Ripping All Potential MVP Candidates

http://aol.nba.com/features/player_rankings.html

To have a little fun, I will do what I did with the first round of the last NFL draft and rip every single MVP Candidate (which would include, much to my chagrin, ripping my fave LeBron James). So, here goes. Remember, this is just for a fun read and I really do not, in fact, think (for example) that LeBron James sucks:

20. Jason Kidd -- real nice guy, tremendous husband and father, really knows how to toss boulders (both on and off the court). Is there any other sub-7 footer in the league who misses triple doubles because they can't find a way to eke out 10 points? On the other hand, he has powered the Nets to 18-23, so..........

19. Chauncey Billups -- 4th best player on his own team. His team is really good, but they play a lot of needlessly close games and he jacks up late 3 pointers that happen to go in once in a while.

18. Yao Ming -- Hey, when you can will your team to a 12-12 mark in conference, you are clearly MVP quality

17. Amare Stoudamire -- can jump out of the gym, so he is tearing down.............9.3 boards a game, look out! AND he has managed to get his assist-turnover ratio above (below? the point is that it is better than...) 1 to 2 for the first time in memory (he touches the ball almost exclusively on dunk attempts)!

16. Carmelo Anthony -- almost certainly a candidate due to his tenacious shut-down man-to-man defense, right? Or at 6'9" and 240 how he manages to provide great help defense and somehow block 0.5 shots a night.

15. Carlos Boozer -- second most valuable player on his own team

14. Tim Duncan -- if we are going to give people votes based upon past performance, how about adding Kareem to the list? Maybe if Tim could clear 19 PPG I would see how he ranks so high???

13. Chris Bosh -- somewhere Shareef Abdur-Rahim is wondering where his MVP votes were back in the day. If this were Iowa girls basketball from the 1960s, Bosh would be a perfect player. Gotta love how he has put them on his shoulders and carried them to a 10-11 road record.

12. Caron Butler -- because I don't know about you, but when I think "MVP of the Entire League" the first thing that comes to mind is "Well, first think Caron Butler and then branch out from there."

11. Baron Davis -- is this an award for finally staying healthy enough to play? Warriors could not win a game without Stephen Jackson, so yes, Baron is the MVP. I mean, listen to this -- the other day he ALMOST scored a late basket that would have beaten.......the Timberwolves!!! And he held Marko Jaric to just under a triple double!

10. Dirk Nowitski -- take him off this team and replace him with an average NBA forward, they win 5 fewer games. Real MVP-ish there.

9. Brandon Roy -- Criteria -- "Let's see, Portland is doing well, who is their best guy?" Real sringent test there.

8. Paul Pierce -- Hmmmmmmm, his team SUCKED before Garnett and Allen got there, but now that they are there the Celts are GOOD..... Conclusion -- Pierce is the MVP. Logic 101 grade: F.

7. Allen Iverson -- because it is obviously this undersized gunner who is leading them to 2nd place in the Northwest Division and a potential, what? 7th seed?

6. Steve Nash -- OK, I get it, I get it. He is white, from outside the U.S., his team has a lot of good players and he doesn't suck. Who is running the MVP balloting in the NBA the last few years -- David Duke? The guys who vote for the Golden Globes?

5. Dwight Howard -- Yes, when a guy is your 3rd option on offense and you are 4-6 in your last 10 games, I don't know how you keep him out of the top 5 in MVP balloting.

4. Chris Paul -- Really? Honestly? Chris Paul? Is it any drawback that he can't make a shot outside of 12 feet? Does that bother anyone? Or that the Hornets draw 238 fans a night at home?

3. LeBron James -- When your team has NO other options on offense, wouldn't you think that you would get 30-35 a night? I mean, you handle the ball every single time down. But I guess that shooting 70% from the line is, by itself, enough to rank you top 3 in the MVP balloting. Side note -- Nice losing road mark for your squad, LeBron.

2. Kevin Garnett -- Is there not SOME minimum criteria for getting MVP votes? I mean, 19 and 9 a game? Chris Kaman is having a MUCH more productive statistical year. At some point don't you actually have to produce positive STATS to get MVP votes? If not, why isn't Rajon Rondo getting more push for MVP? He starts for a winning team, too.

1. Kobe Bryant/The Devil -- Are you joking here? This guy wanted out of L.A. because his teammates sucked (ergo he knew he wasn't good enough to win on his own and he needed to get out). Recall the, "Go buy yourself a Bulls jersey" footage? So then Andrew Bynum becomes a beast, other guys improve, they pick up Derek Fisher for nothing and the Lakers are now a better team because.............Kobe is MVP? Wow. Let me re-think my criticism of Paul Pierce's candidacy...........

Saracastically yours,

HM