One More Shot

Minnesota (due to the huge number of Germans and Scandanavians) is blessed with a lot of extremely tall white guys. When you are the head basketball coach at the University of Minnesota, you have to get your state's better big guys. Plain and simple. You can't be losing Minnesota big guys to Marquette (Danny Fitzgerald) or Kansas (Cole Aldrich) or Wisconsin (Jon Leuer). Even Rickert (AZ) and Humphries (Duke) had committed elsewhere before they defaulted back to the Gophers as a fall-back position.

Dan Monson -- Done

You want the University of Minnesota basketball job? Better start getting in line: http://www.startribune.com/512/story/844947.html. Problems with Monson -- 1) No idea how to coach defense; 2) generally could not get players to play very hard; 3) appeared confused and disoriented on the bench, did not inspire confidence. I would like to say that Dan had trouble recruiting enough talent as well, but it is hard to blame his mediocrity on that. He had All-Big Ten players in Rick Rickert and Kris Humphries and Vincent Grier, so he occasionally would hit pay dirt. But Monson just seemed to lack any idea of how to put together 5 good recruits or to get the guys he did recruit to play hard (Rickert and Humphries were notorious for weak interior defense) or play as a team. I think that the final straw was last night's Clemson game where the Tigers had more offensive rebounds than MN had total rebounds. Monson had gone to Oklahoma defector SG Lawrence McKenzie as his starting PG, realized McKenzie could not do that job against good competition and just threw in the towel. Top candidates for 2007-08 -- Flip Saunders, Mike Montgomery.

The Old Ball Coach to 'Bama???

http://ncaafootball.aolsportsblog.com/2006/11/29/spurrier-to-bama-rumor-grows-legs/. He's just an old ball coach chucking the old pigskin over the old ballyard. Will he be doing so in Alabama next season? Let me tell you a painful history -- Spurrier takes over a Duke program in shambles and leads it to 2 straight bowl appearances in his last 2 years. He realizes that while he can go 8-3 or even 9-2 eventually at Duke, he will never win it all or be a constant top 10 force. Hello Florida, good-bye Duke. Get ready for that Gamecocks fans. (Cheerleaders used to (and maybe still do?) wear the word "Cocks" on their underwear).

Roddy Piper Diagnosed with Lymphoma

http://www.tvsquad.com/2006/11/29/rowdy-roddy-piper-diagnosed-with-lymphoma. A few of my Piper memories: 1) Him playing those damned bagpipes while fueding with Flair in the Mid-Atlantic region; 2) Crushing the coconut on Jimmy Snuka's head during "Piper's Pit" in the WWF; 3) Paying full price to see "They Live" the first day it came out in theatres; 4) Summer of 1988 my Minnesota-based girlfriend (I also had a Jersey-based girlfriend -- I used to be a lot better looking...) calls me up and tells me that she has bought two tickets for us to go to Met Center (now an Ikea next to the Mall of America) and watch WWF action. Top match on the card? Roddy Piper against the now-departed Rick Rude in a "Strap Match." I imagined that this would be a match where they were strapped together at the wrist -- um, no. Piper and Rude each has a 5 foot long leather strap and would smack each other to inflict pain. Visible welts rose up on each man's back and sides after the straps connected. This match, combined with a 1990 match held in a MPLS parking lot (after which I saw Tom Zenk spitting blood into a drinking fountain) made me realize that my dream of becoming a pro wrestler was a really, really bad idea. Piper has never been a great technical wrestler, but he has always been an unbelievable entertainer.

Welcome to Winter In Minnesota

http://www.weather.com/weather/tenday/55402?from=36hr_fcst10DayLink_undeclared. And http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/astronomy.html?n=159&month=12&year=2006&obj=sun&afl=-11&day=1. So, you are looking at under 9 hours of sunlight and temps that will start slowly dropping toward zero. The bitter cold of the third week of January (often the high is 0 and the low is 20 below for a whole week) is OK with me because at least the days are getting longer. But this next 30-day stretch is my least favorite thing about Minnesota.

Brian Urlacher/Tom Brady

A survey of 361 players named Urlacher as #2 "most overrated player" in the NFL behind Terrell Owens. Perhaps he moves up to #1 after this whiff???????? What's next, Brad Johnson?

Friends In 90 Seconds

Hey, I like "Friends" more than most, but you have to admit that the 10 seasons can be summarized pretty easily. One of my favorite scenes in the actual series is when Monica and Rachel are fighting and Monica says, "Ooooh, I'm Rachel: I love Ross. Oh, I hate Ross. Oh, I love Ross." That sums up 50% of the show right there.

Canned Hunting

How did I miss this story right in my backyard? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troy_Gentry. Um, so you pay $5,000 for the right to shoot something that is caged in? You then have someone construct and edit a video shoot so that it looks like you are a great hunter? And the punishment for this is............$15,000, you lose your bow and you have to hunt in some other state for 5 years????

Kevin Martin -- Jinxed?

After my glowing praise for Mr. Martin he goes out last night and has perhaps the worst outing of any player in the league (albeit in a win) -- 23 minutes, 2 points, no rebounds, no assists, 4 fouls, 3 turnovers, 12.5% from the field, 0% from 3, shot no free throws, did not have a steal or a block. http://aol.nba.com/games/20061128/LACSAC/boxscore.html?nav=scoreboardhome. Sorry, Kevin, I will let you go back under the radar again.

A Sports Quinn Who Is Actually Great

While Brady Quinn can't ever get it done in big games and Quin Snyder, well, sucked as both a player, assistant and coach, Quinn Kingston (NE Patriots cheerleader) appears to really have the right stuff! CLICK ON PHOTO FOR LARGER SIZE (strongly recommended).

More Michael Irvin

Just when you thought that being ripped by Jason Whitlock as "too pro-black" was as low as you can sink, you get the latest Michael Irvin ripping by Ed Sherman of the Chicago Tribune (NOT MY COMMENTS): There is no shortage of stupidity over the airwaves.However, it seems some people are able to get away with it better than others. Last week on Dan Patrick's radio show, ESPN analyst Michael Irvin jokingly suggested the success of Dallas quarterback Tony Romo could be due to an African-American heritage."[There might be] some brother in that line somewhere," Irvin said of the white quarterback. Later, Irvin said, "If a great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandma pulled one of them studs up out of the barn . . . `Come on in here for a second.'"Monday, a contrite Irvin tried to pull himself out of the mess on Patrick's show." My whole thing is to give people firsthand knowledge of what it is like in the locker room, how we as players joke around," Irvin said. "But there's a difference between a player and a broadcaster, and I have to know where to draw the line. I don't know how to say I'm any more sorry than I am." Irvin obviously saw his television career flash in front of his eyes. CBS fired Jimmy "the Greek" Snyder for a similar take on genealogy. ESPN also got rid of Rush Limbaugh for racially offensive comments about Donovan McNabb.ESPN, though, appears to be letting Irvin off with just an apology. Perhaps the network hopes the whole thing will blow over.Hopefully, it won't. We can take only so much stupidity.

Skiles and Wallace In Ridiculous Headband Dispute

Wallace was benched in the beginning of the third quarter for breaking a long-standing team rule on the ban of headbands, which for Wallace has been part of his NBA look along with his down-low inside presence on the court. He wore the headband in the first quarter.
Skiles was not too concerned if his benching of Wallace would cause conflict in the locker room.
"That's kind of an inside team matter," Skiles said. "The guys may comment, they may not on it. I don't know, but I am not going to. I am not concerned about. I don't know why." The Bulls have a "long-standing" ban on headbands??? And they agreed to pay Ben Wallace $60MM to play for them? Isn't this like an employer having a "long-standing" ban on tight sweaters and cleavage and then hiring Pam Anderson as receptionist? I mean, that's Ben's whole personna. Perhaps not everyone was thinking straight here....

