It used to be that every NBA Champion had to have a guy who led his team to the NCAA Finals:
Look at 1980-1998: Magic, Bird, Isiah, Michael, Hakeem. One exception was Moses Malone's Sixers in 1983.
Then along came the Spurs in 1999 and messed up my entire deal. Then Shaq did the same thing. What the hell?
But we are starting to see a new trend -- wanna be successful and in the upper echelon NBA? You need to have a star who was a top 5 pick:
Go 1999 through 2009: Duncan, Shaq, Chauncey and Rasheed, LeBron, Dwight Howard, Garnett and Ray Allen.
Well -- how about Kobe (teens)? Remember, the Lakers were a non-playoff team with just Kobe and no Shaq. Then they got Pau Gasol (#3 pick) and they are suddenly great. (Note -- they also have #4 pick Lamar Odom).
It is funny that everyone is trying now to hire San Antonio and Cleveland underlings to run their club. What is the Cavs guy going to say, "Get the #1 pick, select LeBron"? Spurs guy, "Well, getting a 10 time all-NBA guy like Tim Duncan kinda helped. So let's do that."
And as we know, the Wolves have the................#6 pick. Demar DeRozen, here we come!
By the way, if you are thinking that Dwyane Wade is an exception to my rule since everyone remembers how far he "slid" in his draft????????? Dwyane Wade -- #5 pick.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
LeBron Loses, Acts Like A Baby
http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/playoffs/2009/news/story?id=4218722
Sorry, LeBron, I love you and you are the best player in the game, but you don't leave the court without shaking hands (shades of Isiah) and then leave the arena without talking to the media (a more forgiveable sin, but still a large error in judgment.
I really thought Cleveland had enough at home to beat the Magic 4 out of 7. I was wrong. I thought the Cavs were a one-man team and would lose to the Lakers. I was partially right.
The Cavs had $91MM in salary this year -- perhaps the worst waste of $91MM ever spent (OK, OK, except for Isiah's clubs). Wally at $13MM and Pavlovic at $7MM are complete wastes. Eric Snow still drew a check. Ilgauskas's playoff effort (2 points in Game 6) is enough to make you wish he dropped his $11MM option of 2009-10.
Ben Wallace at $14MM next year may retire. The Cavs, I am sure, would prefer to trade him for two decent starters with longer contracts and allow Ben to retire elsewhere. Ben may be a BETTER trade bait for Cleveland if he is bent on retirement.
Verejao is a free agent -- if they lose Wallace and Z is a hollow shell, they may have to pay him. But he didn't exactly show much against Orlando either.
All in all, a LOT of work for Danny Ferry to do in re-making this giant playoff flop of a team.
Sorry, LeBron, I love you and you are the best player in the game, but you don't leave the court without shaking hands (shades of Isiah) and then leave the arena without talking to the media (a more forgiveable sin, but still a large error in judgment.
I really thought Cleveland had enough at home to beat the Magic 4 out of 7. I was wrong. I thought the Cavs were a one-man team and would lose to the Lakers. I was partially right.
The Cavs had $91MM in salary this year -- perhaps the worst waste of $91MM ever spent (OK, OK, except for Isiah's clubs). Wally at $13MM and Pavlovic at $7MM are complete wastes. Eric Snow still drew a check. Ilgauskas's playoff effort (2 points in Game 6) is enough to make you wish he dropped his $11MM option of 2009-10.
Ben Wallace at $14MM next year may retire. The Cavs, I am sure, would prefer to trade him for two decent starters with longer contracts and allow Ben to retire elsewhere. Ben may be a BETTER trade bait for Cleveland if he is bent on retirement.
Verejao is a free agent -- if they lose Wallace and Z is a hollow shell, they may have to pay him. But he didn't exactly show much against Orlando either.
All in all, a LOT of work for Danny Ferry to do in re-making this giant playoff flop of a team.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Young Conservatives Rap
A 6'9" white guy and what appears to me to be his Waylon Smithers (or maybe a grandson of Froggy from "The Little Rascals" show) laying down the GOP smack. Yo, yo, yo.
"My conservative philosophy is "Drill Baby, Drill"???
We need more Megyn Kelly??? As in a soon to be 39 year old once-divorced woman who was rumored to have done some after-hours work with (shudder, shiver) Brit Hume!!!!!!!!!!! http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2007/01/axed-fox-newser-behind-brit-hume-affair-rumor.php Oh, lord!!!!!!!!!
That is who we need more of?
"My conservative philosophy is "Drill Baby, Drill"???
We need more Megyn Kelly??? As in a soon to be 39 year old once-divorced woman who was rumored to have done some after-hours work with (shudder, shiver) Brit Hume!!!!!!!!!!! http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2007/01/axed-fox-newser-behind-brit-hume-affair-rumor.php Oh, lord!!!!!!!!!
That is who we need more of?
Marko Jaric -- Gonna Have A Baby
Former Wolf, former Clipper, current Grizzle, Marko Jaric (whose play epitomizes the historical greatness of all 3 organizations) and wife Adriana Lima have announced that she is pregnant:
Well, what ever shall they do when she is laid up and away from modeling bikinis? Oh wait! Marko has made $29MM over his career and is due ANOTHER $14.7MM over the next two years!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey, when you shoot 31.7% on 2-point shots for an entire year (38 for 117), http://www.basketball-reference.com/players/j/jaricma01.html, I think you have more than earned the right to impregnate a super model and the right to draw another $14.7MM out of the franchise.
Memphis -- Derrick Rose? Cheater? Idiot?
http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/la-sp-newswire29-2009may29,0,3456148.story
Allegedly Rose had a "D" changed to a "C" and had someone take his SAT for him so he could get into Memphis. When your academic performance is so piss-poor that John Calipari won't get you into school, you must be pretty dumb.
Kentucky now claims that it knew all about Coach Cal's issues with his program at Memphis and is confident Coach Cal did nothing wrong.
O..........K...............
This would be akin to me being offered a foursome with Pam Anderson, Christina Aguilera and Paris Hilton one night, accepting, and then later being told that I had a sexually transmitted disease. What!?!? I know none of these women have ever portrayed a skanky, easy, "come do me" image. How is this possible? I have reviewed the situation and I am sure it is not their fault.
Allegedly Rose had a "D" changed to a "C" and had someone take his SAT for him so he could get into Memphis. When your academic performance is so piss-poor that John Calipari won't get you into school, you must be pretty dumb.
Kentucky now claims that it knew all about Coach Cal's issues with his program at Memphis and is confident Coach Cal did nothing wrong.
O..........K...............
This would be akin to me being offered a foursome with Pam Anderson, Christina Aguilera and Paris Hilton one night, accepting, and then later being told that I had a sexually transmitted disease. What!?!? I know none of these women have ever portrayed a skanky, easy, "come do me" image. How is this possible? I have reviewed the situation and I am sure it is not their fault.
Coach Cal, who spent three years with Marcus Camby and yet never knew anything that was going on? http://vault.sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1010875/1/index.htm
The angelic Coach Cal.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
You're Finel Elevin Nashanul Speling Bea Conntestents
http://public.spellingbee.com/public/results/2009/finishers/html?type=champ.
Of the final 11, only 2 are listed as being home schooled. Kind of a surprise to me.
I have to root for Neetu Chandak, who comes from Seneca Falls, New York. Good upstate NY girl.
Every finalist (with the possible exception of Tim Ruiter) appears to have a name that contains multiple spelling challenges.
Number of finalists who do not hail from states that voted for Barack Obama? One. But she is one of the favorites, Kavya Shivashankar, from Kansas. She has placed in the top 10 for 3 straight years, improving to 4th last year. Rush Limbaugh is pulling hard for you, Kavya.
Of the final 11, only 2 are listed as being home schooled. Kind of a surprise to me.
I have to root for Neetu Chandak, who comes from Seneca Falls, New York. Good upstate NY girl.
Every finalist (with the possible exception of Tim Ruiter) appears to have a name that contains multiple spelling challenges.
Number of finalists who do not hail from states that voted for Barack Obama? One. But she is one of the favorites, Kavya Shivashankar, from Kansas. She has placed in the top 10 for 3 straight years, improving to 4th last year. Rush Limbaugh is pulling hard for you, Kavya.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
If You are 6'10" Tall, Some School Will Find You
http://www.fanhouse.com/news/main/kevin-laue-gets-scholarship/498950?icid=mainhtmlws-maindl4link4http%3A%2F%2Fwww.fanhouse.com%2Fnews%2Fmain%2Fkevin-laue-gets-scholarship%2F498950
Even if you only have 1 arm.
Still more ambidextrous that Stacey King ever was.
Even if you only have 1 arm.
Still more ambidextrous that Stacey King ever was.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Cavaliers -- Sometimes You Hate to Be Right
I said a while back in reviewing Cleveland's chances against the Lakers that the Cavs are basically LeBron and nobody else.
http://hoopramblings.blogspot.com/2009/05/comparing-cavaliers-and-lakers.html
This drew a comment from a Cavs fan stating that the Cavs played great D, were a great team who trusted each other, etc., etc.
Sadly, Games 1 through 3 in the Magic series have proved me right and him wrong.
Ilgauskas is the #60 guy in the league in Eff48 but only 95 in per game actual. Why? Because he simply cannot play more than 24 effective minutes anymore. He looks old and slow because he is, well, old and slow.
Anderson Varejao is a role player who plays extremely hard....which is great, until you run across a very talented player playing very hard (as you will in the playoffs).
Mo Williams and Delonte West are proving that their Eff48 rankings of 144 and 267 are no fluke. These guys are decent NBA players because they play a lot of minutes. What you need to be a true star player is the ability to either 1) increase your minutes and maintain the same production per minute (what Ginobili is great at and what LeBron is great at), or 2) play the same number of minutes and increase your production per game in the playoffs (this would be Robert Horry for example, or maybe a Rasheed Wallace).
Williams is on a Clifford Robinson-esque path thus far against Orlando, and West is, well, just not very good. His minutes have gone up, and his production has actually gone DOWN!?!?
So what to do?
1) Play Ben Wallace and Joe Smith more. Ilgauskas is killing you defensively and he won't venture inside offensively. Play him less, see if he can give you short spurts of play. Joe Smith at least is not scared to lose. He will take his open shot the same whether the Cavs are down 1 or up 21.
2) You have to try someone else other than Delonte West. Gibson? Pavlovic? It would seem that there is some option out there for the Cavs other than a guy who is at a non-starter's Efficiency number (about 13) despite 40 minutes a night.
3) Pray. Outside of LeBron, all you have going for you, really, is Mo Williams and the chance that he might get hot. He is poor defensively (1.0 steals+blocks in the regular season, down to about .65 in the playoffs -- he ain't stopping nobody), so your only hope is that he suddenly stops shooting 40% from the floor and 33% from 3.
His regular season PER was 17, his playoff PER thus far is under 12. If he continues to provide you absolutely NO offensive efficiency, you are going to lose. So pray.
4) Tell LeBron to Jack It Up a Notch -- hey, there were days when the Bulls had absolutely nothing and MJ had to get 50+. LeBron is not a shooter in the mold of MJ or Kobe, but he may have to become one. The point of having the best player is that when everything falls apart and things look their bleakest, the big guy is supposed to put you on his back and win the game anyway. Then you other guys are all supposed to act all sheepish and apologize for not doing more. I got 7 law league title trophies that way. So, LeBron, it may be 90% up to you.
HM
http://hoopramblings.blogspot.com/2009/05/comparing-cavaliers-and-lakers.html
This drew a comment from a Cavs fan stating that the Cavs played great D, were a great team who trusted each other, etc., etc.
Sadly, Games 1 through 3 in the Magic series have proved me right and him wrong.
Ilgauskas is the #60 guy in the league in Eff48 but only 95 in per game actual. Why? Because he simply cannot play more than 24 effective minutes anymore. He looks old and slow because he is, well, old and slow.
Anderson Varejao is a role player who plays extremely hard....which is great, until you run across a very talented player playing very hard (as you will in the playoffs).
Mo Williams and Delonte West are proving that their Eff48 rankings of 144 and 267 are no fluke. These guys are decent NBA players because they play a lot of minutes. What you need to be a true star player is the ability to either 1) increase your minutes and maintain the same production per minute (what Ginobili is great at and what LeBron is great at), or 2) play the same number of minutes and increase your production per game in the playoffs (this would be Robert Horry for example, or maybe a Rasheed Wallace).
