Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Mike Leach -- Fired

And so ends the whole "He said he had a concussion and couldn't practice so I made him stand for 3 hours in a dark room" discussion for now.

I think everyone knows that Leach did what he is accused of doing (taking a kid who could not practice and punishing him by putting him in isolation). Whether you describe it as "monitoring" the kid "closely with medical personnel around" or whether you consider it "putting him in a closet in the dark," one fact remains -- it was a dickish move and completely unnecessary. Leach was pissed that the kid would not practice so instead of (for example) just letting him sit and watch or (for example) just giving him the day off from practice, Leach just HAD to do something to show that he was unhappy about the kid going to the doctor and getting a note saying he could not practice.

Ultimate result -- they will settle and Leach will get a job somewhere else. He will be no worse for the wear and Texas Tech will try to find a cheaper coach who can win with Leach's players.


Monday, November 16, 2009

Erin Andrews Speaker Fee

You mean, if I am a single guy with some money, I can stage an event and call it "the HM Charity Gala" and get Erin Andrews to show up and give a speech for as low as $7,500!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It costs $40,000 plus to get Ian Woosnam to give a speech! It costs 50-100% more than Erin's fee to get Bonnie Bernstein to give a speech!!!

Single men, this is the greatest bargain on the market that I am aware of. Get 29 friends together, agree to dress up and rent a hall somewhere (what? maybe $1,500?) and then split the cost of Erin Andrews hanging out all night with you and giving a speech on something.

Suppose you can get the $7,500 rate. Add in the $1,500 for the hall and maybe some refreshments and $1,000 for finger food. $10,000 divided by 30 = $333 each and you all would get to meet Erin Andrews!!!

I am just saying......

Monday, November 09, 2009

Jenn Sterger -- No More Implants

Just read this at K's Blog.

Summary -- "I am going to take the only thing that 99% of my fans like about me and do away with it. That will jump start my career." OK. What did they say when Average Joe's forfeited in the Las Vegas Open Dodgeball final? "Interesting strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off for them."

Query -- should you run a Blog post about how you have made the courageous decision to take out your implants over the top of a background featuring pictures of you falling almost-out of lingerie due to your.....big sexy implants?????? Right? Shouldn't it be over a background of you reading a book or explaning the theory of the universe, etc.? Just sayin'............


Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Miss Californi-cation

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Bill Simmons On Meeting Isiah Thomas

You want to talk about irony? How about Simmons and Isiah agreeing that NBA players are now too nicey-nicey with one the same time they are meeting in a swank Vegas pool to be all nicey-nicey with each other?

Simmons, as he admits, has just killed Isiah in print and he has absolutely no respect for Isiah, yet when he meets Isiah he sucks up to him and nods along at Isiah's ridiculous statements (he didn't kill the CBA? Um, before Isiah owned it, it existed; after he owned it, it was bankrupt).

This is why I have such a hard time being around people I hate. It is very difficult for me to even be civil to them. If you truly do not like someone, there is a reason. Why should you have to pretend that you get along?

Anyway -- good reading.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Baby Boomer Death Counter

Um, Yikes! In Canada, they start counting at 1966 (not 1964), so I am going to claim that my recent trip to Toronto makes me a Canadian.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Rumeal Robinson -- Homeless

Of course, the best part of the story is Rumeal's spending $20,000 a night on strippers. Rumeal -- if you are spending $20,000 a night, it better be on HOOKERS!!! He would invite them home to clean his house? Shouldn't that be thrown in with the $20,000 lap dance bill.

Learn your negotiation skills, fellas. Learn your negotiation skills.


Thursday, October 08, 2009

Miguel Cabrera -- Playing Drunk

If Cabrera was 0.26 BAC and he started playing 11.5 hours later, and he processes alcohol at .015 per hour.

.015 times 11.5 = .165

0.26 minus .165 = .095 -- over the legal limit in most states.

The good thing, I guess, is he would not be hung over....since he would still be drunk. And by like the 5th inning he might be under the legal limit!

The Tigers decision to allow him to play after the Tigers' GM personally had to drive him home from the police station is a giant black mark on the Tigers organization. Can you imagine ANY situation where a guy shows up drunk, the GM knows he is drunk and probably hit his wife, and everyone in the entire nation will know that he was drunk (there was a police report) and YOU PLAY HIM ANYWAY!!!!????!!!

And that doesn't even scratch the surface. The guy is like 6'4" and 250 pounds and he is getting into a physical confrontation with his wife??? The GM's reply -- "Well, we have player treatment programs for this...." Great, uh huh. Just come out and say it Dave, "We needed the win. I had every incentive to look the other way, and I did."

Tigers' New Motto -- "Drunk? Wife Beater? Who Cares. Just Win Baby!!!"

TBS Baseball Coverage -- Awful

Chip Carey in Twins v. Tigers: "There is a single to left, caught, the throw home....he is out, double play." I was at the game, so I have that one second hand.

Here are my complaints from last night:

1) Chip early in the game: "There is a single to left [ball is caught easily]......or I should say, caught by Delmon Young."

Chip -- any ball lined to the outfield is not automatically a hit. Teams have three outfielders out there trying to catch the ball.

2) The stupid pitch box. They are charting Francisco Liriano's pitches. #1 -- 2 feet outside; #2 -- a foot high; #3 low and inside; #4 -- a foot high. Thanks for the graphics taking up 20% of my screen. If I wanted to watch something that reminded me of Halo or Call of Duty, I would go sit with PM for 3 hours.

3) Ron Darling -- He seems to vary between a) "nearly comatose," b) "VERY understated" and c) "excited for no reason."

His general state is "a" -- I know you are Hawaiian, Ron, but my goodness, cut back on whatever you are smoking to relax yourself pre-game.

Mauer commits two base-running errors and barely scores -- Ron: "you see there when the catcher took his eye off Mauer, he went home." You are missing the entire point of the play, Ron, plus Mauer actually STOPPED after Posado looked away from him the first time.

Example of "b" -- Joe Mauer doubles -- "That is Joe Mauer. One of the better hitters in the league." One of the better hitters? 3 time batting champ? Led the league in average, OBS, slugging %, and OPS. When Ron was at his wedding, did he tell his wife, "You look as good or better than most brides"?

Ron as a CNN commentator -- "The United States -- one of the better militaries in the world."

Example of "c" -- Denard Span hits a hard one-hopper to A-Rod to start a double play. Ron goes on and on and on about how great A-Rod is for knowing exactly where to play Denard Span.
He must have spent 3 minutes praising A-Rod's awesome positioning.

Um, Ron, it was a bunting situation. He was in and near the line. Even IF it was his idea, it wasn't exactly a brilliant play.
Second, I would imagine that the Yankees don't just tell their fielders, "Go stand wherever you think he might hit the ball." I would suspect that the bench coach and manager know exactly where guys should be played and they tell A-Rod to stand in the appropriate spot.

