Thursday, July 31, 2008

Jennifer Beals Is Black!!?!?!?

AOL ranks the sexiest black women over 40 years old, and Jennifer Beals is on the list.

I am sorry to admit my ignorance, but I never knew Jennifer Beals was black. I guess I never inquired into the makeup of The Steeltown Girl On a Saturday Night, Lookin' For the Fight of Her Life.

I guess it was true what Michael Sembello said, "in the real time world, no one sees her at all...."

Turn to that font of all wisdom -- Wikipedia (Michael Scott, "Anyone at all can post anything at all there, so you know it has to be correct!") -- yep she is 50% black.

Or, as John McLaughlin might say.........oh never mind........

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Americans Drive Billions of Miles Less In 2008 -- Oil and Gasoline Supplies........Go Down?!?!?!

http://money.aol.com/news/articles/_a/bbdp/oil-prices-jump-on-inventory-report/106432

At some point doesn't someone have to step in and help the consumer here? Recall the result of the big "energy crisis" in California a few years back? Result -- energy companies were artificially cutting off power supplies at key times so that they could gouge the consumer.

We heard earlier this week that Americans drove billions of fewer miles in May. We now read in this article that basically anything you make out of oil is demonstrating growing backlogs of inventory........except gasoline.......and the oil itself!

Analogy: milk goes up to $10 a gallon, so I buy milk about 55% as much as I used to, as do 200,000,000 other people. Yet when milk drops down to $8 a gallon, suddenly there is a shortage of milk? You have a lot of cheese, and ice cream, and butter, but a shortage of milk. Although no one is BUYING any more milk, the supply just disappeared over night and milk held in reserve also is in decline. Um, OK. How?

Arg.

HM

Missing My Wife

My lovely wife is out of town for a week, leaving me a pathetic 44 year old single dad.

So, in honor of my wife, I will identify women my wife's age or older who are also really good looking:

10 -- Katie Couric (51 years of age) -- look, you may disagree, but she still looks good to me.

9 -- Daisy Fuentes (42 in December) -- I would put her much higher, but she is technically YOUNGER than my wife, so she shouldn't be on the list at all. Still.....

8 -- Christie Brinkley (54) -- Was All-America looking star at 16, still looks similar at 54.

7 -- Tanya Roberts (52) -- my second favorite of Charlie's Angels

6 -- Bo Derek (51) -- genetics can be a bad thing (look at me) or a good thing (look at Bo Derek)

5 -- Jaclyn Smith (62) -- How can she possibly be 62? The female equivalent of Dick Clark: never ages.

4 -- Sandra Bullock (44) -- from a pure looks standpoint, she has declined a little....but not much.

3 -- Nicolette Sheridan (44) -- Michael Bolton's deal with the Devil (not Kobe, the real Devil) continues

2 -- Diane Lane (43) -- told Josh Brolin "stop drinking or I am gone." What further encouragement does the guy need?

1 -- Elle McPherson (44) -- She is my age. So, basically this is like comparing a rusted out 1964 pickup truck to a 1964 mint condition sports car!


HM

MOVE THAT BUS!!! (So we can pound in the "Foreclosed" Sign)

http://www.walletpop.com/mortgages/article/_a/extreme-makeover-home-in-foreclosure/20080729112409990002?icid=200100397x1206860996x1200351483

So ABC gave you a $450,000 house. Your friends, neighbors and local businesses gave you $250,000 in cash........and you tossed it all away.

Good work.

Give a man a fish........and he will use the fish for collateral on a bad business loan........

Yuck.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

KFAN's Top 20 Guitar Solos of All-Time

Top 20 Guitar Solos of All Time

I am not sure that much effort was put into this list. It contains mostly good songs without very memorable guitar solos. But it is at least a new post so Al S. doesn't get bored.

1. Comfortably Numb, Pink Floyd -- HM -- 7 out of 10

2. Sweet Child O' Mine, Guns N' Roses -- I prefer November Rain.

3. Freebird, Lynyrd Skynyrd -- "play it pretty for Atlanta"

4. Eruption, Van Halen -- #1 of the songs listed

5. November Rain, Guns N' Roses -- yes.

6. Stairway to Heaven, Led Zeppelin -- not for the solo

7. Sultans of Swing, Dire Straits -- make it fast, with one more thing......

8. Aqualung, Jethro Tull -- sitting on a park bench

9. Hotel California, The Eagles -- I would say "Life In the Fast Lane" is more rocking

10. Child in Time, Deep Purple -- no idea

11. Brighton Rock, Queen -- no idea

12. All Along the Watchtower, Jimi Hendrix -- how about "Star Spangled Banner"?

13. Highway Star, Deep Purple -- good

14. Throw Down the Sword, Wishbone Ash -- no idea

15. No More Tears, Ozzy Osbourne -- how about "I Don't Know" or others off Blizzard of Oz?

16. Crossroads, Cream -- agree

17. Paradise City, Guns N' Roses -- a little too much Slash love here

18. Since I've Been Loving You, Led Zeppelin -- ??

19. I'm Going Home (Woodstock), Ten Years After -- no

20. Voodoo Child, Jimi Hendrix -- I do agree.

Friday, July 25, 2008

John Candy Films -- 10 Best, 5 Worst

Candy would have been 58 in a couple of months and I haven't blogged about him for nearly a year, so here are the films featuring Candy in a primary role that I believe are the 10 best and the 5 worst:

10 Best Overall

10 -- Summer Rental -- was horribly panned at the time it was released, but this story of a downtrodden father trying to have fun on his summer vacation is a must for anyone who loves Big John as an actor.