Kevin Martin

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/basketball/nba/players/3843/. This young man from Western Carolina is currently putting up stats that are, frankly, startling. 24.9PPG, 5.1 RPG, shooting 54.5% from the field, 49% from 3 and 91% from the line!!!!!!!! If Martin were to continue at this pace, he would have a better season than Reggie Miller ever had.....ever. You'd have to go back to the amazing stretch that Chris Mullin had in 1989-92 to find season where a similar player scored 25 a game, shot that well and got 5+ rebounds a game. TRULY an under-the-radar player!!!

Poll -- McGwire Unlikely to Make Hall of Fame

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2677950. Unlike Bonds, who was great pre-roids, McGwire's entire career is based upon roid-power. I don't think he ever gets in......

A Fashion Comeback by........

Leg warmers..........................................http://www.styledash.com/2006/11/16/its-not-too-late-to-buy-leg-warmers. As one guy points out in the comments section, leg warmers can actually look pretty nice on thin women, but the effect of leg warmers on large thighs is to make the person look Robert Newhouse-ian/Earl Cambell-ian. I await the return of frizzy teased-out hair.

Matt Leinart Scouting Report

After watching one game of Matt Leinart in person, here is my scouting report: 1) Very accurate on short passes and sideline patterns. Comparison -- Ken Stabler. 2) HUGE -- the man is 6'5" and I bet he is pushing 240+. Comparison -- Scott Mitchell. 3) Not at all agile. When rushed he really has little answer for the opposition. Movements are slow and lumbering compared to what is necessary to scramble in the NFL. Comparison -- Mitchell again. 4) Questionable arm strength --when he can set his feet and throw with his body behind him, he can throw long. But he really struggles to throw 10+ yards when his feet aren't set. Comparison -- Drew Bledsoe

Some Monday Thoughts

1) Michael Vick to Atlanta Fans -- f you -- um, might this finally give the Falcons a chance to bench Vick and try out the other QB who they wouldn't trade in the off-season for a low #1? http://www.ajc.com/sports/content/sports/falcons/stories/2006/11/26/1127gesture.html 2) Atlantic Division of the NBA has a 3-way tie at the top ------ 5 and 8. That's right, a .384 winning percentage will get you a division lead in the Atlantic. The Nets are 4-2 in conference, 1-6 versus the West. (And yes, I do realize that two of the last three title holders are in the East.) 3) Minnesota sports -- I spent $300 going to the Wolves/Clips and Vikes/Cards this weekend. Result? Two ugly wins. One game program (Wolves) had stats from a week prior, the Vikes' free program did not list the players by number or give their height, weight or school. That is what I call fan service! 4) Is the next step for the Skins Game just having likeable guys off the street playing the game? Fred Couples/Fred Funk/John Daly/Stephen Ames??? Wow. I was all atwitter, "Look, PM, there are three major titles represented out there -- OK, none after the first Clinton Administration, but still...." 5) Could Tomlinson and 10 guys off the street have beaten the Raiders? I think so. 6) OK, time to pick between two one-loss teams -- one has a 3 point loss on the road to Ohio State, the other has a loss to Oregon State. Oh, and did I mention that one is based in an enormous media market without an NFL team? Does that make any difference? Wow. 7) Am I fast enough to play defense for Notre Dame? I mean, I am capable of staring in disbelief as a better athlete runs right by me. Charlie Weiss -- need to upgrade that defensive speed my boy or you are going to be a 3 to 4 TD underdog to SC every single year (the team that lost a close game to Leinart and Bush played the game on a field resembling U.S. Open rough. You could not see the players' sneakers!). That is all for now.

Sports Guy Column On Kevin Garnett

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/061122. I agree generally with the sentiment, although I don't see how you criticize a guy for playing too hard in the regular season while at the same time conceding that in 12 years he has played with 6 "quality" players (one of which is Joe Smith. Joe Smith -- quality? Go here http://www.basketball-reference.com/players/s/smithjo02.html and look at the similarity scores for Smith after age 22. Some VERY mediocre names on that list. Hall of Fame Probability for Joe Smith -- .000). The guy on the list with the highest HOF probability? Marbury at 39%. Spree -- 9%. Cassell -- 17%, Wally? 0.2%. Brandon -- 3%. Garnett took teams that would have been 20-62 without him and made them 50-32 first round exiters. Can you really say that he would have been better served by gearing back to 44-38 and being an 8th seed exiter every year? I don't get that point. You can "coast" as a player when you know your team is good enough to win when you coast. Not the case up here.............................................Paul Shirley says KG the best player of all-time? Having seen Garnett play 100s of NBA games, I can say that he has been among the best guys in the NBA for 10 of his 12 years and the year he won MVP he was, in fact, the best. Everyone has weaknesses. KG should have been a better shotblocker over his career. He should have done a better job of getting to the free throw line. Where does he rank amongst power forwards? I say behind Duncan (watch the two play in huge games -- Tim has traditionally played better). Certainly you could argue that KG was a better player than either Malone or Barkley based solely upon this -- KG has anchored a terrible defense for 12 years. Barkley or Malone never anchored their teams' defenses. No one on the list is a better defensive rebounder than Garnett, not even Duncan. Barkley and Malone were more relentless offensively. What you have to remember is this -- Garnett is by no means through. He has the long thin muscle build, and he is in fantastic shape. His shotblocking this year has been his best since 2004, both in terms of numbers and in terms of defensive concentration and impact. He is getting 3.7 steals plus blocks a game, frightening numbers in today's NBA. He is getting 12 boards a game. These are the stats that generally start to plummet when you are "losing it." He is burdened right now by a coach who knows about as much about offense as I do about crocheting, but he is still getting 21.8PPG. I see no reason why he couldn't get 5 more years at 20PPG and 10-12 RPG, putting him close to the top 10 in points and rebounds. Should he be traded? The answer for Wolves fans is that it really doesn't matter. The Wolves will suck no matter what because they have a clueless owner, GM and coach, so who cares who they get for KG? The obvious choice is the Bulls who are so loaded with young talent that they basically cut J.R. Smith. You toss P.J. Brown's salary in with Deng and Gordon and Sefalosha and the right to get the best #1 held by Chicago or the Knicks, plus another #1, you have yourself a helluva trade. I wish they would move KG, because this squad has to be draining away a year or two from his wonderful career.......

Wow -- Morneau Wins AL MVP!!!!!!!!!

http://minnesota.twins.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/news/article.jsp?ymd=20061121&content_id=1744779&vkey=news_min&fext=.jsp&c_id=min. As predicted here way back in late July, Justin Morneau wins the AL MVP over Derek Jeter. While there is certainly an East Coast bias at work in sports, there is also an anti-dynasty bias at work. Jeter was hurt, I am certain, by the fact that he was a hated Yankee. (On a similar note, please look at how Notre Dame got passed over by someone in the polls -- Arkansas this time jumps over ND with a defeat of some mediocre club (Mississippi State?)). When you look at the pure numbers, Morneau is a logical choice. I know that Santana and Mauer also got a lot of votes. Why aren't the Twins World Series champs when they have 3 of the top 10 guys in the AL??? 18 months ago Juston Morneau had to be contemplating a trip back to the minors. Now he has the same number of MVP awards as Hank Aaron. Again, wow.

Wow -- Morneau Wins AL MVP!!!!!!!!!

http://minnesota.twins.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/news/article.jsp?ymd=20061121&content_id=1744779&vkey=news_min&fext=.jsp&c_id=min. As predicted here way back in late July, Justin Morneau wins the AL MVP over Derek Jeter. While there is certainly an East Coast bias at work in sports, there is also an anti-dynasty bias at work. Jeter was hurt, I am certain, by the fact that he was a hated Yankee. (On a similar note, please look at how Notre Dame got passed over by someone in the polls -- Arkansas this time jumps over ND with a defeat of some mediocre club (Mississippi State?)). When you look at the pure numbers, Morneau is a logical choice. I know that Santana and Mauer also got a lot of votes. Why aren't the Twins World Series champs when they have 3 of the top 10 guys in the AL??? 18 months ago Juston Morneau had to be contemplating a trip back to the minors. Now he has the same number of MVP awards as Hank Aaron. Again, wow.

