Monday, December 01, 2008

University of Buffalo Bulls -- Bowl Bound, Baby!

My undergrad alma mater is poised to make a bowl appearance!

This guy predicts a birth in the "International Bowl" against UConn. But a win in the MAC championship game would lead the mighty Bulls to a game against NC State in the Motor City Bowl.

How weird is it that Buffalo is going to any bowl game? Well, they have never been. They have never, to my knowledge, had a winning season while in D-I. They have committed for 2009......................2 2-star recruits. In 2008 they had no recruit above 2 stars (5 is the max).

On the plus side, the Bulls feature 4-year starter Drew Willy at QB. Willy has thrown 22 TDs and only 5 INTs this year, and he has had 9 games in which he has completed a pass of over 30 yards.

Another plus for the Bulls is that they are one of the few remaining NON-racist clubs in the nation, being led by former Nebraska QB turned head coach Turner Gill!! He is one of three remaining D-I black football coaches. (The link mentions Sylvester Croom -- he just resigned).

Go Bulls!!! Maybe some day we get a 3-star recruit????????

HM

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Sarah Palin -- Super Well Dressed

As I noted last entry, she is hot. But some people envy her clothing.

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1008/14805.html

Why do the media elite have so much hate toward this woman? She is a simple down-to-earth person who is just like every woman in the U.S. She travels with her kids, she wears nice clothes, she gets her expenses reimbursed. She wants her kids to look good. Big deal.

I still love her -- and I doubt the bikini from my last entry cost that much....

Monday, October 20, 2008

Amy Poehler's Sarah Palin Rap

The moose shooting is one of the funniest events ever to occur in the history of man.





When I say "OBAMA" you say "AYERS" -- Obama:Ayers, Obama:Ayers. I built me a bridge; it ain't goin' no wway-errr.


10 out of 10.


HM

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Josh Howard -- Won't Listen to the National Anthem -- "I am Black, Goddamnit!"

http://nba.fanhouse.com/2008/09/16/josh-howard-isnt-about-celebrating-the-star-spangled-banner/

The biggset problem with the footage I have seen is this: why even HAVE a national anthem? This is a frigging celebrity flag football game. I had a volleyball game in my yard last night -- no national anthem was played before the game.

And exactly what level of respect do you think players will give the anthem when the game is sponsored by............Carmelo Anthony and Allen Iverson!?!?! You are fortunate that you didn't have footage of guys doing drugs on the field between plays. Couldn't they have added Roy Tarpley and Snoop Dogg as sponsors?

Josh Howard -- doing for his race what John Rocker did for his. Um, Josh, ya play in DALLAS, TEXAS. Maybe at least ought to fake some patriotism.

HM

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Palin-Bachman Disagree. Catfight???

Palin Speech: Our opponents say, again and again, that drilling will not solve all of America's energy problems - as if we all didn't know that already.


Bachman -- As gasoline prices continue to soar, 6th District U.S. Rep. Michele Bachmann says she has a plan to get back to $2 a gallon. Bachmann, who's running for re-election to a second term, outlined a strategy Monday to lower gas prices by expanding domestic oil exploration and production.


See, Sarah!?! Michelle DIDN'T "know that already."

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

The House Bunny

Not bad, just not very good.

I would say 6, maybe 6 1/2 stars out of 10.

Anna Faris is funny and there is one set of lines at the bar that made me laugh out loud. But if you have seen the trailer you have seen most of the movie.

Emma Stone, by the way, won the role of "Laurie Partridge" on the VH1 reality series to pick a new Partridge Family. I can see why. She is very funny.

And Anna Faris -- whatever workout regimen she is on.........it is a good one.


HM

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Kevin Duckworth -- Dead at 44

http://www.oregonlive.com/news/index.ssf/2008/08/former_trail_blazer_kevin_duck.html

On April 4, 1964, a chubby little white kid was born in a Catholic hospital in Urbana, Illinois. Three days earlier a chubby little black kid was born in Harvey, Illinois.

So when the chubby little white kid hears that someone 3 days older than he just suddenly up and died, it is more than a little disconcerting.