Williams is on a Clifford Robinson-esque path thus far against Orlando, and West is, well, just not very good. His minutes have gone up, and his production has actually gone DOWN!?!?
So what to do?
1) Play Ben Wallace and Joe Smith more. Ilgauskas is killing you defensively and he won't venture inside offensively. Play him less, see if he can give you short spurts of play. Joe Smith at least is not scared to lose. He will take his open shot the same whether the Cavs are down 1 or up 21.
2) You have to try someone else other than Delonte West. Gibson? Pavlovic? It would seem that there is some option out there for the Cavs other than a guy who is at a non-starter's Efficiency number (about 13) despite 40 minutes a night.
3) Pray. Outside of LeBron, all you have going for you, really, is Mo Williams and the chance that he might get hot. He is poor defensively (1.0 steals+blocks in the regular season, down to about .65 in the playoffs -- he ain't stopping nobody), so your only hope is that he suddenly stops shooting 40% from the floor and 33% from 3.
His regular season PER was 17, his playoff PER thus far is under 12. If he continues to provide you absolutely NO offensive efficiency, you are going to lose. So pray.
4) Tell LeBron to Jack It Up a Notch -- hey, there were days when the Bulls had absolutely nothing and MJ had to get 50+. LeBron is not a shooter in the mold of MJ or Kobe, but he may have to become one. The point of having the best player is that when everything falls apart and things look their bleakest, the big guy is supposed to put you on his back and win the game anyway. Then you other guys are all supposed to act all sheepish and apologize for not doing more. I got 7 law league title trophies that way. So, LeBron, it may be 90% up to you.
HM
Brooke Shields -- Should Have Had Sex Earlier In Life
So fellas, if you see a girl walking around your college with 20 extra pounds, just print out this Internet item and say, "More of me means less of you!"
Monday, May 25, 2009
Personal Note on Memorial Day
I have a couple friends whose families are battling cancer. I wish them the best (one family is battling Stage 3 breast cancer and the other is battling Stage 4 colon cancer).
All of my life I have tried to put something away for retirement and maybe something for the kids' college expenses. Try not to get into too much debt -- be responsible. As I have reached age 45 and I am seeing all of this pain and hurt, making plans primarily for the future becomes a tougher and tougher sell. Because, you see, I love being alive. I love life, and I do, in fact, fear whatever happens to you when you die. I sure hope that there is a better world for us after this one, but it seems so hard for me to believe that. After all, what experience can possibly beat watching your boy play ball and fly around second as he tries to leg out a triple? Or hearing one of your girls make a joke that you would have never thought of? The thought of others possibly losing the chance to experience ever again the things I love so much about this world makes me profoundly sad.
But fortunately these folks have a great deal more religious faith than I. Which I am sure comforts them in their darker moments.
And what HM blog post would be complete without some corny quote from a TV show or movie?
Theoden: I know your face... Eowyn. My eyes darken.
Eowyn: No. No. I'm going to save you.
Theoden: You already did... Eowyn. My body is broken. You have to let me go. I go to my fathers, in whose mighty company I shall not now feel ashamed. Eowyn...
So today on Memorial Day, I will think about those who have gone before me, like my friend Jeff W., who never had a chance to see his boy play ball, and thank whatever force it is that allows me to be around every day so I can embrace and enjoy being around to see my kids grow up.
Another favorite clip:
All of my life I have tried to put something away for retirement and maybe something for the kids' college expenses. Try not to get into too much debt -- be responsible. As I have reached age 45 and I am seeing all of this pain and hurt, making plans primarily for the future becomes a tougher and tougher sell. Because, you see, I love being alive. I love life, and I do, in fact, fear whatever happens to you when you die. I sure hope that there is a better world for us after this one, but it seems so hard for me to believe that. After all, what experience can possibly beat watching your boy play ball and fly around second as he tries to leg out a triple? Or hearing one of your girls make a joke that you would have never thought of? The thought of others possibly losing the chance to experience ever again the things I love so much about this world makes me profoundly sad.
But fortunately these folks have a great deal more religious faith than I. Which I am sure comforts them in their darker moments.
And what HM blog post would be complete without some corny quote from a TV show or movie?
Theoden: I know your face... Eowyn. My eyes darken.
Eowyn: No. No. I'm going to save you.
Theoden: You already did... Eowyn. My body is broken. You have to let me go. I go to my fathers, in whose mighty company I shall not now feel ashamed. Eowyn...
So today on Memorial Day, I will think about those who have gone before me, like my friend Jeff W., who never had a chance to see his boy play ball, and thank whatever force it is that allows me to be around every day so I can embrace and enjoy being around to see my kids grow up.
Another favorite clip:
Watch more MySpace videos on AOL Video
Friday, May 22, 2009
David Kahn's Letter to Season Ticket Holders (Original and With My Annotations)
This is the actual e-mail I received:
I'm truly excited to be in charge of the process of developing the Minnesota Timberwolves into a championship-caliber team. I've seen the passion that Upper Midwest basketball fans have for the Timberwolves. You deserve a winner - and I will do everything in my power to deliver one for you.
There are several significant pieces in place on our team already for achieving this success. And with multiple picks in this year's draft and salary cap flexibility, it's time to accumulate even more talent and accelerate our climb to the top. I will work tirelessly, and expect my staff to do the same.
We will be relentless in pursuit of an NBA championship.I have spent 24 years working around the game of basketball in several capacities. While I am a lawyer, journalist and entrepreneur, above all I am a basketball person. As General Manager with the Indiana Pacers, I worked side-by-side in the day-to-day operations of the basketball department with Donnie Walsh, one of the finest basketball minds in the game. I'm especially proud of the Pacers making eight playoff appearances in the nine years I was affiliated with them, topped off by an NBA Finals appearance in 2000.
I also had the privilege of leading the charge in the design, development and marketing of Conseco Fieldhouse, the Pacers' arena - an arena that is considered one of the finest venues ever built.I have maintained my ties to the NBA by owning four NBA Development League (NBDL) teams over the past four years. This experience allowed me to hire nine coaches, including Sam Vincent, Michael Cooper, Jay Humphries and the late Dennis Johnson. My NBDL experience allowed me to constantly work on coach and player matters ever since I left the Pacers. And more recently, to further prepare myself for this opportunity, I went to Europe in March and scouted six professional games in eight days.
Throughout my time in professional basketball I have managed the salary cap, worked on trades, hired coaches, and managed large projects. So I am ready for this outstanding opportunity. I am ready to bring my energy, passion and experience to making the Timberwolves one of the top teams in the NBA.As President of Basketball Operations, the proverbial buck stops with me - and I embrace this responsibility. Once again, I pledge to you that no other team will outwork or outthink the Timberwolves basketball staff during our quest to win a championship for our loyal fans.
Sincerely,
David KahnPresident of Basketball Operations
The BOLD TYPE is my comments. I have substituted my blog name for my real name.
:
Dear [H]:
[H]I'm truly excited to be in charge of the process of developing the Minnesota Timberwolves into a championship-caliber team.
Equivalent to becoming mayor of East St. Louis or Flint and saying "I look forward to challenging every year for Most Liveable City." Not a realistic starting line.
I've seen the passion that Upper Midwest basketball fans have for the Timberwolves.
I doubt it. The guy has no connections whatsoever to Minnesota or the mythical "Upper Midwest." Has he been viewing video of Wolves games from 2003-04?
You deserve a winner - and I will do everything in my power to deliver one for you.
Better starting sentence. Should have put this up front.
There are several significant pieces in place on our team already for achieving this success.
Which are.................?????????? The crippled Al Jefferson? Numerous 6th men? More chunky power forwards than you would find at a YMCA located across from an Old Country Buffet?
And with multiple picks in this year's draft and salary cap flexibility, it's time to accumulate even more talent and accelerate our climb to the top.
Amen to the first part. Is this akin to me promising my wife that I will "accelerate my weight loss regimen"? You know, honey, from negative acceleration to well, less negative acceleration?
I will work tirelessly, and expect my staff to do the same. We will be relentless in pursuit of an NBA championship.
I really do not need a GM who works "tirelessly." OK. Kevin McHale always complained that he had to stay up until 11PM to call free agents on the first day of legal contact with free agents. That one day of hard work netted him........Dwayne Jones.......
All I want is a guy who picks up the phone and calls Joe Dumars and says, "You don't want Chauncey anymore? Yeah, we got some expiring contracts." I want a guy who knows that we don't need Mark Madsen for 5 years as a team mascot. I want a guy who actually has looked at players and can evaluate talent. I don't care if you come in at 11, take a long lunch and leave at 3 so long as you DO SOMETHING POSITIVE FOR THE TEAM WHEN YOU ARE THERE!!!!!
I have spent 24 years working around the game of basketball in several capacities. While I am a lawyer, journalist and entrepreneur, above all I am a basketball person.
Mediocre sportwriter, went to law school and worked in NYC at the NBA's firm of choice, ran some NBDL clubs, at least one of which is being sued for leaving town and stiffing creditors.
I guess I couldn't get an interview because I have never stiffed creditors and upset an entire city.
As General Manager (in name only) with the Indiana Pacers (telling word choice -- if you are in charge, you say you are General Manager OF the Indiana Pacers -- even Mr. Kahn couldn't pull the trigger here),
I worked side-by-side in the day-to-day operations of the basketball department with Donnie Walsh, one of the finest basketball minds in the game. I once had a short conversation with Danny Ferry and another with Ferry and Quin Snyder -- does that count as working "side by side"?
I'm especially proud of the Pacers making eight playoff appearances in the nine years I was affiliated with them, topped off by an NBA Finals appearance in 2000. As were the hot dog vendors and beer vendors, the guys who cleaned the arena at night, etc. I also had the privilege of leading the charge in the design, development and marketing of Conseco Fieldhouse, the Pacers' arena - an arena that is considered one of the finest venues ever built. O..........K.............
I have maintained my ties to the NBA by owning four NBA Development League (NBDL) teams over the past four years.
"And plus, some of those cities are NOT pissed at me and WILL let me back in town."
http://www.startribune.com/sports/wolves/45806312.html?page=2&c=y
This experience allowed me to hire nine coaches, including Sam Vincent, Michael Cooper, Jay Humphries and the late Dennis Johnson.
Similar to saying that "You should marry me. I have been married 5 times before!" 4 teams, 9 coaches? Wanna put that in the letter?
My NBDL experience allowed me to constantly work on coach and player matters ever since I left the Pacers.
"So, you want to know some really, really medicore guys who might be able to make it as the 12th man in the NBA? I know then ALL!!!!"
And more recently, to further prepare myself for this opportunity, I went to Europe in March and scouted six professional games in eight days.
Huh? To prepare himself for "this opportunity" he went to Europe and scouted six lousy games? If you are in Europe, and you are padding your resume, don't you at least watch 8 games in 8 days? So.......in case the Wolves might have maybe been thinking about hiring him he figured he better scout some Euro games? For 8 days? This sounds like an outright lie. Sorry.
Throughout my time in professional basketball I have managed the salary cap (which you can do by going to www.hoopshype.com and/or by utilizing ESPN's on-line "trade machine"
http://games.espn.go.com/nba/tradeMachine) so basically a 19 year old kid with a computer, calculator watch, and a passing interest in the NBA could do this job
, worked on trades
which were.................what? And you "worked on" them? Like I say to my wife -- "Yeah, I am "working on" that right now...."
, hired coaches,
in the NBDL -- 9 coaches for 4 teams.
and managed large projects.
So hey, you want a shopping mall built? Look no further my friends in Hampton, MN -- I will get you one.
So I am ready for this outstanding opportunity.
Might want to take a page from Barack Obama's book here. Call it "exciting and challenging." Everyone other than you and I passed up this opportunity, David. Please don't start your career by lying. That said, for a guy with his rather sparse resume, running one step ahead of the mayor of Fort Worth's posse, I guess getting $1MM a year is a great opportunity.....monetarily....for him....
I am ready to bring my energy, passion and experience to making the Timberwolves one of the top teams in the NBA.
Hey, hey, hey, what happened to "championship-caliber"? Couldn't even make it from the beginning of letter to the end?
Draft #1 -- "the NBA champions"
Draft #2 -- "Western conference champions"
Draft #3 -- "Division Champions"
Draft #4 -- "one of the BEST teams in the NBA!!!"
Draft #5 -- "one of the ....uh.....top teams? in the NBA -- is that lower than "best"?"
Draft #6 -- finished product.
As President of Basketball Operations, the proverbial buck stops with me - and I embrace this responsibility.