Duke 2006-07

Watched Duke last night versus Air Force. As a Duke fan, it will be MUCH easier on me this year (barring injuries) to watch a team who actually can rebound and defend. Duke would be a title contender if Paulus or McRoberts could play up to their hype, but I fear that that will never happen. Those two combined for 9 turnovers last night. I like Lance Thomas at PF and I think Zoubek will do well against big men (but not against the quicker forward types). DeMarcus Nelson -- could be great, but what is his chance of staying healthy? 20%? The whole key to Duke 2006-2007 will be Jon Scheyer. I think that Richie Farmer as a Kentucky freshman had the slowest shooting release I have ever seen at the college level. Jon Scheyer may be #2. That said, if you leave him open, he is just pure. His free throws at the end of the Air Force tilt were just perfect. Highly-touted Gerald Henderson (per Vitale "the best of the bunch") would have put up a 9 trillion but for 2 fouls and 1 rebound.

Marcus Williams Update

20.2 Minutes Per Game -- so he plays 42% of the game
6.7 Points Per Game -- scores some
2.9 RPG -- excellent rebounder for a point guard
2.6 APG -- assists, not bad
0.00 SPG -- in almost 200 minutes of play, has not stolen the ball once
0.11 SPG -- was credited with a block against Miami, his sole career block or steal compared against 20 personal fouls. Let's randomly pick a mediocre point guard defender -- Mike James -- let's see his numbers -- 24 fouls, 7 steals, 1 block. James' ratio is 1 S+B to every 3 fouls, Williams? 1 S+B to every 20 fouls. By comparison, Mike Olowokandi has 6 steals in 75 minutes of play!
.338 -- under 34% from the field
.105 -- 10.5% from 3, not exactly talking Mark Price, Jr. here
1.000 -- 14 of 14 from the line...................................................................................................................
NBA.com analyst's take: "Williams is still struggling with his shot, but he showed some toughness this week by playing through a bruised heel on Friday in Indiana." Injured once again, but at least he is tough. Not tough enough to bend over and pick up a ball for a steal, but still tough nonetheless...

Bring Back the Draft?

http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/11/19/rangel.draft.ap/index.html. I will say this, I see nothing wrong with the government requiring people to spend two years between age 18 and 42 in service to the country. Nothing (particularly now that I am 42). Now, do I want young PM actually drafted into military service where he might be shot and killed? No. So, there is your quandry. I wouldn't have minded doing 2 years in the Peace Corps or working at a Port Authority, but I probably would have been watching the Grey Cup this weekend had I been drafted to go to Kuwait for Desert Storm. Who decides where I have to go? If I sign up to read to kids in poor rural areas and they need front-line infantry, do I become front-line infantry?

Packers QB Out For Season

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=2669503

Weekend Notes -- B4 Thanksgiving

1) Father-in-law still in the hospital. May be discharged by Tuesday night. Has 4 stents in and they think he needs one more. 2) PM's team took third in the local tourney. He still can't shoot, but he plays very hard (so, the opposite of dad). 3) Has there ever been a division that is more of a runaway than the NFC Central? I mean, could there be three crappier teams than MN, Det, and GB? I hope not. 4) Buffalo and San Francisco still are in playoff contention? Buffalo's "run" can be explained by getting to play the NFC Central, but SF is 5-5???? 5) I guess San Diego made the right choice at QB -- nice to watch a guy who can throw the ball on a line 15-20 yards. Drew Brees throws for 510 yards.........and loses. This makes Drew the modern-day Vince Ferragamo (although I think Vince won his 500 yard game). Norm Van Brocklin still owns that record -- an amazing feat. 6) I like Philip Rivers, but I think I could QB a team with Tomlinson and Gates. 7) In case I forget to say it -- Happy Thanksgiving to all readers.

Bad Day For Midwestern Older Guys

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=2665857. Schembechler -- dead at 77. My father in law also suffered a heart attack last night. He is looking a bypass operation square in the face. Not a good day to be 70+ and in the Upper Midwest I guess.................HM.

NFL Hall of Fame Final 25 -- My Final 15 and Final 9

Not Worthy of the Final 15

Terrell Davis - RB - 1995-2001 Denver Broncos -- career too short

Dermontti Dawson - C - 1988-2000 Pittsburgh Steelers -- very good, not all-time great

Fred Dean - DE - 1975-1981 San Diego Chargers, 1981-1985 San Francisco 49ers -- sorry, Freddy, you were my last cut but it was either you or Stabler....

Randy Gradishar - LB - 1974-1983 Denver Broncos -- see Dawson

Lester Hayes - CB - 1977-1986 Oakland/Los Angeles Raiders -- this Final 25 selection confuses me, Lester is probably the worst player on this list, like putting Fred Smoot as a candidate.

Bob Kuechenberg - G - 1970-1984 Miami Dolphins -- good player, but his bitter commentary on Kellen Winslow Sr.'s great playoff game still sticks in my mind. If he wants in, he should have to publicly apologize to Kellen.

Art Modell - Owner - 1961-1995 Cleveland Browns, 1996-2003 Baltimore Ravens -- does the league really want to flip the old Leon Washington pose to the people of Cleveland???

Paul Tagliabue - Commissioner - 1989-2006 National Football League -- wait your turn, 5 year rule should apply to Commissioners as well

Andre Tippett - LB - 1982-1993 New England Patriots, injured 1989 -- is his name on the ballot intended to make Gradishar look better by comparison?

Roger Wehrli - CB - 1969-1982 St. Louis Cardinals -- I have never understood the support behind his bid. This is like Darren Sharper being pushed hard for the HOF.

My Top 15 -- *** by the 9 guys I would vote in for sure (I believe you get to vote for up to 15)
***Richard Dent - DE - 1983-1993, 1995 Chicago Bears, 1994 San Francisco 49ers, 1996 Indianapolis Colts, 1997 Philadelphia Eagles -- great pass rusher, Super Bowl MVP
*** Kevin Greene - LB/DE - 1985-1992 Los Angeles Rams, 1993-1995 Pittsburgh Steelers, 1996, 1998-1999 Carolina Panthers, 1997 San Francisco 49ers -- one of the best pass rushers in NFL history
Michael Irvin - WR - 1988-1999 Dallas Cowboys -- could go either way here, but there is no denying his importance to the club; drug man.
*** Bruce Matthews - G/T/C - 1983-2001 Houston Oilers/Tennessee Oilers/Titans -- now here is an all-time great lineman


*** Randall McDaniel - G - 1988-1999 Minnesota Vikings, 2000-2001 Tampa Bay Buccaneers -- except for maybe John Hannah, no better left guard ever
Russ Grimm - G - 1981-1991 Washington Redskins -- probably #14 on my ballot
***Ray Guy - P - 1973-1986 Oakland/Los Angeles Raiders -- but he won't get in, yet again, because "Dr. Z" will stand up and tell everyone how Dr. Z once saw a guy punt in some meaningless games when he was a small child and will threaten to leave the HOF panel if Guy is elected, blah, blah, blah. Look, all I know is this -- they had 1 punter on the NFL's 75th Anniversary Team -- it was Ray Guy. I guess everyone else (viewers, writers, coaches, other players) just THOUGHT he was good while Paul Zimmerman knew he sucked all along.
Charles Haley - DE/LB - 1986-1991, 1999 San Francisco 49ers, 1992-1996 Dallas Cowboys -- another great pass rusher
Art Monk - WR - 1980-1993 Washington Redskins, 1994 New York Jets, 1995 Philadelphia Eagles -- teeters on that line of in/out; no denying his ability

Andre Reed - WR -1985-1999 Buffalo Bills, 2000 Washington Redskins -- former Redskin (ouch, that hurts even to say) -- similar to Monk

Ken Stabler - QB - 1970-1979 Oakland Raiders, 1980-1981 Houston Oilers, 1982-1984 New Orleans Saints -- #15 on my list, great clutch performer
*** Derrick Thomas - LB - 1989-1999 Kansas City Chiefs -- the AFC's version of Lawrence Taylor, how he was passed over even once is beyond me

***Thurman Thomas - RB - 1988-1999 Buffalo Bills, 2000 Miami Dolphins -- former Dolphin -- again, yuck, but he holds the NFL record (with dancin' Emmitt) for TDs in the post-season

*** George Young - GM/Administrator - 1968-1974 Baltimore Colts, 1975-1978 Miami Dolphins, 1979-1997 New York Giants, 1998-2001 National Football League -- long overdue for the recognition

*** Gary Zimmerman - T - 1986-1992 Minnesota Vikings, 1993-1997 Denver Broncos -- arguably the first or second best tackle in the game for all 12 years

Santana Says -- Cy Young Como Va

http://minnesota.twins.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/news/article.jsp?ymd=20061116&content_id=1741588&vkey=news_min&fext=.jsp&c_id=min. Unanimous. But for a ridiculous screw job that Santana suffered last year (finishing third to Colon and Rivera while putting up the best stats in the AL), this would be 3 in a row. 13 other guys have won multiple Cy Young Awards.....................................Any guesses off the top of your head?????