I know nothing about Kevin Duckworth the person. But I do know this about Kevin Duckworth the player. He has given dozens of big player the opportunity to make an NBA roster. After all, a second round pick in 1986 named Kevin Duckworth went from almost being cut to being a two-time Western Conference all-star and starting on some great Western Conference teams.

RIP Big Fella



Quiz: Since Kevin Duckworth was a 2nd round pick of the Spurs in the 1986, I have located only 4 guys who have made the NBA all-star team as a center despite the fact that they were not drafted in the 1st round of the NBA draft.

Name the 4 guys: clue -- two guys made it once each, one guy made it twice (once in each conference) and one guy made it 4 times in the Eastern Conference.

Friday, August 22, 2008

LeBron -- Bad Game, Good Start of 4th Quarter

LeBron did not play well today, for him, but here is LeBron's work at the start of the fourth:


9:24
LeBron James made Three Point Jumper. Assisted by Jason Kidd.
83-64

8:54
LeBron James made Three Point Jumper.
86-66

7:34
LeBron James made Two Point Layup. Assisted by Kobe Bryant.
90-69


2 minutes, 26 seconds, 8 points, up 21, game over.

Manu Turns to Manu-re -- Americans Kick Argentine Ass, 101-81

Truth be told, the U.S. did not play well and they had trouble with Argentina's zone and allowed Argentina to go from down 30-11 to down 46-40.

But once Ginobili got hurt, the Gauchos really had no chance. When you get around 30 from Luis Scola and lose, you know something has gone wrong for you.

Ginobili's injury? Let's see if Wikipedia can pick it up for me.............................nope.


ESPN -- ankle injury


Next up -- Gold Medal Game with Spain -- they beat Lithuania by 5.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

McCain -- Not Sure How Many Houses He Has

In his defense:
1) He is like 1,000 years old. If you asked him how many countries bordered the continental U.S. he would struggle with that as well. The brain connectors are frying out at an alarming rate every day; and

2) When you own $13MM worth of homes, you might think that one of your homes should count as two or three or four and you might be correct.


And The Old Guy was probably a little afraid to answer the question since then he might be asked where the houses were physically located, bringing into play some fear that he might begin his answer with, "The Lousiana Territory, Oregon Territory, that area Mr. Gadsen just purchased for us for $53,000,000, the Indian land we hold for them north of Texas...."



Becky Hammon -- Just Couldn't Do It???


In just about every dramatic political thriller that you ever see, there will be that one character -- you know the one. Generally either a hulking huge guy (think The Great Khali in "Get Smart") or the thoughtful woman being done wrong by the male establishment (think Joan Allen in the "Bourne" movies) who knows all along that what he or she is doing isn't really right.
In the movies this person continues to act on the side of evil (sometimes under duress) until a key moment arrives where the person must either kill the hero or change sides. 99% of the time, they change sides. 50% of the time they are killed and 25% of the time they go to jail anyway. This character accepts their fate because, well, they did something awful and continued to do it even after they realized it was wrong.
Now let's examine the traitorous Becky Hammon. Can't make the U.S. Olympic team, so she goes and plays for RUSSIA!!!!!!! This isn't Hakeem Olajuwon playing for the U.S. instead of Nigeria. When Hakeem was growing up in Lagos, the U.S. didn't have any nuclear missiles targeted about 500 miles away from his home. When Becky was growing up in South Dakota, Russia had thousands of long-range nuclear missiles targeted at Grand Forks, North Dakota. And they were ready and willing to use them. So, going to play for a country which was one itchy trigger finger away from obliterating you, your friends and family? Not the best idea.
Add to that the fact that she grew up in RAPID CITY!! Mount frigging Rushmore. So, everything that the USSR hated about the United States is exemplified by a giant monument right by your house!!!
But ultimately Becky decided that this did not matter. She had been done wrong by USA Basketball and she DESERVED (dammit!) to play in the Olympics. So she negotiated in her contract with her Russian team that if she continued to play for them they would help get her citizenship and get her on the Russian Olympic team.
Does this act sound familiar? From Anakin Skywalker in "Star Wars" to the tiger villain in "Kung Fu Panda," the movies are full of villains who felt they were not permitted their rightful place in the pecking order. Since they couldn't get what they wanted through regular channels, they would get it through joining with some evil force (The Emperor) or taking it themselves through violence (Kung Fu Panda guy). For goodness sake, this is one of the stories of "Lucifer"!
In any event. Becky Hammon threw away all ideas of patriotism and acted selfishly on her own behalf. She gave the finger to her homeland and went to play for Russia.
So, she is out on the court, playing to uphold the glory of a country that on the dawn of the Olympic Games decided to invade its neighbor (Georgia). A country who now obviously has a "head politician for life" who intends to re-live the days of the Cold War, fueling Russian expansion through charging enough for oil that SD ranchers will pay $4 a gallon for gasoline.
And today she played against Team USA in the final 4. She played like shit. The Russians lost by 15 in a game where if Hammon plays very well they win and if she plays average they have a chance to win.
HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM...............................................................
There are a number of explanations:
1) she just isn't any good (i.e., as they say in rural NY and in rural SD -- she "sucks the big one") and that came out against the good American team
2) she had an off day
3) she realized what she was doing was horribly wrong and intentionally threw the game
4) she subconsciously was aware what she was doing was wrong and her mind and emotions would not allow her to play well
I leave it to you to decide, but I can tell you this -- when a WNBA all-star player shows up and shoots 17% from the floor, 0% from 3, 50% from the line, has an assist to turnover ratio of 1 to 2 and scores 3 points in 24 minutes of play.............ya gotta be asking yourself -- Is it possible that she looked in the mirror at that fancy Russian uniform and decided ------- she just couldn't do it?
HM