Ron was extremely disappointed when Michael Cuddyer singled softly to right off Sabathia -- "That was unlucky for Sabathia." I have seen that ball hit 200 times in playoff baseball and the announcers 98% of the time will say, "Good piece of hitting there." Ron -- can't get over how unlucky C.C. was.

But when Span spanks a ball very hard right at A-Rod, is Span "unlucky" or C.C. "lucky" -- nope, that just goes to show how brilliant A-Rod is.

I turned the sound off in about the 5th inning.

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

This Almost Happened......

If that fact doesn't scare the shit out of you as an American citizen, I don't know what will. They should have given the main character much larger breasts and a worse (more accurate) voice.

Tribute to The Last Few Days As a Minnesota Sports Fan

Look at the pictures, listen to the music video (or look at Tina Turner in 1990).

Monday, October 05, 2009

My Favorite Office Quotes from "The Deposition"

Just saw it again a couple weeks ago. Great episode in which Michael is trying (and not succeeding) to help his girlfriend Jan's case by giving a deposition:

Jan's lawyer: How long have you known the plantiff?
Michael Scott: I haven't actually seen it. But I have seen The Firm and I am planning on renting The Pelican Brief.

Jan's lawyer: How long have you known Ms. Levinson?
Michael Scott: Six years and two months.
Jan's lawyer: And you were directly under her the entire time?
Michael Scott: That's what she said.
Jan's lawyer: Excuse me?
Michael Scott: [slowly] That's what she said.

Jan's lawyer: Now Mr. Scott, what did you say Ms. Levinson said, regarding your employment status, with respect to her corporate position?

Jan: If I may, he was just telling a joke before, so can we move on to a different question?
Jan's lawyer: Are you sure?
Jan: Uh, yes.
Jan's lawyer: Can you go back to where this digression began?
Court reporter: [reading] Mr. Schneider. And you were directly under her the entire time? Mr. Scott. That's what she said.
Michael Scott: Well. Delivery's all wrong. She's butchering it.

Jan's lawyer: [reading from Michael's journal] I quote from an entry dated January four of this past year. 'Just got back from Jamaica. Tan almost everywhere. Jan almost everywhere. Hee hee. Oh diary, what a week. I had sex with my boss. I don't know if it's going to go anywhere. Jan was very specific that this is not going anywhere, that it was a one-time mistake. But we had sex six times so you tell me.

Michael Scott (to Jan's lawyer): Hey, Schneider, real quick. What do you call a buttload of lawyers driving off a cliff.
Jan's lawyer: A good start. And I think it's busload.
Michael Scott: Yeah. A bunch of rich lawyers took the bus. [to Jan] Where'd you find this guy?

Thursday, October 01, 2009

Temptations -- I Wish It Would Rain

Although the song is about wishing it WOULD rain (sunshine, blue skies, please go away), I have always enjoyed it more on rainy days like today:

Raindrops will hide my teardrops......

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Res Ipsa Loquitur

Read first link first.

Then note picture of alleged wrongdoer.

I will be expecting (nay, "praying for") a fundraising call from West Chester University Foundation.......

"HM, what is this gift to WCUF for $10,000"???

Monday, September 28, 2009

Vikings -- Winners (Plus More HM Travails)

(Play the Music while you read the post).

So I get four free tickets to Vikings/SF. Two in Section 100; two in Section 105. Two are from a guy I referred work to; two are from a vendor.

I attend with my two daughters and one of their friends. Young one is going to sit with me in 105; the 15 year olds will sit together. We get to the game at about 11:45, which is far too late as I know now. Anyway, we get in line around 11:50 to go in. The Dome now has a "female" lines and a "male" lines, like Disneyland, presumably so they can search women's purses. With three girls, I go in one line and they are in the girls line.

I get to the front, hand the guy my ticket. Yeah, not valid. Scan again -- nope. So I pull out the Stub Hub e-mail that they gave me "in case there is a problem." Ticket guy -- "Yeah, that doesn't help you any." The guy in line behind me is now really pissed because he is going to miss kickoff because my ticket will not scan. He says, "Here, I have an upper deck ticket that I won't need. Just let him in." He gives me the ticket, I get in.

My daughters are 20 feet away, but they give me their story later. My very bright 15 year old has her ticket scanned (section 100) -- nope. Then her friend gets scanned (section 100) -- good. Huh? Of course my 11 year old gives the Section 105 ticket to the person and it is also bad.

So I was given four free tickets to a Vikes and of them were scannable at the gate. OK. Bad.

So I walk in and there are the 3 girls. My eldest says, "Wow. That was bad. The lady asked us if we went out and came back in. Then she asked us if we stole our tickets. She said that she was going to let us in, but only "on trust.""

Well, this is probably just a scanning error. So I sent the two girls to 100 and Diabetes Maven and I went to Section 105. There is a huge fat guy and his chunky Asian girlfriend in our seats. They have computer printouts showing their seats as being......exactly where they are sitting.

So I go to an usher and ask for the section for fan relations.

We go to section 110. Now, if you are ever in my situation DO NOT DO WHAT I DID. You are in the building. Look around for a couple empty seats in the lower deck and sit there. I almost ended up out on the street.

DM and I go up to the lady at the ticket office (35 or so, medium build). I explain my problem and give her my tickets and my Stub Hub e-mail. Here is our conversation:

HM -- "So, I have two tickets here that a lawyer friend spent $300 on and someone is in our seats."

Lady -- Yeah. You have been duped. The people in your seats have valid seats and you do not.
You were duped.

HM -- "Well, the e-mail says I should show you guys the e-mail if there is a problem."

Lady -- "Yeah, that is worthless. It means nothing to us. Call Stub Hub and tell them you have been duped."

HM -- "Well, I came her to watch a game."

Lady -- "And you were duped. I am sorry you were duped. But we have tickets still for sale. You could buy two."

HM -- "I will not be buying two tickets to a game where someone paid $300 so I could go. Can I speak to someone back there?"

Lady -- "I guess. Let me see if you can speak with Chuck."

Chuck is a guy with a buzz cut, around 5'7", 155, coiled steel. Chuck is the kind of guy who you would start a fight with because he is little and in about 11 seconds you would be lucky to be alive.

Chuck -- "So here is what happened. You were duped. This guy sold these tickets to Stub Hub and then re-sold them to someone else. The second guy got the e-mailed tickets. Once tickets are e-mailed, the originals become worthless. Yours are worthless. So, yeah, you were duped."

HM -- "Please stop saying I was duped. I was given tickets by an attorney friend. I paid $0 for these tickets. I was never DUPED. So please stop saying I was duped. Is there nothing you can do for me, Chuck? I have two young kids in the game sitting in a different section."

Chuck -- "I will walk back and get you two tickets."

HM -- "Thank you, Chuck."

So I get Section 224, Row 1. We walk up and I show the usher my tickets -- "You have to walk around to the other side. The seats are on the other side." Walk the semi-circle. Show the fans over there -- "You have to go to the other side, they are on the other end."

Ask the same usher. "Do they say ROW 1!?!? I thought it said Row Z. Yeah, you are right there. (points)."