And the literal buck -- $1MM because he is friends with David Stern!?! If you "embrace the responsibility" then the first thing you do is fire everyone else and start fresh.
Once again, I pledge to you that no other team will outwork or outthink the Timberwolves basketball staff during our quest to win a championship for our loyal fans.
From your computer to God's ear.
Sincerely,
David Kahn, President of Basketball Operations
I'm truly excited to be in charge of the process of developing the Minnesota Timberwolves into a championship-caliber team. I've seen the passion that Upper Midwest basketball fans have for the Timberwolves. You deserve a winner - and I will do everything in my power to deliver one for you.
There are several significant pieces in place on our team already for achieving this success. And with multiple picks in this year's draft and salary cap flexibility, it's time to accumulate even more talent and accelerate our climb to the top. I will work tirelessly, and expect my staff to do the same.
We will be relentless in pursuit of an NBA championship.I have spent 24 years working around the game of basketball in several capacities. While I am a lawyer, journalist and entrepreneur, above all I am a basketball person. As General Manager with the Indiana Pacers, I worked side-by-side in the day-to-day operations of the basketball department with Donnie Walsh, one of the finest basketball minds in the game. I'm especially proud of the Pacers making eight playoff appearances in the nine years I was affiliated with them, topped off by an NBA Finals appearance in 2000.
I also had the privilege of leading the charge in the design, development and marketing of Conseco Fieldhouse, the Pacers' arena - an arena that is considered one of the finest venues ever built.I have maintained my ties to the NBA by owning four NBA Development League (NBDL) teams over the past four years. This experience allowed me to hire nine coaches, including Sam Vincent, Michael Cooper, Jay Humphries and the late Dennis Johnson. My NBDL experience allowed me to constantly work on coach and player matters ever since I left the Pacers. And more recently, to further prepare myself for this opportunity, I went to Europe in March and scouted six professional games in eight days.
Throughout my time in professional basketball I have managed the salary cap, worked on trades, hired coaches, and managed large projects. So I am ready for this outstanding opportunity. I am ready to bring my energy, passion and experience to making the Timberwolves one of the top teams in the NBA.As President of Basketball Operations, the proverbial buck stops with me - and I embrace this responsibility. Once again, I pledge to you that no other team will outwork or outthink the Timberwolves basketball staff during our quest to win a championship for our loyal fans.
Sincerely,
David KahnPresident of Basketball Operations
The BOLD TYPE is my comments. I have substituted my blog name for my real name.
:
Dear [H]:
[H]I'm truly excited to be in charge of the process of developing the Minnesota Timberwolves into a championship-caliber team.
Equivalent to becoming mayor of East St. Louis or Flint and saying "I look forward to challenging every year for Most Liveable City." Not a realistic starting line.
I've seen the passion that Upper Midwest basketball fans have for the Timberwolves.
I doubt it. The guy has no connections whatsoever to Minnesota or the mythical "Upper Midwest." Has he been viewing video of Wolves games from 2003-04?
You deserve a winner - and I will do everything in my power to deliver one for you.
Better starting sentence. Should have put this up front.
There are several significant pieces in place on our team already for achieving this success.
Which are.................?????????? The crippled Al Jefferson? Numerous 6th men? More chunky power forwards than you would find at a YMCA located across from an Old Country Buffet?
And with multiple picks in this year's draft and salary cap flexibility, it's time to accumulate even more talent and accelerate our climb to the top.
Amen to the first part. Is this akin to me promising my wife that I will "accelerate my weight loss regimen"? You know, honey, from negative acceleration to well, less negative acceleration?
I will work tirelessly, and expect my staff to do the same. We will be relentless in pursuit of an NBA championship.
I really do not need a GM who works "tirelessly." OK. Kevin McHale always complained that he had to stay up until 11PM to call free agents on the first day of legal contact with free agents. That one day of hard work netted him........Dwayne Jones.......
All I want is a guy who picks up the phone and calls Joe Dumars and says, "You don't want Chauncey anymore? Yeah, we got some expiring contracts." I want a guy who knows that we don't need Mark Madsen for 5 years as a team mascot. I want a guy who actually has looked at players and can evaluate talent. I don't care if you come in at 11, take a long lunch and leave at 3 so long as you DO SOMETHING POSITIVE FOR THE TEAM WHEN YOU ARE THERE!!!!!
I have spent 24 years working around the game of basketball in several capacities. While I am a lawyer, journalist and entrepreneur, above all I am a basketball person.
Mediocre sportwriter, went to law school and worked in NYC at the NBA's firm of choice, ran some NBDL clubs, at least one of which is being sued for leaving town and stiffing creditors.
I guess I couldn't get an interview because I have never stiffed creditors and upset an entire city.
As General Manager (in name only) with the Indiana Pacers (telling word choice -- if you are in charge, you say you are General Manager OF the Indiana Pacers -- even Mr. Kahn couldn't pull the trigger here),
I worked side-by-side in the day-to-day operations of the basketball department with Donnie Walsh, one of the finest basketball minds in the game. I once had a short conversation with Danny Ferry and another with Ferry and Quin Snyder -- does that count as working "side by side"?
I'm especially proud of the Pacers making eight playoff appearances in the nine years I was affiliated with them, topped off by an NBA Finals appearance in 2000. As were the hot dog vendors and beer vendors, the guys who cleaned the arena at night, etc. I also had the privilege of leading the charge in the design, development and marketing of Conseco Fieldhouse, the Pacers' arena - an arena that is considered one of the finest venues ever built. O..........K.............
I have maintained my ties to the NBA by owning four NBA Development League (NBDL) teams over the past four years.
"And plus, some of those cities are NOT pissed at me and WILL let me back in town."
http://www.startribune.com/sports/wolves/45806312.html?page=2&c=y
This experience allowed me to hire nine coaches, including Sam Vincent, Michael Cooper, Jay Humphries and the late Dennis Johnson.
Similar to saying that "You should marry me. I have been married 5 times before!" 4 teams, 9 coaches? Wanna put that in the letter?
My NBDL experience allowed me to constantly work on coach and player matters ever since I left the Pacers.
"So, you want to know some really, really medicore guys who might be able to make it as the 12th man in the NBA? I know then ALL!!!!"
And more recently, to further prepare myself for this opportunity, I went to Europe in March and scouted six professional games in eight days.
Huh? To prepare himself for "this opportunity" he went to Europe and scouted six lousy games? If you are in Europe, and you are padding your resume, don't you at least watch 8 games in 8 days? So.......in case the Wolves might have maybe been thinking about hiring him he figured he better scout some Euro games? For 8 days? This sounds like an outright lie. Sorry.
Throughout my time in professional basketball I have managed the salary cap (which you can do by going to www.hoopshype.com and/or by utilizing ESPN's on-line "trade machine"
http://games.espn.go.com/nba/tradeMachine) so basically a 19 year old kid with a computer, calculator watch, and a passing interest in the NBA could do this job
, worked on trades
which were.................what? And you "worked on" them? Like I say to my wife -- "Yeah, I am "working on" that right now...."
, hired coaches,
in the NBDL -- 9 coaches for 4 teams.
and managed large projects.
So hey, you want a shopping mall built? Look no further my friends in Hampton, MN -- I will get you one.
So I am ready for this outstanding opportunity.
Might want to take a page from Barack Obama's book here. Call it "exciting and challenging." Everyone other than you and I passed up this opportunity, David. Please don't start your career by lying. That said, for a guy with his rather sparse resume, running one step ahead of the mayor of Fort Worth's posse, I guess getting $1MM a year is a great opportunity.....monetarily....for him....
I am ready to bring my energy, passion and experience to making the Timberwolves one of the top teams in the NBA.
Hey, hey, hey, what happened to "championship-caliber"? Couldn't even make it from the beginning of letter to the end?
Draft #1 -- "the NBA champions"
Draft #2 -- "Western conference champions"
Draft #3 -- "Division Champions"
Draft #4 -- "one of the BEST teams in the NBA!!!"
Draft #5 -- "one of the ....uh.....top teams? in the NBA -- is that lower than "best"?"
Draft #6 -- finished product.
As President of Basketball Operations, the proverbial buck stops with me - and I embrace this responsibility.
And the literal buck -- $1MM because he is friends with David Stern!?! If you "embrace the responsibility" then the first thing you do is fire everyone else and start fresh.
Once again, I pledge to you that no other team will outwork or outthink the Timberwolves basketball staff during our quest to win a championship for our loyal fans.
From your computer to God's ear.
Sincerely,
David Kahn, President of Basketball Operations
Mauer Cools Off Slightly -- Still Having Best Year of Any AL Player
Joe has played 19 games. He has 85 plate appearances. Twins have played 42 games, so he needs 130 to qualify for the batting title. He is way off the pace, but he is playing a ton and getting a ton of at bats per game. At this pace of 4.5 plate appearances per game, Mauer will probably reach the plate appearance necessary to qualify for the batting title.
Current Average -- .417 (leads Victor Martinez by 17 points)
On Base Percentage -- .500 (leads Martinez by 26 points)
Slugging Percentage -- .819 (leads Adam Jones by 162 points)
On-Base Plus Slugging - 1.319 (leads Martinez by 221 points).
No one in either league is close to Mauer's current stats in these categories.
In 72 at bats, Mauer has hit 8 home runs. His career high in HRs is 13, in a year where he had 532 at bats. Can he maintain this remarkable pace?
Unfortunately, I doubt that .400 is in the cards. To hit .400 Joe would need to hit .396551724 for his next 348 at bats. Highly unlikely. When his average dropped from .500 to about .396 in a week, his quest for .400 took a big fall.
But he could challenge .500 in on-base percentage. His walks are way off thus far and if he continues to hit a homer every 9 at bats, guys will start pitching him more carefully.
1.319 OPS? Yeah, no. You are up there in Barry Bonds' terriory with those stats. Joe isn't going to hit 73 homers or walk 232 times in a year. The slugging number and the OPS number will come down.
But anyway, still amazing.
Current Average -- .417 (leads Victor Martinez by 17 points)
On Base Percentage -- .500 (leads Martinez by 26 points)
Slugging Percentage -- .819 (leads Adam Jones by 162 points)
On-Base Plus Slugging - 1.319 (leads Martinez by 221 points).
No one in either league is close to Mauer's current stats in these categories.
In 72 at bats, Mauer has hit 8 home runs. His career high in HRs is 13, in a year where he had 532 at bats. Can he maintain this remarkable pace?
Unfortunately, I doubt that .400 is in the cards. To hit .400 Joe would need to hit .396551724 for his next 348 at bats. Highly unlikely. When his average dropped from .500 to about .396 in a week, his quest for .400 took a big fall.
But he could challenge .500 in on-base percentage. His walks are way off thus far and if he continues to hit a homer every 9 at bats, guys will start pitching him more carefully.
1.319 OPS? Yeah, no. You are up there in Barry Bonds' terriory with those stats. Joe isn't going to hit 73 homers or walk 232 times in a year. The slugging number and the OPS number will come down.
But anyway, still amazing.
Kris Allen Wins? Wolves Hire David Kahn? What the Frakk?
While we must commend RKG for his prediction that Kris Allen would win the finale, I think it is pretty clear that Allen (a poor man's Richard Marx) is the least talented Idol winner of all-time.
Wolves -- by hiring David Kahn the Wolves have hired a guy with absolutely no connections to Minnesota who has no reason to stay in Minnesota and no reason to try very hard to succeed.
What is this like? Well, imagine you are a Napoleon Dynamite-esque loser. Damn. Gotta go. Flight is leaving.
Wolves -- by hiring David Kahn the Wolves have hired a guy with absolutely no connections to Minnesota who has no reason to stay in Minnesota and no reason to try very hard to succeed.
What is this like? Well, imagine you are a Napoleon Dynamite-esque loser. Damn. Gotta go. Flight is leaving.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
in Chicago
Some good and some bad about this city. They can't seem to find a way to win a hockey game (bad) and I would have been here 30 minutes earlier had we not (literally) circled the entire city and gone a mile out onto Lake Michigan to then return to O'Hare.
The good? I have friends here and by some miracle my connecting flight to Philly says it is on time and the gate was just 5 down from where I landed!!!!
Another bad -- airport toilet was so low to the floor that I felt like Shaq must. Made it tough to keep a suitably narrow stance. Good thing -- the stall doors go nearly to the floor.
Chicago as a city -- Grade A. Unfortunately I am not staying here this trip. To Philly and then to upstate NY to interview scholarship candidates. Can I afford it this year? No. But I guess it isn't charity unless you make a sacrifice, huh?