9 -- Only the Lonely -- while arguably Candy's best overall performance, the story suffers from the "Everyone Loves Raymond"-esque mother and the occasionally slow pacing. But as I said, maybe Candy's best overall work as an actor.

8 -- Cool Runnings -- Candy plays the coach of the Jamaican bobsled team with both good humor and with a lot of humanity

7 -- Spaceballs -- Candy plays a Mog (part man, part dog) named Barf. And it is actually funny.

6 -- Stripes -- the movie has not aged very well, but Candy's Dewey Oxberger is a great buffon to play off Bill Murray. "My doctor says I swallow a lot of aggression, along with a lot of pepperoni pizzas...."

5 -- National Lampoon's Vacation -- arguably not a qualifying movie (Candy is in very little of it), but come on! How can you ignore the greatness of Candy's ill-fated security guard Russ Lasky who gets shot with a pellet gun in the butt by Chevy Chase and can only manage an angry, "You are paying for these pants!"?? "Sorry, folks, park's closed, Moose out front should have told you."

4 -- Splash -- this movie is where we get the omnipresent girl's name "Madison" from. The movie would rank higher if it featured more Candy. His perverted brother role (Freddy) is one of the greatest ever featured on film. Impersonating a Swedish doctor, Candy is asked whether he is enjoying his time in the U.S. Recalling his viewing of Swedish adult films, Candy replies in perfect Swedish, "Hey babe, I got a 12-inch penis."

3 -- The Great Outdoors -- Candy is wonderful as the "good guy" dad in this much better attempt at re-making Summer Rental. "What do you mean? All that is left on that plate is fat and gristle?"

2 -- Uncle Buck -- while an argument could be made that this is a better Candy feature than #1, I can't put it there. Excellent, excellent family film. "Now get in your mouse, and drive away." I still tear up a little when Buck waives good-bye at the end after an exchange where he says his car is good for another 100,000 miles and Chenise replies, "Too bad you aren't."

1 -- Planes, Trains and Automobiles -- the best. The awful pain on Candy's face when Del is abandoned by Neal Page at the bus station, contrasted with the fact that "those aren't pillows!" My favorite.


Five To Avoid No Matter How Much You Loved The Man

They all are so bad, I will just list them in no particular order.
Canadian Bacon -- awful
Wagon's East -- if you know where the two funny quotes in the movie are, fast forward through the rest.
Delirious -- if you put a gun to my head and said, "pick the worst" I might have to go with this awful romantic comedy/fantasy
Armed and Dangerous -- Even a cute young Meg Ryan could not defuse this awful bomb
Going Berserk -- nonsensical. Makes "Volunteers" look like "The Godfather" by comparison.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Potential Positive Results From "Malice at the Palace II"

10) Anything not basketball related will take the focus off the fact that the best WNBA players cannot create their own shot against anything better than token defense.

9) After the Olympics, league could require traitor and confimed Bolshevik Becky Hammon to get an Ivan Drago-style hair cut and face her off against Diana Taurasi (the Italian Stallion) in a late-game melee. WNBA could have Taurasi spend the 3rd quarter running the stairs in the empty stands, lifting containers filled with rocks and shouting "Drago!!!!!!!!!!!" as time expired in the quarter.

8) Stun newly-acquired fans by announcing fist size of various WNBA players -- example: Swin Cash, 32.75 inches.

7) Have Mahorn and Leslie re-enact the incident by replacing Mahorn with Taye Diggs and Leslie with Tracy Bingham. Have them uh, "apologize" to each other, repeatedly, on the hard and unforgiving Palace floor until referee Halle Berry finally intervenes.

6) Indicate as a league rule that all fighting will be forgiven if it results in anything approaching interest from the arena crowd or TV audience.

5) Indicate that all fighting will be forgiven as long as it is "kinda sexy" and causes at least 200 lesbian couples in the audience to either: a) leave and go somewhere private, or b) start making out in the crowd. Since there are 1,500+ lesbian couples in any WNBA crowd, this level of success is fairly minimal.

4) Change league ad materials to a picture of the 11 good looking players in the WNBA and a caption, "If you COME to a game, maybe their wild FIGHTING will turn into wild.........well........you know....."

3) As a means of punishing Candace Parker, league could require Parker to wear only a sports bra and bicycle shorts with her number spray painted on her stomach and back and a scarlet "F" on her butt (for "fighter"). Also, she would be forced to wear this attire ON the court as well.

2) Fight may provide an opportunity for owners such as Glen Taylor to say, "While I love the WNBA, the league has just become too darn violent. We are folding."

1) Hell, why do I pretend? Nothing can help the WNBA.

Rick Mahorn Goes "All Ike Turner" On Lisa Leslie







I saw this, believe it or not, as it was happening. You can see from this picture that Mahorn clearly did push her (looks like he pushed her with his left hand and knocked her on her ass).




It was not a slip. If you watch the original footage, Leslie has both feet clearly planted in the ground and the soles of her shoes are flat on the floor. He didn't catch her when she was off balance. He pushed her backward 10 feet by shoving her with his off arm.


Now, was Mahorn justified? I would say no. His girl was on the floor brawling with L.A.'s Candace Parker (the Detroit girl started it) and Leslie was only trying to pull them apart. Mahorn should have concentrated on stopping his crazy hoodlum chick from fighting Parker or keeping the peace with his own players (by the way, I believe that Katie Smith -- #30 in pic -- may have actually had a sex change. I mean, as a Lynx she at least looked half way like a woman. She currently makes the scary Dara Torres seem like Scarlett Johansson).




