Thursday, April 07, 2011

American Idol -- Final 9 -- Boy Do I Miss Simon Cowell

It has been hard for me to watch American Idol this year. When you have 9 performers getting 27 positive judge comments (despite several very mediocre efforts) your show is no longer a talent competition, it is a Variety Show. Everyone comes out and performs and you get someone to say something nice about them and then they move off stage.

Last night Paul McDonald performed "Folsom Prison Blues" as a happy danceable Rockabilly number. This is akin to opening up Johnny Cash's coffin tossing in an American Flag, and vomiting and urinating on the flag, then setting the entire coffin, etc. on fire. Then taking a dump into Cash's burned and desecrated skull. Judges comments -- "Boy Paul, that was great." Folks, it is a whistful song about going to prison after killing a man. It is not a happy dance number. Adam Lambert's bizarre "Ring of Fire" number was a sycophantic photocopy of a Cash song compared with this horrific display.

My ratings: 9. Paul McDonald -- Terrible every week. Just terrible. Has been the "Vote For The Worst candidate since they had 13 left. Awful, just awful. 23 out of 100

8. Stefano Langone
- I get so tired of his "I am a lesser David Archuleta with an ethnic look" act. American voted him off once before and he was picked as a wild card. Time for him to go again. MILES better than McDonald. 46 out of 100.

7. Lauren Alaina
-- a chubby, not real bright girl with an above average voice, any love of singing has apparently drained from her soul as her performance of "Natural Woman" almost literally put me to sleep.

59 out of 100.

6. Haley Reinhart -- is the exact opposite of #7 -- actually kinda hot, really enjoys performing, can be fun to watch, mediocre voice.

61 out of 100

5. Casey Abrams -- is reportedly banging Haley. Extra points for that. I don't care for Casey, but his performance of "Have You Ever Seen The Rain" was the best of the night last night. Received the judges' save in Week 12 (amazingly). Weird dude, weird beard, weird voice, idolizes Joe Cocker. Can be really good.
65 out of 100.

4. Jacob Lusk
-- Has a huge range, but not an enjoyable singer or performer. Sort of a male Jennifer Hudson. Maybe he can take one of the leads in Dreamgirls??? 70 out of 100.

3. Scotty McCreery --
country crooner, above average voice, but really a one-trick pony. I do not care for Scotty, or his desire to be this generation's Buck Owens, but give the devil his due. 74 out of 100

2. James Durbin --
or, as I call him, "Fake Adam Lambert." Take Adam Lambert, PG-13 him down, make him (allegedly) not gay, take away 12% of his talent, and you have James Durbin. 80 out of 100.

1. Pia Toscano (pictured) --
Katherine McPhee with a far stronger voice and a little more junk in the trunk. She has absolutely no dancing or movement ability, so watching her do a Tina Turner song was bizarre. But she has a huge voice and hits 99% of her notes. Has that whole Kardashian tanned and smoky look with the big guns leading the way.

1 comment:

HM said...

Ooops -- Pia = 85 out of 100