Mark Foley IM'ing a kid he wants to have as his Sweet Child O' His

http://abcnews.go.com/WNT/BrianRoss/story?id=2509586&page=1. I am sure glad that we have the GOP in control so that they can protect the moral fiber of our country... Well, Ok, any political party can have one bad apple, the important thing is that there was immediate action and no cover up once GOP leaders were alerted ------------oh, wait,...............http://www.nytimes.com/2006/10/01/washington/01foley.html?hp&ex=1159675200&en=a7760582db028fd5&ei=5094&partner=homepage

Kelly Clarkson doing "Sweet Child O' Mine"

http://us.video.aol.com/video.index.adp?mode=1&pmmsid=1704499

Mark Foley E-mails to Page

http://www.rawstory.com/news/2006/Congressman_accused_of_sending_sick_emails_0928.html

What do Congressmen Use For Bookmarks?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Foley#Congressional_page_controversy. Bent over pages........................................(old joke from 1983).......................................................Any reader who wants a job recommendation, please send me a photo.....yuck.

With Dad Absent, PM Goes Nutzoid

I returned last night from evaluating basketball players to hear that, like "Mooka" in the legendary film, http://members.aol.com/shockcin/fatguy.html, the Playstation Maven had just gone nutzoid on the opponent in his football game. 2 TDs and about 50 yards rushing, 3 for 6 passing, intercepted two passes (one for a 50 yard return - "some super fast kid caught me"), 10 tackles. Just goes to show that you should never miss your kid's game. Prior to game time the PM complained to his mom that he doesn't care for football because they make him practice "24/7." That is his way of complaining that his Playstation time is interrupted by football practice. Sigh...............at least he lives up to his nickname.......

Playoff Scenarios in MLB

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/hfonl

All A Lie

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0927061owens1.html. I hope for Kim Etheredge's sake that her career as a publicist doesn't overshadow the juggernaut she has going with "mixedchicks.net" http://mixedchicks.net/femaleentrepreneurs.html. "You will NEVER say that your hair doesn't feel smoother and more touchable after using our haircare products. Never!"

Lessons From Basektball Coaches

Since I don't want to put any extra pressure on PM to make the "A" squad, I guess I had better get ready to coach "B." In that vein, I will offer you up some lessons I have learned from watching various coaches.

1. My 7th and 8th grade coach -- being about 300 lbs. tends to reduce your credibility in the eyes of your players. A coach should be at least able to run up and down 5 times if need be.

2. My 9th grade coach -- don't coach a sport if you have no idea whatsoever what you are doing.

3. My 11th grade coach -- when you have 12 slow white kids at your disposal, pressing and playing tight man-to-man D is kind of a bad idea.

4. My 10th and 12th grade coach -- teach your guys to shoot and let them shoot when they are open. (This guy, by the by, was my first good experience with a basketball coach.)

5. Coach K -- you need to coach for the long haul, not necessarily for every single game; basketball is not college football, you will lose some games and still keep your job. Often it is not the X's and O's that win games, it is the ability to convince your players that they can, in fact, win games with the abilities they have.

6. Jim Valvano -- If you have talent that is at all comparable to your opponent, there is always a way to win. Your job as a coach is to find it. Jim Valvano was the best X's and O's game coach that I have ever seen.

7. Pat Riley -- Building a team "identity" is a huge step toward winning. If you get half way through a season and you can't describe your team's style of play (Lakers "Showtime", Knicks "Thug Ball"; Heat, "Defend and play a lot of isolation"), your team is in a great deal of trouble.

8. Phil Jackson -- if you have talent, your job as a coach is to prepare that talent to take the floor and play the game by themselves the way you have instructed; there will be times when you should help them but you intentionally won't b/c it is extremely difficult to win tough games at the end of the year with an over-coached squad; Phil is also the best coach I have seen at identifying offensive weaknesses in individual players and coaching defensive techniques to exploit those weaknesses.

Basketball Updates

1) Bonzi Wells to Houston -- I guess they felt the Battier trade gave them too much positive character. 2) DGM (my eldest) made her 7th Grade "B" team last night after making no team last year. So, improvement is improvement. I am very happy. 3) Shawn Kemp still looking for a job, but Dajuan Wagner has a signed deal with the Warriors. 4) logging 3 more hours tonight on 6th grade basketball evaluations for girls; 5) Jay Williams (Duke) has signed a non-guaranteed deal with New Jersey; and 6) Saturday AM and Tuesday PM will feature 6.5 hours worth of watching 5th grade basketball (boys) to see if my son can make the A squad and get me out of coaching 5B. As I am fond of saying -- "We shall see."

Vikes Acquire Drew Henson

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=2605007. Sub-title: "Super Bowl a Certainty."

Bengal suspended for a year

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=2605039. Marvin Lewis is rumored to have added under his breath, "Hey, he was suspended anyway, BFD. Just so long as they don't start coming after the 19 to 30 other guys I have with scheduled court dates." Bengals now expected to see if they can acquire Chargers strong safety Terrence Kiel and move him to linebacker. http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=2604891. Noted Lewis, "Hey, you ever had a bad cough? Well Terrence has! Beat up a girl, smoke some dope, brandish a weapon, that's Bengals football! Is transporting cough syrup with codeine even a crime? It is? Think San Diego will take a 3rd rounder for him?"

Owens -- No Suicide Attempt

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=2604395. Added Owens: 1) "don't believe what I said to the cops, I was feeling suicidal at that time;" and 2) "had I been feeling suicidal I could have just asked to be traded to the Raiders."

