Mike Miller -- "I Miss Memphis"

http://www.commercialappeal.com/news/2009/jan/06/old-home-night/

Hey Mike, maybe you ought to stop missing Memphis (where they obviously did not want you) and start trying to play hard for your CURRENT basketball team!!!

Step 1 -- how about actually shooting the basketball? We acquired you as a shooter and you won't shoot the ball. Which might be OK, except when you drive and dish you are almost certainly dishing out to guys who are worse shooters than you are.

Step 2 -- how about bending over and picking up a loose ball now and then? Miller's 0.5 steals+blocks figure is outright embarrassing. He has played 762 minutes and has 13 steals+blocks (7 of one, 6 of the other). He is averaging about 31 minutes a game; at that rate that means is takes him almost two full games worth of play (58.62 minutes) to record a steal or a block.

How awful is Miller's 0.29 steals per game mark?

Of guys who play 30 minutes a game, he is last in steals per 48. Of guys who have played at least 10 games and average 10 minutes a game, he is tied for 4th worst:

Etan Thomas -- 0.18
Oberto -- 0.27
Antoine Wright -- 0.39

4Way Tie -- Desmond Mason, Juwan Howard, Kendrick Perkins, Mike Miller -- all at 0.44 steals per game.

Miller is also tied for 265th in the league in blocks per 48. So, basically, every team has 9 guys who get more blocks per 48 than he does.

So........Mike.....maybe instead of crying at home about how much you miss drug-war-laden Memphis, maybe you could push yourself to be something like the 10th worst defender in the league instead of top 2 (with Steve Nash)?

Step 3 -- Cut that horrible hair, ask for a uniform that fits you, and stop looking like a clown.

If you do ##1, 2, and 3 you can sit in your apartment and listen to Marc Cohn's "Walking In Memphis" every time you get a chance while eating dry-rub barbecue shipped to you by Fed Ex. I really don't give a flying fuck. But unless and until you do that, maybe you want to avoid doing interviews whining about how much you miss Memphis.

So there.


HM