Was Mahorn's push outrageous? No.




1) First of all, based upon Leslie's appearance and Mahorn's age, he probably had a bad flashback to the movie "Aliens" and honestly feared being implanted as a host.




2) He approached Leslie and any reasonable person (approached by what looked to be a rhino draped in 3 square miles of bluish fabric) would have backed away. Instead, Leslie gave it the whole, swipe of her right arm across the front of her body (and Mahorn's). Mahorn naturally tried to defend himself by pushing the potential contact away. Unfortunately for Leslie, this was akin to a piece of paper being pushed away by a 300 mile an hour wind. He decked her.

I had a similar incident occur at a Pizza Hut salad bar one time. A little 4 year old kid was running around the salad bar and my 6'5" friend Lee was getting his salad. The kid hits Lee right in the back of the leg. Kid goes down like he has been shot, starts crying. Mom comes up, "Could you boys be more careful around little kids?" Manager -- "They did absolutely nothing, ma'am." Mom was still pissed.


HM

CBS News Edits Out John McCain's Errors




So......you do an interview where you falsely state that The Surge Caused the Anbar Awakening (which occured pre-surge) and CBS News says, "Hey, let me help you out there. I will just take that stupid statement out." Wow.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Josh Childress Pisses Away His Career -- Signs With Greek Team

http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=3501488

Hey, if all you are in it for is the $$$$, then this is an outstanding idea. Go to Greece, make $20MM tax free. Problem -- it basically ends any chance you may have had of becoming a great NBA player. The Hawks continue to hold your rights when you return and they can match any offer you get. No one in the NBA was willing to offer you a big contract when you were still an NBA player. Do you think that playing in the Greek league for one year will up your market value? If so, by how much? You are a 6th man. 6th men make about mid-level money. The Hawks were willing to give you mid-level money. You said no. So.......................what? You gonna come back and take mid-level money a year after being in Greece? So you will take a $4MM pay cut? To play for.......The Hawks?

The whole thing makes no sense.

On the Hawks' side, they lose an asset and 29 minutes a game of productive minutes for......nothing. You would hope as a Hawks fan (blogger Andy plus Mike Woodson's mom) that you ADD assets to a team that finally made the playoffs. You can't LOSE guys for nothing. You need to fill 240 minutes of court time. Joe Johnson already plays a ton of minutes (more than LeBron -- Joe is the #1 minutes guy in the whole Eastern Conference), so does Josh Smith, so does Marvin Williams. Al Horford got 31 minutes a night last year.

So your best possible scenario is that you get maybe 4 more minutes a night total out of Horford and Joe can still log almost 41 minutes a night. So, 41 Joe Minutes + 35 each for the three young guys = 146 minutes. Assume Mike Bibby gives you 30 productive minutes. That gets you to 176 minutes. Zaza Pachulia has gone backwards and now gives you maybe 4 productive minutes a game -- 180 minutes.

So, best case, you are 60 minutes short. That means you have over a full quarter (12 minutes X 5 guys) where you have to play with guys who suck. AND you are completely destroying your good guys by playing them ridiculous minutes. (There were 56 guys in the NBA who averaged 35 minutes a game last year, under my scenario the Hawks would have 3 guys at 35+ and Joe Johnson at 40+.)

So, to borrow from Dunder Mifflin employee Michael Scott, I see this as a "Lose, Lose, Lose, Lose" means of dispute resolution:

1) Hawks -- losers -- lose the #93 Efficiency man in the NBA and get nothing
2) Other NBA clubs -- losers -- no one needs one of the 5 best 6th men in the NBA? No one?
3) Childress -- loser -- see beginning analysis
4) Greek Club -- loser -- you just paid $20MM for a guy who really isn't a dynamic player and who won't put bodies in the seats. So is your goal to become the next USFL? WFL? I mean, who is next on your spending parade? Josh Boone? Ronnie Brewer? Charlie Villanueva? (All guys whose Efficiency Per 48 number was similar to the Childress number.)


HM

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Kid Rock -- Slap On The Wrist For Waffle House Brawl

As I stated here, what Kid Rock was alleged to have done outside a Waffle House in Atlanta is not, in any true sense of the word, a crime. But Mr. Robert Ritchie decided that the better course of action was to plead guilty to something and get a $1,000 fine, 6 hours of anger management counseling and 80 hours of community service.

That sends a clear message to every potential Waffle House brawler in the south (i.e. every single one of their customers): if you brawl in our parking lot and if you are a famous celeb and if it gets national attention and if the local prosecutor decides to prosecute you -- you might end up paying .000001% of your net worth and giving some speeches to kids!

HM

Stop! Or My Mom Will.......Die!


Estelle Getty -- Dead at 84. RIP.



Marcus Williams -- Not A Timberwolf

Once the Wolves re-signed Sebastian Telfair, Marcus ended up going to Golden State for a low #1.

Sending Williams out toward Silicon Valley? Wow. Fox to the hen house there.

You have to click on the link above and read the comments on Williams. They range from "clearly better than Devin Harris" to "out of shape" and "good riddance."

The Telfair signing basically assures the Timberwolves an NBA title. Why is it, by the way, that the Minneapolis media cannot find out the contract terms of a player......ever?? I mean, do they have NO sources who can tell them -- "Yeah, it is a 4 year $10MM deal." Or "We got him for 3 years $6MM." Something like that?