Billy Ripken -- Um, Still A Legend

http://www.snopes.com/sports/baseball/ripken.asp

Merry Christmas, Son, Here Is Your Leon Washington Card!

http://sports.aol.com/nfl/story/_a/rookie-washingtons-trading-card-causes/20061115152009990001?ncid=NWS00010000000001. "Dad? Why is he flipping me off?"

Emmitt Smith III -- Champion

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emmitt_Smith. Note the box at the right adding the "Dancing With the Stars" crown to Emmitt's resume. One wonders if his name isn't actually still "Emmit" as he just simply adopted the extra "T" after getting back a misspelled paper and liking the misspelling???

George "Jeff" Bowden -- Fired

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=2663018. I hope I can find the "Cheap Seats" clip of Tori Spelling being required to spell "nepotism" at the "Tori Spelling Bee." Perhaps George/Jeff could help her spell it with his half a million in ill-gotten gains???????

K-Fed's Note on Wall

http://thesuperficial.com/2006/11/kevein_federline_writes_mean_s.html. I guess I should take this opportunity to ask my good friend K -- K, how was his Chicago show?

Why Didn't I Know This LAST Night?

Zach Randolph was sued yesterday by a woman who claims he sexually assualted her. Zach was not charged criminally, as is stated in this memo from a couple months ago: http://www.oregonlive.com/pdfs/blazers/zach_memo092006.pdf

From The Front Row

Due to the generosity of an old friend from my first-ever law firm, I was able to sit one row behind the scorer's table for Wolves/Blazers last night. Some thoughts:

1) The new ball is extremely ugly and just covered with lettering. It honest-to-god looks like a puke-colored version of the old crappy Mikasa rubberized balls they rolled out about 1980. The ball acts very funny when it hits the rim or backboard. Sometimes it sticks, sometimes it picks up a huge amount of spin, other times it hits with a really ugly thwack and dies like an underinflated ball. Would it have killed the league to at least make the ball a darker brown so it at least looked like a nice leather ball?

2) You know your franchise is going poorly when..............: First quarter the Wolves jump out 13-1. At a stoppage in play a fan in row 2 yells at Nate McMillan, "Hey, coach. What is worse for you? Your offense or your defense?" Nate's reply, "Yeah, like you have anything to say. What are you guys? 2 and 4? What the (may have said heck, hell or fuck, hard for me to make out)?" When your franchise has sunk so low that an opposing coach of a mediocre club can basically repel taunts by saying, "So what, you guys suck" it is a little hard to be a fan.

3) Despite the fact that the first row sits down lower than 5 feet off the court, the Wolves allow people to walk right in front of you while play is going on, thus (unless it is Verne Troyer walking by) obscuring your view of the court. At $250/seat you would think that maybe an usher at $10/hour might be useful to intervene on behalf of the front row folk.

4) Sat behind the advance scouts for the Cavs and the Hornets. The Cavs guy looked maybe 14 and was texting all night. I hope he got his algebra finished. The Hornets guy at least looked like he shaved. They sat and diagrammed every single play that the Wolves ran. Now, I know that you have a job to do, but isn't this a bit of overkill? Are you going to run through in one practice a defense for every single play?

5) Guys who are legitimately tall: Garnett (probably 7' or 7'1"), LaMarcus Aldridge (at least 6'11"), Mark Blount (7'). Guys who are not: Zach Randolph (6'8" or 6'9"), Randy Foye (nowhere near 6'4"). Randolph moved out Blount on one offensive rebound like a dad rebounding against an 8 year old daughter.

6) Struggling -- Mike James. He had an exchange of words before halftime with Dwane Casey. He was exploited all night on defense. He struggled to run the offense.
Marko Jaric played very little and expressed his displeasure over that fact by pouting and walking off the court slowly.

7) Portland -- Why Nate McMillan insisted on playing Stephen Graham instead of Martell Webster is anyone's guess. I think Webster could be an excellent pro, he just needs to play. Of all of Portland's point guards, Jarrett Jack is by far the worst. I would play Dan Dickau or Juan Dixon or Sergio Rodriguez before letting Jack off the bench. He killed them with his general suckiness.

8) Officiating -- Jimmy Clark and Michael Smith could not have been much worse had they affirmatively tried. They called a million off the ball fouls and Clark seemed intent on fouling out Kevin Garnett for virtually no reason other than to get the game closer or deprive Wolves fans of his presence. Overall Grades: Clark -- D; Smith D+; Zack Zarba -- B+. Zarba at least was willing to swallow the whistle a little and not encourage the free throw parade that Clark and Smith seemed intent upon.

With about 40 seconds left at the end of the game Nate McMillan looked straight at me and basically waited for a comment. I just looked at him and smiled. Nate shook his head in disgust and went back to his seat.

HARD football hit

Jacked up.........

Bengals Houshmandzada Hit

Dirty, dirty hit. The guy knew he was early, yet he couldn't resist. Most dangerous pattern for a receiver is when he thinks he has man coverage and he doesn't. Watch how old T.J. looks early to see if someone is running with him. He thought he had man coverage, and he didn't protect himself like he should have.

Bob Knight -- No One Saw Anything Wrong

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/news/story?id=2661787. I just got done sweeping the floor at United Spirit Arena in Lubbock. Hey buddy, lift up that rug over there, so I can sweep this under. Ooops, no room left.

You've Been.................Fender-Struck!!!

http://news.aol.com/entertainment/music/articles/_a/acdc-singer-rapper-in-100-mph-car-crash/20061114093909990001

Bobby Knight -- Sigh

http://us.video.aol.com/video.index.adp?mode=2&guidecontext=65.1171&pmmsid=1767882&referer=http%3A//sports.aol.com/ncaabb/story/_a/knight-incident-overshadows-victory/20061114070709990001. I wanted to say that it wasn't a big deal, but he smacks the kid pretty good. I think Texas Tech let's him get through the year and then tells him it is time to go.

Yao Ming!?!?!?

Yao Ming. When I hear his name I tend to think "overrated, unmotivated, oft-injured, soft, wussy" and similar thoughts. Don't look now, but Yao Ming is putting up enormous numbers. 27.4 and 10 boards. He has even got his blocks up to 2.0 per game and his assists to nearly 2 a game. Sure his blocks/fouls ratio shouldn't be 0.54 to 1 (a truly great center's B/F should be over 1) and he does turn the ball over a ton (assist-turnover ratio is .46 to 1, you'd like to see 1 to 1). But if Yao stays healthy and continued to toss in at least 27PPG, he will be the rare center to ever achieve that mark. David Robinson scored 27 PPG twice. Hakeem did it twice (oddly, both he and David did it in 1994 and 1995). Moses Malone did it twice. George Mikan 3 times, Elvin Hayes 3 times, Shaq 7 times, Kareem 7 times, Wilt 10 times. The beloved big forwards of today? Tim Duncan never, Kevin Garnett never, Dirk Nowitzki never......................My point is not that I expect Yao to continue his onslaught, but rather I am amazed at his current pace and he certainly deserves some MVP talk if he can keep it up.

Hard-Working Guy Who'll Do the Jobs Americans Won't Do

http://www.nypost.com/seven/11082006/news/regionalnews/. Like killing mediocre indy-film actresses.......