Jesus Take the Wheel -- Item 3

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=2605084. So, if you are keeping score during the term of this Blog: 1) Woman who got down on her knees in kitchen and prayed, only to be hit by lightning; 2) Mel Gibson makes tribute film to his version of Christianity, but then gets busted for DUI placing his career and image in tatters; 3) Shaun Alexander -- thinks maybe God answered his prayers sufficiently that he can play on a broken foot. Hopefully Alexander will end God-Jesus's current 0-for-2 run.............................................................................................. The Pre-Blog record of God-Jesus is substantially better: a) piloted Bart Starr's career (1-0); b) allowed drunkard and womanizer Joe Namath to win a Super Bowl (1-1); c) allowed Reverend Reggie White to win a Super Bowl (2-1); d) did not allow Rev. Cris Carter to win a Super Bowl (2-2); e) when Jordan retired, allowed Muslim Hakeem Olajuwon to win title twice (2-3); f) finally got David Robinson a couple titles (3-3); g) may have sent his power through TV faith healer Benny Hinn to heal the hole in Evander Holyfield's heart, allowing him to box again; this is a tough one to score http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evander_Holyfield some claim that Holyfield was simply misdiagnosed and never had a hole in his heart; others claim that Hinn did the job; Holyfield wears his religion on his sleeve but also has fathered at least 9 illegitimate kids; ultimately we will call it a draw. So, pre-Blog record: 3-3-1. Am I God/Jesus's jinx? That certainly does not bode well for me!!!!!!!!!

Political Races Websites

As a public service: http://www.rasmussenreports.com/2006/BalanceofPower.htm and http://www.realclearpolitics.com/epolls/2006/senate/. I think that all polling should be conducted with one background fact in mind -- most states are "generally" something. Montana -- generally GOP; New Jersey -- generally Dem. Etc. So Harold Ford in Tennessee really needs to be getting his polling margin up around +5 to +7 if he is actually going to win in Tennessee. Now, the clearer indicator of when a race is getting away from someone is when they "go negative."..................................................................................................................... Example: Minnesota. Mark Kennedy's goofy "get to know him" ads have him down 15-20 points to Amy Klobuchar. In one ad Kennedy tells his teenage daughter that he can't give her an increase in allowance because his household has what Washington, "needs"..."a line item veto." What the hell does THAT mean? Is there a Congress in your household that is voting to give your daughter extra money? Will your daughter be getting SOME increase in allowance just not for the items you are crossing out? Are you running for President (if so, you are a little early)? To make matters worse, Kennedy IS IN CONGRESS IN THE MAJORITY PARTY!!! So, what he is saying is that as a Congressman his party has spent WAY too much money so they need to get a line-item veto (side note -- USSCt says LIV is unconstitutional) to protect themselves from....themselves...I guess??? Is this a sound basis for a Senate campaign? Will the Senate be getting this line-item veto power? Someone obviously has determined that these idiotic ads aren't carrying the day, so they have been shelved in favor of some of the grainiest and most disturbing-looking ads you will ever see basically accusing Amy Klobuchar (Hennepin County prosecutor) of causing Minnesota's streets to be laden with criminals. Hey, it is worth a shot I guess. And it is certainly a HUGE improvement from the "heck and by gosh, my dad doesn't always vote with his party" ads that clearly weren't working. All you non-Minnesotans: if there is an unsolved crime in your area, I am pretty sure that Amy Klobuchar did it or at least encouraged the criminal to do it......http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9z0ZPiQGZU

Terrell Owens Attempts Suicide

http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/news;_ylt=Ao0ZARjeRtcrw2CAhX7TfPOD2bYF?slug=ap-cowboys-tosuicideattempt&prov=ap&type=lgns. Despite being an enormous prick, Owens has never done anything that would make me wish he were dead. I hope that he receives proper treatment and straightens himself out.

Jack versus Tiger

http://c1.zedo.com/jsc/c1/ff2.html?n=162;c=1403/99/1;s=70;d=16;w=720;h=300;t=UndertoneNetworks. Jack 17-8-3 in Ryder Cup matches. Tiger 10-13-2. So, if Tiger in his next three Cups can go....well.....7 negative 5 and 1........he will catch up. Seriously, though, this will always be a part of golf where Tiger will never catch Jack. Never. To pass Jack's winning percentage, Tiger would have to go 18-0-1 in his next 19 matches. That would mean winning every possible match in 2008, 2010, and 2012 then going 3-0-1 in 2014. So, what does Tiger's Ryder Cup mediocrity teach us? Well, a bunch of stuff: 1) Just because you lose an international competition does not mean that you are not still the best at what you do. Does anyone recall that Roger Federer did not get Olympic gold in tennis? Well, he didn't. He was and is so superior to all opponents that he should have easily won, but he didn't. One problem is that it means so much to your opponents and not that much to you. You can psyche yourself up to say it means a lot, but it doesn't really. 2) Tiger's USA teammates suck. While this would explain why Tiger is hindered in Ryder Cup, the truth also hurts Tiger's legacy. Who plays primarily on the PGA tour? American players. Who is Tiger going against when he wins tourney after tourney? Primarily U.S. players. Where are 3 of the 4 majors played? U.S. where foreign players have a disadvantage. So, you look at the dismal U.S. performances in 2000, 2002, 2004 and 2006 and you ask yourself "why does Tiger so dominate golf?" Answer -- cuz he has no decent top-end competition. 3) Things Look Even Bleaker for the Future -- Tiger went off on the U.S. lineup stating that the USA had no decent players under 30. Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, where will Tiger's future competition come from? Guys we know who are horrid chokers or guys who Tiger has so little respect for that he has no fear of calling every one of them out as terrible? 4) Jack's Ryder Cup Teammates Were Better, Meaning He Faced Far Better Competition on a Week-In, Week-Out Basis Than Did Tiger. So, in short, Jack was playing tougher competition and his 18 major victories back then would have been 30 today against this level of competition. In short, Jack was better.