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Brooke Hogan Without Makeup




Vote on Brooke without makeup (left) versus with makeup (right):




1) Never thought she was much to look at anyway




2) Still looks good




3) Yeccchhhh




4) Huh? I was distracted.

HM

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Jennifer Beals Is Black!!?!?!?

AOL ranks the sexiest black women over 40 years old, and Jennifer Beals is on the list.

I am sorry to admit my ignorance, but I never knew Jennifer Beals was black. I guess I never inquired into the makeup of The Steeltown Girl On a Saturday Night, Lookin' For the Fight of Her Life.

I guess it was true what Michael Sembello said, "in the real time world, no one sees her at all...."

Turn to that font of all wisdom -- Wikipedia (Michael Scott, "Anyone at all can post anything at all there, so you know it has to be correct!") -- yep she is 50% black.

Or, as John McLaughlin might say.........oh never mind........

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Kid Rock -- Slap On The Wrist For Waffle House Brawl

As I stated here, what Kid Rock was alleged to have done outside a Waffle House in Atlanta is not, in any true sense of the word, a crime. But Mr. Robert Ritchie decided that the better course of action was to plead guilty to something and get a $1,000 fine, 6 hours of anger management counseling and 80 hours of community service.

That sends a clear message to every potential Waffle House brawler in the south (i.e. every single one of their customers): if you brawl in our parking lot and if you are a famous celeb and if it gets national attention and if the local prosecutor decides to prosecute you -- you might end up paying .000001% of your net worth and giving some speeches to kids!

HM

Stop! Or My Mom Will.......Die!


Estelle Getty -- Dead at 84. RIP.



Marcus Williams -- Not A Timberwolf

Once the Wolves re-signed Sebastian Telfair, Marcus ended up going to Golden State for a low #1.

Sending Williams out toward Silicon Valley? Wow. Fox to the hen house there.

You have to click on the link above and read the comments on Williams. They range from "clearly better than Devin Harris" to "out of shape" and "good riddance."

The Telfair signing basically assures the Timberwolves an NBA title. Why is it, by the way, that the Minneapolis media cannot find out the contract terms of a player......ever?? I mean, do they have NO sources who can tell them -- "Yeah, it is a 4 year $10MM deal." Or "We got him for 3 years $6MM." Something like that?

Monday, July 21, 2008

Marcus Williams -- A Timberwolf?

As is reported here the Nets have basically give up on the oft-injured Marcus Williams and are going to sign Keyon Dooling.

And, what team is more desperate for point guard help than the Minnesota Timberwolves? I would say none. So............Marcus Williams? Wolf? What in the world would I do if he played up here and actually suddenly turned GOOD!?!?!? Yikes.

Unrelated note -- I think I am getting a new computer soon.

