Lance Armstrong -- Cleared???

http://sports.espn.go.com/oly/cycling/news/story?id=2464102. As two of my readers have requested a retraction regarding my views on Mr. Armstrong, let me say this -- O.J. and Robert Blake were both found not guilty as well. What Dick Pound (his real name) says is that no one even looked at the samples to determine if Armstrong tested positive, they just "exonerated" Lance on the basis that the lab procedures were poor. Look, I don't disagree that taking B samples from 1999 that have been lying around for 7 years God knows where and secretly testing them is not exactly the best idea/procedure. But, that said, how about answering two basic questions: 1) were the samples most likely Armstrong's samples? 2) at the time they were tested, did they contain EPO or other banned substances? Until we know the answer to those two questions, how can we say that Armstrong is a great guy and all-time great when he may have taken performance enhancing drugs in a sport where they DID test for such drugs, while we say that Barry Bonds should basically be drawn and quartered for taking performance enhancing drugs in a sport where they did NOT test for drugs???? I think what we have here (per Pound) is a case thrown out on a technicality........

My Review of Maxim Top 10 Hottest

10. Christina Milian -- um, no. In 3 years you are going to look at this and go -- "Huh? or Who?"

9. Keira Knightley -- tall and thin, British accent, a POOR man's Liz Hurley -- top 100 yes, top 10 no.

8. Kate Bosworth -- well, I kinda like the athletic build, but tell me that there aren't 5 women you passed at lunch today who aren't as hot. Top 100.

7. Cameron Diaz -- no argument
6. Scarlett Johansson -- no argument

5. Stacy Keibler -- probably #1; see, this is what you should be looking for when you are going after top 10 in the world. Almost frighteningly good looking and hot.

4. Angelina Jolie -- no denying the body and the sort of scary-hot personna.

3. Lindsey Lohan -- in her "Herbie Fully Loaded" body -- yep; emaciated blonde look -- out of top 1000; current effort at a comeback -- still has not reached top 100.

2. Jessica Alba -- the Dark Angel is unbelievably gorgeous, I am critical of her tiff with Playboy and her pretense that she is not sought after for her body/looks. But no arguing with a top 2 based solely upon looks.

1. Eva Longoria -- shows up well on screen cuz she weighs 98 pounds, ten of which is chest. I don't think that I could rank #1 someone who is shorter and weighs less than my 12 year old daughter. Top 10, not #1.

Re-ordering based upon the 10 given by Maxim:

10. Christina Milian, Lindsey Lohan
8. Kate Bosworth
7. Keira Knightley
6. Cameron Diaz
5. Eva Longoria
4. Scarlett Johansson
3. Angelina Jolie
2. Jessica Alba
1. Stacy Keibler

Heat Up 3-1, Great HM Series Analysis

http://www.freep.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2006605300391

I find it hilarious that Drew Sharp (who basically went after Flip as incompetent in the Cavs series) now is Rodney King-ing it with the "can't we all just get along" commentary (while simultaneously tossing gas on the fire).

I will give you three anti-Flip comments and three pro-Flip comments and you can use which ever you want:
Anti-Flip: 1) The Pistons have lost their identity as a grungy defensive squad that no one wants to face. This is Flip's fault. The Pistons were beating teams all year by jacking up 20 3s a game and hitting a ridiculous percentage. They threw Ben Wallace 5 alley-oops a night. They played loose. That sort of ball won't last all playoffs long. 2) Ben Wallace is in complete mutiny. Ben is a free agent next year -- ya think he wants to play for Flip? Doesn't sound like it. The Ben/Flip rift was sure to happen -- Flip hates playing guys who can't score. If Ben won't play hard (and he appears to have given up) the Pistons become an average defensive club. 3) We have lauded Billups and Sheed and Hamilton as great clutch offensive players for 3 seasons. Now they have a new coach and can't score 20 4th quarter points against the one-man-band Cavs or the Retirement Home refugees (aka Heat)? Flip's problem in Minny was 4th quarter playoff collapses -- everyone blamed Garnett as just not clutch. No more Garnett, but the same pattern remains.

Pro-Flip: (no one wants to mention these because they actually require some memory and some analysis, it is easier to scream "F'ing Flip!"): 1) The Heat should have beaten Detroit LAST year. Look, Wade got seriously hurt and was unable to bring home the bacon in Game 7. Does anyone really believe that a healthy Wade and an in-shape Shaq would not have beaten Detroit last year (add in Detroit being saddled with a hobbled Sheed)??? Deal Larry Brown these same cards and he comes up short last year as well. 2) The Heat's ridiculous acquisition of Gary Payton has actually (and finally) helped them. He is a faint ghost of his former self, but he is 6'4" tall and he can defend Chauncey's post-up. Chauncey has NO GAME between 22 feet and the lane. So, run him off the 3, guard him with Payton or Wade in the post, he is lucky to score 10-15 points a night. Very basic basketball analysis. How is it Flip's fault that the Heat added someone to guard Chanucey? 3) The Pistons' management has done nothing to improve the squad. Mo Evans anyone? Dale Davis????????(Why not acquire Kareem?). Jason Maxiell in the draft? Darko trade nets them Kelvin Cato and a 2007 pick?? You are an NBA Finals team that lost 4-3. Could ya MAYBE go out and acquire an established NBA bench PLAYER?? Just someone to get you 8-10 points so your starters can rest? Nope.

Flip's hairline, by the way, will be at Bob Weiss level if he loses this series and stays in Detroit. He is already approaching 1986 Phil Collins level.

HM

Hoops Link Re: NBA Moms

More from The Putdown; this time troubled NBA moms -- http://www.theputdown.com/the_putdown/2006/05/moms_gone_wild.html. SInce the boys stay out of trouble and the moms get in trouble, I am put in mind of the great SNL bit "The Black Shadow" where Bill Russell's high school players always had to get him (the coach) out of trouble. Note to Andy -- no, I am not a "corporate Sales VP c-s'er". I just look like one in my picture.

Have a Great Memorial Day Weekend

Some History: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memorial_Day. Memorial Day traditionally honors our valiant men and women who have died fighting for our country. Have a great weekend!

Congress Now Concerned With Illegal Searches

http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/05/25/raid.on.congress.ap/index.html. OK, a summary of Congressional analysis of our Constitutional rights: 1) Fred Smith in Corning, NY makes an international call to his son in Kuwait -- Executive Branch may listen in all it wants; 2) GC Boy makes numerous calls to his mistresses throughout Missouri from his St. Louis mansion -- all calls may be monitored by the executive branch; 3) Crooked Louisiana Congressman takes a $100,000 bribe on camera and cops find $90,000 of it hidden in his freezer -- can't search his Congressional office to find more evidence! Dennis Hastert (sp?) has the most ridiculous comments of all (I'm paraphrasing) "There are confidential papers in there. Tax returns of constituents. Constituent letters. Personal problems that constituents are having. We need to protect that." From the executive branch? Yeah, don't want the President knowing that people may need help. And I can tell you from working for an elected representative for a year, people do not send their elected representatives tax returns. They don't send letters about who they are sleeping with. Here is what they send (based upon actual letters I answered): "I am pissed off that we only get one holiday for President's Day instead of two..." "Olde Olderson is retiring from our Elk's Lodge after 63 years of service, could you draft up a proclamation honoring Olde that we can read at the fish fry in his honor next Friday?" "I don't know why the government says that I can't have my 7 year old son pick (strawberries/raspberries/blueberries) or bale hay for my neighbor for 40-60 hours a week starting June 1. I did that back during the Nixon Administration and it made me a better person. Please fix this outrageous law." Lesson -- wiretap away on our 99.9% innocent constituents, but for God's sake don't search the office of a a Congressman who has obviously committed a crime.....

Senate Amnesty Bill Amendment

We will build a fence to secure our border..........................if Co-U.S.-President Fox says we can: ........ Senate Amendment 4089 contains the following language:
(b) CONSULTATION REQUIREMENT.--Consultations between United States and Mexican authorities at the federal, state, and local levels concerning the construction of additional fencing and related border security structures along the United States-Mexico border shall be undertaken prior to commencing any new construction, in order to solicit the views of affected communities, lessen tensions and foster greater understanding and stronger cooperation on this and other important issues of mutual concern.
.
S.Amdt.4188 - Specter: Managers' amendment, a collection of amendments, including Dodd's S.Amdt.4089 that requires local, state and federal governments to consult with Mexican counterpart authorities before commencing new construction, was PASSED on a 56 - 41 vote.

My First-Team All-Match-Game

Upper left -- Nipsey Russell; Upper Center -- Brett Sommers; Upper Right -- Charles Nelson Reilly, Lower Left -- Joyce Bulifant; Lower Center -- Richard Dawson; Lower Right -- Betty White. Host -- Gene Rayburn.