In any event, we had OK seats, for free, so I don't want to bitch too much. But what happens at the end of the game? Favre to Greg the end zone where I could have been sitting, in the corner where I would have been. (click on section 105).

...........Instead I am 300 yards away texting my wife to see if she thought the guy was in or not.

I would like to see the guy who double-sold his tickets punished in some manner. Example -- castration.


Friday, September 25, 2009

Hit On After Cardiac Rehab

I went to my 7:30 a.m. cardiac rehab appointment today. Yesterday I was out all day because I got a back molar extracted (and since I am on Plavix, I kind of bleed a lot). But anyway, my molar extraction pain made it so that I basically ate nothing yesterday and this morning, then I got to treadmill for 40 minutes today. So by 9AM I was going to look as thin as I will ever look in the near future.

Last night I was feeling really bad and my whole left side felt swollen from the tooth pain, so I took my wedding ring off. I forgot to put it back on this morning.

I am in line for a bottled water and a blueberry muffin (they say "low fat muffins" on the sign, but I am skeptical) at the hospital coffe shop. My duffel bag is at my feet. I move up in line, kicking the duffel bag ahead of me on the tile floor. Female voice, "You must have played hockey or soccer didn't you." Turn around -- short little doctor lady, about 5'3," blonde hair, accent, probably 40. Yeah, no, I was a basketball player. "Well, you just showed so much skill in moving that bag, those looked like some trained feet!" No. And I really do not care for soccer. "Oh, that is too bad because I bet you would be really good at it. Plus I love soccer." [Place my order]. "I played two years of volleyball at university in Australia and I was really good.........just too short I guess. The coaches seemed to prefer the new recruits -- taller girls." I know what you mean about the too short thing. "Well, you seem plenty tall to me. I bet you were quite an athlete."

My lord. I finally said so long and walked away.

Note to self -- remember wedding ring every day for cardiac rehab. But wait, bad economy, single lady doctor -- damn, I blew that one!

Monday, September 21, 2009

Blake Lively Red Dress at 2009 Emmys

For those critics who reviewed the red dress and said "too much skin" I reply -- for a church picnic perhaps.

Also featured -- Blake Lively in orange.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Dan Marino -- Extremely Overrated

Dan Marino's career playoff stats (courtesy of wikipedia):

10 Years

18 Games

8 Wins (ergo, 10 losses)

385 Completions

687 Attempts

56.0 Completion percentage

4,510 Yards

6.6 Yards per attempt

32 TDs

24 INTs

77.1 passer rating

15 rushing attempts

1 total rushing yard

0.07 yards per rush

1 rushing TD.

So Dan Marino was a below-.500 playoff QB and his rating was 77.1. Tarvaris Jackson's career rating as an NFL QB? 76.4. So come playoff time, Marino was barely better than T-Jack.

Apologists for Marino claim he was hampered by the fact that he played with a poor defense. That would not explain his 77.4 T-Jackish rating. But let's examine this claim versus, say, Jim Kelly who led the Bills to 4 Super Bowls. As one commenter noted on

The Bills and Dolphins each split their Reg. season games in '90, '92, and '95, yet Kelly and the Bills beat Marino and the Dolphins ALL 3 YEARS in the PLAYOFFS. The icing on the cake---the Dolphins had the HIGHER RANKED DEFENSE in both '90 and '92. Plus, Kelly led the Bills to the S.B. in both years. One other thing--Kelly also led them to the S.B. in '91 and '93 and his Defense in both of those years was ranked 27th out of 28 Teams.

Look at 1991 and 1993 -- Bills defense was next to last in the league and yet they reached the Super Bowl.

When Marino was backed by a defense ranked 24th or worse, he made the playoffs....................................once. In 1997 the Dolphins had the #26 ranked defense, eked into the playoffs at 9-7 and then proceeded to lose to New England. Well, I am sure the score was 54-51 or something, right? Well, no. Try 17-3. Marino's line? 17 for 42 with 0 TDs and 2 picks. Scored no touchdowns.

To further refute the ridiculous claim that Marino was victimized in the playoffs by his team's defense, let's look at the number of points he managed to put up in his 10 playoff losses:

20, 16, 14, 34, 10, 21, 22, 3, 3, 7.

You are not going to win many playoff games scoring an average of 15 points. If you remove the high and the low (34 and 3) you end up with 113 points in 8 games -- 14 points a game, even worse.

Much like A-Rod, Dan Marino was a far better regular season player and well, let's face it, a pretty T-Jackian playoff performer. When his team lost, it was generally because Dan failed to put up many points.

Does he belong in the Hall of Fame? Sure, just like someone like Rafael Palmeiro (steroids aside) belongs in the Hall due to very good regular season play over a very long period of time.

(You need to sort of ignore the fact that Marino had a Hall of Fame coach, came to a playoff team when he was drafted and yet made the playoffs only 10 of 17 years (59%) -- Troy Aikman came to a 3-13 team and yet made the playoffs 8 of 12 years (67%); and Jim Kelly came to a team that had been 2-14 and then made the playoffs 7 out of 11 years (64%)).

But is Dan Marino one of the most overrated players in NFL history? Yes. No doubt.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Susan Boyle -- "Wild Horses"

Start at about 2:30 in.

I am no big fan of America's Got Talent (I think that this year's winner cannot sing as well as I can -- I mean it), but I watched last night because I wanted to see Shakira and Susan Boyle.

Shakira was lip synching, but Susan Boyle was amazing. She might be a train wreck with a lot of baggage, but she can sing.

Back in the early 1970s when I was just a little kid this sort of TV performance was not unusual -- you dress up a female star in a designer gown and have her sing with an orchestra. I was amazed at how old fashioned the performance was, but, again, it was beautifully done.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Is Kanye West Gay?

Given his outburst last night:

Kanye West Storms The VMA Stage

we have to wonder what psychological problem Kanye West has.

It has often been opined by people who study these things that denial of sexual identity can cause you some very serious mental issues:

West is rumored to be gay and he vigorously denies it:

I am sure that Kanye is as straight as any person can possibly be, so I definitely believe him. But suppose that someone took the exact opposite position and disbelieved Kanye (who is obviously not gay -- after all, he said so).

One might say that by denying his sexual identity, West has caused himself such emotional and mental anguish that he feels that he has to make up for his self loathing through outrageous conduct. Of course, that person would be wrong, because Kanye West is not gay. But like Fox News, I am trying to be "fair and balanced" here and present both arguments so my readers can decide for themselves whether Kanye West is a self-loathing person who is really gay. (He is not. He said so).


Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Mike Duvall: 1) Spanker; 2) Quitter

My Goodness, Olajuwon and Robinson Were Awfully Good

I took Kevin Garnett, one of the greatest players of our generation, and asked to compare his stats through 14 seasons with those of Hakeem and David. Result -- no contest, those two guys were WAY, WAY better.

While KG is a better passer than either of these two, he holds no other significant statistical advantage. Robinson and Olajuwon basically double KG's blocks per game number AND they outscored him AND their PER rating is better.