Monday, June 16, 2008

McCain VP Candidate Bobby Jindal -- Exorcist

http://outtheotherear.wordpress.com/2008/06/12/bobby-jindal-completely-crazy-or-warrior-for-god/

Not only did former Hindu Piyush Jindal exorcise the woman's demons, he also apparently cured her of cancer.

So, McCain gonna go with the 37-year old former-Hindu, Indian now-Catholic named "Piyush" who performs cancer-ridding exorcisms............or Tim Pawlenty???

If you are Tim Pawlenty, you gotta be saying, "I can CUT my ridiculous hockey-hair mullet! What can Ernest Angley, Jr. over there do? Promise not to outsource more jobs to his parents' nation of origin?" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ernest_Angley

Friday, June 13, 2008

Tim Russert -- Dead At 58




Is it concerning to me that a chunky white guy from Buffalo with a law degree whose job involves sitting all day dies a sudden death at age 58?? Oh yeah. More than a little.


Consistent with his training and education, Russert is one of the only political reporters whom I have seen on TV who actually did his work and prepared questions in a lawyerly fashion. Don't ask, "Well, aren't you in favor of X?" Say, "You said on July 1 that you were in favor of X and now you say you aren't?" Then have the film ready when they start to weasel.

Russert, of course, was great with the very low-tech "white board" during election coverage, and broke things down so that they were very easy to see and comprehend.

We have so many mediocre to flat-out awful people covering politics today. Losing Russert is like the Cavs losing LeBron and hoping to replace him with a low first-round pick. It just isn't going to happen.

RIP.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Justice Kennedy -- Guantanamo Detainees May Seek Habeus Corpus Relief in Civilian Court

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/06/12/supreme-court-rules-guant_n_106718.html

It appears what pushed Justice Kennedy over the edge may have been the Administration's argument that they can do whatever they want in Cuba because they LEASE (and don't own) Guantanamo.

Justice Kennedy decided that, if that were true, we might as well close up the Supreme Court and just allow the President to do whatever he wants:

The necessary implication of the argument is that by surrendering formal sovereignty over any unincorporated territory to a third party, while at the same time entering into a lease that grants total control over the territory back to the United States, it would be possible for the political branches to govern without legal constraint.

Our basic charter cannot be contracted away like this.The Constitution grants Congress and the President the power to acquire, dispose of, and govern territory, not the power to decide when and where its terms apply. Even when the United States acts outside its borders, its powers are not "absolute and unlimited" but are subject "to such restrictions as are expressed in the Constitution." Murphy v. Ramsey, 114 U. S. 15, 44 (1885).

Abstaining from questions involving formal sovereignty and territorial governance is one thing. To hold the political branches have the power to switch the Constitution on or off at will is quite another. The former position reflects..... that certain matters requiring political judgments are best left to the political branches. The latter would permit a striking anomaly in our tripartite system of government, leading to a regime in which Congress and the President,not this Court, say "what the law is." Marbury v. Madison, 1 Cranch 137, 177 (1803).

These concerns have particular bearing upon the Suspension Clause question in the cases now before us, for the writ of habeas corpus is itself an indispensable mechanism for monitoring the separation of powers. The test for determining the scope of this provision must not be subject to manipulation by those whose power it is designed to restrain.

Monday, June 02, 2008

Voice of "Sideshow Bob" Suffers Heart Attack




Perhaps the diet of tossed salad and scrambled eggs finally caught up to him?


His 3rd wife (pictured -- joyful smile) is said to have been very distraught. I wonder if his insurance is paid up to date?

Monday, May 19, 2008

Time For Ray Allen To Either Show Up....Or Retire

Of all players who has appeared in the NBA playoffs this year, Ray Allen is 135th in Efficiency per 48 minutes:

http://aol.nba.com/statistics/player/Efficiency.jsp?season=42007&league=00&conf=OVERALL&qualified=N&position=0&splitType=9&yearsExp=-1&sortOrder=7&splitDD=All+Teams&pager.offset=100

135. There are only 16 playoff teams. So, Ray's level of play puts him at about an 8th or 9th man on a mid-level playoff team. So, basically a guy who you wouldn't trust to play a whole lot in the playoffs. The three guys above him: Big Baby, DeShawn Stevenson, Jarvis Hayes. The next three below him: CJ Miles, Barbosa, Mo Evans.