Ken Lay, Jeff Skilling -- Convicted Felons

http://articles.news.aol.com/business/article.adp?id=20060524132909990003&ncid=NWS00010000000001. As his wikipedia entry notes -- Lay was extremely close to GWB et al. -- Kenneth is known to be a personal friend of current US president George W. Bush, and was one of the largest contributors to his presidential campaigns. He served on the Bush-Cheney Transition Advisory Committee. According to Kurt Eichenwald's book Conspiracy of Fools, Lay was nearly selected to be Secretary of the Treasury following Bush's victory in the 2000 U.S. presidential election. Alcoa CEO Paul O'Neill was ultimately chosen for the position instead.

Gary Payton -- Hall of Famer?

basketball-reference.com has his Hall of Fame likelihood at 79.8%. He is #6 on the all-time assist list and #3 on the all-time steals list. His career stats are frighteningly similar to Scottie Pippen's. http://www.basketball-reference.com/labs/comp.cgi?I=paytoga01%3AGary+Payton&C=pippesc01%3AScottie+Pippen&s=r&t=g&submit=Compare Payton -- in or out of the Hall? I vote in.

Heat -- Um, Old

http://aol.nba.com/heat/roster/. And yes, they do have BOTH Shandon Anderson and Derek Anderson!!!!!!!! (Shandon is slightly older). As my eldest daughter stated, "Florida is where old people live..." Amen.

Raja Bell -- Blown Calf Muscle

http://aol.nba.com/news/296098.html. If he blew out a calf muscle, he is gone until the Finals. Time for more Eddie House! (Eddie's shoulder bears the block-printed tattoo "HOUSE.") Drink away Eddie, you will never forget who you are.

Lyrics to "My Destiny"

Now, imagine that American Idol gives you a week (or even an hour) to write the lyrics to a ballad to be sung in the finale. Don't you think you could do better than this: ......................................................................
I have always dreamed of this. I'll admit that there was something I missed. I'm wondering if it is for real. Every mistake. Every wrong turn. Every time I lost my way. Led me to this moment of bliss tonight. Second line is a complete non-sequitur. And we don't know what moment of bliss she is talking about.

With you, finally I can break free. With you, it's all changing in my destiny. Dream come true. It's all funny now that I see, how different life turned out to be. Implication -- it is a guy who has turned her life around (which was crappy pre-guy).

You were always by my side. That you believed in me was enough reason why. I didn't stop. Didn't give up. Even if I sometimes lost hope. I did my best. And I am blessed in life. Hold on -- he was "always" by her side? Then why "with you" are things "changing." The remainder sounds like a speech to 1st graders.

Can I get any higher? Tell me, does it get any stronger? I owe it to you, that I made it through. I never could have done it, without you. Does "it" get any stronger? Um, what? Higher and stronger don't rhyme. But I guess you make up for it by going with the "you" "through" "you" set of three. Awful, awful song.

"As I Lay Dying"

I am not sure that this is what William Faulkner had in mind: http://articles.news.aol.com/news/article.adp?id=20060524123409990001&ncid=NWS00010000000001. My proposed new book title "As I Lay Dying -- Well, a Lot of People Passed Me and Said, "Huh, I Guess That Guy's Dying Over There...."

Avery "Soap" Johnson -- Backsliding

I have commended Avery on his coaching throughout the year, but if Game 1 is any indication of how Dallas-Phoenix will go, Avery has lost control of his squad. First, you NEVER NEVER NEVER PLAY KEITH VAN HORN. Never. Ever. The man shot an airball out of bounds on the fly last night. I have tossed up a ton of airballs in my 42 years -- none ever went off the floor on the fly. Van Horn is a cancer. Injure him and activate/play owner Mark Cuban in his stead -- at least you will get more energy. Second -- why is your squad playing up-tempo with the Suns? Why, Soap, are your repeating the lessons of Mike Dunleavy and not learning from Phil Jackson? (By the by, the Suns' playoff run reminds us, once again, of how great Phil Jackson is as a coach. Had The Devil not quit on him in Game 7, the Lakers possibly beat the Suns with far less talent than either the Clippers or the Mavs have at their disposal.) Finally, maybe you need to pay a little attention to Boris Diaw. Soap, the guy had 30+ before the final 5 seconds. He gets the ball on the in-bounds and dribbles it. DRIBBLES IT! He ain't gonna pass at THAT point. Instead of collapsing on Boris, all the Mavs run from Diaw and give him an open shot. Good, game over. Arg.

Heat To Party Like It's 1999???

I expect the Pistons to win this series (and the Mavs to win in the West), but how amazing is it that the Heat have somehow had Senior Citizens Zo (35+, one kidney), Payton (almost 38 -- 14 points!!!!!), Shaq (34) and (left for dead) Antoine Walker (17) arise in some sort of Ponce De Leon fountain of youth. You would think we are back in 1999 -- Clinton Administration, gas at under $1.50, stock market still going up. People actually employed, and Zo, Gary and Shaq lighting it up as the league's stars: http://www.basketball-reference.com/leagues/NBA_1999.html. Toine, by the by, is only 29.8 years old, he just PLAYS and old man's game (he was hitting for 18/8/3 back in 1999 -- 21% Hall of fame possibility per basketball-reference.com).

Taylor Hicks to win Idol

The hopes of a Blue state victory disappeared into the failed high notes of Kat McPhee during "My Destiny" (perhaps the worst song ever written). www.dialidol.com has a complete ass kicking by Hicks. While I can honestly say that I thought McPhee was ahead after two rounds, her inability to sing a slow modern ballad (a weakness throughout the competition) all but assured the gray-haired Hicks and his enormous fan base the easy win. Oh, and now reminded by this article -- http://www.ew.com/ew/article/commentary/0,6115,1197493_3_0_,00.html I continue to be amazed at how the Idol stylists can take hot women (look at McPhee pics from song 1) and put them in clothes that makes their asses look like a Larry Allen-Eric Williams double team block from Emmitt Smith's point of view....

Worthy

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Worthy. Four paragraphs on his Hall of Fame career, four paragraphs on his Houston arrest in 1990. God bless the Internet..........

James Worthy-esque!

Fan claims HPD officer had sex with two women in Minute Maid bathroom

10:36 PM CDT on Monday, May 22, 2006

By Shern-Min Chow / 11 News

A Houston police lieutenant has been relieved of dutybecause of a misconduct allegation.

A fan claims he walked in on one man and two women having sex in a unisex bathroom at MinuteMaid Park.

11 News confirmed that Lt. Jeffrey Olesen, ofSoutheast Patrol was relieved of duty Monday.

Baseball is one of America's favorite pastimes. Minute Maid Park is Houston's number one tourist attraction. On Sunday, police say there was a serious foul at the game.

A baseball fan told 11 News that Olesen, an off-duty Houston police lieutenant was in a unisex bathroom,having sex with 2 women.

The fan, with a young child, apparently walked in on things and spotted the lieutenant's firearm on the counter. Fearing the women were being attacked, he called for help.

It turns out, sources said, the women were the lieutenant's wife and his wife's female friend.

We have also learned that the 14-year veteran has four sustained IAD complaints for misconduct, improperpolice procedure and behavior issues.

Administratively, we're told Olesen's biggest blunder may be that he was instructed to speak with Internal Affairs after the incident, but did not.

He reportedly just left the ball park. That couldprove to be an error.

HPD stresses there are no criminal charges at this time.

Suggest a Caption

Over the past 1+ year my blogging experience has turned out better than expected. Compare the two pics and provide a caption. Post will remain up at #1 until we get 10 comments.

Movie Reviews

Mission Impossible III -- saw it in Hornell, New York with 18 people. The plot was drawn up on the back of the screenwriter's social studies homework, but the film is action-packed and the effects are great. No need to see it if you are a Keri Russell fan (she barely appears). 8 out of 10.

The Island -- Scarlett Johansson is just so beautiful. Could have been a 10/10 except that it appears that the screenwriters just threw in the towel 30 minutes from the end and said, "OK, just finish it up, anyway you can." PM sent it back to Netflix before I could review what I hoped to be multiple deleted scenes. 8 out of 10.

Bee Season -- Richard Gere as the father of a spelling bee contestant. To say that this movie is slow moving.......is............an.............understatement........to......say ............the........least. Slightly less compelling than "Catwoman." 1.9 out of 10.

HM

LeBron -- Um, no

The only chance that the Cavs had to beat Detroit evaporated when they could not grab a rebound at the end of Game 6. Game 7 was destined to be an ass kicking...and it became one when LeBron only got 6 in the second half. Criticism of the Cavs organization: 1) Ilgauskas doesn't look to be worth $9MM a year when your best big man in the playoffs was Anderson Verejao; 2) I had commented that Mike Brown was a bad hire b/c a mediocre veteran coach (say Nate McMillan) would be needed to serve as a buffer for LeBron's failings for 2-3 years of early playoff exits. As it turned out, James was ready earlier than expected and actually needed a veteran coach at the helm to help him stick the dagger in during Game 6. Brown was clearly unable and ill-prepared to assist. 3) Where will Cleveland be able to unload the salaries of Damon Jones, Donyell Marshall and Larry Hughes??? Maybe Minnesota or New York? Those guys went 2-16 in Game 7, helping to bring down the total non-LeBron shooting to 9-41. You have 3 years left on these guys plus Eric Snow for a total of $95,000,000. Oh, excuse me, Larry Hughes (2-6, one of which was a goaltended LeBron 3 that was gonna drop) has 4 more years. James will re-sign and draw a $12MM/year extension, meaning the Cavs will be capped out for the foreseaable future with just the salaries of James/Snow/Hughes/Marshall/Jones. Yuck.