Robinson's greatness as a player is cemented by the fact that of the three great players, he had the best Offensive Rating (116 points created per 100 possessions) and the best defensive rating (96 points surrendered per 100 possessions). He also is #8 all-time in Win Shares (despite the fact that he entered the league at age 24 and played only until he was 37. Every guy above him played many more games.

Summary -- KG has been excellent, but still nowhere near the player than the other two guys were for their first 14 years.

Thursday, September 03, 2009

Most Errors at Each Position Since 1950

Since players were not even required to bring their gloves off the field with them until 1954 (!!), it probably makes sense to look at the time period when gloves were decent and you could run around without tripping on someone else's glove:

1b Dick Stuart Boston Red Sox 29 errors and a .979 fielding percentage

2b Rod Carew Minnesota Twins 33 .960
Juan Samuel Philadelphia Phillies 33 .962

3b Butch Hobson Boston Red Sox 43 .899

SS Roy Smalley, Sr. Chicago Cubs 51 .945

lf Lou Brock St. Louis Cardinals 9 assists 19 errors .936 percentage

cf Willie McGee St.L. Cardinals/Oak. A's 14 assists 17 erros .962

rf Chili Davis California Angels 10 19 .942
(tie) Vladimir Guerrero Montreal Expos 15 19 .948

c John Bateman Houston Astros 23 errors .971 percentage
(tie) Thurman Munson New York Yankees 23 .972

Info taken from:

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Ricky Rubio -- His Word Is Worth.....Well....Shit

David Kahn says, "Rubio fucked us over."

On Saturday night, an agreement was reached between Dan Fegan, the agent for Ricky Rubio, Jordi Villacampa, the president of Joventut Badalona, and myself on behalf of the Minnesota Timberwolves to buy out the last two years of Ricky’s contract with Joventut so that he could play in the NBA next season.

While the term sheet was being finalized Monday night, Ricky informed me that, despite considering us his first option the previous weekend - and, admittedly, after some back and forth throughout the summer - he preferred to stay at home to play for FC Barcelona, which earlier this summer had made a buyout offer to Joventut. He also reaffirmed that it was his intention to join us in Minnesota two years from now when he will be 20.

This morning I met with Ricky and his parents and told them that I understood Ricky’s decision. It was clear to me yesterday and in this morning’s meeting that the pressure surrounding Ricky and his family to remain in Spain for at least two more years had only intensified as the summer wore on and was weighing heavily on them.

Ricky Rubio says, "Heck, I lie all of the time, so why not end with another whopper for those inbred dolts in frigid Minnesota.":

Ricky Rubio:“The reason leading me to take this next step is to have a period of preparation to better take the challenge of the NBA in better conditions as a player. The Minnesota Timberwolves continue to be my first option and I wish to play with them in the near future.”

Monday, August 31, 2009

Why Amare Stoudemire Should NOT Get a Big Free Agent Deal confirms what I had always thought -- Amare, Antonio McDyess, Shawn Kemp and Shareef Abdur-Raheem are very, very similar players. What do they have in common through age 26?

-- explosive young legs
-- great interior finishers
-- spectacular leapers, but mediocre defenders and rebounders for their ability

Amare makes $16.4MM this year and has an option for about $17.7MM next year. He can also opt out. So........................anyone want to pick him up as a free agent or in a trade? Certainly the Suns didn't field any amazing offers this off season.

What does history teach us about player like Amare at age 27 and beyond?

Rahim -- stats fell off after age 26, never a big factor thereafter.
McDyess -- knees went on him, has become a very good 24 minute a game player thereafter.
Kemp -- rebounding slowly declined, shooting percentage went down, then he got fat and ate himself out of the league.

Hardly a great endorsement for signing Amare to some big deal.

Amare supporters could say, "Well, how about Kevin Garnett and Chris Webber?"

As Lloyd Benson might have said, "Amare, you aren't KG or C-Webb."

Webber and Garnett both have had season where they recorded 5 assists a game (compared to Amare's best season of.........2 per game......Amare has never come close to getting 1 assist per turnover, ever). At age 26, Garnett was getting 13.4 rebounds a game and 3 steals plus blocks. He was on the rise in both categories. So 26 year old Garnett was way, way better than 26 year old Amare. But even using Garnett -- his absolute peak year? Age 27. He has steadily declined as a player since (when you are declining from being MVP of the league, the decline is not as noticeable, but it is a decline nonetheless).

Webber -- he also had his absolute best year at age 27. He was still very good at age 28 and 29 and then his career began to unravel at age 30. But again: Chris Webber seasons pre-27 with 10 boards a game? 3. With assist-to-turnover better than 1 to 1? Every year (7 times). Stoudemire's best rebound year pre-27? 9.6 at age 24, declining to 8.1 last year. And of course he can't handle the ball at all (0 years with a-to ratio above 1 to 1).

What is the logical career path for Rahim (oops) I mean, Amare? Move to traditional playoff team that needs younger blood. Example -- the Spurs. He can be Duncan's young legs and Duncan can maybe teach him how to defend and rebound. (Look at Timmy's basketball-reference profile. The defense and rebounding numbers are amazing. Defensive rating? 3rd best of all time. Defensive rebound percentage? 6th best of all time).

What will happen? One of two things:

1) Some lesser team will sign Amare to a max deal for 5 years and he will slowly decline and that team will never do anything substantial.

2) Amare will be dissed in the free agent market and so he will sign a 3 year deal for $20MM or so with the Lakers or Spurs. That team will benefit from his 19-8-2 numbers and win a title and everyone will say, "How could some other lesser team not have offered this guy more money?"

I predict #1.


Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Chris Brown -- No Jail Time

Let's review briefly the system of justice that we have in America (all crimes involved famous black men, so the issue here is not race or ability to pay a lawyer):

1) Shoot yourself in the leg -- 2 years in prison.

2) Engage in a dog fighting operation -- 18 months in prison.

3) Run over and kill a pedestrian while you are drunk -- 24 days in jail.

4) Beat the living hell out of your girlfriend -- no jail time.

What a wonderful world we live in.

Ted Kennedy -- RIP

I first explored politics in 1985 when I worked for the New York State Assembly as an intern. I worked for an Assemblyman, now deceased, who was a great, great guy. NOT always a paragon of personal virtue. He did, however, honestly care about the people in his district and he genuinely wanted to make things better. Sure he had personal interests that were not always what they should have been, but he did try to make this a slightly better world the best he knew how. I am saddened even today to think about my ex-boss and how he left us too early.

I guess my opinion of Ted Kennedy is similar. He made some mistakes, had some serious deficiencies as a person. But he generally was able to focus enough on his job that he helped a lot of people. I am certain that no one expected out of Ted as much as he accomplished, particularly after losing 3 brothers at an early age.

I believe that we should not whitewash the history of the dead, but instead try to understand their lives and evaluate the good with the bad. At the end of the day, it is not us who will judge Edward Kennedy, but his God and history. RIP, Teddy.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Rory McIlroy's Girlfriend Holly Sweeney


3rd at the PGA. First in the heart of Miss Holly Sweeney.