Monday, July 21, 2008

Marcus Williams -- A Timberwolf?

As is reported here the Nets have basically give up on the oft-injured Marcus Williams and are going to sign Keyon Dooling.

And, what team is more desperate for point guard help than the Minnesota Timberwolves? I would say none. So............Marcus Williams? Wolf? What in the world would I do if he played up here and actually suddenly turned GOOD!?!?!? Yikes.

Unrelated note -- I think I am getting a new computer soon.

The Playstation Maven's Baseball Club Takes Second in the State

Final State Tournament line for PM against the best baseball players in the state:

9 for 15, 3 triples, 2 doubles, 2 walks. Pitched the entire 6 innings in a 6-5 semifinal win (he is not a pitcher).

Batting average -- .600
On-Base Percentage -- .647
Slugging Percentage -- 1.133
OPS -- 1.780

A heartbreaking loss in the final as we trailed 7-5 and loaded the bases in the bottom of the last inning. Two outs. Our kid hit a 275 foot fly ball to the gap in left center -- guy was playing him 270 and in the gap. About 5 strides later, the ball was in his glove and we had lost.

I am going to continue my long-standing support of Mitt Romney and say PM received a "silver medal."

So, can they come back and win next year? Doubtful. A look at major sports history reveals the fiction that you can pound on the door one year and then knock it down the next.

Per my Wikipedia research (so take it with a grain of salt): Teams since 1977 who have lost in the title game/series the year before and then turned around and won it all the next year:

Baseball
1977 Yankees (lost to the Reds in 1976, beat the Dodgers the next year -- added Reggie Jackson in 1977)
1989 Athletics (lost to Dodgers and Kirk Gibson in 1988, won the earthquake series in SF the next year)

Hockey
1984 Edmonton Oilers (lost to the Islanders in 1983, destroyed them in 1984)

NFL Football
None.

NBA
Seattle 1978 (lost to Washington in 1977, then beat Washington)
Philly 1983 (Lakers in 1982 and 1983 -- added Moses Malone in 1983)
Lakers 1985 (Boston won in 1984, Lakers beat them in 1985)
Pistons 1989 (lost to Lakers in 7 games in 1988 -- added Mark Aguirre and beat the Lakers in 1989)

Final Four
North Carolina 1982 (lost to Indiana in 1981, then beat Georgetown -- added Jordan in 1982)
Duke 1991 (lost to UNLV in 1990, next year beat Kansas -- added Grant Hill in 1991)
Kentucky 1998 (lost to Arizona in 1997, then beat Utah)

So, it doesn't happen very often..........

Friday, July 18, 2008

Starbucks Shutting Her Down In..........

http://www.starbucks.com/aboutus/USStoreClosureInfo.pdf

Hard hit (based upon the listing):

Indy (7 lost)
St. Louis (5)
Vegas (4)
OK City (4)
Dallas and Plano (9+4 = 13!!!!!!!! Maybe a few too many, guys?)
Houston (8)
Seattle (7)

Mobile, Alabama is listed as losing 5 stores. Mobile, Alabama? Really? A town of 200,000 people with per capita income of $21,000 and 17.6% of people living below the poverty line? Had at least 5 Starbucks stores? Wow.

HM

Big Fat Whiner -- Francisco Liriano

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=3494330

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, I am playing in the minors. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, I want to be called up to the majors. Waaaaah, waaaaah.

Seems to me that Mr. Liriano's agent has a pretty significant conflict of interest here. He also represents Livan Hernandez. What Twins starter is most likely to be shelved if Francisco comes to the majors? That would be Livan Harnandez. SOOOOOOO, you are demanding on behalf of one client that another client basically be benched??? THAT is worthy of an investigation by whomever monitors agent misconduct.

Note to Liriano -- wanna know why you aren't up with the big club? Does 0 and 3 with an 11+ ERA call to mind anything? Let me help -- it is someone's 2008 major league stats with the Twins...............

This is akin to a guy who goes 3 for 50 at the plate for the big club and gets sent down to AAA whining that he doesn't get a call up when he hits .335 against AAA pitching. What you have proven is that you are a good MINOR LEAGUER, nothing more.

The Twins will call Liriano up on September 1 (if not before). Stop your bitching, you big baby whiner.

HM

Villegas Shoots a 65, Trails Greg Norman By 1




And no this is not 1986 -- Greg Norman is, in fact, leading a major tournament.


Villegas's round is one for the books, especially considering that only Pat Perez (shot a 68, probably makes the cut on the number after his opening 82) has managed to shoot within 3 strokes of his round today.


Greg Norman? Greg Norman!?!? Let me throw something out there for you -- Chris Evert must REALLY know how to make her men, um, work out. Connors, John Lloyd had his only good moments as a tennis player while married to her, now Norman at age 53 somehow finds the fountain of youth right after his honeymoon with Chrissie.


Another theory: Norman had to toss $103MM to his ex in order to marry Chris Evert. He probably wants to win a couple million of that back pretty quick. You can't get $2MM designing another crappy course in Tuscaloosa or Shreveport in today's economy. Maybe the Normans got together and said, "Win one for the divorce settlement!"

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Josh Hamilton v. Justin Morneau

Now, my best sport in school, by far, was baseball. I could always hit, despite the fact that I never received any decent instruction. But the truth is I know what works and what doesn't work, so let's review the pros and cons of the swings of Hamilton and Morneau:

Hamilton has what I would call a three-part swing. He starts with the bat on or near the shoulder, loads backward and then drops the bat down while swinging, resulting in extreme wrist action that I haven't seen in a player since Willie Stargell or Cecil Fielder.