Bill Simmons -- Flip Flopper

Bill Simmons can be very funny. Unfortunately, he often makes foolish statements in the heat of the moment. That can be forgiven. But writing a ridiculous column about how Kobe should be MVP can never be forgiven by anyone who knows anything about basketball or Kobe. So, having already lost all credibility, Simmons now attempts to get off his knees and wash his face by ripping Kobe. It is a welcome change, but, alas, "Sports Guy," it is too little too late to save your reputation as someone who knows anything about basketball. Here is the text of Simmons' flip-flop:........................................................................................................................................................ Does an MVP throw in the towel during the second half of a Game 7? I don't know if Kobe was trying to make some kind of statement or what, but that's not what an MVP does. Period.-- Alex, Provo, Utah..........................................................................
SG: I knew what was happening within four minutes of the start of the third quarter, mainly because I had just watched a similar game: Game 7 of the 1976 Western Conference finals between Golden State and Phoenix. In the first quarter, Phoenix rookie Ricky Sobers started a fight with Warriors star Rick Barry at midcourt; some of the Suns jumped in to break it up, and Barry felt like his teammates hadn't jumped to his defense. At halftime, he probably watched the highlights, confirming his beliefs, so when the second half started, Barry decided not to shoot anymore. It's one of the weirdest games ever, Barry playing hot potato for the entire half, never looking for his own shot, perfectly willing to let his teammates hang themselves to prove a point. The Warriors ended up losing by eight.
Sound familiar? After the third quarter in Game 7, as the Suns pushed their lead to 25 points, I started wondering to myself, "Wait, Kobe's not pulling a Rick Barry, is he?" He was lingering beyond the 3-point line, giving the ball up every time it swing around to him, never even thinking about attacking. And he kept playing like that, and he kept playing like that ... and then the fourth quarter started, and suddenly he was 35-40 feet away from the basket, and the Suns weren't even really paying attention to him anymore. Finally, with four minutes remaining, Phil Jackson yanked him from the game. That was that.
Was Kobe frustrated? Yeah, probably. His team pulled a collective no-show. But how can you not try to save a Game 7? Would MJ have done that? Would Bird have done it? Magic? Anyone? And with a worn-down Nash obviously hampered by an ankle injury, if there was ever a game for Kobe to score 30-plus in a half and save a lost cause, this was it. Was Kobe proving a point to the Lakers' front office, namely, "Get me some freaking help?" Was he proving a point to everyone who criticized him for playing selfishly all season, almost like, "See, this is what happens when I let these losers run the show?" Was he so frustrated with the no-shows of Odom, Brown, Walton and Parker that he wanted nothing to do with them, even though there was 24 minutes of hoops left?
My theory: Kobe acted like the me-first guy on a team that's had winners in a pickup game for over an hour, the guy who hears someone complain that they aren't getting enough touches and thinks to himself, "Wait, these guys have the gall to complain about ME?" So they petulantly stop shooting the rest of the game and walk off the court defiantly when it's over. Anyone who ever played pickup hoops has played with someone like that. And the thing is, you know when it's happening -- after a few trips down the court, everyone stops paying attention to him. Kinda like the Suns.
Do I wish I could take my MVP vote back for him? Yeah, I do. If Kobe truly thought things were hopeless in the second half, he should have punched Raja Bell in the face early in the third quarter and gotten himself kicked out. Not only would he have saved himself the "you quit on your team heat," he would have gotten the satisfaction of punching Raja Bell in the face. No downside there. But he packed it in, proving once and for all that he's not MJ and never will be. So Kobe, stop stealing MJ's patented fist clench after big baskets, and stop pretending that you "tried" in the second half of Game 7, or that you were "just trying to get everyone else involved," because neither of those things were true. You quit. And I wish I had voted for LeBron.

American Competitive Pride

Sure, we may not be much at baseball (Japan/Cuba/Korea) or basketball (Argentina/Russia/Serbia) or tennis (Swiss/Belgians) or hockey (basically anyone -- the Scandanavians being the latest), but damn it, we have signs of progress in one key "sport" -- http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/news/story?id=2450250. As a side note. I have eaten 8 hot dogs at a setting, your headache lasts for 2 days. I have eaten 40 wings in around 45 minutes. I cannot even fathom 173 in 30 minutes....

Dancing Homer?

No. But an exhausting 6 minute summary of 50 years of dancing. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMH0bHeiRNg&eurl

Jason Terry -- Pugilist/Game 6 Spectator

http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/playoffs2006/news/story?id=2450020. Mark Cuban moves back into my "I can't stand him" column (after almost working his way out with his Pittsburgh Pirates interest) by stating basically, "Sure he punched him, so what?" That, Mr. Cuban, is called "losing all credibility."

For a Good Sports-Intensive Blog

I suggest http://joshqpublic.blogspot.com/. Basically a written SportsCenter for those who missed video SportsCenter. Heavy with good content, including an old-school reference to Marvin Barnes.

Flip Under Fire

http://www.freep.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2006605180449. All of this carping certainly disappears with just two more wins over an extremely mediocre Cleveland squad (hardly a Herculean task). But if you are a Pistons fan, you have to start asking yourself this: A) Why can't the Cavs do anything to make LeBron pass the ball out for jumpers at key situations? Surely you don't want 111 pound Tayshaun Prince trying to stop LeBron off the dribble. It won't happen. Even perfect defense by Prince will result in the 240 pound LeBron gaining an advantage toward the hoop just by operation of basic physics. EVEN WASHINGTON (Led By Eddie Jordan!!!!!!!!!) was able to make LeBron pass the ball for jumpers at key moments. Take your chances elsewhere my friends. B) Remember the primary Timberwolves problem when Flip was exiting in Round 1? The Wolves would routinely get ahead and then fade/collapse in the 4th. The alleged culprit? Garnett. If this pattern continues, will we all blame Chauncey and Rip for the same thing? Um, not with their track records. Final note to Flip: D-troit ain't Minneapolis. 21-54 year old men in Detroit don't sit around wondering what Chekov play to attend, what liberal cause to give money to, or why people are playing basketball during walleye opener. They want to know why their jobs are being lost and why their basketball team (who they turn to for a better feeling about themselves and their lot in life) cannot defeat an obviously inferior squad. If James has one more game left in him and he takes down the Pistons, Flip might end up fighting with Larry Brown over that Sac Kings job within the next 3 months. Pictured -- Flip's current opinion of columnist Drew Sharp.........

The Devil and LeBron

Current Status -- LeBron: one game away from pulling off what I view as the third biggest 4 out of 7 upset in NBA history (behind Suns over Warriors in 1976 and Warriors over Bullets in 1975). The Devil -- appearing in a powder blue sweater vest on TNT and fighting with Charles Barkley by text message: http://sports.aol.com/nba/story/_a/kobe-says-barkleys-criticism-was-wrong/20060517224109990001?cid=562. Note (I kid you not) that The Devil will change his number from 8 to "24" next year. 2+4 = 6, 666 being referred to as the Number of the Beast............................Wow. Let me make this comment on LeBron (and I concede that I favor LeBron like one of my kids, so I do not pretend to be objective) -- what I underestimated about LeBron is how his history would help him in the NBA playoffs. LeBron's junior and senior years in high school he went around the country teamed with inferior teammates playing and often beating teams loaded with high school All-Americans. I am amazed that he now sees these NBA playoffs as just a repeat of what he has done before -- go out and beat teams with better players. Amazing. Pictured -- Pistons coach Flip Saunders expressing his feelings about the play of LeBron and Donyell Marshall in Game 5.

Good Bye to Elliott

It says a lot about the fan base that Elliott Yamin built on American Idol when he does such a poor job in the semis and still almost advances. The guy whom I gave an 8% chance of winning almost pulled off the shocker. I hope that Elliott does well in music because his story is inspirational -- diabetic, 90% deaf in one ear, little, bad teeth, sweaty, a clerk in a pharmacy, raised by his mom, mom has serious health issues -- if 100,000 more votes had gone his way, he has a chance to win the whole contest. Even with the loss, he has become a star to 30,000,000 viewers. Great work, Elliott.

All We Need Now is Richard Dawson

http://articles.news.aol.com/news/article.adp?id=20060518052609990015&_ccc=3&cid=842. If you can get through the border gauntlet and stay in the U.S. for any appreciable amount of time, you win a NEW U.S. citizenship!!! Ready, go. (I most appreciate the Republican Senator who said, "It is not amnesty, so we should stop using that word." Reminiscent of a former boss who sent out a firm-wide e-mail stating, "Some of you will think this rule is petty -- it is not!").