Copy of Borat Lawsuit On Behalf of Frat Boys

http://cdn.digitalcity.com/tmz_documents/110906_borat_wm.pdf. I was often told by a former boss of mine that no one will take you seriously if your pleadings contain typos and obvious mistakes. If he is right, I think the drunken frat boys are doomed to lose this one. Here are just a few typos: 1) congressmen from "both sides of the isles" -- do ya mean "both sides of the aisle"? 2) frat boys are subjected to "ridicule humilition, etc." do ya mean "ridicule, humiliation, etc." or is there a non-ridicule type of humiliation? 3) he unleashes characters "into selected individuals"? Perhaps unleashes "on" or "onto"? 4) The film has been described "in many, colorful ways. Some call it hilarious and some call it offensive." He somehow missed the comma choice in both sentences. And is calling a movie "hilarious" or "offensive" a colorful way of describing a comedy movie??? I do not have time to go through the litany of errors, but I hope the lawyer's grasp of the law is far better than his grasp of basic grammar and usage skills.

NBA Stat Function

Plus-Minus stats for 1 guy, 2 guy combos, 3 guy combos, 4 guy combos, 5 guy combos. http://aol.nba.com/statistics/lenovo/lenovo_sort.jsp?pcomb=1&season=22006&split=9&team= If this doesn't come up, go to nba.com, click on stats, click on lenovo +/-. As the season goes on, I fear this may become like a crack addiction for me.

Cultural Learnings of America

I went to see "Borat" on Friday afternoon. 10 out of 10 stars. Excellent movie, would have been even funnier had I not seen so much of the movie in trailers and Internet promos. The reactions of the people Borat meets in NYC are priceless. I would imagine that the extra on the DVD will be longer than the 82 minutes running time of "Borat" and will include even more hilarious deleted scenes. (For example, the TV commercial features him at a Civil War battle reenactment. Not in the movie...) The newspaper reprinted a pro-Kazakhstan article by an alleged Kazhakh student visiting the U.S. He responds to Borat's comment that in that country women can now finally ride inside the bus by stating that the reality in Kazakhstan is, "It is more likely now that the woman will be DRIVING the bus." Um, OK.......

The Ballad of new "Orleans"

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2006/11/09/like-youve-never-heard-i_n_33771.html. "Still the One," "Dance We Me," and now........."The Star Spangled Banner."

Microfracture Surgery

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Microfracture_surgery. Microfracture surgery is not surgery undertaken because you have any "microfractures" of your knee. It is not surgery to treat some new injury that NBA players are suddenly having. Microfracture surgery is basically surgery designed to grow cartilage in a damaged knee to help a player prolong his career. The old surgery was to go in and cut away the damaged tissue and suck it out. The "new" treatment is to poke tiny holes in the knee bones, releasing stem cells from the bone marrow and convincing the body that it is injured and needs to re-grow cartilage..........................The primary controversy over microfracture surgery is not whether it works to re-grow tissue, but whether it robs players of their explosive jumping ability. The players who have successfully returned from the surgery (Jason Kidd, Zach Randolph) do not rely upon explosive jumping ability. Those explosive players that have had the surgery seem to lack that key skill upon their return (Webber, Houston, Penny, KMart, I am willing to say that the jury is still out on Amare)........................So, an ethical query. Suppose that you are a player agent. Suppose that the facts establish beyond doubt that the MF surgery will be better for a player post-NBA but worse for his NBA skill set (i.e. he won't be able to jump explosively but he will walk well at age 50). Now -- you have someone like Rashad McCants come to you and say, "I need knee surgery, they are suggesting microfracture but I need your advice." You tell him the pros and cons and he says, "I can't decide, you decide for me. Yes or no?" You say????????????????

LeBron Walking Off the Court -- My Thoughts

This is an enormous non-story, but the media wants to fuel it, so I will address it. Cavs playing the Hawks (sorry "the first-place Hawks"). I did not see the end of said game, but the recounts I have read state that the Cavs were down by 9 with 13 seconds to go, LBJ jacks up a bad three and the Hawks get the rebound. They walk across the half-court line and dribble out the game. LeBron is disgusted with his loss to the first-place Hawks, walks about 20 feet off the court, then walks back out onto the court before the clock expires. Now he is suddenly "spoiled black athlete LeBron James" and public enemy #1 to all those hard-working fans who work so hard to buy a ticket, blah, blah, blah....

Do these critics ever watch the end of NBA games where one team is down 5-10 points and decides not to foul? Guys regularly walk off the court or to their bench to pick up their stuff, guys go shake hands with the other team, guys start arranging late dinners with their friends on the other side. This happens basically every single night in the NBA. One guy dribbles it out, one guys stands next to him and the other 8 guys quit. I could find footage of this in about 1,000 NBA games from last year. And I bet (shock of shocks) that Michael Jordan actually didn't play hard until the final buzzer in a few games he was losing with less than 24 seconds to go.

The other big talking point is Can you imagine Tiger ever doing this!?!? Tiger never quit! Um, folks, Tiger left the entire state and flew HOME when he thought he didn't have a chance to win a major (was it the PGA?). Tiger had a FAR better chance of getting into a playoff than the Cavs did of beating the first-place Hawks. Thank God that Tiger was RIGHT about his guess that he had no chance to get into a playoff because he would have had to forfeit a playoff in a major.

It would be a far better use of the media's resources to provide customers with worthwhile insight rather than just spew out crap regarding "overpaid rich black guys."
HM

Movie Review -- "Jarhead"

When you watch the early episodes of "Family Ties" or "Happy Days" they tend to be not very enjoyable. The writers tried to portray typical family life with tiny little twists and you ended up saying "this sucks, I could go over to my neighbor's house and watch this." The shows later recovered by plugging characters into stereotypes and finding their key star to promote (Fox/Winkler). Unfortunately for "Jarhead" it is a movie and it doesn't get a few years to find itself. Having read fiction and non-fiction books on the lives of soldiers, the lesson learned is that war is extremely boring and tedious, and profane. "Jarhead" does a great job of showing that. Unfortunately that does not make for a very entertaining movie. The only reason I can see to watch "Jarhead" is if you want to see what being a soldier in the Gulf War (I) was like. Or if you are a woman or gay male who wants to watch a lot of male nudity and not-too-subtle homoeroticism. I haven't seen "Brokeback Mountain," but if Jake Gylenhall was in both this AND Brokeback, he may very well be gay. 5 out of 10 stars.

Wasn't That a Party

Mighta been the whisky, mighta been the gin. Mighta been the 3 or 4 six packs I don't know, but look at the mess I'm in -- http://articles.news.aol.com/news/_a/florida-senators-adult-son-arrested/20061108141109990010 and http://www.wftv.com/download/2006/1108/10272426.pdf. In the drunken guy's defense, I think I have some idea what was going on right here: 1) Dad just elected Senator; 2) free booze and food (so get to sponge off dad more than usual); 3) finally find a drunk chick who thinks I am somebody and who might be willing to, um, "talk"; 4) she passes out; and 5) the damned bicycle patrol ruins my night!!!!............................."Mongo, put the lady down." Um, OK. (Drops her). Another great Florida politics story. Could ONLY have been better if the woman at issue was Katherine Harris...

I Let Y'All Down

Not Britney on the tape............http://www.fleshbot.com/sex/celebrity/nope-its-not-her-213434.php..............sigh.........

Is That a Concealed Weapon You're Sitting On, Or.................