John Byron Nelson, Jr. -- RIP

Byron Nelson; "Lord Byron." Had the greatest season in golf history in 1945. Beloved by all. RIP -- http://golf.about.com/od/golfersmen/a/menstop10years_3.htm

George Allen

http://news.aol.com/elections/story/_a/senator-faces-more-allegations-of-racial/20060925133909990001?ncid=NWS00010000000001. Well, hmm, just when you thought that there could never be a WORSE GOP Presidential candidate than a drunk frat boy who went AWOL and ran every business he ever had into the ground, you get George Allen. 1) Is there ANYONE who seriously doubts that a white football player from Virginia in the early 1970s used the "n" word to refer to black people? If there is anyone out there willing to take that position, you have never lived in the South. 2) The far more disturbing portion of the story (and far more damaging to Allen's electoral chances in Virginia) is Allen's bizarre "I deny that my family tree has Jewish people in it" story. He was "sworn to secrecy" by his mother? What? The story hurts Allen with both the KKK vote (Klan not going to vote for "an effing Jew") and with the Jewish vote (obviously) and with the liberal Northern Virginia vote (what can be more non-PC than stating "Hey. I am not a JEW for god's sake!"? I guess it might be worse to say "For Christ's sake" maybe.) Whoa.....

Condi Rice Jumps All Over Bill Clinton

http://articles.news.aol.com/news/_a/rice-challenges-clinton-on-his-anti/20060926074209990003. Flailing madly, face all contorted, eyes rapidly closing and opening, concentrating hard, voice getting louder and more urgent as she went........................ When notified of my description of this event, Bill noted, "Heck, I'd go for that. Toss in Katherine Harris if she is around." Added Senator Clinton, "I agree."

A.J. Pierzynski -- Celebrating Twins Victory?

http://static.flickr.com/27/51946034_7de9c2c64d_o.jpg. For some reason I can't get the image up on the screen, sorry, cuz it is a great one. Has a manager ever been outmanaged worse than Ozzie Guillen was outmanaged by Ron Gardenhire this year? I mean, look at the position by position comparison of the teams: Sox had the huge edge at starting pitching, 3B, LF, RF and DH; Twins have the edge at 2B, C and CF; Teams were even at 1B, SS and closer. But despite the Ryder Cup-esque 6.5 to 4.5 edge and an enormous payroll, Ozzie couldn't manage his way out of a paper bag and into the playoffs. Embarassing. No wonder A.J. was probably doing a tequila shooter with some Cleveland girl last night to celebrate his former mates (the pic I just posted is from 2005, by the by)...............And I realize that K will now not communicate with me for a month, but how could I resist?

Declaring Jihad on High Prices!!!!

http://www.cnn.com/2006/AUTOS/09/25/jihad_car_ad.reut/index.html. Well, probably not the BEST ad to run. (Is "The Office" boss Michael Scott in charge of this dealership?). I see the one group suggests sensitivity training..........I think the on-line editor edited out "or a sabre through the jugular, which ever we decide at our next meeting."

6th Bengal Arrest of This Year

http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/news;_ylt=AoG_vL2ygdmzcElcPqWo9cA5nYcB?slug=ap-bengals-thurman&prov=ap&type=lgns. Noted Coach Marvin Lewis and every member of Bengals management when asked about the latest run-in with the law, "What? Huh? I can't hear you. Lalalalalalalalala."

Nalen v. Seau

I saw Tom Nalen blocking against Junior Seau last night (Junior, by the way, probably has his picture in the dictionary next to the term "overrated"). Anyway, it reminded me of some of their earlier battles which ended in Floyd Little being tackled 8 yards downfield by Jake Scott. My lord, doesn't the NFL have a mandatory retirement age?......................................... I guess not, since Morten Andersen tees it up for the Falcons tonight. I saw Morten in KC 3 or 4 years ago leave it short from 42 yards out -- still in the league. Yikes! Morten Andersen is on the NFL all-decade team..............for the 1980s!!!!!!!!!!!! John Riggins and Lee Roy Selmon also on that squad. If you want to do a NFL family tree back to the advent of the T formation, you just have to go: 1) Morten Andersen played with Ken Stabler in New Orleans who played with 2) George Blanda in Oakland who played with 3) Sid Luckman with the Bears. Three steps back to 66 years ago. And I believe that Nalen used to try to keep Seau from sacking Luckman, so we come around full circle on this entry. :-)

Some Post-Weekend Thoughts

1) Chris Simms -- um, tough. My goodness, played nearly the whole game with a lacerated spleen. Wow. 2) Vikings 2-1 -- you can't play ugly 13-10, 10-7, 17-14 games all year long and not expect to lose a few when the ball bounces the wrong way. It is like trying to win all baseball games 2-1. 3) Can the Cards Really Collapse? -- Something that is being missed by almost everyone is that the St. Louis Cardinals have dropped 5 straight and now have brought Houston back into the division race. Following the same "Cards collapse" pattern -- Denny Green watches in horror while Kurt Warner drops a snap late in the 4th. Green wishes he had taken a knee....just like 1998. 4) New England -- at some point you need players. I am sorry, but you can't win a title with a Raiders reject as your best outside receiver. 5) USA 2001-2006 -- Other than women's softball, have we won ANYTHING while GWB has been President? During the Clinton Administration, we won the Ryder Cup (1999) and two Olympic gold medals in men's basketball and an Olympic gold in baseball. Since 2001 -- no men's basketball golds, no Ryder Cups, no baseball glory, even our WOMEN'S basketball team lost -- something unthinkable given how few nations field decent women's teams. I suggest to the world community that they begin fielding football teams and schedule a battle with the U.S. before January 2009.

Bonds Hits 733

Other than imprisonment or assassination, I don't see how Aaron keeps his home run record through 2007.