Watch the first swing he takes here.

Hamilton's swing should make him late to the ball and also cause him problems with off-speed pitches. Note that when his old HR Derby pitcher got tired he began throwing basically a slider in on Hamilton's hands. That is probably the main reason Hamilton lost the finals -- his pitcher wasn't throwing him very good pitches and his pitches began to have too much movement.

It also appeared to me from the Hamilton highlights shown last night that Josh was using the biggest bat he could find for HR derby. His regular season highlights appeared to show him using smaller, more colorful bats.

Morneau, on the other hand, has a less complex swing. He starts with the bat on his shoulder (like Hamilton) but farther back toward the back of his stance. He almost immediately takes his hands back about 5 inches into the start of the swinging position. He then is very short to the ball, keeps both hands on the bat a lot and appears to rely more on staying in good contact with the ball (he swings more TO the ball, Hamilton swings more through the ball as if it weren't even there).





Hamilton's wrist movement (what Joe Morgan described as "delayed hand action" not sure if this is a massage parlor reference) are so strong that he cannot possibly maintain both hands on the bat through the hitting zone (he would sprain or break his wrist). Hamilton has a far more modern style of hitting. Morneau has a far more old school style of hitting.

The result of this contrast in style is that Hamilton has more overall power (recall that Willie Stargell once hit a ball 506 feet over the right-field stands at Dodger Stadium and Cecil Fielder hit a ball completely out of Milwaukee County Stadium -- estimate: 502 feet).

Morneau, as should be expected, is a better hitter for average (he has less unnecessary movement and less loop to the swing -- he is going to hit the ball solidly more often). Leaving both hands on the bat tends to lessen his extension and pretty much takes away any HR power he might have to left field. Morneau does have exceptional power to right and his ball carries a long way to center (when he stays on the ball and hits it where it is pitched he tends to take it back up the middle....extremely hard).

Hamilton can be late to the ball, but his extremely strong swing allows him to take balls out to left and left center -- in other words, he does not have to make perfect conduct to hit a home run; he can underspin it out of the park (a trait also shared by Mark McGwire who probably hit more "routine fly ball" home runs than anyone I can recall -- he'd hit a fly ball and it would spin and carry 20 feet over the wall).

So there ya go.


HM

Erin Andrews

Great work by Erin Andrews at the Home Run Derby last night. Not as great as these moments collected by another blogger, but great nonetheless.

Erin is 30, so I think she is a tad old for the young "baseballers" (as Monty Burns would call them) but she was DEFINITELY drawing some attention directed at her from Josh Hamilton, Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau (or, as the people called him at the check presentation, "Jason" or "Mar-no" or "Mer-neau").

By the way, Justin prefers "MORE-no." The only real way to remember it is to say: "Not LESS-no but MORE-no."

They are all tall guys (which Erin needs, being about 5'9") but Mauer is only 25 and Hamilton and Justin are only 27.

I was confused by Erin's interest in Mauer's charity work in Minneapolis. I mean, they had about 20 seconds of footage and a very vague description by Mauer to go with. Maybe Erin has taken a shine to the big young Minnesotan?

HM

Brett Favre to Fox News -- Packers Forcing Me Out of Football

As is recorded here , Favre, under the withering questioning for which Fox News is famous ("I take it you are a big boy and can handle it..." Wow.), stated that the Packers won't let him play anywhere in the NFL unless he is willing to wear the baseball hat, carry the clipboard and warm the pine at Lambeau Field.

Fans are protesting and demanding a "shareholder" vote on whether to keep Favre. Hey, I gotta say, if the fans truly "own" the Packers and the majority of the shareholders demand Brett Favre back, I would assume that they can vote out current management and replace them with, say, Brett Favre or his wife, and then have Brett Favre or his wife direct the club's affairs.

Right?

Monday, July 14, 2008

Ding, Dong, Billy Packer's Career Is Dead

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/news/story?id=3485871&campaign=rss&source=ESPNHeadlines

It has gone where the goblins go, below, below, below.....

New Yorker "Satirical" Obama Cover


Um, OK -- up next month? A cover of John McCain in a sombrero and a bottle of tequila, handing jobs over to illegal immigrants and kicking his first wife in the head while he courts his 2nd wife? Or do we just go back to the 2000 GWB campaign and show McCain as a crazy Manchurian Candidate wearing a Mao outfit and reading The Communist Manifesto and Das Kapital?
I guess I would prefer a cover featuring an Animal House type initiation ceremony where McCain submits to GWB, Dick Cheney, Mitt Romney and Rush Limbaugh, stating, "Thank you sir, may I have another."
In the tradition of this sort of clever political satire, New Yorker, I will expect you to soon offer up a cover with a long-nosed Jewish person bathing in gold coins while secretly running the world economy. Everyone will understand that this was just Hitler's view of the world, not yours.

Why I Think PM Could Be A Baseball Player

So we headed out on the "fun" baseball journey this weekend to play in a rural baseball tourney against admittedly-inferior competition (we had been informed that 4 good "A" level teams would be there -- none showed up).

PM's (despite working on his 3rd or 4th batting stance for the year -- this one is akin to a bad Luis Gonzalez stance or one of Carl Yastrzemski's stances from late in his career) stats for the weekend:

1. Average -- .818 (9 for 11)
2. On-Base % -- .846 (11 for 13)
3. Slugging Percentage (total bases divided by at bats) -- 1.454
4. OPS (add 2 and 3) -- 2.300
5. Balls hit off the 230 foot fence on one bounce or on the fly -- 5.