................did ya just get out of prison? http://news.aol.com/topnews/articles/_a/naked-man-arrested-for-concealed-weapon/n20061104004409990006?cid=936

Mark Cuban -- 0 wins

Here is one commenter's thoughts (not me) on what Cuban has done for the Mavs since 2004: In 2004, the Dallas Mavericks' owner Mark Cuban refused to sign Steve to a $65 million 5-year contract, believing Nash was 30 years old and over the hill. The Suns........decided to give him the well-deserved amount of a $66 million 6-year contract on 14 July 2004. In 2005 (31 years old) Steve wins his 1st MVP and now in 2006 (32 years old) he win[s] his 2nd consecutive MVP. This is what Mark Cuban has done since 2004 to add value to his investment: Drafted 7'5" Pavel Podkolzin. Signed Evan Eschmeyer, DeSagana Diop and DJ Mbenga. Traded [for] and signed Erick Dampier to an undisclosed amount. During his contract year with the Golden State Warriors, Erick was a steady double-double player. But now, he is just another fat, lazy [guy] ala Shawn Kemp CON MAN. All these players are a complete waste of mula mula, even if you are Bill Gates. Mark Cuban just L-U-R-V-E-S his big men, doesn't he? Is this an indication of his, 'preference' ? Not very elegantly stated, but I enjoy anyone kicking Cuban, especially now that his Mavs are down.

K-Mart -- Hurt Again

http://www.denverpost.com/nuggets/ci_4628399. Another year, another knee problem. Still, I am upbeat about the Nuggets' future: 1) K-Mart has $71MM left on his deal over this year and the next 4; 2) Nene only costs them $60MM over the same period of time. Nene's tremendous play this year (19 minutes a night, 8.67 efficiency rating, 7.8 turnovers to every assist) shows he is well worth the money 3) They can fall back on the never-injured Joe Smith; and 4) They ALMOST beat the Knicks last night........

Tossing Dirt On Moss

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2006/writers/phil_taylor/11/08/moss/index.html. In other NFL news, 49ers state their intent to move to Santa Clara ASAP.

Larry Brown Gets Less Than Half of His Pay

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/APWires/basketball/D8L9DV600.html. The Knicks must truly have some great negotiators. Even present-valuing the deal at 10%, Brown should have raked in about $27MM. I guess the theory is that Brown can go out and get a basketball-related job over the next four years to get himself the other $9MM. Alternatively, if he can make 22% on his money for 4 years, he is better off getting $18.5MM now.

LeBron James -- New Ball Sucks

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/APWires/basketball/D8L8I3U80.html

Voters Send Sonics to Suburbs or to OKC

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/sonics/2003375501_sonics09.html. If I am the owner of a professional sports team, I am buying adult diapers right now because if this becomes the rage nationwide your franchise is now worth a whole lot less than you thought. Here is the scheme: 1) legislators get mad at sports owners for asking for a new arena; 2) legislators place a ballot initiative on the November ballot asking voters basically "hey, wouldn't it be a good idea if when we give a sports team a new stadium they are forced to pay us all or part of their profits?" 3) voters, of course, say yes; and 4) the owner is stuck with an old crappy arena/stadium........................................... I have never been a fan of ballot initiatives. The latest one -- "Should we raise the minimum wage?" Um, I thought this was a representative democracy where are elected leaders made that sort of decision? Not now. We now put crap to the voters just to get turnout for our own side (minimum wage -- Dems; gay marriage in our state -- GOP). What if the question were "should we charge large corporations for the cost of maintaining all roads and airports within 10 miles of their headquarters?" Think that would fail? Doubt it............................But back to the point -- legislatures copy each other. This won't be the last time this is done. If you have an old arena (Target Center comes to mind), you better get something done before the next time you can face a ballot initiative.

Rush Limbaugh On The Election

http://www.rushlimbaugh.com/home/daily/site_110806/content/rush_on_a_roll.guest.html. Summary of Limbaugh's comments: 1) Bush is too soft; 2) GOP didn't deserve to win; 3) Dems didn't deserve to win; 4A) Rush will say things he really doesn't mean to get GOP elected; 4B) Rush is really smart and loves being Rush Limbaugh; 5) Politicians are really dumb; 6) American public is really dumb; 7) When people are led by the hand and shown the light, they vote GOP; 8) when they are left to their own idiocy, they don't.

Britney Spears Sex Tape?

http://pornotube.com/media.php?m=60928. Is this a Britney Spears sex tape? Or is it not a Britney Spears sex tape? I don't know -- I hope it is a Britney Spears sex tape. (That should increase my Blog counter. :-))

Lessons I See From This Election

Having stayed up until 2AM to watch returns (I think VA stays for Webb post-recount but that the GOP manages to "find" enough votes for Burns in MT), I see the following lessons:
1) At some point people have finally had enough -- I was astonished to see people in Ohio vote for GWB in 2004 ("I have no job or hope of getting one, but dammit, gay terrorists aren't gonna control the streets of Akron on my watch"). But ya give them two more years of hopelessness and scandal and corruption and they finally may say "enough." (But see #5).

2) Crappy candidates still make a difference, "wave" or no wave -- Best example in the nation: Minnesota. Mark Kennedy runs probably the worst Senate campaign I have ever witnessed, he gets drilled 61-37. But the Dems put up serial candidate Mike Hatch as their "choice" and he loses to incumbent Tim Pawlenty 47-46. While Pawlenty has allowed himself to become the tool of the far right, he comes off as a nice guy and he ran some informative and sometimes entertaining ads. Hatch (whom basically no one likes) was forced to hide so he did not turn off voters with his off-putting style. Had the Dems put up anyone who was pleasant and inoffensive, they win by 5-7%.

3) Stay away from the white women -- Harold Ford was doing fine until Bob Corker reminded folks that Harold once went to a Playboy-sponsored Super Bowl party and may have hit on white women. Sorry HF, no Senate seat for you. The ridiculous crocodile tears shed for Ford last night were a bit too much for me to bear. GOP pundit after GOP pundit expressed their admiration for Harold Ford and said his loss was "too bad." Yeah, right.

4) The red states are still extremely red -- Say what you will about Dem winners in Missouri and maybe MT and VA, but exit polls showed that 45-46% of voters in those states feel that GWB is doing a GOOD JOB! Whoa! Let's sit back and reflect upon this -- in 2008, a GOP Presdiential candidate who wants to win one of those states will only have to convince 5% of voters that he can do a better job as President than has one of the worst Presidents in history. Alternatively, you can just convince 5% of voters that (while you may suck) your opponent is worse than you are. Put those states in the strong GOP column for 2008.

5) Western NY -- still GOP -- Tom Reynolds basically allowed Tom Foley to solicit young male pages. Reynolds ran an ad apologizing for it. He won anyway. Kuhl also won in my parents' district. Now, these are generally 65% GOP seats and the margins were 51-49 or 52-48, but still. You are at the very bottom of the economic ladder. Spitzer is winning 70-30; Hillary is winning 70-30. What POSSIBLE reason do you have for voting for Tom Reynolds? You get the government (and the economy) you deserve....

6) Media Moments -- My favorite moment of the night was Fox News's Shepard Smith (rumored to be gay -- http://washblade.com/2005/10-21/view/editorial/come-out.cfm) interviewing a GOP source in the wee hours of the AM. The source begins a tirade against Dem's turning the country over to gay marriage. Smith's reply? "So who do you like this week? Bears or the Giants?" One person working with Smith explodes with laughter knowing that Smith is trying to end this line of commentary. Smith appeared generally agitated and punchy. Chris Matthews, as the night rolled on, appeared dazed and incoherent. Howard Dean may want to go up a shirt size -- I feared that his head would actually pop off (side note to Howard -- ya don't have to be COMPLETELY still while answering questions, I thought he was recovering from neck surgery). The throw-in Dem on Fox News (Juan Williams? I am not gonna look it up) suggest that Bush tell the country that he is 1) rolling back tax cuts and 2) declaring a military draft, so that we can win in Iraq. Bush patsy Fred Barnes guffaws at #1 but not at #2.

7) As Famous Dem Lisa Simpson Once Said About Elections -- "It would be nice to actually win for once..."

Quick NBA Note

Hawks in first place!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mavs in last. If the Hawks remain in first after playing 13 games, I will issue a Blog apology to Mike Woodson.

Sometimes You Kick,

Sometimes you get kicked. This November, GWB got kicked.

Great Moments In History

http://cdn.digitalcity.com/tmz_documents/110706_spears_petition_1.pdf I hope and pray that this will bring a conclusion to the "Brandeen and Cletus" era of Ms. Spears and usher in a return of the wonderful look that resulted in pics like those posted here.