Greatest Golf Upsets

Per Yahoo Sports:

(They rank Yang over Woods as #1 all-time).

Jack Fleck took down Ben Hogan in the 1955 U.S. Open. Hogan was seeking his fifth Open title; nobody outside of the Fleck family knew who Jack was. And until Sunday, it was the greatest upset in golf history.

• The unheralded Larry Mize upset Greg Norman and Seve Ballesteros in the 1987 Masters, highlighted by an astonishing fairway chip-in on the final playoff hole. Mize won only four tournaments in his entire PGA career, but he'll be remembered for that one green jacket.

• Hillary Lunke has exactly one win on the LPGA Tour: a U.S. Women's Open win in 2003 over Annika Sorenstam, then the No. 1 player in the world. Not only is it her only win in her career, it's the only top-10 she's ever carded.

• Francis Ouimet, a caddy, won the 1913 U.S. Open in Brookline, Mass. at his own course, winning in an 18-hole playoff over Harry Vardon and Ted Ray. It was the ultimate underdog story, like "Rocky" if Rocky had actually won.

John Daly, the eighth alternate, came from nowhere and won the 1991 PGA Championship, forever altering both his life and the game of golf.

I think you have to eliminate Daly. Sure he was an unknown, but he was young and had great talent and actually won another major later on. And who exactly did he "upset"? Curtis Strange?

Any upset that occurs in 1913 on a guy's "own course" is inherently suspect to me. This was back in the day when you could "stymie" a guy by hitting your ball between his ball and the hole. Sorry. Similarly, Mize was playing on his home course and against one of the game's all-time chokers in Greg Norman. Seve was great, but not in 1987, when he won only one tourney the entire year.

So we have Fleck, Lunke and Yang. Fleck did manage other wins in his career (including a senior major in 1979!). So has Yang.

I have to say that the greatest golf upset of all-time is Hilary Lunke over Annika Sorenstam. No other wins, no other top 10s. She beat one of the top 3 women's golfers of all-time. Lunke's second best ever finish in a major? Tied for 37th. She has one major that she has never even played in.

Y.E. Yang over Tiger -- huge upset, but maybe #2 or #3 of all-time.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Tiger Working On a Great Round

He started on the back 9, which I view as the far harder side. He has 3-9 to play and I consider 5, 6, 7 and 8 all birdie holes.

So if he just avoids a bogey and birdies two of the likely birdie holes, he will shoot 67.

Hazeltine rolling over and dying for Tiger so far. But tomorrow we may see some wind.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Michele Bachmann's Son Joins Whacked-Out Left-Wing Re-education Camp-ish Organization

At least according to his mom:

Per the newpaper this morning, her son would have needed to apply by February 2009. His mom gave her whacked-out floor speech in April of 2009. So if she had just talked to her kid, she would have known that the program she was about to rip so hard on the floor of the House was probably going to become her child's employer.

I now think it is her duty to hire a professional kidnapper and get her son back from the clutches of this evil organization. Or perhaps he is a spy trying to infiltrate the organization? Only time will tell.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Rambis Takes Over For McHale -- Clothesline Revisited?

One might argue that Rambis has returned the favor (if you think the Wolves will improve), or that McHale has secretly clotheslined Rambis again by getting fired and leading Rambis into a shitty job.

Funniest thing in the clip? Rambis getting all fake mad and trying to run after McHale. He then loses his footing and Larry Bird just calmly walks over and helps him up. Let me get this straight -- you are SUPER pissed that someone almost killed you, but after about 5 seconds, you gladly take a friendly hand up from his teammate. Oh, if only Ron Artest and Stephen Jackson had been so easily placated.

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

1981 or 1982 Called.......

Wow, is that a lot of hair.

Clinton Portis -- Back to Black Hair, Cuz "Not Gay"

Clinton, I think your look was a nice tribute to your up-to-now-unknown father "The Natural" Butch Reed. Clinton Portis -- 28. Butch Reed -- 55. I am not saying; I am just sayin'.......

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

2001 Called, It Wants Its Video Back

Fear not folks, the wikipedia entry says that Creed will start touring again...........this month!!!

Weird Al -- Charles Nelson Reilly Tribute

Chicks and Ducks and Geese Better Scurry

Cuz the Playstation Maven just got the role of "Curly McClain" in his two-week summer camp version of Oklahoma!

This, of course, means that he will join the ranks of great Curly performers like Hugh Jackman and Gordon MacCrae and..................PM's dad.

"Git away from me, you hear....about all a man ken take. Now you sit over THERE and I will sit over HERE and you tell me...." Curly! You're sittin' on the stove!

Oh, classic stuff......

In the NBC series The Office, Dwight Schrute is quoyed saying "Yes I have acted before. I was in a production of "Oklahoma!" in the 7th grade. I played the part of Mutey the Mailman. They had too many kids so they made up roles like that. I was good."

Monday, July 27, 2009

My Trip to The Kolacky Days Queen Contest

Since I own some land in ex-urban Minnesota, I like to head down whenever I get a chance to the nearest town -- Montgomery, MN. I took the family this year for our second trip to Kolacky Days, the annual Montgomery festival. A kolacky (alternative spelling -- kolache) is basically just a bun stuffed with some sort of filling (traditionally poppy seed or prune, but I prefer raspberry or apple). But this year I got the girls to attend the pageant for the Kolacky Days queen.

First -- $25 for the three of us to get in. Yikes. Um, money maker. I almost asked whether I got a free foreclosed house with a paid admission.

Second -- I have always really wanted my kids to grow up in the country, but to say that the high school auditorium is old and crappy would be, well, the truth. I sat in the back corner -- I thought I was getting black lung disease.

Third -- there is something just so solid about a small town. They had 30 past queens in attendance. For example, the 1949 and 1950 queens were there. Here is all you need to know about pageant contestants: 2005 and 2007 winners had the same last name, they looked alike, they had to be relatives (sisters or cousins). They didn't sit together because they made sure the 2006 winner sat in between for purposes of introductions. Wow. The older queens -- they sat wherever they wanted so they could see the stage better.

Fourth -- I actually was amazed at who won. I mean, I figured it was fixed like any other beauty pageant and the prettiest blonde girl would win. Nope. Good for you, Kolacky Days, good for you.

Fifth -- A couple MC jokes -- "My wife put her bra on backwards this morning...and it fit better!!" "The state trooper says, 'OK, if you can give me a good excuse for speeding, I will let you off with a warning.' Then the speeder said, 'My wife ran away with a state trooper 3 years ago and I thought you were bringing her back.'"

"On the morning of her birthday the man's wife said she wished she were 6 again. The guy took her to an amusement park and the movies and then asked how he had done in making her feel 6 again. The woman replied -- I meant a SIZE 6 you retard." Not often you hear a joke anymore that uses the word retard....thank goodness.

Overall experience -- 8 out of 10. I asked the girls if they wanted to come back next year. "OF course. I have to see who wins!"

