.

Next Up -- All Play Action Passes

P.S. -- And where would the movie "Little Giants" find a satisfactory ending?

Jeffrey Maier

Some of you may remember the little kid who grabbed a would-be flyout by Derek Jeter and turned it into a playoff home run in 1996 (sort of a reverse Steve Bartman). SportCenter reports this morning that Maier has just set the career hits record for his college. Don't the Yankees owe it to the guy to draft him in some mid-level round and pay him some bonus???? http://www.wesleyan.edu/athletics/baseball/2005stats/teamcume.htm For a 2005 attempt to find and talk to Steve Bartman, read this interesting piece: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/eticket/story?page=bartman

Your Life May Suck...

But at least Oprah is rich: http://celebrity.aol.com/people/ataol/articles/0,19736,1182572,00.html. The former Chicago weather girl really hasn't forgotten where she came from....she just chooses not to think about it.

Idol -- April 11 Review

During what could only be described as an extremely mediocre Queen tribute night, the good did poorly and the poor did surprisingly well (for them). Five managed to hang onto a "D" grade and 3 got Fs. I predict a boot for either Paris or McPhee.........
1. Chris Daughtry (68) -- Even though he has a nice voice, he went back to his theory of picking songs that are not entertaining (here "Innuendo") and singing them in a manner that is, well, not entertaining............

2. Elliott Yamin (64) -- "Somebody to Love" is the first song I ever purchased. The beginning and the end verses are extremely worthwhile portions of the song. Elliott, for whatever reason, chose to sing the middle. Still, he was pretty good. Has zero stage presence.

3. (tie) Ace Young and Bucky Covington (62) -- Hey, rip my heart out for saying it, but Bucky did a decent version of "Fat Bottom Girls." I didn't mind Ace's "We Will Rock You" either. Good week for these two AWFUL singers, but no good deed ever goes unpunished though, so see the bottom of this Blog entry............
5. Taylor Hicks (61) -- He tried to enliven the very overplayed "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" and actually toward the end I enjoyed hearing it. Still not great, but at least the effort was there.

6. Kellie Pickler (58) -- Did not know the meaning of the phrase "on paper" -- how far do we have to dumb down the English language before Kellie can conduct a conversation? On paper "Bohemian Rhapsody" sung by Pickler should have been a 30. So, by skyrocketed up to a mighty 58 she was just awesome beyond belief. Odd opening recalled Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart" video.

7. Paris Bennett (53) -- "The Show Must Go On" -- um, OK, I guess it must, but Paris wasn't sure whether she should be mimicking Freddy Mercury or Tina Turner or En Vogue...Not only bizarre to watch, but poorly sung as well...................

8. Katharine McPhee (49) -- She sang some song that I did not know from the movie Highlander (which I actually saw in the theatre in 1986). If she survives (and she may not) someone has to sit the young lady down and tell her that she CAN BE early Shania Twain, but she is NOT and never will be Celine Dion. When she sings a slow song she is 3/4 of a note off on every single held note. It is extremely painful to listen to and it even detracts from how hot she is. By contrast, the footage they showed of her warming up for a fast Queen song showed her energy and fantastic moves. She may benefit next week by contrast to this week, but she better hope America wants rid of someone pretty badly, cuz old Katie definitely put herself on the chopping block this week. dialidol.com predicts Bucky, Ace and Katie as the bottom three: http://www.dialidol.com/asp/predictions/Predictions.asp

PM Stuck on the B-2 Team

63 kids tried out. 36 made some sort of team. PM is stuck down with 12 guys on the B-2 team while the other 24 will have a second tryout to see who makes B-1 and A. As you might expect, I am extremely confused and saddened for PM. There are 5 kids that I know were placed above him whom I would think anyone could see cannot play anywhere near the level of ball that PM can. There is one kid who was on PM's team JUST LAST YEAR -- PM was the only kid named as the all-star of the team -- that other kid placed in the top 24 today. I have had 4 fathers call me to say that they cannot believe the result (typical words -- "shocked" "Impossible to believe"). I just can't fathom this. I think I need some time off from blogging. Have a good night.