While I realize that the competition wasn't great, I don't think anyone else on the team had more than 2 extra base hits on the weekend. There was only one other ball hit off the wall on the bounce.

I guess as a dad I should probably get him into a week-long baseball camp in the south somewhere so I can evaluate his true upside as a player. But watching him play this weekend was certainly a great deal of fun.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Chunky Duke Big Men -- All Liars?

Add in Elton Brand to Carlos Boozer on the list of chunky Duke power forwards whose word is now alleged to be worthless.

As with Boozer, Brand appeared to have a verbal understanding with his existing team. As with Boozer, Brand felt that his word wasn't worth shit if it cost him the opportunity to make a load of cash elsewhere.

ESPN showed a table the other day that had Brand as one of 4 current NBA players with a career average of 20 points and 10 rebounds a game. KG, Duncan, and Shaq are the others.

Problem -- Brand is about 6'6" and his presence on a team, no matter how much effort he puts out (generally a great deal), has never really resulted in winning teams.

The belief that "all things being equal, you would rather have a great big player than a great small player" is exemplified by comparing Brand, Garnett, Duncan and Shaq through age 28.

Their statistics are nearly identical across the board (Shaq with an edge in the scoring category) but in the area of Win Shares, Brand is simply dwarfed by all of his bigger contemporaries. Shaq, Duncan and Garnett's "Win Shares Above Average" of 141, 129 and 124 through age 28 are significantly higher than Brand's number (55). Why? Brand is a good shot blocker, but that just doesn't result in enough defensive win shares (79, compared to 119 for Shaq and numbers above 150 for Garnett and Duncan).

Simply put, Brand is a great player for his size. Shaq, Garnett and Duncan are great players, period. To further drive home my point: after 9 years in the league, Brand's win shares above average total 55. After 5 years in the league, LeBron James has 60.

There is very good and then there is great -- Brand is very good.........and (according to Coach Dunleavy) a liar.

Jesse Jackson Wants to Cut Obama's Nuts Off

Jesse complains that Obama is "talking down to black people" and indicates that JJ would like to self-administer a castration to Obama. Uh, OK.

So let me get this straight -- when you say that one problem in black society is that there aren't enough good fathers, you are talking down to black people and should have your nuts cut off? OK. Does this same rule apply to people who state that the prejudice and oppression of white society have created a world in which black males find it difficult to be good fathers?

I think your answer here is clearly "No." Because today it is always proper for me to tell my son, "You cannot be a decent basketball player because elements outside of your control prevent it," but it is never OK for me to say, "For god's sake, PM, you need to practice if you want to get better!" That is insulting my child (or as Jesse would say, "talking down" to him).

Phil Gramm -- Jimmy Carter Part II

http://www.newsweek.com/id/145421

So, McCain's #1 guy on the economy decides to pull out the old Jimmy Carter idea that it is THE PEOPLE who are at fault for the bad economy. Nice.

So we have gone from Carter's "malaise" speech (where Jimmy just hinted that we were all whiners) to Phil Gramm's "You are all whiners" speech. Well, at least the McCain camp is more direct when insulting the common every day folk.

Remarkable, we are almost exactly where Carter left us in 1979-80. Stagflation has returned, gas prices are at unseen levels, levels almost unimaginable when the President (Carter or GWB) took office. No one worldwide respects us. So, I guess it is fitting that we see a return of the malaise speech from the party currently in power.

By the way, McCain's #1 advisor is PHIL GRAMM??? The Phil Gramm who is such a great supporter of films like "Truck Stop Women"? The Phil Gramm who submitted deregulation legislation while his wife was on the board at Enron? That Phil Gramm?

Wow. Glad to see we are heading down the tracks on the "Straight Talk Express."

Thursday, July 10, 2008

I Will Return --- Right Now

Some thoughts:

1) I see why my parents enjoy train travel -- no traffic, can fall asleep, can read a book, get to eat meals with other travelers and chat. Certainly if your other option is to drive, train-ing it makes a great deal of sense.

For a 12 year old boy like PM --- not so much.

2) Every high level AAU team that I saw has the same makeup as an NBA club: one or two big stars, some "starter" level players, and some role players. So even when you get to the point of recruiting every star you can find, some turn into true stars, some into starters but not stars, and some basically fill a role and play the best they can despite the competition level being so high (PM is the last category).

3) The refereeing on the AAU level is basically non-existent. Imagine the roughest pickup game you have ever been in. Then imagine that there were two guys with whistles standing by who called shooting fouls, times guys got tackled and fell to the floor, and nothing else. That is top-level AAU basketball.

Our best guy in Fort Wayne was a kid who is 5'9" and 175 lbs. -- huge, strong white kid. If you are that size, the "rules" of AAU basketball work strongly in your favor. No one could stop him.

4) Fort Wayne? Um, a poor man's Buffalo.

5) Tourney -- facilities were great, but they posted absolutely NOTHING on line. You had to physically go to the main gym and read the game results off a sheet of paper. Winter tourneys in Minnesota suburbs post the results in real time on the tourney Web site. "National" tourney? Uh, no. Not sure computers have come to IN. Tourney was over on Tuesday, I can't find any results.

6) Best player I saw -- 7th grade black kid about 6'4" played for the same Cleveland team that Cavs coach Mike Brown's son played for. (Mike was there -- looks just like he does on TV). The big fella had arms that went almost down to his knees and shoulders as wide as Garnett's. Kid could not shoot AT ALL outside 4 feet, but he got everything inside and no one brought it in to him.