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Quarterbacks Since 1980 to Post a Zero Passer Rating For a Game (10+ attempts)

Quarterback CP AT YD INT Notes

Todd Marinovich 3 10 25 3 Last career NFL game played

Tommy Maddox 6 23 49 3

Dave Brown 3 11 31 2

Kent Graham 4 14 40 2

Tony Graziani 4 18 24 2 1st career start

Trent Dilfer 2 15 38 2

Ryan Leaf 1 15 4 2

Scott Mitchell 4 16 39 2

Anthony Wright 5 20 35 2

Randy Fasani 5 18 46 3 Only career start

Tim Hasselbeck 6 26 56 4

Jeff Garcia 8 27 71 3

Eli Manning 4 18 27 2

Joey Harrington 5 17 20 2

Rex Grossman 2 12 33 3

Chris Redman 4 15 34 2

How absolutely terrible are these performances? Well, I looked up Spurgeon Wynn's 2 starts with the Vikings -- ratings of 23.2 and 20. He had a chance at a zero against the Packers, but managed to throw a TD in that game (ruining his 0 rating). Against Baltimore, Wynn did engineer a 19-3 loss and go 13-29 for 86 yards and 2 picks, but those 13 completions were just too good to reach a 0 rating (even though he did average a paltry 3 yards per pass attempt).

So what do you need for a 0 passer rating? Well, the best game on the list appears to be Jeff Garcia's 8 of 27. So you need to complete less than 30% of your passes. No zero rated passer has achieved 3 yards per attempt. And every single guy has throw at least 2 picks with no TD's.

So, Wynn failed to get under 30% in either Viking start and he managed to eke out 3 yards per attempt both times. Plus he had that one unfortunate TD (47 yards to Byron Chamberlain -- his stats the rest of the game? 10 of 29 for 67 yards and 3 picks).

CONCLUSION -- You really, really, really have to suck in a game to get a 0 passer rating for that game.

Blake Griffin -- To Quote Rita Coolidge...

"Outside the rain begins; and it may never end":

Find Bill Simmons' article on the Clippers curse. Poor kid.

Life During Wartime

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

A Video For You All

Text of Lawsuit Against Big Ben

Well, I guess we now have her side of the story. Actually HOSPITALIZED for months!!

Erin Andrews Article

The article is well written. But what amazes me most is that the author is married to a cheerleader who, while a Tennessee Titans cheerleader, did not believe that her primary purpose as a pro sports cheerleader was to titillate male fans. Wow. Are cheereleaders really this dumb?

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Hey, Stop Stealing My Stuff!!!

Compare --

Bernie Kosar "I Am 45.....And An Idiot"

And no he is not talking about me......I don't think.......

Riddle me this, Batman: if you are basically on the verge of bankruptcy because your investments suck the big one so badly, why don't you simply GIVE your wife half of the worthless investments and not pay lawyers $5MM!!!!!!!!!!!! to end up in the same place???

Weird. But I guess not as weird as being 45 and having no idea (per Kosar) of how to operate a dishwasher.

Monday, July 06, 2009

Sarah Palin -- Quitter says it better than I ever could.

When you are a Republican and Fox News commentators start turning on you, maybe you have surpassed the threshold of "whacky" and moved on to plain old "insane"?

The Handi-Quacks -- The Greatest Cartoon To Never Make TV

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

More Mark Sanford

Some great Sanford tidbits today from his tearful second confession to the press:

1) He went to NYC to meet the mistress and took along a "spiritual advisor" to help him say "no" to her and dump her.

Did not work.

What a wussy. Sorry, but if you are so weak of spirit that you cannot dump a woman without some wannabe Svengali helping you........Plus IT DIDN'T WORK!!!!

2) He asked his wife more than once to go and meet the woman.

Um, why? If you recall my Cast Party story, for a period of about 2 months in my life I had 2+ girlfriends. I had absolutely NO interest in having them meet one another. Was he trying the George Costanza ("it is a French phrase and I don't know how to say it") way out of the relationship?

3) Wife found out about the affair when she found a draft LETTER he was writing to the woman.

A letter? It is 2009. I cannot even recall when I last wrote a personal letter.
I used to write my girlfriend letters in 1981. I was only 17 and I STILL never left them lying around the house!!!!!! You are the Governor of a decent sized state -- don't you have an office? Don't you have a desk drawer that locks? My lord.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Billy Mays -- Dead at 50 (Heart Issues)

I have used OxyClean back in my single days -- worked pretty well.


Ricci v. DeStefano -- Good God What a Mess!

The city of New Haven, Connecticut administered a firefighter Captain's exam in which almost no minority candidates did well. Rather than risk being sued by the minority candidates who did not do well, the City tossed out the results and promoted no one.

Nevertheless, the firefighters who did the best on the exam sued for a mandatory injunction requiring the City to accept the test results and give them the promotions.

The City won at the district court and the Second Circuit. Today the Supreme Court reversed and ruled that the plaintiffs win as a matter of law.

You can look through the opinions all you want, but here is a basic summary:

-- Kennedy thinks that there wasn't enough evidence showing the exam used was defective, so the City had to accept the test results.

-- Scalia is upset that Title VII was ever passed in the first place and he would find the entire thing unconstitutional if he had half a chance.

-- Alito thinks that the City caved into a poor man's Al Sharpton, so he isn't going to put up with that.


-- Ginsburg believes that all written firefighter exams discriminate against minorities, so she would have allowed the city to win.

But let's be frank. This just makes matters worse as a practical matter.

Let's assume that Shreveport, Lousiana decides tomorrow that it is going to change its firefighter exam so that the same exam is used that is used in New Haven, Connecticut. (And why wouldn't you? The SCOTUS has just decided that the exam is perfectly legal and fine. And you know from experience that minorities do worse on the exam.)

So, the exam results come in and 95% of the top exam finishers are white.

Result under today's decision -- City has to promote the white guys.

OK -- but they put the exam in place just for the pure purpose of getting more whites in, right? Or was it because they knew the test was constitutionally approved? Reason 1 is not legal; I assume reason #2 is.......or is it? We know that desire to avoid lawsuits is not a permissible ground for changing your test. We learned that today.

Ginsburg's dissent has three basic problems:

1) She starts it by saying that she has sympathy for the folks who scored best but were not promoted. Bullshit. She has no sympathy for these people. She believes that they benefited from a flawed test and are not entitled to their positions.

Don't lie. Don't claim that you have sympathy for people who played by the rules, did the best and didn't get in. You do not. You feel that they got picked for a bad reason. Basically you think a starting 9 on a baseball club was picked based upon their knowledge of the rules of the game and not on whether they can play. So don't pretend you are sympathetic. You are not.

2) She agrees that if a city "repeatedly" threw out test results that did not feature minority winners that the city might be liable.

Um, why? If it is proper for a city to say, "Yeah, shit, we are going to get sued for these results" then why isn't it OK for the city to say it 2 or 3 or 4 times? Do you get one free bite at discrimination against white folk?