Um, ouch.

According to basketball-reference.com, Ray and Rip Hamilton have faced each other 20 times:
http://www.basketball-reference.com/fc/h2h_finder.cgi?request=1&p1=allenra02&p2=hamilri01. Allen enjoys the slight advantage in virtually every stat and his team has won 13 of the 20 games.

If Ray Allen cannot be even a starter-level player in the playoffs, he needs to have some pride and walk up to Danny Ainge after the season and say, "I quit. I do not deserve the remaining $36MM on my deal. I am sorry for the dreadful showing I have made when my team needed me the most."

Or he can just step up and play better. One or the other.........

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

$18 an Hour.....And Rob Lowe Will Masturbate For You




http://www.tmz.com/tmz_main_video?titleid=1504447705
and

http://www.tmz.com/2008/04/15/nanny-says-rob-lowe-exposed-himself/

I enjoy the nanny's reasoning for why she didn't report Rob Lowe's shocking, disgusting and obviously illegal behavior: "I really liked the kids, and I thought things would get better........and I was scared."

Um, which was it? You thought things would get better or you were scared? I mean, typically, if a male employer puts their hand down a female employee's pants and into her crotch, I kind of doubt that things are likely to get "better." In this case, the nanny claims that Lowe masturbated in her presence "repeatedly" and often asked her to touch his penis. Again, hey, someone jerks off in your presence once, most people leave. But exactly WHO would allow someone to do so "repeatedly"? What is the threshold here before you doubt things will improve? Six times? "Rob, I gotta tell you, I don't mind 4 or 5 times, but when you stripped naked and started bopping the baloney 2 feet from me the other day, I lost all hope that things would get better."

So, let's move on to "I was scared." Scared that......something WORSE would happen if you left? Imagine the phone calls home -- "Hey Mom. Yeah, work is going, um, OK..........you know, hand down there feeling up my crotch, lot of jerking off, wife says she will never get a boyfriend to F her.......but I know it could be a lot worse....."

Just make SOME excuse and get the hell out of there!! "I decided to go to school back in New York." Anything. I mean, when the man of the house asks you to evaluate his flaccid member, maybe not the #1 job you should be seeking, especially for $36,000 a year and no benefits. (I guess this tends to disprove the claim that Mexican nannies are taking jobs Americans won't do -- crap, Americans will do nanny jobs that require them to watch their female employer walk around naked repeatedly and watch their male employer "cuff the carrot" to climax repeatedly -- USA! USA!).

And finally, even as a lawyer I have to chuckle about the claim that she was underpaid for the job and didn't get proper rest breaks. I mean, hey, these are perfectly proper legal claims, but putting on my non-lawyer hat, it is kind of like the 400 pound guy who goes to a restaurant and says, "The food here is the worst I ever had........and the portions should be much larger......"

Great stuff.

HM

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Man Forced to Marry a Goat

http://www.gadling.com/2008/03/12/sudan-man-marries-a-goat/

And Eliot Spitzer thinks HE has problems............look at the option in the Sudan!

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Is Shane Battier the Greatest Winner of Our Generation Among Non-All-Stars?


Proposition: Other than Perennial NBA All-Stars, Shane Battier is the greatest basketball "winner" of our time (and possibly of all time).


So, I am excluding guys like Jordan and Kareem and Bird and Magic and Duncan, etc. Let's look at the stats and you can correct me if I am missing a player who could compete with Battier:


1. At Duke: record the last three years before he came: 13-18, 18-13, 24-9. So 55 and 40. Winning percentage -- around 58%

Record for Battier's 4 years at Duke: 32-4, 37-2, 29-5, 35-4. So 132 and 15. Around 90%.
Change by having Battier at Duke: average winning percentage goes up from 58% to 90%.

(Note, the next 4 years after Battier, Duke went 115-23, 84%, but still down 6% from Battier's days)


2. At Memphis. Prior three years -- 8-42, 22-60, 23-59 -- So, 53-161. Winning percentage about 25%

With Battier for 5 years -- 23-59, 28-54, 50-32, 45-37, 49-33. So, 195-215. Winning percentage about 48%
Change by having Battier at Memphis: average winning percentage goes up from 25% to 48% (almost doubles)

(Note -- after Battier? 47-108. About 30%, down from winning marks in each of Battier's last three years).