Playstation Maven Tries Out For Baseball

PM, now 10 1/2, had his first tryout for traveling baseball this weekend. It last nearly 4 hours, approximately 20 minutes of which actually involves action by PM. I guess it did give him a fair approximation of what a game of baseball is actually like! Anyway, there were tryouts for ages 10-14. They have now posted the kids picked for ages 14, 13, 12 and 11. Still no 10 as of right now. I am simply on pins and needles, and I think it is even starting to bother PM. (He informs me that two kids in his class have told him that they are "sure" they made the A Team. These are the same kids who will grow up and ask their college friends about what answer they got on a just-finished test.) I would not be at all concerned about this, but the fact of the matter is that suburban tryout procedures are about as merit-based as a pro wrestling match. And I am not as good at kissing ass as I should be to help him out. Oh well....updates to come, I hope soon...HM

Photo Courtesy of a Reader

Apparently snapped when Phil was stating that everyone should keep Tiger's dad in their prayers. I believe that Tiger's jacket is actually melting into his skin as Phil tries (honestly or for PR value) to be a magnanimous winner. I thought, by the way, that the dreadful column on the NCAA Play-In Game was the worst thing I ever read until I read this article by Skip Bayless: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=bayless/060410. Let's see, so all of Phil's majors don't really count unless Tiger plays his best? By this logic, none of Tiger's should count because Phil clearly never played his best at those events. So, Skip Bayless score card -- majors -- Tiger 0; Phil 0; Rich Beem -- 1.

Body Language Test

In which picture is Phil Mickelson's opponent thinking "Good job, buddy, I am happy for you" and in which picture is someone thinking "If Phil were a little thinner I could break his neck right now and get away before anyone noticed..."???

A Hypothetical Situation

This entry has nothing to do with any current similar situations. It is just some hypothetical advice for similarly-situated readers -- Fact pattern: Assume for a second that you are a major college athlete. Assume that you are basically a rich punk whom your friends and family have spoiled your whole life. Now, suppose that you are away at school and you and your many friends invite a couple strippers over to perform while you drink illegally (you are underage). Now, suppose that when the strippers show up they really aren't doing such a hot job. Suppose you and your drunken friends (being in the South where race relations are so good) start taunting the strippers and calling them awful names. Now, suppose the strippers take offense and leave. You have already paid them and now you want your money back. You struggle over the cash in the bathroom and a stripper's nails comes off in the ensuing struggle. Having now lost their money, the young ladies leave. They then pound on the door trying to get back in, threatening all sorts of things if they don't get paid. One calls the police and says that a bunch of guys were taunting her with racial slurs as she was innocently walking/driving by the house. The other takes it a step further and says that there will be bigger trouble if she does not get paid. You are so pissed at the strippers and what has happened that you write an e-mail stating that you would like to invite a bunch of strippers over and kill them. Next thing you know, you and your dozens of pals are all up on rape charges, which your state of residence says is a worse crime than 2nd degree murder. Advice to anyone caught in this scenario -- 1) Going to jail for 40 years is worth more than $400; always pay the stripper, always, always, always, chalk the $400 loss up to your own stupidity and move on; 2) Don't be an asshole who everyone hates; people will want you to be guilty whether you actually are or not; 3) In a small crappy city, don't hire strippers or at least reduce your performance expectations; and 4) Try to use your money and time in a more constructive manner, and even if you can't, do not write stupid e-mails about how you want to invite people over, skin them and then pleasure yourself. Yikes.

Phil Mickelson Wins #3

That makes the last two majors for Phil and 3 of the last 9. Excellent work to the guy at Wikipedia who so quickly updated the list of major championship winners: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chronological_list_of_men. Imagine the feeling for Tiger Woods to have to put the green jacket on the golfer he despises the most! I have seen better fake smiles on TV son-in-laws when their wife's mother visits. All El tigre was thinking: "Gotta make him do this for me again next year, lucky SOB." Amy Mickelson - awfully good looking (here pictured with Tiger's wife).