Others Receiving Votes

Other players receiving votes, with point totals (first team votes in parentheses followed by my comments): Kevin Garnett, Minnesota, 94 he is no Carmelo Anthony -- ; Tony Parker, San Antonio, 66 -- yeah, but Arenas plays poker at halftime while Tony can find a small corner of the arena and do Eva; Pau Gasol, Memphis, 49 see Garnett comment; Vince Carter, New Jersey, 47 no Chauncey Billups; Paul Pierce, Boston, 29 see Vince; Jason Kidd, New Jersey, 20 yet first team all-defense??? How bad is NBA point guard defense? pretty f'ing bad; Dwight Howard, Orlando, 11 not a chance, wasted votes by born again Christian contingent; Marcus Camby, Denver, 9 pickings are very slim at the center position; Richard Hamilton, Detroit, 9 the underrating of this man continues in an almost embarrassing way; Rasheed Wallace(1), Detroit, 8 he received a first place vote??? I hope Sheed at least canceled the junkie sportswriter's marijuana debt to Sheed in return for the vote; Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Cleveland, 5 -- LeBron's teammates did, in fact get 5 throwaway votes from 5 guys who said, "Ben, Shaq, and um, who IS another NBA center??? ; Nenad Krstic, New Jersey, 5 (better selection than Z); Ray Allen, Seattle, 4 (made the all-star team, got 4 lousy votes, tough year); Mehmet Okur, Utah, 4 (see Z); Michael Redd, Milwaukee, 4 (see Hamilton); Brad Miller, Sacramento, 3 (Z); Joe Johnson, Atlanta, 2 (amazing he can get ANY votes playing on the Hawks -- great year Joe); Sam Cassell, L.A. Clippers, 2 (some folks run the voting, Sam runs around and gets screwed by the voting); Mike Bibby, Sacramento, 1 (voting deadline 2 minutes away, ballot missing one guard -- "Oh, and, um, Mike Bibby"); Chris Bosh, Toronto, 1; Boris Diaw, Phoenix, 1; Antawn Jamison, Washington, 1; Andrei Kirilenko, Utah, 1; Chris Kaman; L.A. Clippers, 1; Chris Paul, New Orleans/Oklahoma City, 1 (for the last 6 guys -- "the folks in my town will kill me if I don't toss a meaningless third-team vote to _________").

All-NBA Teams

http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=2448612. Diesel beat out Ben Wallace. LeBron #1 vote getter (which is as it should be). The Devil, Nash and Shaq all on the same team? Team chemistry not exactly a must have here. What does everyone on this 15 man list have in common??? They draw a gazillion fouls. In fact, what the all-NBA teams lack most is probably relaible outside marksmanship. Lessons?? NBA players need to learn to shoot better. Great NBA players get to the line a lot. Refs favor the better players. Anyway, using these 15 guys, I will toss out my trade hierarchy (would you trade X for Y? If X is #1, he gets traded for no one. If X is #15, I trade him for anyone on the list). Here goes:

1. LeBron James -- no one you could give me straight up for The King -- Call him "100%" and I will rate the others off him (you get under 50% if I would need two of you to trade LeBron, etc.).

2. Dwayne Wade -- As great as he is, still underrated. 90%

3. Dirk Nowitzki -- showing a great deal although he is getting a ton of help and excellent coaching. 83%

4. Tim Duncan -- showed some wear and tear during the regular season, but still great. 81%. I HAVE TO NOTE RIGHT HERE THAT GARNETT WOULD BE 80%. HE WON THE REBOUNDING TITLE AND HAD ANOTHER EXCELLENT YEAR (#1 in EFFICIENCY -- 53% from the floor, 81% from the line). HOW CARMELO BEATS HIM OUT FOR 3rd TEAM I HAVE NO IDEA.

5. The Devil -- His two weeks as "Kip" have run (I think). An awful cancer who could quit on you at any minute. Selfish, but his unworldly scoring talent gets him to 78%.

6. Allen Iverson -- if you are like 3 feet tall and weigh 95 pounds, the years can start to get to you, but he still is great. 52%

7. Elton Brand -- Should sue Ron Artest to get the title "true warrior" -- great player finally getting his due. 49%

8. Ben Wallace -- Brand gives you more O, Ben gives you that awesome D. Slight edge to Brand. 48.8%

9. Shawn Marion -- he really is an odd player and benefits from that wide open system, but he is awfully good, and he rebounds and plays defense. 48%

10. Steve Nash -- getting old and appears to wear down in the playoffs -- ammo for Nash MVP detractors -- if he was playing with a guy who made third team all-NBA and was 7 votes short of 2nd team, how again did he have a better year than LeBron? Did any Cavs teammates even receive votes? 47%

11. Chauncey Billups -- excellent young player, hard to handle on his scoring end. 46%

12. Shaquille O’Neal -- best days are past him, may have only 2 good years left -- 45%

13. Gilbert Arenas -- one-dimensional scorer, but damned good at it -- 34% (I might take 3 Gilbert's for a LeBron).

14. Carmelo Anthony -- Glenn Robinson, Jr. -- 25%

15. Yao Ming -- no place being on the list; I might prefer Chris Kaman -- 19%

Dow Industrials off 200+ Points

Now, anyone who knows a little about me will tell you that I love: 1) basketball, 2) my family, 3) looking at attractive women, and 4) traveling places. Anyone who REALLY knows me knows that my goal in life is to win the lottery and never have to work ever again starting tomorrow. So, I take this opportunity to, once again, curse the Bush Administration for making me work an extra 20 years to build my retirement account.... That's right, folks, 5+ years in any of the major indices under old GWB will have netted you exactly --- $0 in gain (at best). Using the "rule of 72" that level of gain will double my money in, er, "infinity" years (or is it "undefined" years? -- whatever 72/0% equals). Even a 2% return (not compounded) from the January 2001 levels would have put the Dow at 12,100 by now. 2%. Nope, too much to ask. At least he has made the world safe from gay couples (oh wait, Mary Cheney goes on Tv to say that she lives with her gay lover and considers the two of them married). Well, at least he -- oh shit, who am I fooling, he has done nothing right...

Heather Mills to Divorce Paul McCartney, Receive almost $200MM

http://news.aol.com/entertainment/music/articles/_a/former-beatle-paul-mccartney-wife/20060517065409990001 Note to Sir Paul (soon to part with $188,000,000 because he was too in love/stupid to require a pre-nup), you should have thought along the lines of that great Kanye West tune, "Gold Digger"" I know somebody payin child support for one of his kids His baby momma's car's crib is bigger than his. You will see him on TV Any Given Sunday, win the SuperBowl and drive off in a Hyundai.................. If you aint no punk holla "We Want PrenuptWE WANT PRENUPT!," Yeaah.

Not so Fast

http://sports.aol.com/news/articles/_a/gatlin-stripped-of-worlds-fastest-human/20060517071109990001. Oops. It is always the math that trips you up. Always....

Idol -- Semi-Final

dialidol.com has Taylor Hicks as safe while Elliott and Katherine are in a statitical tie for getting the boot. Hicks -- 85 Dancing in the Dark was OK 80; You Are So Beautiful would have been perfect if he had tried and hit the last high note 95; Try A Little Tenderness was just OK in my opinion 80. McPhee -- 84 -- "I Believe I Can Fly"??? Who would watch McPhee and pick an R. Kelly song for her? Mediocre at best - 60. Somewhere Over the Rainbow -- 100%. Nothing else needs to be said. Her final song, I thought, was also very good - 92. Judges disagreed. Yamin -- 73 -- "Open Arms"??? Wow. Not only did he screw up the words (reversed the verse and said "fearing your heart next to mine" -- was he attempting to get William Hung's vote?), but he had the unenviable task of singing a Steve Perry song -- nearly impossible unless you are Steve Augerie (sp?). Awful -- 50. "What You Won't Do For Love" -- 89. I love the horn part. Last song -- 80. I almost began crying when I heard him say "I'm gonna do the Donny Hathaway version..." Look, note to Elliott and Ruben Studdard, NO ONE LIKES DONNY HATHAWAY!!! DO NOT MODEL YOUR POP CAREER AFTER DONNY HATHAWAY!!! Elliott sang it well, he has a great voice, but as the ew.com reviewer said, "Most of America does not know the song and does not care if they ever hear it again." Now, Kat was due to be booted for the last 3 weeks. Will karma finally catch up with her? Or will Elliott's obviously poor performance net him the boot? Either way, both Kat and Elliott will have to improve during the final to beat Taylor -- but the dialidol numbers indicate that they are within reach (particularly if the Elliott/Kat votes are anti-Taylor votes). We shall see......................

Since My Readership is 90% male....