Halloween Is Just Around the Corner

http://www.threewisheslingerie.com/fairy.asp
If I have any readers whose wives/girlfriends look like this and are willing to Trick or Treat in said costume, drop a comment with an attached picture here and I will make sure to go to that neighborhood. Have a nice weekend.

20 Most Corrupt Federal Politicians Ranked

http://www.beyonddelay.org/. Duke Cunningham and Tom Delay are gone, so up until last year two folks could have squeaked by off the list. Rick Santorum? Um, concerned about his children's education....

Ryan Howard Note

When most batters comes to the plate in an MLB game, it is likely that a ball will be put in play and a fielder will touch the ball. It might be an out or it might be a single, double or triple, but the ball likely touches a fielder at some point. But...............http://mlb.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/stats/. Go to strikeout leaders and you will see Adam Dunn at #1 (with 182) and Ryan Howard at #2 (with 170). Processing the numbers, you will see that when Ryan Howard stands at the plate there is only a 50% chance that the baseball will ever touch a fielder during a Ryan Howard at-bat. His at-bats plus walks equals 642 and his HRs+BB+Ks= 321. Now, I am sure that he has had a few sac flies (fielder touches the ball) which may not balance out with any HBPs and ground rule doubles (no touch), so the figure may not be exactly 50%, but it is darn close. Howard is less likely to hit a ball to a fielder than is Adam Dunn (about 52% chance). Amazing. Barry Bonds had at least two years that are more amazing -- the year he hit 73 HRs his ball was fielded only about 44% of the time and the year he walked 232 times his ball was fielded about 48% of the time.

Gruden on Chris Simms

http://www.tbo.com/sports/bucs/MGBZ9M9R9SE.html. This makes me recall when I was asked in my basketball coach job interview, "Why didn't your team win more skills competitions?" As a coach, you really have to protect kids who just can't play well through no fault of their own, so I said, "I guess I could have done a better job coaching skills" rather than "I had four kids who couldn't dribble or run." Simms' statement that he is "confident" is hilarious. "I am confident.........because I know I can play better." That would be called "optimism" not "confidence" Chrissy. Many southern housewives are similarly "confident" that their husband will stop hitting them and stop sleeping with their sister because..........they know it is possible. I wouldn't bet on either actually happening though. Simms' 2006 QB rating -- 40. Career stats -- 11 TDs & 16 picks or 1.45 picks per TD -- slightly better than Andre Ware (5 & 8, 1.6) but nowhere near as good as Mark Malone (60 & 81, 1.311). And since I know you'll want to know -- Ryan Leaf sucks worse (14&36, 2.57)..........................HM

Howard Stern

Remember that episode where Mr. Burns sold the plant and lost all of his power? Same deal here -- http://www.nypost.com/business/howards_return_to_free_air_rumored_business_john_mainelli.htm

Copy Busted

Not blogging cuz I am working..........unlike this guy.

Cheryl Tweedy Pics

For you guys who log in to see what I have posted every day, good bad, indifferent or non-existent...........thanks.

Blogging Delay -- Working

Sorry, but the office has my attention for a couple days here....

Similar Pro Career Paths?

I'm just asking.............

Torii Hunter Note

For you non-Minnesotans, let me tell you something that you can take to the bank: if Torii Hunter is on a hot streak at the plate, the Twins will win 90% of their games. To call Torii "streaky" is like calling Rosie O'Donnell "kinda gay" or "not that attractive." If Torii is going poorly (which he does in 2 and 3 week increments) he will hit .125 with 1 homer and 2 RBI during that period. The Twins will generally manage to go 6-9 during that 15 game stretch because the Twins have a very solid set of hitters 1-5 and 8-9. But if Torii is hot (and he has been torrid of late), opposing pitchers have no chance. Castillo, Punto, Tyner and Bartlett all hit about .300 and all have speed. Joe Mauer is basically a speedier John Olerud at the plate and Cuddyer and Morneau have combined for 225 RBI this year with 11 games to go. If Torii is hitting a homer every game and driving in 2 runs a night, as a pitcher scheduled to face the Twins you may as well be a co-ed visiting the 7th Floor Crew, because the same thing is gonna happen to you.

Working -- Part II

I may never stop -- http://www.boredmuch.com/view.php?id=405

Working

http://www.lollipoplingerie.com/stat/RIC3-46-3289.html

Sorry

I have tried to post a couple youtube dealies, but they don't come through. OL............I am work-y so me having trouble blog-gy. :-(

Maurice Clarett -- serving 3 to 7

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2006/football/ncaa/09/18/bc.fbc.clarett.plea.ap/index.html?cnn=yes. I can't see why he would plead guilty with a great alibi like "the guns were from my mother's house and I was driving them over to someone else who was going to hold them for me." Huh? Has this guy EVER received even adequate legal advice? 1) Enter the NFL draft, they can't stop you. 2) Turn down that Denver signing bonus, we'll take it all in incentives. 3) Hmm, got caught with guns, hmmmmm, let's base our alibi on incriminating YOUR MOM!! Wow.

NFL Week 2 -- Comment D

Has the NFL become so awful that we are actually seeing a Huard still start a game in 2006? I think it is Damon, but who really knows? Is this just a clever identity scam? I saw that Trent Dilfer is Alex Smith's backup in SF. This means that the talent poor 49ers have a backup QB who is better than at least 7 current starters in the NFL. http://joboo.wordpress.com/2006/09/06/an-in-depth-look-at-nfl-starting-quarterbacks/. I would rather have Dilfer at the helm instead of Huard, JP Losman, Chris Simms, Kurt Warner, Mark Brunell, Drew Bledsoe, Aaron Brooks (or Walter), Kerry Collins/Volek, Charlie Batch and/or Jon Kitna. Now, I know that you NFL guys will say "no way Dilfer is better than ______, _______ and ____" so I will give you 3 of those guys for the sake of argument and say he is better than 7. Anyway, my point -- when did we reach the point where NFL quarterbacking was so wretched? We haven't even had to go far into the injury bag yet. I mean, Brooks Bollinger and Sage Rosenfels aren't taking snaps yet, nor should they ever. One guy has Jim Sorgi as a top 10!!!!!!! NFL backup. http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/story/5900168 Did we undergo a 1996-2003 stretch where no kids in America were playing QB? It certainly seems that way.

