Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Wayne Gretsky's Daughter -- Wow

Sweet fancy Moses.

Former Sheriff Trades Meth for Gay Sex

I guess that will be my next pole, er poll question -- "Gentlemen, what is worse? Trading gay sex for meth or meth for gay sex?"
Darn Colorado residents -- it is all they do....except worship Tebow.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Why People Who Watch Fox News Are Less Informed

Tim Pawlenty -- Least Influential Person Alive Today

It must hurt to fall behind Marcus Bachmann. T-Paw's endorsement of Romney -- moved the needle not at all one way or the other -- the true test of being not influential: people really don't care what you do one way or the other.

Mitt Romney v. Mitt Romney

Monday, November 28, 2011

Herman Cain -- He Bangs

For 13 years.

Herman Cain -- Be Forewarned, a Woman Will Accuse Me Of Having an Affair With Her

Atlanta-based station Fox 5 is expected to run a report on the charges early Monday evening. Cain said he wanted to act preemptively before the claims came to light.

"I wanted to get out in front of it," he said. "I have nothing to hide, I have done nothing wrong."

The presidential contender suggested that
"an infinite number of people" could come forward with similar allegations against him.

Cain signaled that he has no intention of abandoning his campaign for the White House. He said as long as his wife is behind him, he's in it to win it.
An "infinite" number of people? I knew he wasn't great on foreign affairs, but his understanding of math concepts appears to be worse.

Alabama -- Hey White Guy, Show Us Your papers

I am perfectly OK with this. But Alabama, of course, never understood that the law might apply to WHITE foreigners!! They are moving to quickly revise the law. To say what?

Rich Connecticut Men Win $254M Lottery

Well thank goodness! A real riches to super riches story. Makes you want to weep (that part is true).

The Lockout Ends, Basically, As I Said It Would End

The players finally realized in late November that they had no bargaining power, took 50%, and got thrown some crumbs on "system issues."
They should have capitulated back in June and they would not have lost 20% of their paycheck for this year. So, if you get 50% of $4B in BRI, that is $2B. Multiply that by 20% and you get.......$400,000,000 in lost pay for the players. Plus now they get to work harder the rest of the year in return for less pay.
"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."

Lindsey Kildow Vonn -- Getting Divorced



Start lining up at the starting gate, guys....

NBA Settlement Term Sheet

Phone Call

Just Sit Right Back and You'll Hear a Tale...

Sunday, November 27, 2011

First Step Toward Boeheim Resignation

Go to Syracuse.com and read the transcript of the phone call between the accuser and the assistant coch's wife. Oh my lord - so when your hubby wants to have sex with boys, you literally look the other way?? Wow.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

My Old School -- Possibly State Champs

Newt Gingrich -- We Will Decide Ad Hoc Which Illegals Stay and Which Go!!!!

This just gets more and more bizarre. He really, honestly, believes that you should separate out who stays and who goes based upon whether they attend church services regularly!!!

Message -- this is a horrible, horrible crime, ruining our country. But ya know what? I don't want churches to lose parishioners. So yeah, we will let those folks stay. How much would you bet that maids for wealthy Republicans would be found to have a lot of social connections? Gosh, CEO Whitman, guess what? Your maid DOES qualify to stay!!!

Another bizarre requirement -- there is an individual mandate to have health insurance!!!!! I thought that such a mandate was a blatantly unconstitutional usurpation of individual rights unknown to anyone familiar with U.S. history?? Oh, you are brown-skinned? You have an ongoing invididual mandate.


The actual policy from Newt:



We need a path to legality, but not citizenship, for some of these individuals who have deep ties to America, including family, church and community ties. We also need a path to swift but dignified repatriation for those who are transient and have no roots in America.

We need a process that can distinguish at the human level.

Congress must charge the Department of Justice to establish a “citizens’ review” process for those here outside the law. It would establish committees to process these cases in individual communities and determine who will continue on this path to legality, and who will be sent home. Congress must define understandable, clear, objective legal standards that will be applied equally during this process. While this process is ongoing, those here outside the law will be granted Temporary Legal Status for a certain, limited period of time until all have had the opportunity to apply and appear in front of committees.

Applicants must first pass a criminal background check, and then the local committees will assess applications based on family and community ties, and ability to support oneself via employment without the assistance of Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, and other entitlement programs.

The government will rigorously enforce a requirement that all individuals seeking this path to legality must be able to prove that they can independently pay for private health insurance. If an individual cannot prove this, they will lose the ability to stay in the United States.

Furthermore, proficiency in English within a certain number of years, similar to the requirement for naturalization, will be required for anyone who seeks continued legal status in the United States.