Text of an e-mail I just received follows. I hope this "guaranted" is better that a Rasheed Wallace guarantee....:-S'ensationall revoolution in m'edicine!-E'n'l'a'r'g'e your p''enis up to 10 cm or up to 4 inches!-It's herbal solution what hasn't side effect, but has 100% guaranted results!-Don't lose your chance and but know wihtout doubts, you will be impressed with results!Clisk here: http://luxurylinesky.info

Some Thoughts On Going Back Home

I went home to hand out my family scholarship at my old high school. Some thoughts: 1) I actually saw about 10 new houses in my driving around. Now, I drove over 300 miles, but still, that is a small sign of improvement for the depressed Western and Central NY. 2) I saw a couple Target stores and they THINK they might be getting a Best Buy. Now the Targets I saw were in the nicest suburb of Buffalo and the rumored Best Buy is still 30 miles away from my parents' house, but hey, progress is progress. 3) There is some phrase/quotation that I can never recall about how the most beautiful flower grows in the harshest soil (it is something like that). When you see kids from my area actually do well and present themselves well, you cannot help but be amazed. So, maybe it is more accurate to say that the the flower that grows in the harshest soil APPEARS to be the most beautiful. 4) Interviewed 4 kids and spoke to 6 staff member -- I was the tallest person in the room every time (god I miss my short and dark-haired area of the country). 5) Whenever I try to explain the "type" of pretty girl in Buffalo, I always get blank stares. Here is a Buffalo U. soccer player pic -- that is what a pretty girl is built like in Buffalo (except generally chestier)....................................It was nice to be back home.

Sabres -- Too Much

Having just traveled back home to upstate NY on Saturday, I got in the car, turned in "GR-55" AM and heard Rick Jenrette(who must be 80+ by now) make his typical overblown homer call of the Sabres' series-winning goal against the Ottawa Senators. People in upstate really need this -- certainly more than those hockey-crazed Raleighites... Go Lindy Ruff. Go Sabres.

Can LeBron Actually Do This????

He is a physical monster, no question about that. But can LeBron James at age 21 single-handedly eliminate the team most people had picked to win the title??? In 1981 Moses Malone led a 40-42 Rockets club to the NBA finals on pure force of will. Moses was 26 and physically dominant. But if LeBron can pull this off, he will have erased all doubts as to who is the greatest player in the NBA today. LeBron led the Cavs in Game 4in points, rebounds, assists and steals. He trailed Ilgauskas 3-2 in blocks. Chances of LeBron's squad prevailing? 7%. How it would happen? LeBron goes for 50+ in Game 5 and the Cavs squeak out a close win. They then return home before a packed Quicken Loans arena and win Game 6. Would be one of the greatest playoff upsets I have ever seen.

NBA Playoffs

1) Suns-Clippers is an extremely close series. If the Clips can't break through in Game 5, I just don't see them winning a game 7 in Phoenix. Cassell with a huge three at the end of Game 4! 2) Nets look just about as motivated as Cliff Robinson after a hard night out. Heat look ready to move on. Gary Payton is still alive? Who knew? 3) Dallas looks awfully good. The Spurs are not playing poorly, yet they cannot get any wins. The call late that sent Dirk to the line to tie the game was a complete travesty. I am informed that Dick Bavetta was involved. Imagine, Dick Bavetta making a poor call in favor of the home team. Hard to fathom.

Cliff Robinson -- Drug Man

Perhaps Cliffy needed a Whizzinator? http://sports.aol.com/news/articles/_a/nets-robinson-suspended-for-violating/n20060513004609990006?cid=1487. I guess the Nets will just need to get more from John Thomas and Lamond Murray (I would have bet $100 that he was out of the league)! Another playoff to forget for Cliffy (has shot 36% or worse for 8 playoff campaigns, 39% or worse for 9 and has been above 50% shooting only once ever). Well, there may be room for a 39 year old pash rushing defensive end in the CFL.................http://slam.canoe.ca/Slam/Football/CFL/Winnipeg/2006/05/09/1571115-sun.html

Justin Gatlin -- World's Fastest Human

http://articles.news.aol.com/sports/article.adp?id=20060512133409990033&cid=. Sadly, my first thought was, "Oh, yeah. Jason Gatling." Track not real big in U.S. of A..... Asafa "Colin" Powell now says he can run a 9.60 100 meters. Look, Asafa. Ben Johnson was practically eating hay and whinnying back in 1988 and he ran 9.84. It has taken us 18 years to get back down to 9.76........Your son may run a non-wind-aided 9.60, but you never will.

NBA All-Defense Team

If you ever needed any proof that 50% of NBA coaches generally don't know what the hell they are doing, look no further than the inclusion of Jason Kidd and Kobe Bryant on the all-defense first team. http://aol.nba.com/news/alldefensive_060511.html. Shouldn't the all-defense team answer the question -- "if I had to shut a guy down at a key moment, who would I want guarding him"? And why does the "First Team" have 6 guys including 3 guards while the "Second Team" has 5 guys and only one guard? I would think that we would have a tiebreaker where the guy with fewest first team votes (Kidd) got left off. Let me say this:n if Dwayne Wade has the ball on the wing, do I have ANY belief that Jason Kidd will stop him? No. If Richard Hamilton is coming off a screen, will Kobe Bryant even TRY to stop him -- see 2004 finals, obviously not. Yet 16 coaches believe that these are the two best defensive guards in the league??? Wow.

Howard Dean -- Anti-Gay?

http://articles.news.aol.com/news/article.adp?id=20060511153309990006&ncid=NWS00010000000001. Text of Dean's most famous speech: "Not only are we going to New Hampshire," Dean said. "We're going to South Carolina and Oklahoma and Arizona and North Dakota and New Mexico, and we're going to California and Texas and New York. And we're going to South Dakota and Oregon and Washington and Michigan. And then we're going to Washington, D.C., to take back the White House. Yeah."
The text just doesn't do it justice, so try listening to the MP3 audio of The Howard Dean Iowa Scream.

Advice to the Remaining 3 on Idol

1) Taylor -- pick songs wisely. You are a 7 as a singer. Even with your huge fan base, you need to sing and perform at 100% efficiency to ward off a surprise performance by one of the others. 2) Elliott -- you still have the slimmest margin of error. If you put in one sub-80 effort, you are gone. Nothing bizarre, nothing hard rocking. Elliott's big gun -- he has a 10 voice, so his ceiling is the highest of the final 3. He rips off two 95+ songs, there is no way Kat or Taylor can match. 3) Kat -- people want to love you (see pics below for why). Be peppy and try to remember the words and the tune. Unlike Taylor, you have a 9 voice, so you should be able to beat Elliott or Taylor if either falters, then God knows what happens in the finals.

Chris Daughtry -- Boot

http://www.ew.com/ew/report/0,6115,1193305_3_0_,00.html, Chris, Chris, Chris, let me give you a little clue as to why you lost: 1) Taylor is a lot more fun than you. You are invited into everyone's living room on Tuesday nights and they want to say, "Chris is entertaining me." You did not always make us say that. 2) A Little Less Conversation -- sang half the song in a mumbly monotone; 3) A guy with 90% hearing loss in one ear, overactive sweat glands, Type 1 diabetes and teeth resembling the New York skyline has had two awesome weeks and moved from also-ran to best singer on the show. Hard to fight that. 4) So, given the first three, your best chance was to beat Katherine McPhee.
Look at the pictures, my friend. Look at them. Look at this Web site: http://www.katharine-mcphee.net/gallery/thumbnails.php?album=18. The girl is none-too-subtle. Tough loss, but not a stunner akin to George Mason/UConn...

Rating NBA Officials + Mark Cuban

http://www.blogmaverick.com/entry/1234000970073680/. I must confess, I have never really cared for Cuban, but, if he was fined even $20 for writing this rather tepid item, the league ought to give him that $20 back. That said, I see no reason why the NBA should not go with at least 33 referees for the playoffs. The first round series are rather meaningless. Why stick 12 guys with the responsibility of reffing so many games? You can pretty easily cull out the top 37 or so NBA officials (taken from a list, not in order) -- Ronnie Nunn
Derrick Stafford
Jim Clark
Dan Crawford
Bill Spooner
Joe Forte
Leon Wood
Scott Foster
Courtney Kirkland
David Jones
Bernie Fryer
Violet Palmer
Mark Wunderlich
Joe Derosa
Michael Smith
Tony Brothers
Dick Bavetta
Jess Kersey
Derek Richardson
Ken Mauer
Monty Mccutchen
Sean Corbin
Luis Grillo
Ron Garretson
Greg Willard
Joe Crawford
Kevin Fehr
Jack Nies
Tom Washington
Bob Delaney
Ron Olesiak
Eddie F. Rush
Leroy Richardson
Steve Javie
Bennett Salvatore
Tommy Nunez
Ted Bernhardt............................But Picking the best 12 NBA Officials? If your criteria is "Who would I want running a high-pressure game where all calls are important?" I'd say -- Danny Crawford, Joey Crawford, Joe Forte, Steve Javie, Jimmy Clark, Bob Delaney, Eddie F. Rush, Bennett Salvatore, Jess Kersey, Tommy Nunez, Joe DeRosa, Jack Nies. Now, do I really want those guys doing every single playoff game? Danny Crawford and Flip Saunders have a negative history. Javie is always tough on the home team and can be an ass to deal with. Forte occasionally lets things get a little too physical/emotional. Joey Crawford can be a ridiculous dictator. And, not to bring up a sore spot, but 9 of these guys are non-Hispanic white. 16% black on my list (and Rush might not be on others' lists, so if he drops off, you go to 8%). If you have my pool of 40, you are looking at 14/37 for 38%. If you go with 12 you leave out the entertaining Bavetta and the one female ref in the league, Violet Palmer. In short, Mr. Cuban, bad idea all around...........................HM

David Blaine Commentary

From thesuperficial.com: If they had just left him in there for another two minutes he would've had the record. He was already unconscious so he wouldn't even have noticed. Plus he'd be grateful because then he wouldn't be such a devastating failure at life. There's only one way to earn people's respect and that's to hold your breath for a really really long time. Sure, Abraham Lincoln put an end to slavery, but he couldn't hold his breath worth shit. And that makes him a loser.