Mea Culpa

To any of you (e.g. K) who ended up having to watch any portion of "Teachers" last night -- sorry. The Office was not on.....Ooops....I DID, however, order Season 1 on DVD from Netflix, so if NBC chooses to show "Teachers" again, there is some recourse other than complete TV depression.......

More On Dwight K. Schrute

Make sure to watch The Office tonight (even though it is a rerun): http://exquo.blogspot.com/2006/04/wit-and-wisdom-of-dwight-k-schrute.html

Judas -- Not Such a Bad Guy

http://reference.aol.com/natgeo?id=20060404161809990001

NFL Draft Preview

http://www.thebrushback.com/mockdraft.htm. Would that all NFL Draft Analy-syzer-s, um, whatever the word is, were this balls-on accurate (extra points to anyone who identifies the "balls-on accurate" reference). HM

Happy 35th Birthday

To Krista Allen. I nominate Krista as most gorgeous actress to never really hit the big time. (Do Ally Landry and Cindy Margolis count as actresses?) Any other faves out there? Key requirements -- 1) have to be super hot looking; 2) can never have had their own primetime TV show; 3) can never have been a top 3 character in any movie grossing over $80,000,000 in the U.S.; 4) guys know her by name but can't come up with anything she has ever been in for more than a 2 minute spot. Suggestions welcomed.

And Now It's Amare's Other Knee...

http://articles.news.aol.com/sports/article.adp?id=20060405082609990014&cid=. Why would he ever try out for the U.S. World Championship team? The Suns possibly ought to inform him that the good old U.S. of A. will not be paying him $71MM over the next 5 years...

Idol -- April 4 Show

1. Chris Daughtry (82) -- Chris did an above average job on Keith Urban's ''Making Memories of Us" and probably insured himself a spot in the final 2 by proving he actually can sit down and sing a song.

2. Kellie Pickler (77) -- Reba McEntire's ''Fancy'' -- song about a white trash girl fit her perfectly. She is easy to look at and she has a nice growl to her voice.

3. Katharine McPhee (76) -- Faith Hill's ''Bringing Out the Elvis'' -- Boy is she a babe. I can't say that I totally bought her performance, but it was easy on the ears and eyes.

4. Elliott Yamin (75) -- Garth Brooks' ''If Tomorrow Never Comes'' -- I actually picked up the phone and voted for the guy. Unfortunately, dialidol.com has him predicted in the bottom 2. I like him, but he just doesn't exude star quality personality.

5. Paris Bennett (65) -- ''How Do I Live?" -- Simon, clearly with tongue fully in cheek, played to the crowd and said he just loved it after Paula and Randy ripped her. The funniest gag of the night (perhaps you could argue that Simon's rip on Seacrest's beard was better). If you know only the mediocre LeeAnn Rhimes version, this was a passable copy. If, like me, you own the Trisha Yearwood version, you know it was a D+ effort.

6. Taylor Hicks (63) -- John Denver's ''Take Me Home, Country Roads'' -- another OK performance. Is his fan base really that strong that it can carry him through despite the fact that he never really comes through with an A or B performance? My guess is yes, for 4 more weeks.

7. Mandisa (48) -- Shania Twain's "Any Man of Mine" -- Let's see, you have a VERY large and unsexy black woman with a gospel soul and a huge voice. What song should she sing? Hmm, how about a three-note tune by a sexy Canadian white woman that requires Mandisa to sprint around the stage in what appeared to be the afghan from my grandmother's king-sized bed? She tried, but my goodness was that bad.