Denver Nuggets -- note: generally you want a bigger player to throw the ball inbounds. Oh wait, maybe a little too late for that advice.
Draft lottery: Wolves drop a spot to 6. They have NEVER moved up in their, what? 14 years in the draft lottery? Demar DeRozen? If you are going to go with an unproven but talented PG, why not Tyreke Evans -- bigger, better scorer, team was better.
I am still waiting for my Wolves GM interview.
The good? I have friends here and by some miracle my connecting flight to Philly says it is on time and the gate was just 5 down from where I landed!!!!
Another bad -- airport toilet was so low to the floor that I felt like Shaq must. Made it tough to keep a suitably narrow stance. Good thing -- the stall doors go nearly to the floor.
Chicago as a city -- Grade A. Unfortunately I am not staying here this trip. To Philly and then to upstate NY to interview scholarship candidates. Can I afford it this year? No. But I guess it isn't charity unless you make a sacrifice, huh?
Denver Nuggets -- note: generally you want a bigger player to throw the ball inbounds. Oh wait, maybe a little too late for that advice.
Draft lottery: Wolves drop a spot to 6. They have NEVER moved up in their, what? 14 years in the draft lottery? Demar DeRozen? If you are going to go with an unproven but talented PG, why not Tyreke Evans -- bigger, better scorer, team was better.
I am still waiting for my Wolves GM interview.
"No Boundaries" -- Worst Song Ever Written???
It is easy to rip on the past songs offered up to Idol finalists, but "Flying Without Wings" and "Believe" and "Do I Make You Proud" are Stairway to Heaven, Won't Get Fooled Again and Midnight Train to Georgia compared to the dreck offered up by Kara DioGuardi last night.
My 11 year old made fun of the song for goodness sake.
Traveling today. More soon.
My 11 year old made fun of the song for goodness sake.
Traveling today. More soon.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Rating Similar-Looking Women
I have always thought these three looked so similar that they could be sisters. All 3, I believe are not Americans. Here is your task:
Rate the three from best to worst looking, then tell me the two you think are most similar looking:
1. Black dress -- Yvonne Strahovsky (from the newly-renewed "Chuck").
2. Short shirt and jeans -- Victoria Pratt (actress and former fitness model).
3. Black and white outfit -- Diane Krueger (from Troy and National Treasure movies).
I Hereby Apply For the Job As Timberwolves GM
With Chris Mullin fired in Golden State, Golden State just hired a new GM and reportedly will pay him $700,000 a year.
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2009/writers/steve_aschburner/05/15/general.managers/index.html
Here is an actual e-mail I just sent to the Timberwolves, applying for the job:
I would be willing to take the GM position, so I am hereby applying.
I will work for whatever median GM pay is in the NBA.
I will allow Hoiberg to do the personnel work and I will just review contracts and make telephone calls and look at the salary cap issues.
I will agree to retain McHale as coach with a 3-year contract.
I graduated from college summa cum laude and from Duke Law with honors.
Since no one else wants the job, I would be happy to take it.
Please let me know when you want me in for an interview.
HM
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2009/writers/steve_aschburner/05/15/general.managers/index.html
Here is an actual e-mail I just sent to the Timberwolves, applying for the job:
I would be willing to take the GM position, so I am hereby applying.
I will work for whatever median GM pay is in the NBA.
I will allow Hoiberg to do the personnel work and I will just review contracts and make telephone calls and look at the salary cap issues.
I will agree to retain McHale as coach with a 3-year contract.
I graduated from college summa cum laude and from Duke Law with honors.
Since no one else wants the job, I would be happy to take it.
Please let me know when you want me in for an interview.
HM
ABC Cancels "According to Jim" and "Samantha Who?"
According to Jim was still on the air!?!?!? Say what you want about the show, it averaged 10MM viewers per week for 4 straight years depsite almost never having any noticeable story line. Show what you can do with good likeable actors at the helm.
On the flip side -- how did anyone manage to pitch it so that "Samantha Who?" got on the air? At least on Gilligan's Island there were different ways that Gilligan could mess up so that the castaways would fail to get off the island.
With Samantha Who? you are basically asking the audience to laugh at someone who has amnesia due to no fault of their own. "Oh, dude, why are you kissing me? We used to date?" There are reasons why amnesia was used on sitcoms for 1 episode shows -- it is a pretty one-note deal. "You see, her husband wants to kiss her, but she doesn't even KNOW him!!! Get it? Huh?"
So they tried to make the show basically "My Name Is Earl" with Samantha slowly remembering what a jackass she used to be and "trying to make amends." Why? Does having amnesia suddenly make you a better person? If I can just give Mark Cuban amnesia will he quit being such a jackass? Could Ron Artest lose his anger managment problem if he got amnesia?
Anyway, good riddance.
AOL today:
'Samantha Who?' is disappearing from ABC's lineup. The Christina Applegate vehicle, which won an Emmy last year for co-star Jean Smart, declined steadily in the ratings over two seasons, and is now being canceled after the show failed to cut back its budget, according to Variety. On the bright side, maybe Samantha won't remember this.
On the flip side -- how did anyone manage to pitch it so that "Samantha Who?" got on the air? At least on Gilligan's Island there were different ways that Gilligan could mess up so that the castaways would fail to get off the island.
With Samantha Who? you are basically asking the audience to laugh at someone who has amnesia due to no fault of their own. "Oh, dude, why are you kissing me? We used to date?" There are reasons why amnesia was used on sitcoms for 1 episode shows -- it is a pretty one-note deal. "You see, her husband wants to kiss her, but she doesn't even KNOW him!!! Get it? Huh?"
So they tried to make the show basically "My Name Is Earl" with Samantha slowly remembering what a jackass she used to be and "trying to make amends." Why? Does having amnesia suddenly make you a better person? If I can just give Mark Cuban amnesia will he quit being such a jackass? Could Ron Artest lose his anger managment problem if he got amnesia?
Anyway, good riddance.
AOL today:
'Samantha Who?' is disappearing from ABC's lineup. The Christina Applegate vehicle, which won an Emmy last year for co-star Jean Smart, declined steadily in the ratings over two seasons, and is now being canceled after the show failed to cut back its budget, according to Variety. On the bright side, maybe Samantha won't remember this.
Mary Louise Parker -- Regrets Nude Scene In "Weeds"
http://www.popeater.com/television/article/mary-louise-parker-bathtub-scenes/488027?icid=mainhtmlws-maindl4link3http%3A%2F%2Fwww.popeater.com%2Ftelevision%2Farticle%2Fmary-louise-parker-bathtub-scenes%2F488027
Well, I can see how unfairly she was treated....at age 45....and her nude photos got on the Internet!!!!
Now, Mr. Skin says that she has appeared nude in 6 different shows or movies during her career, including full frontal nudity, but I appreciate the strong stance she has taken here after first appearing nude on screen in........1991.
Well, I can see how unfairly she was treated....at age 45....and her nude photos got on the Internet!!!!
Now, Mr. Skin says that she has appeared nude in 6 different shows or movies during her career, including full frontal nudity, but I appreciate the strong stance she has taken here after first appearing nude on screen in........1991.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Mark Cuban v. Kenyon Martin Feud Continues
Despite wussy wittle fwaidy cat Cuban's obsequious Blog apology, Kenyon Martin is still not happy and he demands an in-person apology from Cuban for both KMart and his mom. http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=4174282
Cuban admits that an impersonal apology was a big mistake (as, in my opinion, was making ANY apology). But he goes on to ask the following:
"I would also like to know if Kenyon is going to take responsibility for his actions rather than hiding behind 'no comment,' " Cuban wrote. "Will he apologize to the wife of our staff member that he called a [expletive] fat pig' immediately after Game 3? Will he apologize to fans that he threatened to, and I'm paraphrasing here, '[expletive] beat the [expletive] down' during Game 4?
"Or to the fans he walked by after Game 4, [Martin] cursed and gave the finger to? Will he take responsibility for what he said and did? Is there some reason he has not?"
Mark Cuban, I am SO glad you have admitted that you are in the wrong and want to put this behind you. After all, nothing puts a feud behind you like saying, "Well, yeah, but you did _________ and _______ and I demand an apology for THAT, too!"
There may be no winner in this whole dispute, but there is one HUGE loser -- Mark Cuban. Oh, and he may also be the loser in the dispute.
HM
Cuban admits that an impersonal apology was a big mistake (as, in my opinion, was making ANY apology). But he goes on to ask the following:
"I would also like to know if Kenyon is going to take responsibility for his actions rather than hiding behind 'no comment,' " Cuban wrote. "Will he apologize to the wife of our staff member that he called a [expletive] fat pig' immediately after Game 3? Will he apologize to fans that he threatened to, and I'm paraphrasing here, '[expletive] beat the [expletive] down' during Game 4?
"Or to the fans he walked by after Game 4, [Martin] cursed and gave the finger to? Will he take responsibility for what he said and did? Is there some reason he has not?"
Mark Cuban, I am SO glad you have admitted that you are in the wrong and want to put this behind you. After all, nothing puts a feud behind you like saying, "Well, yeah, but you did _________ and _______ and I demand an apology for THAT, too!"
There may be no winner in this whole dispute, but there is one HUGE loser -- Mark Cuban. Oh, and he may also be the loser in the dispute.
HM
Lakers Advance, Celtics Do Not
Proving once again my father's position that talent almost always wins out. Here is your draft of Lakers/Rockets healthy players:
Team 1 -- Gasol
Team 2 -- Kobe
Team 1 -- Bynum
Team 2 -- Odom
Team 1 -- Artest
So, you have 4 of the top 5 picks, you ought to win.
Magic Celtics healthy player draft:
Team 1 -- Howard
Team 2 - Pierce
Team 1 - Turkoglu
Team 2 - Lewis
Team 1 - Ray Allen
So, you have the ##1, 3 and 4 picks, you ought to win.
Predictions?
Barring injury, I go with Cavs in 7 and Lakers in 6. Lakers win finals in 5. Everyone bitches at how LeBron cannot win the big one. Knicks fans start looking forward to LeBron in a Knicks jersey in a couple years.
I am not sure how the Lakers can possibly show less heart than they did against Houston. And as I said, LeBron is better than ever, but the rest of his team, frankly, is not any better than last time they hit the finals.....and were swept.
Team 1 -- Gasol
Team 2 -- Kobe
Team 1 -- Bynum
Team 2 -- Odom
Team 1 -- Artest
So, you have 4 of the top 5 picks, you ought to win.
Magic Celtics healthy player draft:
Team 1 -- Howard
Team 2 - Pierce
Team 1 - Turkoglu
Team 2 - Lewis
Team 1 - Ray Allen
So, you have the ##1, 3 and 4 picks, you ought to win.
Predictions?
Barring injury, I go with Cavs in 7 and Lakers in 6. Lakers win finals in 5. Everyone bitches at how LeBron cannot win the big one. Knicks fans start looking forward to LeBron in a Knicks jersey in a couple years.
I am not sure how the Lakers can possibly show less heart than they did against Houston. And as I said, LeBron is better than ever, but the rest of his team, frankly, is not any better than last time they hit the finals.....and were swept.
Girl Who Wore a Short Dress and No Panties Surprised That People Could See Her Private Parts
http://news.aol.com/article/exposure-in-yearbook/485345?icid=mainaimzonesdl7link7http%3A%2F%2Fnews.aol.com%2Farticle%2Fexposure-in-yearbook%2F485345
Courtesy of RKG -- thanks.
Look at the photo -- you have three girls sitting right by her. Two girls have their legs crossed and one girl has her knees together. Our complaining girl -- well, she is in a good defensive stance. Larry Craig would almost be proud.
The girl's mom says that the "photo will follow her everywhere." Yes, because all of my friends regularly come up to me and say, "Dude, that yearbook photo with all the hair -- sorry, I can't hang with you no more...." Ma'am, if your daughter ends up looking like you, I doubt that anyone will want to be reminded of that photo, ever, under any circumstances.
We need the Amy Poehler rant from SNL about wearing panties.
Courtesy of RKG -- thanks.
Look at the photo -- you have three girls sitting right by her. Two girls have their legs crossed and one girl has her knees together. Our complaining girl -- well, she is in a good defensive stance. Larry Craig would almost be proud.
The girl's mom says that the "photo will follow her everywhere." Yes, because all of my friends regularly come up to me and say, "Dude, that yearbook photo with all the hair -- sorry, I can't hang with you no more...." Ma'am, if your daughter ends up looking like you, I doubt that anyone will want to be reminded of that photo, ever, under any circumstances.