7) Observation -- in the 6th grade top bracket I saw a bunch of all-white teams and a bunch of teams who had a 50-50% racial makeup. In the 7th grade bracket, the number of white players I saw dropped substantially.


8) Highway 30 from Chicago to Fort Wayne -- not sure they could place any more stop lights on it. I would estimate 100+ from Valpo to Fort Wayne.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Fourth of July Trip







Off I go on my Fourth of July trip. My weekend will be full of love for my country, love for Chicago (but not the Sox, sorry K) and love for AAU Basketball in Fort Wayne, Indiana.






So, as Glass Tiger advised so eloquently, "Don't Forget Me When I'm Gone."

Cockroaches, Twinkies and Brett Favre

Favre continues to try to find ways to extend his football career. Reports have a relative of Favre's saying that Favre is 50-50 on a return. Other reports say that he asked the Packers for his outright release and they refused to give him one. Other rumors involve Favre as the perfect QB to lead...............Minnesota.........to a Super Bowl victory.

Anyone who has ever seen The Simpsons' episode where Mr. Burns sells the nuclear plant to the Germans knows why Favre needs to stick around. He is nothing without football. There is nothing in his background that would suggest that he can do anything else except play football. When he was a backup for Atlanta, Favre admitted that he basically did nothing productive and sat around and drank. His degree from Southern Mississippi is in teaching Special Ed. I doubt he goes and does that.

In Wall-E the movie we are reminded of the predictions that after the end of human life on earth there will be two things -- cockroaches and Twinkies. I think that the movie makers should have also included a guy in a green #4 jersey asking Wall-E if if wants to sign him to a professional football contract.

Of players who are not kicking game specialists or linemen, Favre ranks tied for 5th in most games played.

Seau and Favre -- 257
Clay Matthews -- 278
Darrell Green -- 295
Rice -- 303
George Blanda -- 340 (I have not broken down his kicker/non-kicker games, so it is possible that Rice is the true leader here).

When PM turns 44, he will be writing his Blog asking when Brett Favre will finally retire.....

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Guy Making 9 Million Dollars or More This Upcoming Year -- Which Ones Gave Their Teams the Least Last Year?

OK. I am going off the hoopshype.com salary figures (which I have decided are about 90-95% accurate, but it is an easy resource).

Not counting guys who are going to sign free agent deals here in the next week or so (some of those guys aren't on the hoopshype list yet -- Baron, Tawn, etc.), I count 65 guys who are due to make $9MM or more this upcoming year. In order (as best I can tell).

KG
Marbury
Iverson
Kidd
Jermaine O'Neal
Kobe
McGrady
Duncan
Shaq
Francis
Dirk
Pierce
Marion
Ray Allen
Rashard Lewis
Michael Redd
Mike Bibby
Kirilenko
Gasol
Yao
Amare
Zach Randolph
Odom
Ben Wallace
Bosh
Wade
Melo
LeBron

The cutoff for this list is $14,410,000 (Wade, Melo and LeBron tie). The guys 26 through 65 are (again, as best I can tell, in order)

14MM plus:
Joe Johnson, Kenyon Martin

13MM plus:
Sheed, Richard Jefferson, Peja
Dwight Howard
Wally Szczerbiak

12MM plus:
Larry Hughes, Raef LaFrentz, Steve Nash, Jason Richardson

11MM plus:
Boozer,
Tony Parker (shouldn't he get to trade names with Rays' 3B "Evan Longoria"? I think so!)
Brad Miller, Chauncey

10MM Plus:
Tyson Chandler, Ilgauskas, Rip, Dalembert, Troy Murphy, Hinrich

9MM Plus:
Andre Miller (listed at 9,999,999 -- there must be a story there)
Josh Howard, Ginobili, Bobby Simmons
David West (salary listed as declining for 2010 and 2011, if so, advantage Hornets!)

(Warning -- Hall of Big Man Suckiness Approaching)
Adonal Foyle, Eddy Curry, Nene, Dampier

(now out of hole)
Kaman, Prince, Kevin Martin, Cuttino Mobley, Jason Terry, Antoine Walker, Mike Miller, Boris Diaw, Darius Miles, Dunleavy
(Miller, Diaw, Dunleavy and Miles all tie at $9MM).

OK, so you take the list and you remove all guys on the first three teams of the all-NBA team and anyone on the first or second team all-defense. Then you take away anyone who started for the Spurs, Pistons, Lakers or Celtics (league final 4, you assume that ownership was happy with these guys).

Unfortunately, that still leaves you with 45 guys. So I will delete all guys who played on the Olympic qualifying team or the team that will go in August.

Now we have 38.

So, a subjective test first -- do I think the guy was a very good NBA starter last year or has a chance to become a good NBA starter?

OK. That deletes 16 and leaves me with these 22 guys:

Marbury, Shaq, Francis, Bibby, Kirilenko, Zach Randolph, Ben Wallace, KMart, Wally, Hughes, Raef LaFrentz, Troy Murphy, Bobby Simmons, Adonal Foyle, Eddy Curry, Nene, Dampier, Mobley, Antoine Walker, Diaw, Miles, Dunleavy

Throw out the guys who are top 100 in Efficiency: lose 7 guys

Final 15 -- Marbury, Francis, Ben Wallace, Wally, Hughes, LaFrentz, Simmons, Foyle, Curry, Nene, Dampier, Mobley, Toine, Diaw, Miles.