3. At Houston -- With Battier 95-50. About 62%.

Two Years Pre-Battier -- 85-79 (including missing the playoffs the year before he arrived and going 34-48). About 52%

Average winning percentage goes up from 52% to 62%.


I imagine that there COULD be some similar story somewhere to tell, but I find it hard to believe that there is anyone else who satisfies all of these six criteria:

1) Not a multiple-time NBA all-star.

2) Playing time per game has always been at least half the game (20+ in college, 24+ in the pros) on every college and pro team he has ever been on.

3) College team increased its winning percentage substantially when he was in school.

4) Every pro team he has played for has increased its winning percentage substantially while he was playing for them versus the years before he got there.

5) Every team he has left (college or pro) has become WORSE immediately after he left them.

6) Career in the NBA came after the NBA/ABA merger.

Until someone can identify someone who meets all 6 criteria, I believe that the proposition is correct. Shane Battier is the greatest winner for his talent level in recent history.






Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Zach Randolph -- Um, Offensive-Minded

Great description and great clip:

http://basketbawful.blogspot.com/2008/02/zach-randolph-and-worst-possession-i.html

Exxon Valdez -- 19 Years Later

http://money.aol.com/news/articles/_a/supreme-court-to-hear-exxon-valdez-case/20080227072909990001

So, it is almost 19 years after the March 24, 1989 oil spill and the punitive damages issue STILL has not been decided!

In "Thank You For Smoking" (a movie rental that I highly recommend), the child of a tobacco lobbyist is asked to write an essay on why America has the best government. His dad's help? "Because of its endless appeal process."

Now, imagine that you are the Plaintiffs' lawyer in Minneapolis seeking this $2.5 billion in punitive damages. Per wikipedia (which, according to Michael Scott, must be accurate because anyone can write anything they want), the interest on this amount is $400,000,000 a year. But let's assume that interest in only $250,000,000 a year and let's say that it has been 15 years since the verdict. That is about $4 billion in interest.

So, assume that the Plaintiffs' lawyers get one-third of any recovery (I have no idea what they get). The Supreme Court's decision could mean that they either get $0 or they get $2.1 BILLION in attorneys' fees. Even dividing that money evenly by 500 lawyers (the lawyers, to my knowledge, are still a large Minneapolis firm) that is over $4,000,000 per lawyer.

As a Plaintiff's attorney myself, I cannot imagine the tension at the Supreme Court today.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Florida Minister -- Have Sex Every Day!

http://coaches.aol.com/love-and-sex/feature/_a/thou-shalt-have-sex-every-day/20080220122409990001

God bless this man!

Note that the article mentions that divorce rates are highest in the South. These are the holier-than-thou folk that call themselves "The Moral Majority."

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

22 Worst Dunks Ever

This guy did all of this work, he deserves yet another link to his masterpiece: http://www.on205th.com/2008/02/22-worst-dunks-ever.html

Do NOT forget to go to his "honorable mention" links at the bottom and see Julian Wright's dunk attempt -- I feel Julian was shorted by not making the top 13.

HM

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Secret Transcript of Mitt Romney Pre-Resignation

Hard to believe that I could get this, but here it is.

(I am informed that the setting is a room full of Romney advisors and Mitt, the night before his CPAC speech. Only two advisors speak during this exchange).

Advisor1 -- "Mitt, we need to talk."

Mitt -- "Stock market is down again! Jeezo beezo! OK, pal, what is up? Is there a problem with my hair or what?"

A1 -- "Mitt, concentrate here. This is important."

Mitt -- "OK, OK, back to the message: More tax cuts for the rich! McCain is Stalin! I have always thought abortion is murder.......How is THAT?"

A1 -- "Mitt. It looks like you are going to lose."

Mitt -- "OK. So roll back the tax cuts. I am just like McCain. My mother fought hard for abortion rights!............(Am I winning now?)"

A1 -- "Please, be quiet just a sec. It seems that you will need to spend an extra $20 million from here on out and even then you have almost no chance to win."

Mitt -- "Um......Islamo-facists!! Execute Bin Laden!.....................Now can I win?"