Feds Monitoring Domestic Calls

http://articles.news.aol.com/news/article.adp?id=20060511052409990008&ncid=NWS00010000000001. Does anyone believe the related assertion that "well, we monitor these calls patterns but we don't listen in"??? Teenage son to dad -- "Sure, dad, she had all of her clothes off, but we weren't gonna DO anything..."

Anniversary Approaching

It seems impossible for me to believe, but I started this Blog on May 18, 2006. So, in 8 days it will be one year and approximately 7,000 hits. 19.17 hits a day (some of them my own) isn't real impressive, but I think it is up closer to 33 a day now, so that I can live with. I will try to post a list of my 8 favorite entries from the first year and we can have a vote to see which was anyone's favorite. All suggestions/personal faves welcome.

Offensive Ring Tone

http://articles.news.aol.com/business/article.adp?id=20060510011009990007. I love this article. "I'm deporting you back home-o." My lord. I can see why this one so easily slipped by! I mean "put down the oranges..." Wow. According to the stats I have read, this type of conversation basically NEVER occurs anyway...

Lance Armstrong's Ex-Wife

http://celebrity.aol.com/people/ataol/articles/0,19736,1192564,00.html. I am not a big Lance Armstrong guy. I believe the drug rumors. That said, I praise him 100% for getting out of his marriage to THIS woman. Good lord. I thought that the wife character in "Spanglish" was ridiculously cartoonish, but now I see that it was just a documentary film on Lance's ex. Yikes!

Idol -- Final 4 -- Elvis Show

http://www.dialidol.com/asp/predictions/Predictions.asp. If Daughtry, in fact, is the lowest vote getter, that will be an astounding development. I have to predict that maybe dialidol.com has been duped this time.

1. Elliott Yamin -- He did "If I Can Dream" and then did "Trouble" -- Honestly, I could not believe that he was doing either song. "If I Can Dream" is a little-heard slow song and "Trouble" is a song to be sung by a guy chicks dig b/c he is a "good looking rebel who plays by his own rules" (Simpsons reference). But I have to tell you, for two weeks in a row the little sweaty guy with the bad teeth has been easily the best sounding and most honest performer. The Idol producers even rewarded his good work with some actual backing singers and cutaway footage!!!!!!! I don't know if he has a big enough fan base to carry him over, but the boy can sing. 96 out of 100.

2. (Tie) Chris Daughtry and Taylor Hicks -- Daughtry did "Suspicious Minds" and "A Little Less Conversation" Hicks did "Jailhouse Rock" and "In The Ghetto" -- One good, one fair for both guys. Hick's JHR was mediocre but high energy and high personality. His ITG was excellent, possibly the most compelling number of the night (although it is a "hungry (not cold) little boy with a runny nose" and it is "do we simply turn our heads" -- "Simply do we turn our heads" arguably means something different). Daughtry's Suspicious Minds was what I have been pleading for all year -- have a little fun, show people you are not a complete ass. Unfortunately, you DON'T want to be singing ALLC to Idol fans -- the scars from Jon Peter Lewis's rendition are just too fresh. Combine that with the fact that Daughtry seemed to believe that all lower register notes must be sung with the same colorless monotone and no inflection whatsoever and you had a song that only came alive at the end. 86 out of 100.

DEAD LAST -- Katherine McPhee -- Hound Dog/All Shook Up and Can't Help Falling In Love With You" -- I think I have come to the logical conclusion that Kat McPhee is not very bright................... (side comment -- Kat looked super hot and very good in those pants, reminding me of this classic line suggested for my use once by a current blog reader -- Walk up and ask, "Kat, would you like to dance?" Answer -- No I will not dance with you HM, you loser. "Huh? I said you look fat in those pants. What did you think I said?"). First, she forgets the VERY difficult words to "All Shook Up." Then she just wanders around aimlessly nowhere near the tune to CHFILWY. Yet EVERY SINGLE GUEST they have ever had on the show says she has just an awesome amazing voice?!?!?!?!? I think that she just forgets the tune and then just sings something freestyle. Look -- I am just an OK to good karaoke performer. Look -- I once finished second in a twist contest on Long Island in 1982 (that has nothing to do with what I am saying, but I have always been proud of that fact). But, if handed a microphone and given 10 minutes to practice, I could do a better job of singing ANY ballad written in the past 20 years than could Kat McPhee. Now, do I have a sexy smokin' 99% out of 100 bod? Well, um, no. But hey, at some point you have to recall, as Simon Cowell says, "This is a singing contest." 72 out of 100.

If there is any justice, Kat heads home to L.A. this week and we are left with three southerners Daughtry (NC), Yamin (VA) and Hicks (AL).....

Ric Bucher and Michael Jordan

I never thought that I would have to defend Michael Jordan from an attack on his desire, basketball IQ or playing ability, but since Ric Bucher was actually on the air the other day saying that he doubted that Michael Jordan would have had the ability or self-discipline to get teammates involved "at age 26" like some unnamed Laker had in the first 6 games against the Suns, I offer you the following items: 1) The Laker I am currently referring to as Kip Dynamite is 27. He was born in August of 1978, so he is almost 28. 2) I will go with MJ's playoff stats for 1990 (when he was 27 and a few months, younger than Kip is now). 3) Kip in 7 games against the wretched Suns defense -- 27.9/6.3R/5.1A/1.14 steals/.43 blocks/4.71 TO. 4) Jordan in 16 games (including 7 against the Bad Boys from Detroit, a great defensive club) -- 36.7/7.2/6.81/2.81/.88/3.50. So, Ric Bucher, in 16 games and against better competition, Jordan averaged 9 more points, 1 more rebound, 1.7 more assists, DOUBLE the steals+blocks, and 1.21 fewer turnovers. Jordan not only got his teammates more involved, he rebounded more, scored more, and actually helped his team on the defensive end while not tossing the ball away as much. Before you say stupid things to justify an indefensible position, maybe you ought to actually look at the stats.

Return Trip Begins

Client got a good deal. Now I return home (which for some reason takes basically all day). But I won't mind, cuz all flight attendants today will look like the pictured lass....HM

David Blaine -- Quitter

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060509/ap_on_en_ot/david_blaine;_ylt=AtUVvetuiVaOerfBVO9W3lnqChkF;_ylu=X3oDMTA4dDg2MG9mBHNlYwMxNjk3

Could not get the jobe done. Ala 50 Cent's "Get Rich or Die Trying" Blaine's new motto will be "Get the Record or....well, Feel Uncomfortable and Quit."

Tough Week for Kip

First he quits on his team in Game 7, then he gets left off NUMEROUS ballots and finishes 4th in MVP voting to Steve Nash, and now he gets ZERO votes for the all-defense team. http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=2436694. Ben Wallace wins #4. Kip -- no Eddie Jones (one vote). No James Posey (2 votes). And (put the knife in and twist it) no Raja Bell (one vote)......