We need the Amy Poehler rant from SNL about wearing panties.
Friday, May 15, 2009
GM to Terminate 1,100 Dealers?? Yeah, Right.
Look, it is almost impossible to legally terminate a car dealer. There is no state in the union, to my knowledge, that allows termination of a car dealer without "good cause" and "good cause" is generally limited to actions of the car dealer that are breaches of contract. Wanting to cut costs or change the distribution system are not events constituting "good cause."
Chrysler is in bankruptcy -- it can reject its executory contracts with dealers under well-established bankruptcy law. GM is not. It has to comply with the laws...all of which strongly favor dealers.
So if GM honestly believes that it will slash 1,100 dealerships.....bankruptcy is not only a likely event, it is a necessary event.
Chrysler is in bankruptcy -- it can reject its executory contracts with dealers under well-established bankruptcy law. GM is not. It has to comply with the laws...all of which strongly favor dealers.
So if GM honestly believes that it will slash 1,100 dealerships.....bankruptcy is not only a likely event, it is a necessary event.
NHL -- Tears Are Falling at the NHL Offices
Carolina beats Boston in Game 7. The 50th largest Metropolitan Statistical Area advances, while the 10th largest goes home: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Table_of_United_States_Metropolitan_Statistical_Areas
Plus, some folks in Boston and surrounding area actually watch hockey on TV.
So the NHL gets the #22 statistical area (Pittsburgh) against the #50 (Raleigh). I guess they will be rooting hard for that western conference finalist -- either Detroit (#10) or Chicago (#3).
I have to tell you -- I am rooting for Detroit v. Pittsburgh (relax K, it has nothing to do with Chicago).
I just want an "East versus West" matchup where the hated Westerner is located 240 miles driving distance (205 straight line) from the Easterner. If my right triangle calculations are correct, Detroit is about 145 miles west of Pittsburgh. I hope they allow sufficient time for travel.
Chicago is in the western conference in hockey???? -- Well, just like in basketball, er, base..., er footb...??? OK, just like back in 1905 when Chicago was considered part of the west.
Plus, some folks in Boston and surrounding area actually watch hockey on TV.
So the NHL gets the #22 statistical area (Pittsburgh) against the #50 (Raleigh). I guess they will be rooting hard for that western conference finalist -- either Detroit (#10) or Chicago (#3).
I have to tell you -- I am rooting for Detroit v. Pittsburgh (relax K, it has nothing to do with Chicago).
I just want an "East versus West" matchup where the hated Westerner is located 240 miles driving distance (205 straight line) from the Easterner. If my right triangle calculations are correct, Detroit is about 145 miles west of Pittsburgh. I hope they allow sufficient time for travel.
Chicago is in the western conference in hockey???? -- Well, just like in basketball, er, base..., er footb...??? OK, just like back in 1905 when Chicago was considered part of the west.
Laker and Celtics -- Both Inexplicable
What is harder to explain:
1) The Celtics still being in the playoffs, or
2) The Lakers still not yet advancing to the Western Conference finals?
Look at Boston -- Garnett: out; Powe: out. They are getting big minutes from Brian Scalabrine!! Ray Allen just tossed in another awful stinker of a performance last night. Paul Pierce looks so old that it seems he played with Wilt at Kansas. Rajon Rondo has one of the oddest floor games I have ever seen, shoots only wide open jumpers or little layups and is shooting 36% in the series.
Yet they are still in it. 3-3 and headed home. There is simply no understanding this.
But then look at the Lakers -- there were times last night when the Lakers were playing Bynum, Gasol and Odom against Chuck Hayes, Scola and Artest.
7'1", 7' and 6'10" against 6'6", 6'8" and 6'7". This is like a 7th grade team against an 8th grade team.
Yet the Rockets beat them -- easily!!!!!!
Has there ever been a team harder to explain than the Lakers? What is missing in this team's DNA that allows a team like the Rockets to win 3 games? Aaron Brooks is an OK point guard -- he is getting 30 points some nights. Shane Battier plays basically one end of the court. Artest is a crazed psychopath (mark my words, if Houston loses Game 7, Artest will elbow or punch some Laker extremely hard -- probably Kobe), Scola is a good solid player -- 5 inches shorter than Gasol and not as athletic, Chuck Hayes is a bench player.
Chances of Rockets winning a game 7 in L.A. -- 4%. But this series should have been over long ago.
My Answer -- Given that Orlando is coached (and not well) by Stan Van Gundy, I think the Lakers are harder to explain.
1) The Celtics still being in the playoffs, or
2) The Lakers still not yet advancing to the Western Conference finals?
Look at Boston -- Garnett: out; Powe: out. They are getting big minutes from Brian Scalabrine!! Ray Allen just tossed in another awful stinker of a performance last night. Paul Pierce looks so old that it seems he played with Wilt at Kansas. Rajon Rondo has one of the oddest floor games I have ever seen, shoots only wide open jumpers or little layups and is shooting 36% in the series.
Yet they are still in it. 3-3 and headed home. There is simply no understanding this.
But then look at the Lakers -- there were times last night when the Lakers were playing Bynum, Gasol and Odom against Chuck Hayes, Scola and Artest.
7'1", 7' and 6'10" against 6'6", 6'8" and 6'7". This is like a 7th grade team against an 8th grade team.
Yet the Rockets beat them -- easily!!!!!!
Has there ever been a team harder to explain than the Lakers? What is missing in this team's DNA that allows a team like the Rockets to win 3 games? Aaron Brooks is an OK point guard -- he is getting 30 points some nights. Shane Battier plays basically one end of the court. Artest is a crazed psychopath (mark my words, if Houston loses Game 7, Artest will elbow or punch some Laker extremely hard -- probably Kobe), Scola is a good solid player -- 5 inches shorter than Gasol and not as athletic, Chuck Hayes is a bench player.
Chances of Rockets winning a game 7 in L.A. -- 4%. But this series should have been over long ago.
My Answer -- Given that Orlando is coached (and not well) by Stan Van Gundy, I think the Lakers are harder to explain.
Dirk Nowitzki -- First Team All-NBA, Last Team All-Common Sense
http://nba.fanhouse.com/2009/05/14/dirks-alleged-girlfriend-has-a-history-with-pro-athletes/?icid=mainhtmlws-maindl5link3http%3A%2F%2Fnba.fanhouse.com%2F2009%2F05%2F14%2Fdirks-alleged-girlfriend-has-a-history-with-pro-athletes%2F
Dirk, "I have some troubles in my personal life right now." Yeah, uh huh. A crazed 37 year old stripper who may be pregnant with your child had to be turned into the police and will probably be serving time for a parole violation. Dirk, you are 30 and a professional athlete. Probably (at least before all the money this chick probably took from you) have a net worth of $50MM.
Maybe you set your sights a little higher for a potential mate? I mean, look at the contrast:
Michael Phelps -- won't take his super hot 20 year old stripper girlfriend out in public, tells her he dates other chicks and shamelessly invites her into threesomes with her own friends. Coolness grade -- 99.
Dirk -- dates Tony Banks' reject who is a 37 year old convicted felon, decides to let her live in his house, gets engaged to her and may have gotten her pregnant. Coolness Grade -- 10 (would be a 0 except she was a stripper).
I LOVE, by the way, the Tony Banks statement that Dick Vermeil lost confidence in him because of this crazy woman. Cuz.........otherwise Tony Banks was just pure kick-ass greatness in a can.
And how great would it be to be an NFL player? You want to start dating some chick so you tell your team security guy -- "Hey, she may be dangerous, can you look into her past?" Done. AWESOME!!
HM
Dirk, "I have some troubles in my personal life right now." Yeah, uh huh. A crazed 37 year old stripper who may be pregnant with your child had to be turned into the police and will probably be serving time for a parole violation. Dirk, you are 30 and a professional athlete. Probably (at least before all the money this chick probably took from you) have a net worth of $50MM.
Maybe you set your sights a little higher for a potential mate? I mean, look at the contrast:
Michael Phelps -- won't take his super hot 20 year old stripper girlfriend out in public, tells her he dates other chicks and shamelessly invites her into threesomes with her own friends. Coolness grade -- 99.
Dirk -- dates Tony Banks' reject who is a 37 year old convicted felon, decides to let her live in his house, gets engaged to her and may have gotten her pregnant. Coolness Grade -- 10 (would be a 0 except she was a stripper).
I LOVE, by the way, the Tony Banks statement that Dick Vermeil lost confidence in him because of this crazy woman. Cuz.........otherwise Tony Banks was just pure kick-ass greatness in a can.
And how great would it be to be an NFL player? You want to start dating some chick so you tell your team security guy -- "Hey, she may be dangerous, can you look into her past?" Done. AWESOME!!
HM
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Adam Lambert Versus Kris Allen -- What Do Past Finales Tell Us About the Likely Winner?
So here comes the rather tepid Kris Allen with his southern background and puppy dog eyes that the 10 year old girls text all night for. He will take on Adam Lambert, the super-gay guy who can really sing but instead chooses to scream in virtually every song he undertakes.
If Idol's producers are to be believed (always a questionable premise), then Allen got more votes than Lambert this week (as Danny Gokey was eliminated). But the dialidol.com results for the past 4 weeks have shown no statistical voting difference between the two guys, so it is about 50-50% going into the finale.
Who wins?
Let's look at past finales:
1. Kelly Clarkson defeats Justin Guarini: By the week before the finale, Clarkson had overcome Guarini's early lead and was clearly the better choice.
My take -- I think this shows the Idol voters' desire for talent to win out. Edge to Lambert.
Opposite take -- Clarkson was a cute southerner who beat a kinda freaky-looking blue stater. You could argue edge to Allen.
2. Ruben Studdard Defeats Clay Aiken: I believe the closest final vote of all-time.
My Take -- Two crooners, one with a smooth creamy voice and nice guy personna, one with a theatrical appearance and great vocal range. The nice guy won. Edge to Allen.
Opposite Take -- none. This is a bad precedent for Lambert.
3. Fantasia Barrino Over Diana DiGarmo -- I believe this was the most one-sided ass kicking ever.
My Take -- Barrino was just so, so, so much better vocally that fans just could not fault her for her annoying stage presence and desire to scream. Edge to Lambert.
Opposite Take -- none. Allen's team would prefer to forget about this.
4. Taylor Hicks Over Katherine McPhee -- No one was really happy that McPhee had advanced except for middle-aged guys like me who liked to see her on stage. All Daughtry and Yamin fans blamed her and lined up solidly behind Hicks.
My Take -- This was really a battle of two pretty medicore entities, each with gaping holes in their performing repertoire. I think Hicks really won because his fan base was solid and the fans of the departed folks weren't voting McPhee. Do you really believe that fans of Gokey and Giraud are going to break hard toward Lambert? I do not. Edge to Allen.
Opposite Take -- Facts are just too unusual to make an analogy to this season. No edge to anyone.
5. Carrie Underwood Over Bo Bice -- Underwood entered the final two weeks as a slight underdog to Bice. As hard as it is to believe now (CMA Entertainer of the Year) Underwood was horribly robotic and unimaginitive in her song interpretations. Then at the very last second, as the title was slipping away, she sang "Angels Brought Me Here," finally understanding that song are not just words on a page, but an actual story to be told that may speak to people's actual lives. She cried -- the title was hers.
My Take -- What does this tell us? Does it tell us that the less theatrical and more likeable performer (Allen) will win out, or does it tell us that eventually vocal talent will overcome (Lambert)? I think it tells us that people like what they like, and that is a sweet southerner who looks good and acts inoffensive. Edge to Allen
Opposite Take -- Underwood was obviously the better vocal talent and eventually people came over to that way of thinking. so that would be edge to Lambert.
6. Jordan Sparks over Blake Lewis -- if Kevin Love played one on one against a good 5th grade player, would that help you evaluate a LeBron versus Dwyane Wade contest? No.
My Take -- worthless.
Opposite Take -- the freaky bizarre Lewis made the finals and was soundly rejected by the voters. Edge to Allen
7. David Cook Over David Archuleta -- Cook went from a 50-50% contender to overtaking favorite Archuleta easily in the finals. Reportedly, middle-aged women voted 20-30 times that night for Cook.
My Take -- very bad news for Lambert. Archuleta clearly had the better voice and was great in the finale, but people had deceided that he was just a little too "off" to make the winner. Edge to Allen.