Once an applicant has been granted the right to obtain legal status, he or she will have to pay a penalty of at least $5,000.

Moving forward, those who receive this status will have to prove on a regular basis that they can support themselves without entitlement programs and pay for health insurance or else risk the ability to stay in the United States.

50% -- What I Hope My Kids Give Me When I am Their Manager

HM

Michelle Parker -- Missing

Let me beat Nancy Grace to the punch on this one -- whoever is accused of doing this is clearly guilty of a heinous crime and should go to prison, right now, without a trial.




Newt Gingrich -- If You Make It 20-25 Years and Go to Church, I Will Give You Amnesty!!

Amazing position -- so if you are a criminal, and you break the law every single day, but you go to church and can manage to avoid law enforcement for 20-25 years, you are forgiven.
I hope this rule applies to all criminals -- steal something every day, fine, so long as you have grandkids and people say hi to you at chruch on Sunday.
Remember, this si from a guy who wants to build a wall the entire length of the U.S.-Mexico border and put armed troops there to keep people from committing this crime -- but hey, if you beat the gauntlet, welcome to America. Similar to the concept of Richard Dawson's game show in "The Running Man" except in this case you have 12-20 million prize winners.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Kelly Ayotte -- Mitt Romney's Sarah Palin




43 years old, ultra right wing Conservative, deleted key emails from the New Hampshire computer system when she quit her job as AG. Quitter. Also not exactly brilliant -- stated that she would not enforce same-sex marriage laws of other states in New Hampshire.......until someone pointed out that NH has a same-sex marriage law and could scarcely claim that same sex marriage was against the public policy of NH.

Romney said this week -- she is a candidate for his VP.

Despite being just slightly to the left of Hitler on every single position, her support for Romney led to this reply by a GOP voter:

So now she shows her true colors. F'n worthless RINO.
.


Ryan Braun Wins NL MVP

Pictured -- Braun during a key at bat.



Gingrich -- Pro Child Labor Position Boosts Him to Lead!

Newt Gingrich: 26 (10)
Mitt Romney: 22 (23)
Herman Cain: 14 (30)
Michele Bachmann: 7 (4)
Ron Paul: 6 (7)
Rick Perry: 6 (8)
Jon Huntsman: 2 (2)
Rick Santorum: - (1)

Monday, November 21, 2011

Newt Gingrich -- Child Labor laws are Dumb

Get out the bucket and the sponge, kids! Time to clean the school again. Since Republicans generally oppose minimum wage laws as well, we may be well on our way to becoming a manufacturing country again! (Just this time we will have 12 year olds making $1 a day, but was 1911 really that bad??? I mean, William Howard Taft and all?).
Query -- does Gingrich feel the same about child pornography laws? I mean, after all, we protect children from pornography on the basis that they are vulnerable and often taken advantage of. If a 7 year old can scrub the floors of his 2nd grade hallways, can a 17 year old Britney Spears do nude modeling? Straight porn? I mean, come on. If child labor laws are "stupid" then why are we defending certain of these laws? If a girl is 16, married and has two kids, why then Newt do we "protect" her from certain jobs?
?
HM

Miami U. Admits, "Yes, We Are Cheaters"

Sadly -- 25+ years too late, but everyone has to start somewhere.

Bears Have to Turn to Mr. Hanie

Another Smooth Operator Guy -- Fired for Sexting

What possesses a guy who has never kissed or had any physical contact with a woman to all of a sudden think, "Gee, there is a hot looking 22 year old, she must really want to see pictures of my junk!"
Adding to this clever approach, "Hey baby, there is an alley a half mile away from the school. Wanna meet me there and have sex?"
Really? Does this occasionally work? If not, why does it happen so much?

Friday, November 18, 2011

Time for "Super Congress" To Just Give Up and Let Cuts Occur

I mean, when you get offers like, "Cut all of the spending your side wants and also reduce taxes on the wealthy" why are we even bothering to pretend this has any chance? Let the automatic cuts occur.
The reference to "they describe black as white" is almost certainly a reference to the fact that the GOP say, "reduce tax rates on the wealthy and that will bring in more revenue." So -- tax cut, revenue raiser. Tax increase -- revenue reducer. So the wealthy are afraid of having their taxes raised because......it will cost them less money?!?!?
When I use a word,' Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, 'it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less."
"The question is," said Alice, "whether you can make words mean so many different things."
"The question is," said Humpty Dumpty, "which is to be master— that's all."

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Spanish Lesson

Edutainment for you all!