NFL Week 2 -- Comment C

http://www.nfl.com/draft/profiles/2006/williams_deangelo. If Carolina can get Steve Smith back and actually PLAY DeAngelo Williams, they will have two of the quickest shiftiest players I have seen this year in the NFL. The game moves a LOT faster when DeAngelo Williams has the ball. I don't know what the hack rating services didn't see in the guy (well, I do, "too short and not super fast" -- say, like, Emmitt Smith and Barry Sanders???) but my lord can he run the ball!

NFL Week 2 -- Comment B

Is there any worse rule in the NFL than the "Tuck Rule"? I mean, I realize that the rule allowed the NFL to screw Al Davis and the Raiders out of a title (given Jon Gruden's desire to play Chris Simms, probably justifiably it turns out). The rule did set up Tom Brady as all-time great rather than hideous goat, and allowed Boston to start a skein as "Title Town" but come on, hasn't the statute of limitations run on this stupid rule? Do we have to actually wait for Al Davis to die? Vikings sack Jake Delhomme in OT yesterday (side note -- w/o Steve Smith, Jake falls behind Bobby Hebert as best Cajun NFL QB, and it isn't even close). While being rushed, Delhomme simply tries to circle the ball over the defender's head. He is not looking downfield; he is certainly in no way attempting to pass. The ball hits something on the defender and comes out of his hand. I think it even fell backwards. Incomplete pass!?!? Come on, NFL. Do you truly believe your officials are so stupid that they cannot determine whether the QB was in an actual throwing motion? Are you concerned that the 9th Circuit will grant Al Davis a mandatory injunction forcing you to award the Raiders a title? Can we please rid ourselves of this travesty. Oh, Vikes won anyway....

NFL Week 2 -- Comment A

I saw the Playstation Maven throw a touchdown, pass for a 2-point conversion and run for 40 total yards in a 22-0 game last night, so I know how it feels to have a son who is a better athlete than the dad. That is a feeling that Phil Simms will clearly never have. I am willing to bet that if the Bucaneers had Phil Simms (age what? 50?) at the helm RIGHT NOW that they would be at least 1-1. Chris Simms sucks. I know that Jon Gruden won a Super Bowl, but if he keeps playing Chris Simms and throwing the ball more than 15 times a game, he will be in danger of falling behind Brian Billick in my pantheon of Super Bowl head coaches. If Simms is still starting in Week 11, I will have to reconsider my position that Barry Switzer was the worst SB winning coach of all time. http://www.deadspin.com/sports/chris-simms/

Follow Up On The Pope

http://articles.news.aol.com/news/_a/iraq-al-qaida-says-pope-west-are-doomed/20060915051209990007. "We are very angry that he accused our prophet of saying we should spread our religion by the sword, so, he better learn, consistent with what our prophet teaches us that, we will soon be, um, spreading our...religion, um, by the sword." Would be funny if it didn't involve WWIII...HM

Pope Blasts Islam

http://articles.news.aol.com/news/_a/popes-remarks-on-muslims-draw-outrage/20060915051209990007?_ccc=3&cid=842. General thoughts: 1) Once a Hitler Youth, always a Hitler Youth; 2) um, where are all of these Muslim clerics when al Quaeda is screaming for jihad? Not a peep out of them then....; 3) My favorite quote of the article is the guy who says that anyone who criticizes Islam as violent and intent on jihad is just "asking for violence." We are peaceful people goddamn it, and if you say we aren't we will kick your Bert-Blyleven-expletive ass! You really have to ask yourself, where does the battle with Islam end? I mean, you cannot criticize Islam. You cannot recite historical criticisms of Islam. You cannot basically do anything regarding Islam or contrary to Islamic teachings or you are subject to being killed and people will say "You know what, he probably deserved it b/c you know you can't criticize Islam without being killed." If there truly is no moderation, dialogue or dissent condoned by such an enormous religion, isn't the ultimate result a jihad/Crusades II? That is a scary thought...

Reggie Bush

K's final entry for September 14 tells the story: http://www.k-line.blogspot.com/. Look, did Reggie Bush and his family take hundreds of thousands of dollars? Did Chris Webber? Did Marcus Camby? Come on. Does anyone really have a reasonable doubt about that? The BIGGER question becomes where does the NCAA come down on this? Is USC more like Cleveland State or Minnesota (where every violation seems to be met with NCAA punishment) or is USC more like Tennessee ("violations? here? what? come on, you can't believe that NCAA!") or Michigan (ran the dirtiest NCAA basketball program outside of the state of Nevada, yet faced only half-hearted enforcement efforts for years!!!)......................................................................Let me just say this -- if the NCAA allows USC to retain that 2004 title, the NCAA has absolutely no balls. None. We may as well stop the charade and let guys come out onto the field accompanied by their agents and paid escorts. But what does history tell us? UNLV was subject to NCAA sanctions for numerous violations, but they were allowed to keep their 1990 NCAA title and they were even permitted to delay their probation until after the 1991 team had a chance to win it all. We will see which NCAA shows up here -- the Cleveland State/Minnesota NCAA or the Tennessee/Michigan/UNLV NCAA.