Opposite Take -- Cook was the more active and enjoyable performer. He oozed stage presence while Archuleta (recall "Wit You') struck you as a wannabe pop star. That would be an edge to Lambert.
Summary -- In my opinion, past finals stack up more in favor of Allen than Lambert (4-2-1).
On a less politically-correct note, the men who you looked at or saw perform and said, "Man there is a little something odd about that guy" (Guarini, Aiken, Lewis, Archuleta).....................have all lost.
If Idol's producers are to be believed (always a questionable premise), then Allen got more votes than Lambert this week (as Danny Gokey was eliminated). But the dialidol.com results for the past 4 weeks have shown no statistical voting difference between the two guys, so it is about 50-50% going into the finale.
Who wins?
Let's look at past finales:
1. Kelly Clarkson defeats Justin Guarini: By the week before the finale, Clarkson had overcome Guarini's early lead and was clearly the better choice.
My take -- I think this shows the Idol voters' desire for talent to win out. Edge to Lambert.
Opposite take -- Clarkson was a cute southerner who beat a kinda freaky-looking blue stater. You could argue edge to Allen.
2. Ruben Studdard Defeats Clay Aiken: I believe the closest final vote of all-time.
My Take -- Two crooners, one with a smooth creamy voice and nice guy personna, one with a theatrical appearance and great vocal range. The nice guy won. Edge to Allen.
Opposite Take -- none. This is a bad precedent for Lambert.
3. Fantasia Barrino Over Diana DiGarmo -- I believe this was the most one-sided ass kicking ever.
My Take -- Barrino was just so, so, so much better vocally that fans just could not fault her for her annoying stage presence and desire to scream. Edge to Lambert.
Opposite Take -- none. Allen's team would prefer to forget about this.
4. Taylor Hicks Over Katherine McPhee -- No one was really happy that McPhee had advanced except for middle-aged guys like me who liked to see her on stage. All Daughtry and Yamin fans blamed her and lined up solidly behind Hicks.
My Take -- This was really a battle of two pretty medicore entities, each with gaping holes in their performing repertoire. I think Hicks really won because his fan base was solid and the fans of the departed folks weren't voting McPhee. Do you really believe that fans of Gokey and Giraud are going to break hard toward Lambert? I do not. Edge to Allen.
Opposite Take -- Facts are just too unusual to make an analogy to this season. No edge to anyone.
5. Carrie Underwood Over Bo Bice -- Underwood entered the final two weeks as a slight underdog to Bice. As hard as it is to believe now (CMA Entertainer of the Year) Underwood was horribly robotic and unimaginitive in her song interpretations. Then at the very last second, as the title was slipping away, she sang "Angels Brought Me Here," finally understanding that song are not just words on a page, but an actual story to be told that may speak to people's actual lives. She cried -- the title was hers.
My Take -- What does this tell us? Does it tell us that the less theatrical and more likeable performer (Allen) will win out, or does it tell us that eventually vocal talent will overcome (Lambert)? I think it tells us that people like what they like, and that is a sweet southerner who looks good and acts inoffensive. Edge to Allen
Opposite Take -- Underwood was obviously the better vocal talent and eventually people came over to that way of thinking. so that would be edge to Lambert.
6. Jordan Sparks over Blake Lewis -- if Kevin Love played one on one against a good 5th grade player, would that help you evaluate a LeBron versus Dwyane Wade contest? No.
My Take -- worthless.
Opposite Take -- the freaky bizarre Lewis made the finals and was soundly rejected by the voters. Edge to Allen
7. David Cook Over David Archuleta -- Cook went from a 50-50% contender to overtaking favorite Archuleta easily in the finals. Reportedly, middle-aged women voted 20-30 times that night for Cook.
My Take -- very bad news for Lambert. Archuleta clearly had the better voice and was great in the finale, but people had deceided that he was just a little too "off" to make the winner. Edge to Allen.
Opposite Take -- Cook was the more active and enjoyable performer. He oozed stage presence while Archuleta (recall "Wit You') struck you as a wannabe pop star. That would be an edge to Lambert.
Summary -- In my opinion, past finals stack up more in favor of Allen than Lambert (4-2-1).
On a less politically-correct note, the men who you looked at or saw perform and said, "Man there is a little something odd about that guy" (Guarini, Aiken, Lewis, Archuleta).....................have all lost.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Comparing the Cavaliers and the Lakers
As you all know, I have long believed that LeBron is a far superior player to The Devil. But as the two teams may be heading toward an NBA Finals collision, I thought it would be interesting to evaluate my other hypothesis, namely:
The Lakers are by far the more talented team, and Cleveland is basically still LeBron James and a bunch of mediocre players.
It really does not require a lot of analysis to determine that this hypothesis is obviously true.
Inquiry #1:
Who is the #1 Guy on each team in Efficiency Rating and Efficiency Per 48?
Cleveland -- LeBron James -- #1 in the league in Efficiency (basically a measure of production per game) and #4 in Efficiency Per 48 (best production on a per minute basis).
Lakers -- Pau Gasol -- #7 in the league in Efficiency and #16 in Efficiency Per 48.
So...........Kobe (The Devil) is not even the most productive player on his OWN TEAM either on a per game or per minute basis!!!! This would seem to make some sense if you step back and think about it. How did Kobe's squad do before they boned the Grizzlies by stealing Gasol for nothing?
2004-05 -- 34-48
2005-06 -- 45-37
2006-07 -- 42-40
It might well be said that the current Lakers are, quite frankly, powered by Pau Gasol....not Kobe.
Inquiry #2
How do the top 4 players outside of Kobe and LeBron match up in Efficiency and Eff48?
Efficiency (and per48):
Mo Williams 72(144) Pau Gasol 7(16)
Ilgauskas 95(60) Bynum 49(24)
Varejao 129(142) Odom 66(57)
Delonte West 132 (267) Trevor Ariza 159(151)
Kobe, by the by, is #10 in Efficiency and #17 in Eff48.
So?
Players in the top 25 in the league in Efficiency -- Lakers 2, Cleveland 1
Players in the top 50 in the league in Efficiency -- Lakers 3, Cleveland 1
Top 75 -- Lakers 3, Cleveland 2
Top 100 -- Lakers 4, Cleveland 3
Top 125 -- Lakers 4, Cleveland 3
You need to plumb all of the way down to 150 for Cleveland to gain an advantage of 5-4 (cuz Trevor Ariza is 9 spots out).
Look at the production of Mo Williams per 48 -- 144th!?!? He is their second scorer, but he ranks 4th on the team in Eff48! Wonder why it took 11 injuries for Mo to make the all-star team? Maybe because Grant Hill and Spencer Hawes and Andray Blatche were way more productive per minute???
Delonte West, great player? Well, um, if you want a guy who is less productive per minute than: Sasha Vujacic, Randy Foye and Beno Udrih....oh, and Mikki Moore.
What is our lesson on Williams and West? They do a great job of staying on the court, but their production per minute is nothing to write home about.
So -- analysis -- the Cavs are still basically LeBron and little else and the Lakers' guys 2 through 4 are way better than the Cavs' guys 2 through 4.
So how could the Cavs win a series?
1) It is unlikely
2) LeBron would need to outplay Kobe by 10+ points, 3+ assists and 3+rebounds a game.
3) Ilgauskas would need to play a lot of minutes -- he is the only Cav whose per48 production is up to snuff with Lakers players
4) West and Williams would need to be more productive
5) Guys like Ben Wallace, Varejao and Joe Smith would need to deflate the large statistical advantage held by Gasol, Odom and Bynum.
HM
The Lakers are by far the more talented team, and Cleveland is basically still LeBron James and a bunch of mediocre players.
It really does not require a lot of analysis to determine that this hypothesis is obviously true.
Inquiry #1:
Who is the #1 Guy on each team in Efficiency Rating and Efficiency Per 48?
Cleveland -- LeBron James -- #1 in the league in Efficiency (basically a measure of production per game) and #4 in Efficiency Per 48 (best production on a per minute basis).
Lakers -- Pau Gasol -- #7 in the league in Efficiency and #16 in Efficiency Per 48.
So...........Kobe (The Devil) is not even the most productive player on his OWN TEAM either on a per game or per minute basis!!!! This would seem to make some sense if you step back and think about it. How did Kobe's squad do before they boned the Grizzlies by stealing Gasol for nothing?
2004-05 -- 34-48
2005-06 -- 45-37
2006-07 -- 42-40
It might well be said that the current Lakers are, quite frankly, powered by Pau Gasol....not Kobe.
Inquiry #2
How do the top 4 players outside of Kobe and LeBron match up in Efficiency and Eff48?
Efficiency (and per48):
Mo Williams 72(144) Pau Gasol 7(16)
Ilgauskas 95(60) Bynum 49(24)
Varejao 129(142) Odom 66(57)
Delonte West 132 (267) Trevor Ariza 159(151)
Kobe, by the by, is #10 in Efficiency and #17 in Eff48.
So?
Players in the top 25 in the league in Efficiency -- Lakers 2, Cleveland 1
Players in the top 50 in the league in Efficiency -- Lakers 3, Cleveland 1
Top 75 -- Lakers 3, Cleveland 2
Top 100 -- Lakers 4, Cleveland 3
Top 125 -- Lakers 4, Cleveland 3
You need to plumb all of the way down to 150 for Cleveland to gain an advantage of 5-4 (cuz Trevor Ariza is 9 spots out).
Look at the production of Mo Williams per 48 -- 144th!?!? He is their second scorer, but he ranks 4th on the team in Eff48! Wonder why it took 11 injuries for Mo to make the all-star team? Maybe because Grant Hill and Spencer Hawes and Andray Blatche were way more productive per minute???
Delonte West, great player? Well, um, if you want a guy who is less productive per minute than: Sasha Vujacic, Randy Foye and Beno Udrih....oh, and Mikki Moore.
What is our lesson on Williams and West? They do a great job of staying on the court, but their production per minute is nothing to write home about.
So -- analysis -- the Cavs are still basically LeBron and little else and the Lakers' guys 2 through 4 are way better than the Cavs' guys 2 through 4.
So how could the Cavs win a series?
1) It is unlikely
2) LeBron would need to outplay Kobe by 10+ points, 3+ assists and 3+rebounds a game.
3) Ilgauskas would need to play a lot of minutes -- he is the only Cav whose per48 production is up to snuff with Lakers players
4) West and Williams would need to be more productive
5) Guys like Ben Wallace, Varejao and Joe Smith would need to deflate the large statistical advantage held by Gasol, Odom and Bynum.
HM
Corie Blount -- 29 Pounds of Marijuana Was "For Personal Use"
http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=4163416
I don't know how much is in a bale of marijuana, but I seem to recall that both Bam Morris and Nate Newton had 2+ bales in their possession and both claimed "personal use."
Sadly, no judge has yet to accept the idea that one man can smoke that much.
I don't know how much is in a bale of marijuana, but I seem to recall that both Bam Morris and Nate Newton had 2+ bales in their possession and both claimed "personal use."
Sadly, no judge has yet to accept the idea that one man can smoke that much.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Mark Cuban Apologizes Like The Little Wussy That He Is
I never thought that Mark Cuban could do anything that would lead me to have even LESS respect for him, but he has.
Mr. Cuban, you go out of your way to call Kenyon Martin a "punk" and a "thug" and build yourself up as some sort of crusader for NBA truth and justice. You then (though accounts differ -- you can't seem to recall anything you said) look right at KMart's mom and tell her that her son is either a thug or a punk.
Hey, that is your image, right? Plain-talking owner out to right wrongs and stand up for your fellas? So you will be a man and stand by your statements, right?
Nope. You puss out in the worst pussifying way that a little wussy pussy fraidy cat ever could. "Oooh, Kenyon Martin's mom. I am so sorry Kenyon Martin's mom. Let me buy you dinner and tickets to a game, Kenyon Martin's mom." This all, of course, is a completely meaningless gesture by a ridiculously rich man. Similar to me kicking some passerby in the balls, telling him that he is a worthless piece of crap, and then saying I am sorry and offering him a quarter.
Pathetic.
If you want to prove that you are a man, you stand by your words. And you buy a ticket in the lower deck of Pepsi Center and carry in your sign that says, "Kenyon Martin is still a thug." Tell your wife that you have to attend Game 5 to make a point (re-read your pre-nup first).
But of course that would require Mark Cuban to actually be the man he pretends to be.....which would require a different actor to play the role of Mark Cuban for the foreseeable future.