3) Let me mention it, since no one seems to want to mention it in their opinions. Examine the opposite result:

-- the city of Sante Fe, New Mexico has a Captain's exam and 98% of the winners are black and Hispanic and 2% are white. The white population gets all mad and threatens the mayor with no more money for his campaign or his city, and the white guys threaten legal action. Sante Fe throws out the results so the white guys can try again. of the world, right? You are going to toss out an exam because the white guys didn't do well enough? Al Sharpton better love Tex-Mex food because he is going to be in Sante Fe forever.

THE MESS -- Here is the practical mess. What the court has done is make it easier for cities to use discriminatory tests and get away with it. In fact, if you use a discriminatory test, you have a legal obligation to the white guys to defend it to the end of time.

So now every single time that a city has an exam where the racial result is skewed (pro-white or anti-white) the city will be sued. There is nothing the city can do. If the result is skewed, you have a constitutional obligation to defend it. But when you defend the result, you will be sued for disparate impact discrimination and you will not be able to win a motion to dismiss because there will be prima facie evidence of disparate impact. Then you will have 2 years of discovery on whether the city ignored a "strong basis in evidence" that its test was discriminatory.

What the 5-4 decision does (as Ginsburg correctly notes) is make it impossible for a City to avoid litigation risk. The city is damned if it does and damned if it doesn't.

A case that demonstrates the 5-4 conservative-liberal split on the court and that is not very well-reasoned in any of the 3 opinions.


Friday, June 26, 2009

Michael Jackson -- Dead

I am selecting this video because it is from a time when Michael was still part human and it shows his unbelievable fan following. I have also always found the song lyrics fitting -- "I am asking him to change his ways."

Since I firmly believe that the guy was a child molester, I really cannot give him his due here except to say that if there was ever a study to be done of how a person's upbringing impacted his life, this would be your #1 target for such a study.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Phil on 18 for a Clutch Birdie.................

of course not. 2 under -- leader in the clubhouse. But I think Glover can now just about 7 iron it home.

Friday, June 19, 2009

More William Hung

He just recently participated in a celebrity mahjong tournament in Hong Kong. And you guys thought he wasn't going to last!!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Zooming Up The Draft Board -- Stephen Curry

Draft Express has him at #5 (at best -- Mike Bibby, at worst Janerro Pargo -- ooooh, imagine drafting Jannero Pargo with the #5 pick!).

NBA has him going at #6 to Minnesota (where Minnesota would presumably trade him for a lower selection and a veteran player).

Why so much upward pressure with Curry?

1) The Knicks are sitting at #8 and they are said to love him. So everyone interested in Curry wants to leapfrog the Knicks.

2) He is a sort-of-big-name and the economy sucks. So you can tell your few remaining fans in Memphis, Washington, Sacramento, etc. "Hey remember that kid from plucky Davidson? We got him" and sell a few tickets, or you can answer 300 e-mails asking, "Who the hell is {Jordan Hill, Tyreke Evans, James Harden, Jrue Holiday, Demar Derozen, etc., etc.}!?!?!"

3) Recall that Flip Saunders is now in Washington. No coach in the NBA does a better job of getting into favorable offensive sets for his personnel.

4) He measured 6'2" with no shoes. 6'3 1/4 with shoes on. So he is an average size point guard. Not a midget.


Friday, June 12, 2009

Kobe Versus LeBron

Kobe Versus the Magic: 43% shooting, 33 points, 5.5 rebounds, 8 assists, 2.0 steals plus blocks, regularly guards Courtney Lee

LeBron Versus the Magic: 49% shooting, 38.5 points, 8.3 rebounds, 8 assists, 2.4 steals+blocks, regularly guarded Turkoglu and Lewis.

Conclusion -- had LeBron played at Kobe's level, the Cavs would have been swept in 4.


God Takes a Vacation -- Lakers and Devil Lead 3-1

I have been watching the NBA finals since 1974. I honestly cannot remember a series in which a team has had a layup to win one game and 2 free throws to win another and pissed them BOTH away. Sure, you had Magic throwing the ball to Gerald Henderson, but he didn't do it twice. You had Nick Anderson blowing the 4 free throws, but Orlando basically collapsed thereafter. Even the Lakers' blown games against Boston last year involved lengthy collapses not games that could have been so clearly won with under 12 seconds to play.

I recall Detroit beating Portland in........1990? That was similar, but that also involved great work by Dumars and Vinnie Johnson. Not sure what Lakers did a great job in having Courtney Lee blow a layup and Dwight Howard clang two free throws.

I really cannot believe that the Magic is/are down 3-1. At WORST it should be 2-2, and if God had not forsaken true basketball fans everywhere outside of SoCal, it should be 3-1 Magic.

And of course driving in I heard The Fray's "You Found Me" -- a song about God not answering your prayers and then you meeting him on the corner while he is smoking a cigarette. Here is what Stan Van Gundy must have been thinking as he failed to sleep last night:

I found God
On the corner of First and Amistad
Where the west Was all but won
All alone Smoking his last cigarette
I said, "Where you been?" He said, "Ask anything."

Where were you When everything was falling apart?
All my days Were spent by the telephone It never rang
And all I needed was a call It never came
To the corner of First and Amistad

Lost and insecure You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Belated Tribute -- Randy Smith, Dead at 60

While I was in trial, one of my boyhood basketball icons, Randy Smith, died while working out on a treadmill at a casino.

I think it is fair to say that my love of basketball came almost entirely from watching the Buffalo Braves play in the mid-70s. The Braves would from time to time bring in good players like Jim MacMillan, but the team really just had two top-flight NBA players -- Bob McAdoo and Randy Smith.

Smith was an all-American athlete at Division III Buffalo State in both basketball and soccer. Smith would petition the Braves year after year for permission to play in the NASL, only to be denied.

Smith held the NBA record for most consecutive games played, and he still holds that record if you count non-virgin players only. I will always imagine Randy flying down the right side and going in for the slam.....or pulling up from some undetermined distance (no three point line) and jacking up a LONG two-pointer.

If you take a 5-year stretch at the top of his game, Smith had a 5-year average of 20+points, 5+ assists, 5+ rebounds and about 2 steals per game.
While today's game is certainly slower and involves less possessions, I would doubt that there are 3 players in the league this one single year who put up stats in all categories to equal Randy Smith's 5-year averages.

So, to whom in today's game could we compare Randy Smith?

Top 30 player, occasional all-star (once all-star MVP), great defensive guard, languished in a small market for a team who would reach the playoffs but not go far any year.......???????

My best comparisons -- Joe Johnson, Jason Terry, Andre Miller.

And he was a young tween's hero back in the mid-70s. RIP, Randy.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Monday, May 25, 2009

Personal Note on Memorial Day

I have a couple friends whose families are battling cancer. I wish them the best (one family is battling Stage 3 breast cancer and the other is battling Stage 4 colon cancer).