Quote from a Bad Job

Brian Griffin on "Family Guy" recalling what he had to say at his worst job ever, handing out samples outside a Holly Farms store: "Uh! Excuse me, would you like to taste my smoked meat log."

Movie Recommendation -- "Match Point"

The pacing is very slow at the start, but for someone who loves Scarlett Johansson (as I do), this movie is a can't miss rental. I am surprised that Woody Allen didn't try to get Scarlett to do some Basic Instinct nudity (since the film already garnered an R for "some sexuality"). She is outstanding, as is the wife of the main character. The male roles are not as well-written or as well-acted, but hey, Scarlett is unbelievably hot. I am now upset that my father did not grow wheat on our upstate NY farm. 8.5 out of 10 stars.....

Northern CO Punter -- Um, Competitive

http://www.azcentral.com/sports/colleges/articles/0913nco-punter-ON.html. Jeff Gillooly, er, I mean, "Jeff Stone" is not believed to have been involved this time around........Neither was Shawn Eckhardt, sorry, I mean "Brian Sean Griffith."

Mystery Quote

What unsigned NBA free agent just made this statement about his tryout with a team in the Western Conference: "They have a very good team as it stands," he said. "I definitely did show more of an interest in this team than other teams because, at this stage of my career, it's not so much about dollars anymore but being able to compete." Clue -- he is over 6'10" tall.

They May Not Be Good Looking, But At Least They Are Enterprising

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0913061craigslist1.html

Twins Go Gently Into that Good Night -- Liriano Done

In 2 hours 38 minutes the Twins drop a 1-0 tilt to Oakland. To make matters worse, the Twins got 3 hits. To make matters even worse, Francisco Liriano left after 28 pitches with severe elbow pain. Looks like the Twinkies will have to limp out onto the road behind unreliable hitting and suspect pitching. "Do you think that vehicle is really safe for highway travel?" Gardenhire playing the Del Griffith role, "Yes, yes, officer I do. I know it may not look like much, but it will get you where you're going..."

Florida State

I went to the WRONG schools for watching football, I can tell you that.....

Packers Sign Drunk Koren Robinson

I mean, you were gonna go 4-12 at BEST, so is it really worth signing a guy who is facing criminal conviction in two different states in order to go, what, 5-11? Put away the spatula, Packers management, the bottom of that barrel has just been scraped down to the wood. In defense of the Pack, had they conducted a season ticket holder survey in which only people without an alcohol-related arrest could vote, I think that the Robinson signing would have been approved by a vote of 210-208 (60,000 others ineligible to vote)...........

6'3", 300 lbs. Draped In American Flag

http://articles.news.aol.com/news/_a/towns-top-cop-quits-over-nude-photos-of/20060908140709990008?_mpc=news%2e10%2e5&cid=2360. This is possibly one of the 20 most disturbing articles I have ever read. It would have been #1 if the flag photos had been included. Another example of how impossible flag desecration statutes would be to enforce -- a hideous woman who thinks she is honoring America by wearing only the flag? Not INTENDING to desecrate the flag -- not guilty.

Lineup for "Dancing With the Stars" Part 3

Tucker Carlson, Monique Coleman, Sara Evans, Willa Ford, Vivica A. Fox, Harry Hamlin, Joe Lawrence, Mario Lopez, Shanna Moakler, Emmitt Smith, Jerry Springer. Monique Coleman? A bit player in "High School Musical" and "The Suite Life of Zach and Cody"? Wow. Willa Ford -- isn't her picture in the slang dictionary next to the phrase "washed up"? Otherwise, at least a DECENT lineup. Gay Latino men everywhere will be glued to their sets to watch Lopez.

September 11 -- 5 Years Later

September 11, 2001, I woke up and got ready for work. Just before I went to work, I saw NBC reporting that a small plane had accidentally hit one tower of the World Trade Center. I drove to work. I got to work and it became apparent that there was something else going on. Everyone was watching TV. I sent all of the workers home just before the building's management said we had to all evacuate and go home anyway. Drove home, got my two youngest kids and went to a playground in a small hamlet west of my house. Upon reaching the edge of that town I saw the saddest thing I saw all that day. An old man, probably 70+, walked out to the front yard of his tiny old house, walked up to his flag pole, and lowered the American flag to half mast. I took the kids to the park where they played and just enjoyed what I recall being a nice sunny day. I recall the President hiding. I recall Rudy Guiliani stepping up and taking charge. I recall the hundreds of thousands of New Yorkers shown on TV sucking it up and walking across the bridges back toward their homes. Some personal thoughts -- 1) note how much better New York handled its disaster than did New Orleans -- you cannot starve you state's treasury and then hope to have anything available when a tragedy strikes (along the same lines, NY had wealthy neighboring states to call upon -- was AL or AR really in a position to give much to LA/MS? Um, no.) 2) Guiliani's behavior in the face of some scary, scary stuff has to go down as one of the greatest moments for any politician in recent U.S. history -- someone needed to step up and say he was not afraid and Rudy did; an upcoming book states that he was to blame for numerous technical blunders -- that is missing the point -- he stood up and took charge and people knew things were being addressed by someone; 3) The least reported part of 9/11 is that fact that the tower collapse could have caused horrible flooding of downtown Manhattan and almost did; 4) it is unfortunate that we stand here 5 years later and nothing stands at Ground Zero; it took 4.5 years to get construction even started....

I Love It When You Call Me "Big Papi"

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2582790. Papi could easily go 55 homers and 145 RBI. Might be hard to deny him his MVP if he does so. Note Papi's kind reference to Justin Morneau (probably causing east coast writers to scurry to mlb.com to find out exactly who Justin Morneau is).