Michael Scott -- How To Apologize for a Mistake
With appropriate person-specific revisions, this is how I will apologize to the next person who is upset at a mistake I have made:
"Hello, I am Michael Scott, Regional Manager of Dunder Mifflin, Scranton. By now you're probably sick of hearing about Dunder Mifflin and our embarrassing watermark boner (pictured).
I have literally apologized an infinite number of times over this, and still there are calls for me to resign, calls from an annoying woman and possibly even the media alike. Well, let me tell you something. Something from the heart. I will not resign.
I am not leaving this office. It will take a SWAT team to remove me from this office, and maybe not even then. There is no way I will resign. It wouldn't be fair, not to the good workers I work with, not to my clients. And especially not to me. Let's not forget who this resigning business is really all about.
I need this job. My mortgage is hundreds of dollars a month. With this job I can barely cover that. I have a company car, but I still have to pay for the gas. Gas prices are high and I have no savings whatsoever. And it wasn't even me.
It is so not fair that they want me to resign. If I could leave you with one thought: remember, it wasn't me. They are trying to make me an escapegoat.
If I am fired, I swear to God that every single piece of copier paper in this town is going to have the F word on it. The F word.........You have one day."
Carrie Prejean -- Keeping the Crown
http://www.tmz.com/2009/05/12/miss-ca-new-nude-pics-trump-to-rule/?icid=mainhtmlws-maindl2link3http%3A%2F%2Fwww.tmz.com%2F2009%2F05%2F12%2Fmiss-ca-new-nude-pics-trump-to-rule%2F
She offers up two or three lies (that we know of) and still hangs on to the crown. Lesson (as we learned from the Palin Family, David Vitter): if you state "Conservative Republican Principles" you will be protected from your errors in judgment because "everyone does it." If you are, instead, either apolitical (Miss Nevada) or a liberal (Eliot Spitzer, Bill Clinton) then the world is ending because of scumbags like you and every effort must be made to get rid of you.
She offers up two or three lies (that we know of) and still hangs on to the crown. Lesson (as we learned from the Palin Family, David Vitter): if you state "Conservative Republican Principles" you will be protected from your errors in judgment because "everyone does it." If you are, instead, either apolitical (Miss Nevada) or a liberal (Eliot Spitzer, Bill Clinton) then the world is ending because of scumbags like you and every effort must be made to get rid of you.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Malcolm in [the] Middle-Age
Frankie Muniz Date of Birth -- December 5, 1985. He will be 24 in December. His hairline, however, turned 45 last month.
Yowza.
Ike Turner -- Reincarnated as a Saudi Judge?
http://news.aol.com/article/saudi-judge-slap-wives/473908
The only thing that surprised me about the story was that the audience actually protested the statement.
The only thing that surprised me about the story was that the audience actually protested the statement.
Is Larry Walker a Hall of Famer?
Look at Larry Walker's career numbers versus Duke Snider's or Joe Dimaggio's. They are as good or certainly comparable: http://www.baseball-reference.com/friv/scomp_bat.cgi?I=walkela01:Larry%20Walker&st=career&compage=&age=
Walker was also a 7-time Gold Glove winner -- only 13 guys all-time have more. Former MVP, 3-time batting champion. His OPS (on-bas plus slugging percentage) is 19th best in the history of the game. And to toss in one more positive -- he stole 230 bases.
Certainly what will weigh against Walker is his long-time nemesis -- he was always hurt, so he didn't get a ton of games or hits in. He also played in Colorado for his glory years, so some wise-ass is going to ask whether we should be inducting Vinnie Casilla or Dante Bichette also.
Does Larry Walker deserve to get in if Jim Rice got in? Yes.
Does Larry Walker deserve to get in while Bert Blyleven and Andre Dawson are left out? No.
For more clever questions, go here.
Here are a couple Larry Walker issue:
1) If not Larry Walker, then who? We have reached the point where steroids have so poisoned the game that there may not be another hitter inducted for some time. If Walker can just establish no steroid suspicions, he may get in due to a HOF need for warm bodies.
2) Larry Walker is Canadian -- he is a hero to young Canadian baseball players. It would be a sign of good will to our Canadian neighbors to induct him.
Anyway, this will come up in 2010. Will be interesting to see whether he is treated more akin to Dimaggio and Snider or more like Dwight Evans and Joe Carter.
Walker was also a 7-time Gold Glove winner -- only 13 guys all-time have more. Former MVP, 3-time batting champion. His OPS (on-bas plus slugging percentage) is 19th best in the history of the game. And to toss in one more positive -- he stole 230 bases.
Certainly what will weigh against Walker is his long-time nemesis -- he was always hurt, so he didn't get a ton of games or hits in. He also played in Colorado for his glory years, so some wise-ass is going to ask whether we should be inducting Vinnie Casilla or Dante Bichette also.
Does Larry Walker deserve to get in if Jim Rice got in? Yes.
Does Larry Walker deserve to get in while Bert Blyleven and Andre Dawson are left out? No.
For more clever questions, go here.
Here are a couple Larry Walker issue:
1) If not Larry Walker, then who? We have reached the point where steroids have so poisoned the game that there may not be another hitter inducted for some time. If Walker can just establish no steroid suspicions, he may get in due to a HOF need for warm bodies.
2) Larry Walker is Canadian -- he is a hero to young Canadian baseball players. It would be a sign of good will to our Canadian neighbors to induct him.
Anyway, this will come up in 2010. Will be interesting to see whether he is treated more akin to Dimaggio and Snider or more like Dwight Evans and Joe Carter.
Joe Mauer -- Could He Hit .400????
Joe Mauer, back from injury, is hitting .485 (16 for 33). Remember that Joe has in the past won two batting ttitles by hitting .347 and .328.
Can he hit .400?
Well, first you need to ask if Joe can "officially" hit .400. MLB rules state that no one can qualify for a batting title unless they have 502 plate appearances (actually 3.1 plate appearances per each team game, so if your team ends up short of 162, drop 3.1 per game shorted).
Joe has only 38 plate appearances. The Twins have played 32 games. So, assume the Twins play 130 games the rest of the way and Joe plays in 100 of those. If he averages 4.5 plate appearances per game, he would end up with 450+38= 488 plate appearances. Not enough. Needs more games or PA/game. In the years Joe played in the most games, his plate appearance average was about 4.3 both years. Do the math: 502 = (4.3 times X) +38. X = 108 games.
So the Twins would need to play Mauer 108 out of their final 130 games. Certainly possible, but I put the odds at about 50-50%.
That said, now let's assume Joe gets 502 plate appearances. When he is going well, about 13% of his plate appearances end in walks. And we will throw in 10 "miscellaneous" non-at-bats (HBP, sacrifice, SF). So Joe is likely to have 427 at bats. What will he need to hit the rest of the year to end up at .400?
427 times .400 = 171 hits. Joe already has 16 hits in 33 at bats. So he needs 138 hits in 394 at bats. He needs to hit .351 the rest of the year in order to end up at or above .400.
Joe had an entire year where he hit .347. So it is possible that he could do it.
NOTE: You can see how much impact a 9 game stretch of hitting .500 can have. If you hit .500 for 9 games, you can hit .350 the rest of the year and end up at .400. Here is another one for you -- for Mauer to fall below .300 he would need to go 0 for his next 21 (0 for 20 would leave him at .302). Here is another one -- if Joe goes 20 for his next 100, so he hits .200 for about a month, he will be at .271. He will also be on the verge of mental breakdown because he will have gone through the worst stretch of his career, but he will be one of the better hitting catchers on the league.
Things Going Against Mauer:
1. Athletic, but not blazing fast. Won't be getting 40+ infield hits to boost his total.
2. When Joe is going poorly, he hits routine grounders to second. There is no beating these out. They are just easy two-hop grounders to a position where most teams have good defenders. Joe gets VERY few bloops or squibbers through the left side. I would say 95% of his hits are bullets and 95% of hits outs are pretty easy obvious outs.
3. He is a catcher and has a history of injuries. So he won't be playing every day and he may get hurt, so he may not get the plate apperances necessary.
4. Plays inside where he won't enjoy probably 20 summer days where the warm wind is blowing out. There is no better day to hit than a warm day with a slight breeze blowing out.
Things Going In Favor of Mauer:
1. Great hitter.
2. Morneau hits behind him, so no one will just walk him to face Justin.
3. Twins will be in a lot of high scoring games -- lot of plate apperances to be had in games he does play.
4. Will play fewer terrible weather games.
5. Most important -- most people believe that to hit .400 you need to have about 420 at bats. With 600 at bats you need 240 hits. Very few guys in the histroy of the game have ever pounded out 240 hits. With 420 at bats you only need 168 hits.
a) The year George Brett hit .390 he had 515 PAs and 449 at-bats. 175 hits. He just needed 5 more hits.
b) The year Tony Gwynn hit .394, he had 419 at bats in a strike-shortened season. He was one of the greatest hitters of all-time yet he almost never walked, so he had to pound out a ridiculous number of hits to hit .400. Other than the shortened season, Gwynn's closest was .372.
c) In 1999 Larry Walker hit .379 with only 419 at-bats. Again, fewer at-bats helped his cause. Same with Barry's Bonds' season of hitting .370; only 403 at-bats (aided by nearly 200 walks).
BUT -- the greatest hitting season in recent memory may have been Rod Carew's 1977 where he hit .388 by pounding out 239 hits with 69 walks!!! To hit .388 over so many plate appearances and at-bats is, to my knowledge, not something that has been approached in recent memory.
Anyway -- good luck Joe.
PM this weekend at his tourney -- 9 for 15, 8 singles and a home run, 4 walks, 10 RBI. They finished third. Coach was pissed and criticized certain of his pitchers for having sore arms, "When I was 13 I never had a sore arm." O..........K.........
Can he hit .400?
Well, first you need to ask if Joe can "officially" hit .400. MLB rules state that no one can qualify for a batting title unless they have 502 plate appearances (actually 3.1 plate appearances per each team game, so if your team ends up short of 162, drop 3.1 per game shorted).
Joe has only 38 plate appearances. The Twins have played 32 games. So, assume the Twins play 130 games the rest of the way and Joe plays in 100 of those. If he averages 4.5 plate appearances per game, he would end up with 450+38= 488 plate appearances. Not enough. Needs more games or PA/game. In the years Joe played in the most games, his plate appearance average was about 4.3 both years. Do the math: 502 = (4.3 times X) +38. X = 108 games.
So the Twins would need to play Mauer 108 out of their final 130 games. Certainly possible, but I put the odds at about 50-50%.
That said, now let's assume Joe gets 502 plate appearances. When he is going well, about 13% of his plate appearances end in walks. And we will throw in 10 "miscellaneous" non-at-bats (HBP, sacrifice, SF). So Joe is likely to have 427 at bats. What will he need to hit the rest of the year to end up at .400?
427 times .400 = 171 hits. Joe already has 16 hits in 33 at bats. So he needs 138 hits in 394 at bats. He needs to hit .351 the rest of the year in order to end up at or above .400.
Joe had an entire year where he hit .347. So it is possible that he could do it.
NOTE: You can see how much impact a 9 game stretch of hitting .500 can have. If you hit .500 for 9 games, you can hit .350 the rest of the year and end up at .400. Here is another one for you -- for Mauer to fall below .300 he would need to go 0 for his next 21 (0 for 20 would leave him at .302). Here is another one -- if Joe goes 20 for his next 100, so he hits .200 for about a month, he will be at .271. He will also be on the verge of mental breakdown because he will have gone through the worst stretch of his career, but he will be one of the better hitting catchers on the league.
Things Going Against Mauer:
1. Athletic, but not blazing fast. Won't be getting 40+ infield hits to boost his total.
2. When Joe is going poorly, he hits routine grounders to second. There is no beating these out. They are just easy two-hop grounders to a position where most teams have good defenders. Joe gets VERY few bloops or squibbers through the left side. I would say 95% of his hits are bullets and 95% of hits outs are pretty easy obvious outs.
3. He is a catcher and has a history of injuries. So he won't be playing every day and he may get hurt, so he may not get the plate apperances necessary.
4. Plays inside where he won't enjoy probably 20 summer days where the warm wind is blowing out. There is no better day to hit than a warm day with a slight breeze blowing out.