See if anyone can get top 100 in Efficiency per 48: yep. Dampier. So now 14.

Let's exclude those at 150 and higher in Efficiency (so they may not play that well, but they do play a lot): Ben Wallace, Stephon, Diaw, Mobley, Curry *** These guys are all horribly, horribly overpaid and they deserve special note here, but they give you more than 9 other guys, so we move on.


Final 9 -- Steve Francis, Wally S., Larry Hughes, Raef LaFrentz, Bobby Simmons, Foyle, Nene, Antoine Walker, Darius Miles

OK -- now it has reached a point here where I am just splitting hairs. I mean, Wally, Toine, Simmons and Hughes give you almost the exact same Efficiency per 48 number. They all do next to nothing for you. Then you have the group of Miles/Foyle/LaFrentz/Nene who don't really play much NBA basketball any more.

So, who am I going to pick on? You guessed it -- Steve Francis.

While most of his pay comes from an old team (Portland), he still makes top 10 money in the league if you pro-rate his buyout and he, quite frankly, sucked the big one for the Rockets before he got hurt last year and had year ending surgery. (Plus, in what might be the ultimate act of hubris, he passed up more money from other suitors to return to Houston so he could resurrect his glory days.....yeah, uh huh....this is basically like me passing up a $400,000 law professor job at Minnesota in order to relive my legal glory days at Duke for $200,000. Um, that was long ago and far away Stevie -- no one wants you back.)

HM

Is Gilbert Arenas Worth a Maximum Contract?

The Wiz have re-signed Antawn Jamison to a contract (4 years, $50MM). They are now considering whether to sign Gilbert Arenas to a 6 year $124 million contract, the maximum allowed by the NBA for players not under contract prior to the league's institution of the maximum salary guidelines (for example, Kevin Garnett stands to make the very round figure of $24,750,000 this year -- he was a grandfathered player under the max salary rules -- note for future reference that KG will take a 33% pay cut after this upcoming year and save the Celtics $8MM in 2009-10, more than enough to offset the pay raises due Pierce and Allen).

I think a good inquiry for "at best" and "at worst" for a Gilbert Arena maximum deal right now in the NBA is Kobe Bryant and Michael Redd. You could sign the deal and he could end up being as good as Kobe Bryant or as overpaid as Michael Redd (still a very good player, but not worth a max deal). So what I have done is to try to compare the stats of Redd/Bryant/Arenas through a relatively equal number of games/minutes: so the result is that Arenas has areas of comparability to both guys. His defensive rating is more similar to Redd's. His offensive rating is equal to a young Kobe. He has not proven to be the winner (as judged by win shares) that a young Kobe was, and he is more akin to Redd in that regard. The stats of a young Kobe and a current Redd and a current Arenas are very, very similar. The question is -- is Arenas likely to get better or get worse?

I come down on the side of "get worse." He is a heavily muscled guy who is starting to have injury problems. He has a surgically repaired knee and he was never a very interested defender when he was healthy (although he used to be a high steals guy, so at least he could be somewhat productive in that one defensive area).

Arenas -- worth $124MM? My conclusion -- no. I would sign and trade with the Warriors and try to bring some young talent over.

Antawn Jamison -- worth $12.5MM a year for four years? I cannot believe I am saying this, but yes. Why? NBA Starter level salary is $10,000,000 a year. If you are a legit guy who can start for any NBA club, you are worth $10MM. So check that box as a plus. Does he care about the team? Well, he just took a decent sized pay cut ($16MM last year, probably about $11MM this year). Check.

And Antawn (salary drive or no) went 20 and 10 last year!!!!! He was 10th in the league in both total rebounds and rebounds per game. Antawn Jamison. Yep. Checked it. It is true.

He will never be first-team all-defense and John Stockton's assist records are not in danger, but hey, even at age 32 he is doing a hell of a job. A four-year starter-sized contract is an acceptable use of money for a guy who since 2000-01 has missed a total of 32 games.


HM

Brand, Baron and (B)Maggette

So, the Warriors plot revenge against the Clippers for signing Baron Davis to a 5 year $65MM deal. Rumor is that the Warriors woulod go the whole boat and sign Brand to a Maximum Contract Deal.

Word is that Corey Maggette's days in L.A. are basically over and he wants to be in Orlando if possible. Philly and Memphis are the only teams with enough cap room to give Corey enough money to make him truly happy, absent a sign and trade.

So what is driving all of this free spending? Clearly the Celtics' success in having Pierce, All and Garnett (all making $15MM or more) is encouraging owners to finally recognize that you have to have more than one star to win. This is hardly news, but NBA owners are a tad slow on the uptake.

Mavs to Sign Diop to a $30MM+ Deal??

As reported here the Mavericks are planning on signing DeSagana Diop to their full mid-level exception! Uh, why?

I recognize that Diop makes a lot more sense for a high-end playoff team than he does for a mediocre team (his 10-12 good minutes a game may be great when you have 4 big-time stars).

From a fiscal responsibility standpoint, this is similar to me buying my neighbor's house for 4 times its actual value because I want to expand my house. OK, I need the lot and I don't have any expansion options if I don't get the lot, but couldn't I get the house for, say, 2 times what it is worth? Or, god forbid, its actual value? I mean, after all, is my neighbor going to get even 2X from anyone? I don't think so.

If ever there was a question as to whether Mark Cuban had too much money, I think we have our answer here -- yes.

Diop has never averaged even 19 minutes a game as a player and his 2007-08 statistics are not even close to those put up by Joel Pryzbilla!!!

HM