A1 -- "Sorry, Governor. The math just doesn't add up. You are too far behind."

Mitt (audible sobbing) -- "Just tell me what to say and I will say it. COME ON!!! I don't know if you have noticed, but I will do anything to win. Do I have to favor gay married illegal immigrant boy scout leaders? Cuz I will. I may know some -- I can go ask those seven guys who worked on my lawn for $2.50 plus a box of Bombpops the other day!"

A1 -- "Seems like folks just don't much like you. Exit polls say you seem, well, insincere to the voters."

Advisor 2 -- "The bright side is that you can stay in the race and remain a shining beacon for the true conservative values held by guys like Bill Bennett and Rush Limbaugh."

Mitt -- "So, you are advising me to spend my money so I can help out a gambler and a recovering drug addict?"

A2 -- "It will be great. You will be a shining example for the rich, I mean "economically conservative" wing of the party and become an icon to them."

Mitt -- "You are advising me to spend my own money to not win?"

A2 -- "Well..."

Mitt -- "So that I can advance political positions that I don't actually believe in and that I only started espousing 2 years ago?"

A2 -- "Well...."

Mitt -- "Well, what do you think?"

A1 -- "I can see both sides of the argument."

Mitt -- "Don't give me that line. I invented that line. Do that again and I will dice you up and spit you out like a small family-owned takeover target."

A2 -- "You could be the new Ronald Reagan!"

Mitt -- "I already tried that. Didn't win. Then I became tough on Iraq. Didn't win. Became the Ross Perot "I had a real job" guy. Didn't win. I promised Michigan a gazillion dollars in job training for auto workers. I don't have a gazillion dollars for people I don't really give a hoot about, but at least I won there. Maybe that's it. Can I offer everyone about $20,000 per person if they vote for me?"

A1 -- "I am not sure that will work. You are an economic conservative, remember."

Mitt -- (laughs very loudly). "You always know how to make me laugh."

A1 -- "No. I was being.....I mean you......never mind."

Mitt -- "So, I spend another $20 million and I don't win? May the Mormon elders (whom I worship as messengers of God because Mormonism is the one true faith) forgive me, but screw that. I am out of this craphole. Write me some speech about Islamo-facists and I will quit. Smell ya later, dickweeds! Drive home in your Yugos or whatever you poor folk drive. Do you each need a buck for a gallon of gas or what? I only have 50s, but here is one -- all 10 of you split this and go buy yourselves each a tank of gas this week, but make sure to bring me back the change. I don't want a repeat of that whole "you can't get a gallon of milk for two bucks" incident."

A1 -- (sounds disgusted) "In your speech should I have you endorse McCain?"

Mitt -- "Let the Mayor of Munchkinland sit and stew. I hate that old bastard. He is so old he farts dust. And his flippin' MOM -- "Mormon" on THIS you old bitty!"

A1 -- "OK guys, let's get writing, we quit the race tomorrow."


So there you go!

HM

Mitt Romney -- Quitter

Demonstarting the lack of backbone that make him, well, Mitt Romney, he quits the Presidential race today.

If I were in upstate NY I would call him a "puss," but I am not so I won't.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

20 Oldest Living Baseball Hall of Famers

1. Lee MacPhail
10/25/1917
Age 90


2. Bobby Doerr
4/17/1918
89

3. Bob Feller
11/3/1918
89

4. Monte Irvin
2/25/1919
88

5. Stan Musial
11/21/1920
88 this month

6. George Kell
8/23/1922
85

7. Ralph Kiner
10/27/1922
85

8. Red Schoendienst
2/2/1923
soon to be 85

9. Yogi Berra
5/12/1925
82

10. Duke Snider
9/19/1926
81

11. Robin Roberts
9/30/1926
81

12. Tommy Lasorda
9/22/1927
80

13. Whitey Ford
10/21/1928
79

14. Dick Williams
5/27/1929
78

15. Earl Weaver

16. Ernie Banks
1/31/1931
soon to be 77

17. Willie Mays
5/6/1931
76

18. Jim Bunning
10/23/1931
76

19. Hank Aaron
2/5/1934
soon to be 74

20. Sparky Anderson
2/22/1934
Soon to be 74