Deion Branch -- Seahawk

http://sports.aol.com/nfl/story/_a/patriots-send-disgruntled-branch-to/20060911133609990001?cid=1690. I guess that scoring 9 total points and nearly losing to the Lions will spur you into action. Seattle, no doubt, is banking on the #1 being a low #1 and Branch being their go-to receiver. We shall see.

Anna Nicole -- Money Can't Buy Ya...

http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/americas/09/11/anna.nicole.son.dies.ap/index.html. As noted in my earlier Blog entry about the death of the Pierec Marshall (the son who also wanted the money), do you reach the point ever where you decide that maybe settling the dispute is the best thing for all? I mean, the old guy had MILLIONS of dollars. Divide it in some manner and move on with your lives. Pierce Marshall is dead. Anna Nicole's son is dead. Money isn't going to bring either back, yet the fight for the money goes on and on and on. A worthwhile life lesson if ever there was one..........

For you Tivo guys -- No Free KFC

http://www.adjab.com/2006/09/11/kfc-once-again-tries-to-tivo-proof-ads/

NFL

So, I watched the Twins beat the Tigers yesterday behind the great Johan Santana (now 18-5; Roy Halladay was hurt in a one-inning outing yesterday, so I now put Johan's Cy Young chances at 88%). Then I was out watching PM play some football yesterday (they won 26-22) so I missed a lot of NFL. But correct me if I am wrong -- did "I Suck" Dick Jauron really go for the first down in New England on a 4th and 1 and 1/2 when his Bills were up 17-7? Tell me that I misunderstood what the guys on ESPN were saying. You are up 10, chance to go up 13 on the road, you run an off-tackle play on 4th and almost 2? And WHEN will the following QBs FINALLY disappear from the ranks of NFL starters -- Brett Favre, Chris Simms, Jake Plummer????????? I am sorry, but how many times do these guys have to prove that they just can't get the job done? Searching for a basketball analogy here -- OK, it would be as if NBA clubs in 2006-07 were STILL letting Magic Johnson, John Barry and Darryl Armstrong run the point. Enough already!!!

Stop Shuler -- A Better Day

You have to give these guys a lot of credit. Hatred of Heath Shuler from 1994-96 carries over even 10-12 years later....www.stopshuler.com

Upstate NY Fugitive

I grew up about 60 miles from where Ralph "Buck" Phillips appears to hiding out. What amazes me is that the police have come close enough to the guy to get a shot at him! He is in a desolate, heavily-wooded part of New York right near the Pennsylvania border. There are a large number of deserted houses and hunting cabins (generally deer hunting) in that area that could serve as a place to hide out. Phillips' luck may start to run out as deer hunting season approaches (we used to get the first day of deer hunting season as a holiday at school b/c the administration just could not field enough teachers that day) and people start using their cabins more. http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/09/08/ny.manhunt.ap/index.html. Upstate NY and northern PA ain't NYC my friends. These are low-income, very white, very socially conservative anti-government areas. I can see why it has been difficult to get this guy. But he shot a NYS trooper (about 30 miles from my parents' house) -- the troopers will get him eventually.

California Man Rolls Himself in Olive Oil and Oats

Why? Oh, read on, it gets even odder -- http://www.ksby.com/home/headlines/3855917.html. At least THIS guy was willing to admit that he had done his act intentionally, unlike the stories which start out with "I was sitting at home watching TV in my underwear and eating peanut butter from a jar..."

Borat Ultimate Trailer

I have to say, unless the remainder of this movie is an instructional film on woodworking, it will be the funniest movie released this year. Which leads me to ask, once again, why he was so bad in "Talladega Nights."

Detroit Lions Coach -- Um, Free Spirit

http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/news;_ylt=ArgdQWoq6bT07uYK1.6xz6GF2bYF?slug=ap-lions-assistantarrested&prov=ap&type=lgns. Explain to me how, exactly, someone gets arrested in Detroit, Michigan for driving while naked. Murders and drug deals going on everywhere, guy tooling (no pun intended) down the highway naked -- cops all over that. Matt Millen shows his hiring prowess again. The coach in question was fired by the University of Mississippi LAST YEAR for alcohol-related problems!! I know the head coach has some latitude, but come on. Rumor is that Rod Marinelli's next hire will be another scrappy guy with legal problems -- John Mark Karr.

Marion Jones -- Whew, I Passed

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2006/more/09/06/jones.doping.ap/index.html?cnn=yes. I think a review of the story can lead to one of two conclusions: 1) she wasn't taking banned substances and the B sample proved that; or 2) her masking agents weren't working 100% and they allowed the A sample to show too much EPO but the B sample slid by. I, of course, believe only #1 and NEVER would believe #2........For a slightly less pro-Jones view ----- http://sports.espn.go.com/oly/trackandfield/columns/story?columnist=wojnarowski_adrian&id=2577044

Where To Find Single Women

http://articles.news.aol.com/news/_a/the-census-snapshot-of-america/20060830084509990001?_mpc=news%2e10%2e4&cid=2359. It is hard to figure out how there are only 3 places in the nation where there are more single women ages 15-44 than there are single men ages 15-44. DC, LA and MS are where the women are, and Maryland breaks even. Every other state in the nation has more younger single GUYS! States west of the Mississippi are heavy in men (all of the top 10 are west of the Mississippi) and only Louisiana's presence in the top 10 prevents a completely Eastern top 10 on the "single women" side................As of 2005 there were about 7,000,000 more women 15+ years old in the U.S. http://factfinder.census.gov/servlet/ADPTable?_bm=y&-geo_id=01000US&-qr_name=ACS_2005_EST_G00_DP2&-ds_name=&-redoLog=false. But, of that age group, there are 4,000,000 more men who have never been married at least once (the figures work out to 1.17 single men per single woman age 15+). There are 8.5MM more widows than widowers!!! Another interesting point -- men who are separated -- 1.5MM, women who are separated -- 3MM. Married men obviously tend to identify themselves as "separated" far less than do their wives . Anyway -- young single ladies, stop your whining...........just move West.