Faith Hill Poor Loser at CMA

I like Faith Hill, but Faith-y, this ain't 1998. You are the past and Carrie Underwood's "Some Hearts" CD is country music at its finest. And by the by, Mrs. McGraw, you probably weren't second place either....

OK, Here is an Odd One

http://www.electionprojection.com/. So, this guy is a right-winger who runs a Blog that has had 6,000,000+ hits. He uses a formula to predict election results. He says it worked great in 2004. He goes through the formula for 2006 and comes up with Dem wins in both houses of Congress. He actually posts the predictions in graphic form. But his final word on the entire basis for his own Blog? It sucks: "Polling data was very scarce, and the polls that were available were largely suspect in my view. Moreover, the political pundits on whom I relied heavily in my House projections see a much gloomier outlook than I believe is warranted. Combine those two factors and you have a some heavily skewed projections." Polling data was very scarce? Polling data was very scarce? I am still shaking my head over that one. Point number 2 summary -- I rely upon people whom I do not trust. Uh, OK. Time to shut down the old Blog.

My Voting Experience

If someone shot off a cannon at my polling place, they could have endangered 4 voters and 10 poll workers. I felt like asking one of the workers if they would individually help me fill out the ballot, just to give them something to do. This is in MN, a state with a history of large voter turnout. Early reports out of MO and MD (both with close Senate races) indicate "light" turnout there as well. Neither of those states have MN's history of turnout. So, "light" means.......25%?? 35%?? In the end, the world will be run by those who show up -- which, sadly for me, is generally NOT the Democratic base.....................................HM

Panther Cheerleaders -- Happy 1st Anniversary

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=thompson/061106&lpos=spotlight&lid=tab4pos2. Column is 100% true.

Movie Ideas

I cannot explain to you how awesomely bad these movie pitches are. I particularly enjoy the fact that the wannabe idea man pitched them all to an actor because he had seen the actor in "Down Periscope"!! Well, at least we know he watches the FX Channel. http://monkeysforhelping.blogspot.com/2006/10/erik-blevins-kick-ass-movie-pitches.html

Gilligan's Island - The Pilot TV Theme

Just when you thought that the suckiest of all suck efforts at songwriting had either been recorded by Kevin Federline or buried for all time, you find the actual original theme song for the pilot episode of Gilligan's Island. I defy you to find anything worse.

Jason Whitlock on Michael Irvin's Job Duties

An ESPN executive needs to summon Irvin to a meeting room this week and re-explain his duties. In case anyone at the World Wide Leader has forgotten Irvin’s game plan, I have a copy:

A. Butcher the English language to the point that most people assume you never attended a class at Miami or in high school.........................................................................B. Laugh hysterically when nothing is funny........................................................C. Defend the indefensible, especially if they’re black........(editor's note, when Jason Whitlock starts saying you are defending black players too much, this is basically like Kid Rock saying you defend strippers too much).......................................D. Dress flamboyantly, like you just stepped off the set of Ice-T’s “Pimps Up, Ho’s Down.”....................................................E. Secure softball interviews with troubled athletes.

Final Haggard Item

http://www.gazette.com/display.php?id=1326184. Someone really knows how to write a letter. I like the fact that "hey, make sure to keep giving money to the church..." is #1 on his wish list for his former flock.....

www.tradesports.com

http://www.tradesports.com/aav2/trading/tradingHTML.jsp?eventSelect=coupon_32&evID=coupon_32&updateList=true&showExpired=false. I do NOT condone gambling, as it is evil, and I am sure that the Bible has a lot of negative things to say about it. But I wanted to see what gambling looked like, so I found the Web site www.tradesports.com and accidentally clicked on "Politics" and "Senate races." Here are the ones I would think that OTHERS might be interested in betting on: 1) You get 2-1 plus on Allen to win Virginia. VA is a truly red state and you gotta figure that actually pulling that Dem lever will be tough for people voting more than 30 miles from the Washington monument. 2) Same thoughts on Muh-ZUR-uh. You have a state in which 50% of the population lives in a world far more like Alabama than Illinois. 2 to 1 seems like a good deal. 3) Picking some wild long shots -- you are getting 9 to 1 in Arizona where early voting shows the Dem ahead, so you at least can justify the wasted money; you are getting 3 to 1 in Montana where so few people vote that even a little voter fraud could swing things; you could probably buy a Mark Kennedy position in MN if you'd offer $5 on a $100 payout -- he is behind only 10-15% right now. ........................On the reverse side -- who in the world is offering that .01 offer on Olympia Snowe's opponent in Maine? The guy who actually has bought her opponent is willing to sell his position for .05. Good luck with that. I hereby offer my house for $10,000,000. Snowe is up 45% in the last poll I saw.

NBA Points of Emphasis

The two primary points of emphasis this year: 1) no bitching at the refs or you get a quick "T"; and 2) no moving screens on the high pick-and-roll. POE #2 should be the called the "anti-Canadian-white-guy" rule as it is clearly intended to deny Steve Nash his third MVP trophy. I am not sure that it is the end of the world if a guy sets a slightly moving screen 25 feet from the hoop. The real problem people had is that the illegal screen had become so prevalent in Phoenix's offense that no one could keep Nash in front of them and he was getting into the lane at will. Rule had to be changed so we could we could appease Stephen A. Smith and Scoop Jackson with a return to black American MVPs. POE #1 is one of those deals that the league hopes will be self-perpetuating because it cannot last all year otherwise. Toss a few stars in games 1-40 and everyone will learn to shut up. Problem: you get to game 75 and Dick Bavetta makes yet another shitty call in favor of the large-market home squad and against, say, Tim Duncan. Timmy has one T already, how quick is that second one gonna be? I would bet all $17 in my kids' college funds that Bavetta is not tossing Timmy. And if he does, there will be hell to pay...

Haggard's Defense

http://articles.news.aol.com/news/_a/evangelical-leader-accused-of-gay-affair/20061102182309990027?ncid=NWS00010000000001. I guess that everyone is entitled to put up a defense, but is this even worth the effort? "I did buy drugs because I was curious, but I never used them." and "I did get a massage from him, but only cuz my Denver hotel recommended it." What hotel was he staying in and what were their hourly rates? "Hello, front desk. Reverend, you need a massage? How about I give you the name of a gay male prostitute who also deals drugs? You can walk over to his house and get a massage there...." I think that Rev. Ted is entitled to an apology. My lord. He was just trying to find out what meth looked like and his back hurt him (as Napoleon Dynamite would say) "real bad." Now he is being put on suspension! I hope he sues, because there is not a more wronged man in America right now.

Ted Haggard -- Another Phony Right-Winger

http://articles.news.aol.com/news/_a/evangelical-leader-accused-of-gay-affair/20061102182309990027?ncid=NWS00010000000001. Preach it Rev -- "Look, sinners, I oppose gay MARRIAGE for OTHERS, I never said anything was wrong with ME getting high on Meth and enjoying a 46 year old male hooker...." From Haggard's written work on homosexuality: Homosexual activity, like adulterous relationships, is clearly con­demned in the Scriptures. In Leviticus 18:22 God declares the practice of homosexuality an abomination in His sight. In Romans 1:26-27 the practice of homosexuality is described as a degrading and unnatural passion. I Corinthians 6:9-10 identifies the practice of homosexuality as a sin that, if persisted in, brings grave consequences in this life and excludes one from the Kingdom of God.
Haggard was the victim of the "Blue Dress" phenomenon. Deny, deny, deny, oh wait. There is a blue dress with my stuff on it? OK, yeah, I did it. In Haggard's case the Blue Dress was the voice mails he left as "Art" soliciting drugs and saying how badly he missed his man-whore.

Representing 1981- October 1985

I have analyzed this and decided that if I select someone at least 21 years old I will be OK here (under any law of which I am aware). I just saw yesterday that the federal government is paying millions of dollars to states to encourage abstinance in 20-29 year olds, so I guess the guys in that age group will be out of the picture soon anyway. My selection? I love Scarlett Johansson (21) and I know that there are other worthy candidates, but I have to say that Jessica Alba is the Tim Duncan of hotness. She really doesn't have to try flaunt her skills, they are just there. And they are overwhelming. I mean, you look at any list and see her top 5 and you go "well, of course." The Dark Angel. 25.

