Since I own some land in ex-urban Minnesota, I like to head down whenever I get a chance to the nearest town -- Montgomery, MN. I took the family this year for our second trip to Kolacky Days, the annual Montgomery festival. A kolacky (alternative spelling -- kolache) is basically just a bun stuffed with some sort of filling (traditionally poppy seed or prune, but I prefer raspberry or apple). But this year I got the girls to attend the pageant for the Kolacky Days queen.
First -- $25 for the three of us to get in. Yikes. Um, money maker. I almost asked whether I got a free foreclosed house with a paid admission.
Second -- I have always really wanted my kids to grow up in the country, but to say that the high school auditorium is old and crappy would be, well, the truth. I sat in the back corner -- I thought I was getting black lung disease.
Third -- there is something just so solid about a small town. They had 30 past queens in attendance. For example, the 1949 and 1950 queens were there. Here is all you need to know about pageant contestants: 2005 and 2007 winners had the same last name, they looked alike, they had to be relatives (sisters or cousins). They didn't sit together because they made sure the 2006 winner sat in between for purposes of introductions. Wow. The older queens -- they sat wherever they wanted so they could see the stage better.
Fourth -- I actually was amazed at who won. I mean, I figured it was fixed like any other beauty pageant and the prettiest blonde girl would win. Nope. Good for you, Kolacky Days, good for you.
Fifth -- A couple MC jokes -- "My wife put her bra on backwards this morning...and it fit better!!" "The state trooper says, 'OK, if you can give me a good excuse for speeding, I will let you off with a warning.' Then the speeder said, 'My wife ran away with a state trooper 3 years ago and I thought you were bringing her back.'"
"On the morning of her birthday the man's wife said she wished she were 6 again. The guy took her to an amusement park and the movies and then asked how he had done in making her feel 6 again. The woman replied -- I meant a SIZE 6 you retard." Not often you hear a joke anymore that uses the word retard....thank goodness.
Overall experience -- 8 out of 10. I asked the girls if they wanted to come back next year. "OF course. I have to see who wins!"
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