Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Roger Goodell -- "Waaaaaa, I Like Things the Way They Are!!! Waaaa...!"


It is hard to identify anyone who has taken upon themselves more power over the lives of others than Roger Goodell. Accused of a crime you did not commit? Suspended without pay. Might be accused of a crime -- better talk to the Commissioner. Fail to talk to the Commissioner -- suspended without pay. No evidence you ever did anything wrong except hang out with one or more crazy chicks -- suspended without pay.

Of course no one has ever been able to tell Goodell that his heavy-handed assholish behavior is improper (to his credit, to my knowledge at least, Goodell has stopped short of demanding
jus primae noctis, although I am sure he believes he enjoys such a right).

But now that two federal judges in Minnesota have twice told the Dictator that he cannot do everything he wants to do, what does he say? "Oh, man, that is not right. The players want to destroy the league....." First, Roger, the players agreed to give back over $100MM to the billionaire owners of the NFL. Nope, we demand more. In light of the fact that the NFL owners will not allow players to work and earn a living unless they give back $300MM or more, what would a reasonable person expect the players to do versus what would a good dictator expect them to do?

Reasonable person -- sue the bastards;
Roger Goodell -- bend over more, grab your ankles harder, and accept your lot in life you poor black servants. We white overlords are your masters, and we are above the law because what we have created is so awesome.

See any similarities between Goodell and other egomaniacs? Recall how Bill Gates through unfair and illegal trade practices put more and more competitors out of business and then defended himself at the antitrust trial by saying, "Well, we are so great, of course everyone is jealous." Mark Zuckerberg -- screwed his best and only friend out of hundreds of millions of dollars and then justified it because, well, what MZ created is so great.

Goodell -- takes the same position. OK, so what if 70% of what we do is a blatant violation of antitrust laws, so what? Don't you beer-swilling tube-jockeys want to see football?

Look, Roger, if you want to run your anti-competitive league, you need a players union to say that it is OK. If you want a players union, stop trying to fuck them over at a time when you have one of the most reliably profitable business models in the world.

I am really sorry, Roger, that someone has actually told you that what you are doing is illegal (funniest Goodell quote "the players chose litigation, which we were prepared for...." Um, Rog, obviously not very well prepared for -- your $4B in TV money is stuck in escrow and you have been ordered to let all of your players show up for work; what would have happened if you and your attorneys were UN-prepared? Would the players own the 32 franchises by now?).

I realize, Roger, that you believe anything you do is legal, just as a matter of divine right. But, sadly, some day it happens to everyone -- you wake up, and someone tells you that you are not God Almighty. I recognize that you take the position that this is wrong, but it has happened to you just like it does to everyone else....amazing, you are just like all the little people!

Tough shit. Make a deal with your players, bite the bullet, and get back to suspending people for "conduct unbecoming a football player" or "failing to talk to me" or whatever new thing you can invent so you can suspend large black men without pay or any semblance of due process. That will make you feel better.


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