Several Things

1) I am off to Lousiana again, so limited blogging until Tuesday night............................................ 2) Has there ever been a star who quit on his team as openly and obviously as Kip Dynamite did in the Game 7 loss to Phoenix??? Ever??? I mean, 1 point? Outscored by Barbosa 26-24. Kip's stated rationale? "Everyone needed to get involved for us to win." Yep, Kip, and "everyone" includes YOU. Oh, and how does getting one assist account for trying to get everyone involved? For all you "Kip for MVP" folks -- this shows what a great value he is to his team when they need him most........................................................................................... 3) I first heard the name "Barbaro" in my car 10 minutes before the Derby. If I had any bookie on my cell phone I would have called and bet $500 on him. "Barbaro" -- name of a former state legislator in NY (employed an intern we referred to as "Elvira Queen of Darkness" --I made out with her one night 90 minutes before she ended up puking in 3 different sets of bushes 4 times on the walk home), last name used by my friend Kevin H. in 1985 while seducing co-eds at Boston College. Why haven't I led an even seedier life!?!?................................................................... 4) 2nd Round Playoff picks (straight chalk picks were 7-1, so I go 3 of 4 chalk in Round 2): Pistons in 5 (maybe 4 -- the Cavs absolutely suck, w/o LeBron they go 12-70); Heat in 6 (I just don't think the Nets will have enough scoring); Spurs in 7 (someone will suffer a big injury around Game 5, but I will bet it will be the Mavs and not SA); Clippers in 6 (I just think they score at will inside and look like the 1990 Pistons on defense compared to the Lakers)......................................5) Finally -- if you have read this far, you deserve to be rewarded with an R-rated (but no nudity) e-mail forward from my plastic surgeon friend in Texas: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=565193247676453186. Dr. T, you (not Michael Scott) are the true "King of the e-mail Forward."

Kip's 50 -- Not Enough -- We Go to Game 7

Well, Kip Dynamite (#8) will get his wish to meet Raja Bell in the Octagon (if the Suns agree to put one up for Game 7). His 50 was not enough to carry the Lakers over the Suns. Tim Thomas -- too much. Hopefully in Game 7 the teams will combine to block more than 2 of 166 shots while attempting to tighten the defensive clamps so that the opponent does not shoot over 55%. The appeal of the Lakers soap opera is clear from the fact that people consider this series a great series whil considering Cleveland/Wiz as a poorly-played offensive showcase. The Wiz was declared the worst defensive team of all time after losing 121-120 in OT. That game featured 5 blocked shots and both teams shot under 55%. Game was a defensive showcase by comparison to Lakers/Suns Game 6.

We Won't Always Have Paris

Paris Bennett -- FINALLY booted. Her Idol run was similar to George Mason's NCAA Tourney run. She was rated very low. She performed generally the best she could. She tried hard. She was very well prepared and structured. But at some point she just lacked too much in the talent category to ever be a champion. She will NOT be missed. But you can almost certainly catch her as "girl with annoying voice" in an upcoming Disney show or movie.

Inside the Wizards' Huddle -- OT, Game 5

Eddie Jordan, "OK, guys. They probably won't go to LeBron, so let's put, um, Michael Ruffin on him. Now, on all back picks, 'Tawn, make sure to recover poorly and neither bump the cutter nor pick him up. Everyone else -- when the guy gets the ball inbounds do NOT under any circumstances run to double or run to protect the basket -- if they beat our first guy, just let them score." Michael Ruffin, "If a guy has a wide open layup should I foul him and at least make him shoot 2?" Jordan, "Goodness, no! Just let him score. OK, we also have 2 timeouts left. Under no circumstances do we use them. If they score, just toss it in to the backcourt and Gilbert, you heave it from 80. It will catch them off guard and they might foul." Ready? 1-2-3 TEAM!!!

Kobe Challenges Raja Bell to "The Octagon"

I can't seem to locate the quote on-line, but since I was watching TNT when he said it, I will pass it along. Kobe called Raja Bell's rather tepid clothesline of Kobe a "Knocktagon" and added "It is a move to be used in the Octagon...If you want to train for the Octagon, we will train for the Octagon..." Great show of false bravado (recall that this is a guy who earlier in the series, when a scuffle broke out, cheaply pushed someone in the back and then pretended he didn't do it). As a result, I will refer to Kobe for the next 2 weeks not as "the Devil" but rather as "Kip Dynamite."

American Idol -- May 2 Review

One of the girls is going home. http://www.dialidol.com/asp/predictions/Predictions.asp.
1. Elliott Yamin -- George Benson's “On Broadway” and Michael Buble's "Home" -- There is no question in my mind that Elliott was the best. He can really sing and he even impressed my son on the "Home" effort (one of PM's favorite songs). What you also have to take into account is that Elliott gets NO HELP from the Idol producers. He doesn't get smoke or backing singers or guys beating drums. He has to aactually show up and sing. 93 out of 100.
2. Chris Daughtry -- Styx's Renegade and Shinedown's "I Dare You" -- Look, he has a great voice, but he always sounds the same. Could you tell the difference between the two songs?? More importantly, he is so god damned joyless. For goodness sake, Chris! Are you really THAT much of a hard ass or are you really into the image that much? Bo Bice, we have seen and read, is a self-destructive guy with some issues, but the Idol stage was his party place. Chris, ask yourself, why does America love Taylor more than it does me? It is all attitude. 88 out of 100.
3. Taylor Hicks -- "Play That Funky Music" by Wild Cherry and "Something" by the Beatles -- He is a 7 as a singer, a 3 as a dancer, but he really makes you enjoy yourself watching him. He has a 10 personality and he is going to run with it hard, as he should. 80 out of 100.
4. Paris Bennett -- "Kiss" by Prince (although she tossed in some Tom Jones) and “Be Without You” by Mary J. Blige -- Look, I DETEST Paris Bennett. If she loses, I will be doing whatever is the 42 year old guy's version of a cartwheel. She is unwatchable. A phony to the Nth degree. Annoying. And what the HELL was she wearing? Do these pants make my ass look fat?? Um, yeah!!! OK, all that said, she was still not worst on the night. 63 out of 100.
5. Katharine McPhee -- Phil Collins' "Take a Look At Me Now (Against All Odds) and KT Tunstall's "Big Black Horse and the Cherry Tree" -- Let me be blunt: I would rather listen to Scott Savol's version of TALAMN (AAO) six times than listen to McPhee's once. Girlie -- you cannot sing a slow song. STOP TRYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then she gets all sexied up and sings a faster song. While not close to the original, she was at least enjoyable and if she had done that twice she moves into the top 3 vote getters easily. It may be too late for Kat, but if she manages to squeak into 4th, if any Kat fan is reading PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell her to finish up with only fast songs. She is throwing away a contest she could easily win just because she is too unaware to sings songs that people enjoy. 62 out of 100.

Vikes to Fire Fran Foley???

http://www.startribune.com/510/story/407582.html. Lessons to be learned from this: 1) Attempt to relive the glory days of the 1970s by hiring a guy named "Fran" -- unsuccessful; 2) When you are a receptionist and the boss tells clients "he really runs the office" do not take that literally and put it on your resume; 3) do not use Dwight Schrute as a resume role model (Foley was an assistant to the real defensive line coach, his resume lists him as something like "assistant coach -- defensive line."); 4) when George O'Leary loses his dream job for misstating his playing career, maybe a good time for football guys to re-do their own fraudulent resumes; and 4) trading 2 #3 picks to get a SWAC QB who most people had rated as 4th-5th round material -- not gonna endear you to the boss. Media reports indicate that no one liked Foley and he was incompetent and abrasive. Now, query this -- I and probably 85% of my readers would give anything to be an NFL GM. Most of my readers know enough not to draft a 5th round talent by trading 2 #3 picks. Yet a fairly successful NFL franchise with a super wealthy owner was run for 3 months by a guy who lied about virtually everything he had ever done in his early career and who (per published reports) was around #5 in command at his last pre-Vikings job. How can this be? What scares me most about sports management is that there are so many people in charge of franchises who would do a better job at player personnel simply by watching TV, checking the Internet and reading a few draft publications. Oh. well. To steal from the fable -- "Well, I bet those grapes are sour anyway!"

NBA Playoffs

I am watching as the Suns appear ready to send it back to L.A. for Game 6 (up 17 in the third, The Devil just threw it away). Vince Carter 34/15/7. Proof of my theory that the guys with the talent can just jack it up that extra level when needed. Spurs go up 3-2 on Sac Kings -- the veteran pride shines through in what could have been a tough Game 5. Kwame Brown: http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/playoffs2006/news/story?id=2430850. Completely Innocent...

Clippers Win! Clippers Win!

I have now looked it up, and yes, in fact, the last time that the Clippers won a series they were the Buffalo Braves and defeated the 76ers (a pretty good squad -- note that Kobe's dad was on the team) 2-1 in the opening round. http://www.sportsecyclopedia.com/nba/buffalo/bufbraves.html. The Sixers were led by George Mcginnis and also had:
Doug Collins
Fred Carter
Steve Mix
Billy Cunningham
Lloyd Free
Joe Bryant
Connie Norman
Leroy Ellis
Clyde Lee
Harvey Catchings
Wali Jones
Darryl Dawkins
Jerry Baskerville
Fred Boyd.....................................................................................The Braves countered with Bob McAdoo, Randy Smith and Not much else.............................................................Bob Mcadoo
Randy Smith
Jim Mcmillian
John Shumate
Ken Charles
Garfield Heard
Jack Marin
Ernie Digregorio
Don Adams
Dick Gibbs
Tom Mcmillen
Bob Weiss
Dale Schlueter
Steve Kuberski
Jim Washington

Reggie Evans -- Um, Aggressive

http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=2428627. Perhaps that is why he was traded to the "Nuggets"???