All of my life I have tried to put something away for retirement and maybe something for the kids' college expenses. Try not to get into too much debt -- be responsible. As I have reached age 45 and I am seeing all of this pain and hurt, making plans primarily for the future becomes a tougher and tougher sell. Because, you see, I love being alive. I love life, and I do, in fact, fear whatever happens to you when you die. I sure hope that there is a better world for us after this one, but it seems so hard for me to believe that. After all, what experience can possibly beat watching your boy play ball and fly around second as he tries to leg out a triple? Or hearing one of your girls make a joke that you would have never thought of? The thought of others possibly losing the chance to experience ever again the things I love so much about this world makes me profoundly sad.

But fortunately these folks have a great deal more religious faith than I. Which I am sure comforts them in their darker moments.

And what HM blog post would be complete without some corny quote from a TV show or movie?

Theoden: I know your face... Eowyn. My eyes darken.
Eowyn: No. No. I'm going to save you.
Theoden: You already did... Eowyn. My body is broken. You have to let me go. I go to my fathers, in whose mighty company I shall not now feel ashamed. Eowyn...

So today on Memorial Day, I will think about those who have gone before me, like my friend Jeff W., who never had a chance to see his boy play ball, and thank whatever force it is that allows me to be around every day so I can embrace and enjoy being around to see my kids grow up.
Another favorite clip:

Watch more MySpace videos on AOL Video

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Rating "Jennifer"s

Al S. easily won the last rating item, so now we move on to the Jennifers. Aniston (white), Garner (skirt), Love Hewitt (strapless) and Connolly (one-shoulder dress).
I will let others go first this time.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Michael Scott -- How To Apologize for a Mistake

With appropriate person-specific revisions, this is how I will apologize to the next person who is upset at a mistake I have made:

"Hello, I am Michael Scott, Regional Manager of Dunder Mifflin, Scranton. By now you're probably sick of hearing about Dunder Mifflin and our embarrassing watermark boner (pictured).

I have literally apologized an infinite number of times over this, and still there are calls for me to resign, calls from an annoying woman and possibly even the media alike. Well, let me tell you something. Something from the heart. I will not resign.

I am not leaving this office. It will take a SWAT team to remove me from this office, and maybe not even then. There is no way I will resign. It wouldn't be fair, not to the good workers I work with, not to my clients. And especially not to me. Let's not forget who this resigning business is really all about.

I need this job. My mortgage is hundreds of dollars a month. With this job I can barely cover that. I have a company car, but I still have to pay for the gas. Gas prices are high and I have no savings whatsoever. And it wasn't even me.

It is so not fair that they want me to resign. If I could leave you with one thought: remember, it wasn't me. They are trying to make me an escapegoat.

If I am fired, I swear to God that every single piece of copier paper in this town is going to have the F word on it. The F word.........You have one day."

Michael Phelps -- Two Strippers for Three Hours -- My Hero

Follow this link and stop here if you are at work. Otherwise, continue on to here.


Friday, April 24, 2009

NFL Draft -- Worst All-Time Picks At Each First-Round Slot

Let me tell you a little story about the guy selected at #5 -- Mike Junkin.

When I was at Duke, Junkin played linebacker. Duke was one of the worst defensive teams I have ever seen in my 45 years on this earth. Junkin was their defensive "star." He rarely if ever made a sack, or tackle for loss, and he never forced a turnover. Teams routinely scored 45 a game against Duke. So why was Junkin a #1 pick? Well, he was a heady white kid who had good stats (pretty big, pretty fast), but more importantly.........

Junkin averaged like 19 tackles a game. Now I would go to the games and see him get maybe 3 impressive tackles and 5 where he dragged a guy down after a 7-10 yard gain, so I didn't understand how he got his extra 11 tackles a game. The answer? A friend of mine kept the tackle stats at Duke and he was told that any time Junkin got anywhere near a pile to even get a fingernail near the downed offensive player, that was an "assist" for Junkin. A two-man tackle, went down as an unassisted Junkin tackle. So, in other words, Duke just put out completely false information and at least one team (Cleveland) was dumb enough to buy it.


Thursday, April 23, 2009

Big Day For Wolves Draft Prospects

Holding Miami's pick this year (#18) the Timberwolves must have been happy today to hear that Ty Lawson, Wayne Ellington and Stephon Curry are bound for the NBA draft.

All three guys are rumored to get picked before #18 -- but at the very least, their presence in the draft will force someone down closer to the Wolves pick at #18.

Here is one thing I cannot figure out about -- why in the hell would they have Minnesota selecting Patrick Patterson (PF, 6'8") at #18? We have 4 undersized power forwards (Al, Love, Smith, Gomes) and two guys who could fill that role in a pinch (Cardinal, Madsen). So we have 6 undersized power forwards on the roster. Why in the hell would we pick Patrick Patterson?

The addition of these three guys to the draft also indicates to me that I may win my "Tyler Hansbrough will be picked #29 or later" bet with RKG!!!!!!!

Strippers Smarter, But Hookers Now Poorer

In a previous Item, I noted that in the U.S. more and more educated women are turning to stripping to make some cash.

Well, it now appears that German hookers are feeling the impact of the economic downturn.

I think a Euro is less than $2, so the "70E all you can eat, drink and do" Deal for six hours would appear to be a pretty good deal if the women pictured with the article are any fair indicator.

Hey, I am just saying!!!!!!!!

Monday, April 20, 2009

Miss Arizona USA 2009 Blows Her Final Interview Question

So the best three in swimsuit and evening gown scores are Miss North Carolina, Miss California and Miss Arizona. I picked NC and CA in my top 7 during the initial walkway portion, and my youngest had NC as one of her top 5 (she ultimately won).

CA was unfortunate to be a right-wing whacko born-again who fielded a "Vermont Just Passed Gay Marriage -- your thoughts?" question from the gay Perez Hilton (Answer: "It is great that we have the right of choice in this country.....but in my country....and my family....marriage is between one man and one woman"). This answer is at least an admirable try, but it misstates the entire premise of the "sanctity of marriage" people -- any gay marriage anywhere harms me irreparably and can never be allowed to stand.

But Arizona? Oh Miss Arizona. Miss Teen South Carolina at least TRIED to answer the question "some people don't have maps...." Miss Arizona's "strategery" when asked HER opinion? It doesn't matter, because it is all a matter of integrity.........and I say that with great conviction.

Please identify for me her position on whether we should have universal health care:

Friday, April 17, 2009

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Hulk Hogan -- OJ Was Justified

In the controversial Rolling Stone interview, Hogan said the following:

"You live half a mile from the 20,000-square-foot home you can't go to anymore, you're driving through downtown Clearwater [Florida] and see a 19-year-old boy driving your Escalade, and you know that a 19-year-old boy is sleeping in your bed, with your wife ... I totally understand OJ. I get it."

Hulk obviously fails to remember that O.J. Simpson was wrongfully accused and found not guilty by a jury of his peers. Shocking and distasteful rip at O.J.

Oh, the other thing? About understanding why someone would want to kill his ex-wife. Hulk fell into the Michael Scott-esque trap of believing that if Chris Rock said it in a comedy routine, you can also say it with impunity.

(No Picture)

Michael Scott doing Chris Rock at "Diversity Day":