Things Going In Favor of Mauer:
1. Great hitter.
2. Morneau hits behind him, so no one will just walk him to face Justin.
3. Twins will be in a lot of high scoring games -- lot of plate apperances to be had in games he does play.
4. Will play fewer terrible weather games.
5. Most important -- most people believe that to hit .400 you need to have about 420 at bats. With 600 at bats you need 240 hits. Very few guys in the histroy of the game have ever pounded out 240 hits. With 420 at bats you only need 168 hits.
a) The year George Brett hit .390 he had 515 PAs and 449 at-bats. 175 hits. He just needed 5 more hits.
b) The year Tony Gwynn hit .394, he had 419 at bats in a strike-shortened season. He was one of the greatest hitters of all-time yet he almost never walked, so he had to pound out a ridiculous number of hits to hit .400. Other than the shortened season, Gwynn's closest was .372.
c) In 1999 Larry Walker hit .379 with only 419 at-bats. Again, fewer at-bats helped his cause. Same with Barry's Bonds' season of hitting .370; only 403 at-bats (aided by nearly 200 walks).
BUT -- the greatest hitting season in recent memory may have been Rod Carew's 1977 where he hit .388 by pounding out 239 hits with 69 walks!!! To hit .388 over so many plate appearances and at-bats is, to my knowledge, not something that has been approached in recent memory.
Anyway -- good luck Joe.
PM this weekend at his tourney -- 9 for 15, 8 singles and a home run, 4 walks, 10 RBI. They finished third. Coach was pissed and criticized certain of his pitchers for having sore arms, "When I was 13 I never had a sore arm." O..........K.........
Friday, May 08, 2009
Carrie Prejean -- Liar, Bigot and......Not that Good Looking Pre-Implants
So she says that there was only one photo (liar) and that she was 17 when it was taken (most doubt this -- possible liar) and that anyway, "It isn't semi-nude because it is a lingerie modeling photo." Uh, what? You are posing topless and halfway bottomless, how far do you need to go to get "semi-nude." (This may be a useful ploy for you younger, single guys out there. "Hey, I am not asking you to come to my place and get naked, or even SEMI-nude! Geez, what kind of guy do you think I am?" Then you state your expectations based upon the Prejean photo.) Anyway -- liar.
Then why does she hate gay people? Because her mom and dad always fought each other saying that the other one associated with gays. I particularly enjoy the "all guys with mustaches are gay." Firefighters everywhere must be unhappy with this one!
But I am not really that concerned with her lying or bigotry. I am more worried about the photo in the yellow one-piece. And was she flat-chested pre the $10,000 implants provided by the Miss California pageant folks? Yeah, I would say so. Not much supporting that pink bikini there.
Could The Nenver Nuggets Really Become World Champions???
At the end of the 2007-08 NBA Season, the Denver Nuggets were a 50-32 team that had just been swept out of the playoffs 4-0 by the Lakers. Their #2 Per36 scorer was J.R. Smith and Nene had had yet another disappointing injury-riddled season. Iverson and Carmelo were a terrible combo, everyone knew it, and the team was headed down the tubes.
Fast forward to today. The Nuggets are up 2-0 in a second round series. They have rid themselves of the cancer Iverson for a guy in Chauncey Billups who is playing out of his mind. Nene looks like 80% of Moses Malone and may be a top 6 big man in the league.
The Nuggets only have to beat the Mavericks (who aren't exactly world beaters) to reach the Final 4, where they will face either the Lakers or Houston. No one doubts that they could beat Houston (where they would have home court advantage), so the only big stumbling block to the finals is the Lakers.
Well, Chauncey beat the Lakers once before in his prior Pistons life. He has no fear of the Lakers, and the Lakers' #1 weakness right now is.......point guard. While Denver could use some extra size, they do have Chris Anderson off the bench and Nene, both of whom are decent interior defenders when motivated.
And if the Nuggets defeat the Lakers (which I would say is a 35% chance), I think you would have to make them a 50-50% tossup to beat Cleveland (I am still not sold on Cleveland -- what were they when LeBron didn't play the 4th last night? Minus 10-20?).
So, odds of Nuggets winning the title:
This round -- 90-10%
Next round -- 45-55% (includes chance that they may face Houston and win)
Cleveland Round -- 50-50%
.9 times .45 times .50 = 20.25% chance that the Nuggets win the NBA title.
Before the season, that chance would have been...........0001%???? Maybe?
HM
Fast forward to today. The Nuggets are up 2-0 in a second round series. They have rid themselves of the cancer Iverson for a guy in Chauncey Billups who is playing out of his mind. Nene looks like 80% of Moses Malone and may be a top 6 big man in the league.
The Nuggets only have to beat the Mavericks (who aren't exactly world beaters) to reach the Final 4, where they will face either the Lakers or Houston. No one doubts that they could beat Houston (where they would have home court advantage), so the only big stumbling block to the finals is the Lakers.
Well, Chauncey beat the Lakers once before in his prior Pistons life. He has no fear of the Lakers, and the Lakers' #1 weakness right now is.......point guard. While Denver could use some extra size, they do have Chris Anderson off the bench and Nene, both of whom are decent interior defenders when motivated.
And if the Nuggets defeat the Lakers (which I would say is a 35% chance), I think you would have to make them a 50-50% tossup to beat Cleveland (I am still not sold on Cleveland -- what were they when LeBron didn't play the 4th last night? Minus 10-20?).
So, odds of Nuggets winning the title:
This round -- 90-10%
Next round -- 45-55% (includes chance that they may face Houston and win)
Cleveland Round -- 50-50%
.9 times .45 times .50 = 20.25% chance that the Nuggets win the NBA title.
Before the season, that chance would have been...........0001%???? Maybe?
HM
Monday, May 04, 2009
Thoughts From Houston
1). God I hate 7 am flights. I guess the good thing is I slept until about Kansas City.
2). I flew to one of my 5 least favorite major cities (Houston) through one of my others (Dallas).
3) Number of steps I took into the airport before seeing a 40 year old woman with monster implants - 6. Number I have seen since arriving - 3. So basically a very poor run for Houston so far. I generally see 5 at the airport (but I did fly into Hobby not IAH).
S). LeBron is the MVP. He still is older than Moses Malone and Wes Unseld were when they won. That is kind of a bad sign for LeBron"s career arc -- these two big heavy guys were not as good once they reached 29.
6).
F). LeBron states that he doesn't know how his mom managed to raise him. Read his Wikipedia entry and see if the better question might be - why does LeBron still talk to his mom?
2). I flew to one of my 5 least favorite major cities (Houston) through one of my others (Dallas).
3) Number of steps I took into the airport before seeing a 40 year old woman with monster implants - 6. Number I have seen since arriving - 3. So basically a very poor run for Houston so far. I generally see 5 at the airport (but I did fly into Hobby not IAH).
S). LeBron is the MVP. He still is older than Moses Malone and Wes Unseld were when they won. That is kind of a bad sign for LeBron"s career arc -- these two big heavy guys were not as good once they reached 29.
6).
F). LeBron states that he doesn't know how his mom managed to raise him. Read his Wikipedia entry and see if the better question might be - why does LeBron still talk to his mom?
Friday, May 01, 2009
10 Fun Facts As We Approach the Anniversary of May 2, 1992
1) Accounting Maven ("AM" or "My Dear Wife") and I met in January of 1990 in a bar after a Minnesota Timberwolves game. I got her business card because she had to give out 10 business cards that week as part of her Professional Development requirement.
2) Our mutual acquaintance was her best friend who lived one floor below my apartment.
3) When I called her the next week for a date, she called the mutual friend and said, "HM called me for a date." Friend, "Oh that is nice." AM, "Who is HM?"
4) First date -- lunch at a soup place. Second date -- Timberwolves game that night (never let it be said that those $52,000 worth of season tickets have never netted me anything!).
5) Told her that Chris Dudley never makes a free throw (made two) and Mark Price never misses a free throw (missed both that trip). Don't believe me? I got proof: http://www.basketball-reference.com/boxscores/199001260MIN.html
6) Only girl/woman I ever dated whose parents did not love me. In fact, they despised me, which is part of the reason she dumped me in the Summer of 1990, causing me to listen endlessly to Don Henley's "Heart of the Matter" on cassette.
7) After reconciling at a Twins game, a few months later we went to a Wolves tilt in early 1991. On the way to the game she stated that our mutual friend thought AM would get a ring for Valentine's Day. I replied, "Hey, you don't have to worry about THAT happening." This caused her to hit me very hard and not talk to me for 10 minutes. At this point I figured out that she had grown to love old HM (as anyone would when given the chance) and had learned the error of her ways. Seeing that she had come around to recognizing my greatness, I decided that I would go shopping for a ring.
8) On March 26, 1991, at halftime of a televised 22 point loss to Phoenix (I had thought it was Houston, but the facts are better than my memory I guess: http://www.basketball-reference.com/boxscores/199103260PHO.html), I gave AM a 2-days early birthday present of my DUKE hooded sweatshirt (which DGM now wears to school) which contained the boxed engagement ring.
9) 17 years ago today we were getting ready for the rehearsal. AM was about 6 pounds lighter.
I was about 22 pounds lighter (obviously, in hindsight, her first instinct to run away was probably the better decision).
At the rehearsal the priest asked AM (then AG) whether she would prefer to be announced as "H and A Maven" or "A and H Maven." Go with Hoops first. OK, so final rehearsal, "I now introduce to you, Hoops and Accounting G." Yeah, no. That is wrong.
10) We were married on May 2, 1992. 70 degrees, strong southerly breeze, 25-30 mph. Blog readers who were there? PAR was an usher. Dave G. was a guest. TEG was a groomsman. K was invited, but he felt that Minnesota was below his standards, so he declined, claiming a family emergency.
And later that night, at the reception, I sang a couple songs (Ruby and Luckenbach, Texas).
I received 80 positive replies, plus these two: Bartender, "Dude, you are a lawyer, right? Don't quit your day job." PAR, "Of all of the songs I have heard, that was one."
Happy Anniversary, my dear wife. Thanks for helping me through ages 25-45. I am sure it has not been easy.
HM
2) Our mutual acquaintance was her best friend who lived one floor below my apartment.
3) When I called her the next week for a date, she called the mutual friend and said, "HM called me for a date." Friend, "Oh that is nice." AM, "Who is HM?"
4) First date -- lunch at a soup place. Second date -- Timberwolves game that night (never let it be said that those $52,000 worth of season tickets have never netted me anything!).
5) Told her that Chris Dudley never makes a free throw (made two) and Mark Price never misses a free throw (missed both that trip). Don't believe me? I got proof: http://www.basketball-reference.com/boxscores/199001260MIN.html
6) Only girl/woman I ever dated whose parents did not love me. In fact, they despised me, which is part of the reason she dumped me in the Summer of 1990, causing me to listen endlessly to Don Henley's "Heart of the Matter" on cassette.
7) After reconciling at a Twins game, a few months later we went to a Wolves tilt in early 1991. On the way to the game she stated that our mutual friend thought AM would get a ring for Valentine's Day. I replied, "Hey, you don't have to worry about THAT happening." This caused her to hit me very hard and not talk to me for 10 minutes. At this point I figured out that she had grown to love old HM (as anyone would when given the chance) and had learned the error of her ways. Seeing that she had come around to recognizing my greatness, I decided that I would go shopping for a ring.
8) On March 26, 1991, at halftime of a televised 22 point loss to Phoenix (I had thought it was Houston, but the facts are better than my memory I guess: http://www.basketball-reference.com/boxscores/199103260PHO.html), I gave AM a 2-days early birthday present of my DUKE hooded sweatshirt (which DGM now wears to school) which contained the boxed engagement ring.
9) 17 years ago today we were getting ready for the rehearsal. AM was about 6 pounds lighter.
I was about 22 pounds lighter (obviously, in hindsight, her first instinct to run away was probably the better decision).
At the rehearsal the priest asked AM (then AG) whether she would prefer to be announced as "H and A Maven" or "A and H Maven." Go with Hoops first. OK, so final rehearsal, "I now introduce to you, Hoops and Accounting G." Yeah, no. That is wrong.
10) We were married on May 2, 1992. 70 degrees, strong southerly breeze, 25-30 mph. Blog readers who were there? PAR was an usher. Dave G. was a guest. TEG was a groomsman. K was invited, but he felt that Minnesota was below his standards, so he declined, claiming a family emergency.
And later that night, at the reception, I sang a couple songs (Ruby and Luckenbach, Texas).
I received 80 positive replies, plus these two: Bartender, "Dude, you are a lawyer, right? Don't quit your day job." PAR, "Of all of the songs I have heard, that was one."
Happy Anniversary, my dear wife. Thanks for helping me through ages 25-45. I am sure it has not been easy.
HM
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