Ann Coulter -- Fraudulent Voter

http://articles.news.aol.com/news/_a/coulter-refuses-to-cooperate-in-voting/20061101151909990004?ncid=NWS00010000000001. Now, unlike Ann, I don't think that every minor mistake someone makes in their life is the end of the world or Godless or "Treason" but were I her sentencing judge here are some suggested punishments I might impose: 1) "Haircut" sentence -- must cut her hair -- abandon the stripper hair, Annie, you are 45 years old come December 8. No one believes you are a hot young thing anymore. Try to look mature and sensible, even if you can't act that way. Even Ric Flair eventually cut his hair! 2) "Anti-anorexia" sentence -- she is like 5'6" and 90 pounds. Doesn't this ever concern anyone? Up your poundage to 120 by January 31 or face some jail time. 3) "Turtleneck" sentence -- I once saw a cross-dressing streetwalker in Little Rock with a less pronounced Adam's Apple. Nothing but turtlenecks for one year.

My Thoughts On The Timberwolves

Wolves win tonight At Target Center. Big deal, the Kings are awful and now that they are coached by Eric Musselman (who must be like 5'5" tall, he made Scott Brooks look HUGE by comparison) they are no longer even an enjoyable offense to watch. But, that said, I owe the handful of Wolves devotees out there some analysis, so here goes: 1) Garnett had his typical dominant game against the Kings (24 and 12). The Kings have no shotblockers and no interior defenders, so he should have had 30 points except.......2) "Coach" Dwane Casey has no idea how to run an offense. The Kings have one good defender, Ron Artest, who is also one of the top 5 defenders in the whole league. So what does Dwane run time after time after time after time down the court? Plays for Ricky Davis who is being guarded by.......Ron Artest. Result? Turnovers, bad shots, no movement on offense, awful. Dwane also was running some bizarre off-the-ball exchanges and back cuts and trying to pass back crosscourt to cutting players. Um, why? Run Mike James pick-and-roll against Bibby. Have Garnett and Hassell post up Kenny Thomas and Kevin Martin. I mean, VERY basic offensive theory here -- go at the guys who suck defensively. Instead the Wolves are trying to throw cross-court passes against guys with long skinny arms who are soft interior defenders. Again, why? Makes no sense. 3) Wolves are tissue paper soft inside defensively -- Garnett will give you 100% of what he has, but he is not an enforcer, nor is Blount, nor is Eddie Griffin. Teams with a shotblocker and a thug will kill the Wolves inside, absolutely kill them. 4) Casey loves Troy Hudson -- I guess the theory being that as long as he is healthy you have to play him, but Troy is extremely tough to watch. He pounds the ball for 20 seconds and jacks up a bad shot. He never penetrates. He is a terrible passer for a point guard. And he is a poor defender (note to Eric Musselman, tell Bibby to take Troy to the hole, wasn't that somewhere in your 500 page resume handout???). 5) Dance team -- mediocre. The best-looking one from the past is now doing game announcements/promotions. She badly needs voice lessons unless she is trying to take Jennifer Tilly's old roles -- side note, movie recommendation "Let It Ride" you keep rooting against that dress fabric and double-stick tape, but it just doesn't want to lose. 6) Overall thought -- a mediocre badly-coached team beat another mediocre badly-coached team. Congrats Kings fans, you have $30MM more of Mike Bibby and $52MM more of Brad Miller and you fired the only coach in the league who runs an offense compatible with their skill sets. Mini-Muss seems intent on running post-up isolations for Kenny Thomas. That couldn't even get NEW MEXICO to the promised land, how do you think it will work NBA-wise?? The Wolves could be a fair 41-win team if they tossed Garnett the ball in the post or played pick-and-roll with him and James (or even Huddy in small doses) but you have a coach who may be the 2nd worst offensive coach in the league (thanks Mike Woodson). You have a soft interior and basically nowhere to turn for toughness. Suggestions for improvement -- ship out 2 of your small players (Huddy and Davis are my choices du jour) for a bigger player; fire your coach, go with assistant Randy Whitman (did he KILL someone during his stint in Cleveland?), and have him consult once a week with Rick Adelman -- who at least knows one end of the floor. Best case if these things are done -- 50 wins. Best case with Casey at the helm and no personnel changes -- 38 wins.

$48MM Man

Isiah wins his opener by defeating the Pau Gasol-less Memphis Grizzle in triple OT behind 56 minutes and 31 points from Quentin Richardson(!!!). Mike Miller's hair -- awful.... But the line of the night had to be Stevie Franchise who made Jamal Crawford's 4-22 look pretty acceptable by comparison:.............
S. Francis
G
34:30 -- 34 minutes
0-6 -- no baskets, only 6 lousy shots, so he sucked and was also not a threat to score so his man could double off him at will
0-2 -- didn't stretch the D with only 2 long-range efforts
2-2 -- thank God, he got on the board with 2 free throws (you could say they were the difference in a one point game........but I won't)
0 -- offensive boards
4 -- defensive boards -- who says he doesn't work hard!?
4 -- total RB
5 -- did get 5 assists
6 -- fouled out
0 -- committed 6 fouls while not getting one steal, um, ouch
5 -- turned it over 5 times
0 -- blocked no shots either
2 -- points. Played 34 minutes, was basically a ghost on offense and defense. Fortunately the Knicks only have 3 years and $48MM left to pay Stevie (which counts this game). At this pace, they will give him about $97,500 a point.

Marcus Williams Update

Since I am criticized whenever I fail to mention the play of the legend who is Marcus Williams (and I stand corrected, per his police blotter NOT a computer thief, merely a trafficker in stolen goods), here is his line from last night:
M. Williams
23:29 Mins -- played half the game against the Raptors in a win
2-9 -- 22.2% marksmanship on his career
0-4 -- not afraid to put it up from long range
3-3 -- good free throw effort
0 -- might want to work on following his shot
8 -- amazing rebounding numbers
8 -- see above
3 -- willing to pass
2 -- fouls, unafraid to use that 13% body fat
0 -- steals -- fouls to steals ratio for his career is currently "infinity"
4 -- turnovers -- suffocating defense of the Raptors will do that to you
0 -- blocked shots -- I would be surprised if this number is over 20 for the year
7 -- points. Hey being fair, not a horrid effort by a backup point guard playing his first game. Do I see Chris Paul Jr.? Not so much..........I will do an update once every 10-14 days.

Jared Jeffries -- Um, No

http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/basketball/knicks/story/462821p-389451c.html. Out one or two months after having to have wrist surgery. Also in the category of "overpaid forwards who are injured" let's toss in Darius Songaila -- out 10 weeks after back surgery.

Note to John Kerry -- get off my side

http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/11/01/kerry.remarks/index.html. Look, there are a lot of things you know are true that you generally cannot say if you want to be a political leader, example: "Boy there are a lot of fat people eating still gorging on fried foods down here in [fill in name of southern state]." Saying that young people not in the military are, as a whole, better educated that young people IN the military is almost certainly true. I mean, when I was growing up in upstate NY 90% of the kids who went into the service were kids who struggled to pass high school. But you can't be an idiot and SAY that -- those undereducated folks are someone's kids, plus the other side will trot out some Ph.D. scholar who is in the military and ask if you are smarter than he is, etc....................................................................This sort of idiotic behavior is why Kerry connected with national voters even less than did the robotic Al Gore. You kind of got the feeling that Al was once a young good-looking guy who rode motorcyles and partied. Never got that from Kerry. Gore was from Tennessee, and although you know he never hung with the WWF/WWE crowd, you felt he knew a bunch of people who watched wrestling. With Kerry? Never. The two plusses for Democratic candidates here: A) no more being forced to appear with John Kerry; and B) having the opportunity to say what an ass John Kerry is and how you think he sucks. People will love you for it.