"Matt Leinart"

http://www.fool.com/news/commentary/2006/commentary06050101.htm?source=eptyholnk303100&logvisit=y&npu=y. Um, ouch. When your name becomes synonymous with bad decisions, it has been a tough week for you! Link contains some stock commentary -- commentary is not mine. In fact, I owe a small amount of EK as a nod to my hometown area.

Flirting -- Part II

See below for Part I. Now, my six pieces of advice for single women -- 1) be extremely obvious -- single men are often very dense and/or suffer from low self-esteem, if you like them, make it so obvious that anyone can tell; 2) try to know something about sports or other interests men generally have -- look, you don't have to like all sports, just pick one you can stomach and try to become moderately fluent in its lingo, for some reason hockey seems to be a female fave; 3) try to get past first impressions -- the available guys often make a poor first impression, try to see if there is something beyond the obnoxious outer shell; 4) emphasize the positive in your appearance -- hey, different strokes for different folks, five guys may not like your large chest, but five may; 5) move along -- a corollary of #3, if you give the guy a shot and he is a loser, move along, you are missing out on other opportunities -- far too many women say, "Well, he really isn't SO bad." Um, if you are offering that assessment up after 3-4 dates, he really is. 6) repeat #1 -- I don't think women truly get how obvious they have to be for guys to pick up on the fact that the woman is interested. After a very short attempt at subtlety say, "Hey, I like you and would like to go out some time. You?" You may get crushed, but at least then you can do #5 and waste no more time.

Flirting Advice

http://personals.aol.com/article/_a/six-ways-to-flirt-this-summer/20060405102009990001. Um, I don't think anyone could give more mediocre advice than stated there, so I will offer up 6 more basic tips for single guys: 1) talk -- sitting silently provides no hope; 2) don't be clueless -- if a woman talks to you more than one sentence, she may be interested; 3) be aggressive -- much like in Texas Hold'Em poker, aggression is often rewarded; if you are holding 7-2 offsuit, maybe you have to bluff a lot more than the guy holding a pair of aces, but the woman might say, "Well, he asked me out and at least HE thinks he has something to offer, maybe I am missing something"; 4) be shameless about touting your job -- if you have a good job in any way, shape or form, inform the woman of that fact; this puts you a small step ahead of the many guys without good jobs; 5) be funny -- easier said than done, but even the stupidest joke shows you are at least trying; 6) dress well -- outside of the top 15% of men, women generally know we are all pretty hideous anyway, so dress up -- at least the woman will feel that you look good with clothes on.

Tarvaris Jackson

I almost forgot to comment on the Vikings' decision to move up to the end of the second round to grab Alabama State QB Tarvaris Jackson. 6'1 1/2", 232 lbs. 232. Corey Dillon is 6'2" and 225. So, the guy is just a brick house. And he runs a 4.68 40. So, playing in the lowly SWAC, he probably ran for a million yards, right? Um, no. Best year was 440. Well, he probably threw at a 70% clip, right? No. Never close. Per the mock draft reports, he was a 4th to 7th round talent. He went to Arkansas for one year and "determined that he would never become the starter." Yeah, probably because he was not tall, but was stocky and he also could not run the ball elusively or throw it particularly well. On the plus side -- in shorts and a T-shirt he is really fast and he was one of the better SWAC QB's in 2005 (apparently Grambling's QB was far better in 2004, thus relegating Tarvaris to second-team all-SWAC). And he reportedly has "huge hands" so females involved in the next Vikes boat party hope he does something other than shoot dice... A triumph of potential over actual performance...

NFL Draft Commentary

Some Comments on the NFL Draft:

1) I have no idea why anything after Round 2 gets any coverage whatsoever. They had a "Great 4th round picks in the recent past" graphic up on Sunday. Two guys this century, then La'Roi Glover and three other guys in 1996. Yep, NFL fans, better watch cuz there is a chance that your team could select the 6th Pro Bowl player picked in Round 4 since the first Clinton Administration.

2) Here are a few thoughts on high picks:

a) Reggie Bush -- STOP saying that he will be a great special teams player!!!! You are gonna pay the guy an 8 figure bonus. How long do you think you'll have him running back kicks!?!?! This isn't 40 years ago when they were paying Gale Sayers $30,000 a year. Upside -- Marshall Faulk. Downside -- Joe Washington/Curtis Dickey.

b) Vince Young -- will be an above average NFL QB -- you will think he and Steve McNair are the same guy in 5 years. Upside -- Doug Williams. Downside -- Tony Banks.

c) Matt Leinart -- fell into the perfect situation, Edgerrin James, two good wideouts, strong offensive coach. If he cannot succeed there, he sucks. Anyone remember the last 6'5" good looking left hander?? Scott Mitchell. Upside -- Ken Stabler.

d) Jay Cutler -- can throw a ball through a brick wall. Played on an awful Vandy club. Drafted by a good team. I think he will be very very good. Upside -- Jim Kelly. Downside -- Tommy Maddox.

e) Ernie Sims -- bad guy, can't make a tackle without giving himself a concussion, sounds like a good pick for Detroit. Upside -- Rob Morris. Downside -- Raonall Smith

f) Chad Greenway -- 40 yard dash was timed with a sundial at the combine ("Bad shoes") and he managed to pump up 225 lbs. only 28 times less than did the Clemson D-lineman. "Not an explosive hitter" -- well, let's see, you have the speed of Ted Washington and can't put up any weight -- probably not a real explosive tackler.... Might make the Vikes an excellent tight end or fullback. Upside -- Bill Romanowski; Downside -- Tom Ruud (go look it up).

g) Bills -- drafted a guy at #8 who most people had low first round, then traded up to pick 26 to take a guy who most folks had low second round. When your GM (Marv Levy) knows that he only has a few days left to live, he probably doesn't care a lot what other people think.

h) A.J. Hawk -- well, thank goodness that Brian Urlacher has made it safe to waste high picks on white linebackers again! Good hair. I just hope his pro career can reach the lofty standards set by Brian Bosworth, Andy Katzenmoyer, Tom Cousineau, and Trev Alberts. Upside -- Lesser Urlacher; Downside -- see names mentioned above.

NBA Playoffs

1) LeBron's squad can't win if he only gets 38? About all you need to know about the Cavs. Cavs and Wiz 2-2. 2) Nash completely gives it away to The Devil and Lakes go up 3-1. Nash, like KG, just has no higher gear for the playoffs. Everyone else has been dogging it all year and they are playing harder. nash just has no higher gear to go to. 3) Nuggets proving exactly how awful the Northwest Division is. Yuck. Were the Clips the Braves when they last won a playoff series? If not, it is almost that far back. Clips up 3-1. 4) Pacers blow chance to put Nets on life support. I still don't understand why this series is close, but it is really up to Vince to turn it up in Games 5, 6, and 7. 2-2. 5) Will Grizzle EVER win a playoff GAME? I say yes, Game 4. 3-0 Mavs. 6) Flip's defensive weakness exposed by Bucks. You think Detroit allows 124 to anyone during the Carlisle or Brown era? Um, I'd have to look it up, but I doubt it. 2-1 Detroit. 7) Sac Kings come back up tie up Spurs 2-2. Spurs are really just running on their reputation all year. Time to look yourselves in the mirror boys and ask whether you want to joing the Sonics as a 1 losing to an 8... 8) Heat a terrible club, may still advance if Chandler injury is serious. Bulls tie it up at 2-2. Ask yourself this -- if there were a dispersal draft on these two clubs tomorrow, would the next 6 picks after Wade and Shaq all be Bulls? I think your answer would have to be yes.

Vicky Marshall (Anna Nicole Smith) Wins One

2006 WL 1131904 is your citation for you lawyers out there. The interesting thing about the opinion is that Pierce Marshall may have a legal malpractice claim if and when he has to hand over $89MM to Anna Nicole. 1) Anna Nicole files for bankruptcy protection -- she makes no claim at all against the old dead guy's estate; 2) Pierce screws up and files a defamation claim against Anna Nicole in her bankruptcy; 3) OOOPS, by filing a claim, Pierce subjects himself to a counterclaim in federal court -- Anna Nicole sues him for $44MM saying that the old dead guy would have given that to her had Pierce not interfered (which certain facts show that he did); 4) Federal court awards her $44MM compensatory and $44MM punitive for Pierce's wrongful acts; 5) state court rules that old dead guy's will is valid and Pierce gets it all; 6) Pierce argues that the federal judgment against him is invalid; 7) Ninth Circuit agrees with Pierce; 8) Supreme Court agrees with Anna Nicole and sends the case back to the federal courts (who have already ruled for her) for further legal proceedings on different issues. If Pierce does not file the spiteful claim in bankruptcy court, he is home right now spending all of his dad's money! He did, however, file a meaningless claim against a bankrupt woman just to mess with her. So, in my opinion, he deserves what he got. And his lawyer (if the lawyer made the decision to file the bankruptcy claim) better alert its insurer...