Santana Wins #17, Hopes Not to Be Jobbed Out of Cy Young

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/recap?gameId=260905130. Johan Santana struck out 12 and allowed 2 hits and 1 walk over 8 innings last night. This performance gives Santana the MLB lead in wins, ERA and strikeouts. He is 2/3 of 1 inning behind Roy Halladay for the innings pitched lead. Santana won the AL Cy Young award in 2004 (helped in part by the classy admission of Curt Schilling to Eastern reporters that "it really isn't close -- he has been far better") and SHOULD have won the award in 2005 when it was given to fat-man Bartolo Colon despite the fact that Santana had more innings pitched, .6 lower ERA, fewer baserunners allowed per 9 innings, and 81 more strikeouts. To throw salt on the wound, Santana actually finished THIRD for the award that was rightfully his -- Mariano Rivera snuck in for 2nd place: http://www.baseball-reference.com/awards/awards_2005.shtml#ALcya. Barring a complete and utter collapse, Santana's only real challenger for the 2006 award is Roy Halladay (who is having a great year). But, unlike last year, the NY and LA media have no horse in the race, so Santana is likely to get Cy Young #2 at the end of this year -- one short of what he deserves.

Katherine Harris Serves Up Facial To GOP Party Hacks

http://articles.news.aol.com/news/_a/harris-wins-gop-primary-in-florida/20060905230009990006?_ccc=4&cid=842. Despite the demands of GOP leaders (including national party leaders) that she withdraw her candidacy, Harris easily wins a 3-way with 49 percent of the vote. Noted one observer (OK, it was me) -- "Hey, if she would EVER learn to apply makeup, she would actually be pretty hot." Article notes that there were no voting irregularities -- um, there was no Democrat v. GOP race. Path to becoming a Senate candidate in the South -- 1) Steal a Presidential election, 2) get enormous implants; 3) get accused of misconduct; 4) rip all non-Christians, 5) ignore the Bill of Rights; 6) suggest that a theocracy is best form of government; 7) wear tight shirts riding horses.........

After Work Viewing Only

Since theputdown.com is out of business for a while (I hope just for a while), I offer up this slideshow on great moments in film to enlighten you about film history...........http://men.style.com/gq/features/slideshow/h/012805G360

Babes of the 1980s

http://www.yesbutnobutyes.com/archives/2006/07/where_are_they_23.html A great "where are they now."

Gas to $2/gallon?

http://articles.news.aol.com/business/_a/gas-prices-could-fall-closer-to-2/20060830065809990005?cid=403. Let me add one "factor" not listed in the attached article -- you are an oil company, your folks are in power in the House and Senate; do you really want to gouge people NOW and possibly bring about the end of the gravy train? No. You drop the price for 2 months, get your folks re-elected, and then gouge people for another 22 months. (In October of 2008 we may see gas at 10 cents a gallon for a month so that Bill Frist can get elected).... Simple economics.....

Bert Blyleven -- Suspended From Announcing

Twins announcer Bert Blyleven noted during an opening segment before a recent Yankees tilt: "We gotta do this f***ing thing over again, I just f***ed it up." He then said, "Oh, we're live?" Now, Bert's failure to notice that his intro was live is probably worth the two-game suspension he got. However, due to the Draconian laws passed after the Janet Jackson incident, the TV station who aired the broadcast could face a fine of ----------------------------------$325,000!!!!! As someone recently noted, you can lip-read the word on every football player and coach, and the Little League World Series featured a 12 year old asking his team for "one f***ing run!!!" but the FCC has the right to pursue a fine of almost 1/3 of a million dollars for a sentence that probably 1,000 people actually heard and understood?

Steve Irwin -- Dead

http://news.aol.com/entertainment/articles/_a/steve-irwins-death-caught-on-tape/20060905065409990001. That is why they call them "stingrays," huh? I can recall a TV show where The Crocodile Hunter searched for and found all 10 of the world's 10 most venomous snakes. He went into the swamp at night with a miner's helmet on to find one of the 10! I guess that sometimes your luck just runs out........RIP.

Rate A Celeb -- Last Before labor Day

Jelena Jankovic:

Reminder of Scale for "Rate a Celeb"

Scale is 1 to 100.......... 1= truly awful, awful hideous, would murder myself before having relations with her; 25= if she was the last one in the bar at last call, I'd buy a magazine; 50= I am not proud of it, but yeah, I have made out with worse; 75= I'd be proud to date her; 100= would ask her out on a date right in front of my spouse or significant other

Rate A Celeb -- Lindsay Davenport

Return of "Rate A Celeb"

Sorry, but I do not feel like more sports posts today. First Up -- Mrs. Agassi, Steffi Graf:

Damn

Looks like 4th place. You can't allow 87 points in the last 3 quarters and miss 14 or more free throws and expect to win. At least no more 3AM wakeups for me.

End of 3 -- USA down 12

My strategy of watching the movie did not work. Tuned back in with us down 14. Can't stop Greece. We're down 12.

Halftime -- USA Down 45-41

I tune in to see the USA up 33-23. Fran Fraschilla is bemoaning the fact that a Greek player is going to the line after being fouled for the SECOND time on a 3. He hits all three, the Greeks start on a layup parade led by fat-John-Williams lookalike Shortsanitis. My viewing karma leads Greece on a 22-5 run. Down 45-41 at half. I go upstairs to get the Netflix rental "Memento" -- I may end up watching a lot of Memento and not much hoops after 3:32 a.m. USA needs to get something from the big guys and needs to start pounding it inside on the offensive end.