8. Ace Young (44) -- Keith Urban's ''Tonight I Wanna Cry'' -- And so do I after hearing this paper-thin rendition of yet another song. It is like watching the good looking girl in a small town fair queen contest get up and whisper "The Rose" or "Wind Beneath My Wings" into a squeaky microphone. Would be better with the mic completely off.
9. Bucky Covington (25) -- Gary Allan's ''Best I Ever Had'' -- Well, unlike last week, this week's song actually featured notes. I had no idea that there was someone with worse diction than the Fat Albert character Mushmouth until Bucky came on the scene.

Dwight Schrute MySpace Page

http://www.myspace.com/dwightkschrute. Arguably the greatest supporting character on TV right now. Certainly feel free to enjoy Dwight's song selection as well...

Keith Van Horn Breaks Hand, Mavs May Sign....

http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=2380701. Shawn Kemp???? Could it be? The 320 pound alcoholic/pothead/cocaine user/serial father? He is only 36 and he once was a very, very good player. The Mavs will probably end up with George Lynch (Dallas resident, in shape) but the other names bandied about are far more entertaining -- Kemp, Karl Malone, Dennis Rodman, Christian Laettner. Kemp, while a 6 time all-star and a 3 time 2nd-team all-NBA player, is stated to have a measly .034 chance of Hall of Fame induction: http://www.basketball-reference.com/players/k/kempsh01.html

People Born Within One Month of Today In 1964

March
March 9 - Juliette Binoche, French actress
March 17 - Rob Lowe, American actor
March 18 - Bonnie Blair, American speed skater
March 18 - Irene Cara, American actress and singer
March 29 - Elle Macpherson, Australian model
March 30 - Tracy Chapman, American singer
April
April 4 - David Cross, American actor and comedian AND YOUR FAVORITE BLOGGER -- HM
April 7 - Russell Crowe, New Zealand-born actor
April 13 - Caroline Rhea, Canadian actress
April 24 - Cedric the Entertainer, American comic and actor
April 25 - Hank Azaria, American actor

Sense of Dread

Imagine that someone you love very much came up to you and said, "I have wanted to write an opera for 20 years. I have now finally finished it. I am now going to press "Play" on the DVD player. After you watch the opera, I will ask you your genuine opinion about how it was." Wouldn't you just KNOW that it was going to suck? That is the feeling I get here: http://articles.news.aol.com/movies/article.adp?id=20060403064709990006

NBA Hall of Fame Final Voting

NBA Enshrines 5 people I would have voted for -- Dave Gavitt, Geno Auriemma, Joe Dumars, Dominique Wilkins and Charles Barkley.

http://aol.nba.com/history/hof_classof2006_announcement_060403.html

http://hoopramblings.blogspot.com/2006/02/nba-hall-of-fame-finalists.html

NBA snubs 4 guys that I would have voted for -- Don Nelson (he is no Sandro Gambo), Ralph Sampson (I guess being first-team All-American 3 straight years and also Player of the Year does not guarantee enshrinement "as a college player" -- Calvin Murphy, yes. Ralph Sampson, no). Chet Walker (F the guys from the 60s and 70s anyway, there weren't any good players back then; isn't there some guy who played barnstorming ball in 1939 that we can enshrine instead?).

And Adrian Dantley (http://www.basketball-reference.com/players/d/dantlad01.htm.) I guess that averaging 29/6/4 over a 7 year span is not all that impressive. Happens all the time. AD had 30-6-4 seasons back to back to back. Wade, LeBron and Kobe after this year will have 0, 1, and 1 of these seasons respectively.

Compare HOF player James Worthy's stats to Dantley's -- http://www.basketball-reference.com/labs/comp.cgi?I=dantlad01%3AAdrian+Dantley&C=worthja01%3AJames+Worthy&s=r&t=g&submit=Compare. AD, to my knowledge, never solicited two Houston undercover cops for prostitution. But hey, run the wing and let Magic toss you the ball for a dunk and you, too, can be a HOF player...

LPGA Marketing Director Still At Home Crying

One of these pictured women won the first major of the season for the LPGA. Guess which one? Where are the NBA referees when you need the fix to be in?