James Caron Butler et al. v. NBA

District of Minnesota.
So, let's declare that the entire league must deal with all players on a team by team basis. That will be just awesome. You will have, basically, AAU teams. The top AAU teams will gather the 10 best guys and beat the shit out of everyone else by 50. So you will end up with A Teams and B teams and C teams. There will be three leagues, like soccer in Europe.
So, next year, top pick -- James McAdoo -- hey James, wanna play for the defending NBA champs who will pay you $20MM a year to play for them, or you wanna play C level with Minnesota?
Yeah, I will go with the first thingy you said there.
Wanna play in New York for $10MM or Memphis for $10MM? I will take NY. Our owner has $4 billion and can pay you three times as much as anyone else -- OK, deal.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Rick Santorum -- The Next George Washington

OK.
This is akin to calling Omar Vizquel, "The next Jackie Robinson."
What the hell does this even mean?
Michele Bachmann -- the next Barbara Boxer
Herman Cain -- the next Luther Vandross
Newt Gingrich -- the next Franklin Pierce
Mitt Romney -- the next James Knox Polk
Rick Perry -- the next Ron Paul
Ron Paul -- the next Rick Perry
Jon Huntsman -- the next Rumpelstilskin
Try to discern any logical pattern to any of these comments and tell me which one makes the least and most sense.

My Apologies for Typos in Analogies

My 3AM cell phone postings are rather embarrassing in number of typos and punctuation misstakes. Take them for what they are worth substantively.

System froze up while I was editing - last NBA analogy from below

Venezuelan gang kidnaps me just for fun. Take me to an Olympic high dive. "son, dive in and we will let you go". But it will hurt like heck and I may get hurt. "don't jump in and all 4 of us will shoot you". No thanks. All 4 draw their guns and point at me. OK. I will walk up to the top. "now just jump". Don't tell me what to do. (guns are cocked). Look guys, can't you let me dive from a shorter board. "no. This amuses us". How do I know you won't do this again in 7 years? It is humiliating. "you don't. Look. Jump or die". No one tells me what to do. I close my eyes and hope they don't actually shoot.

NBA lockout analogies

1). Guy wants his kid to stop spending so much money at McDonald's. Kid spends 20 bucks a day there. But mom doesn't mind, so she gives kid 20 bucks. After 7 years the dad says "hey I can only afford 17 bucks a day". Kid - why? I always get 20. Dad - ok say 18.50. Kid - don't bully me. Dad - here is the deal, you take the 18.50 offer or you get 0 and I will beat the living shit out of you every day. Kid - no thanks. So the dad actually gives him 0 dollars and beats thr shit out of him every day. The kid tells his friends "Well, I took a stand". The dad is hated by everyone a a child abuser.

2). World economy goes all to hell. I have one skill - spinning dinner plates on a stick. I can make 10 million bucks a year working for Guy Liberte or 900000 a year working for a guy in Peru. Liberte loses 7 million playing poker, do he asks me to take a pay cut to 9 million. I say "hey that was your own fault you lost all that money". Liberte says "I know, but I need it back and I will get it back from you". I say - What!!! I am insulted. So I leave my job and fly to Peru. Liberte closes down for a year and says "I never made any money on that business anyway".

3). A very rich man owns an oceanfront property in Malibu. He rents it to me every July for 200 bucks a month. Every year he loses money on my deal but he likes having someone there and the property goes up in value 20 percent a year. So he doesn't care. Then the housing market collapses and he says "I now need 8000 dollars a month". I say "fuck you". He says "well, the place just declined in value and now I need the actual fair market value from you". Whose fault is THAT I ask? Owner guy says "take it or leave it". I offer 4000 dollars. He says 7000. I walk away. He rents the property to no one. I rent from no one. My family hate me and hates him. Some of my kids rent a shack three blocks off the beach in Maine for 7000 a month.

4). I am wildly overpaid my boss walks up to me one day and says "go empty the garbage since that is now a job duty for you.". Um, why? "Saves me money". But you are one of the 30 most wealthy men in the state? "empy the garbage". Look boas, be reasonable. "Ok - three days a week empty the garbage". Never. Empty the garbage by the end of the day or you are fired". I will think about it. End of day comes. He won't really make me empt the garbage, right? "you got 3 minutes to empty it or you are fired". Nope. "you are fired". Tomorrow I may get a job in Europe for 20 percent of my current pay...or I may be unemployed.

5). Venenzuelan gang kidnaps mr just for fun. Takes me to a pool and

Monday, November 14, 2011

Newt Gingrich -- Father of Obamacare

Sorry teabaggers, he isn't your guy any more than Romney is. In fact, his record may actually be WORSE:

At an Alegent Health event in Omaha in 2008, Gingrich said it was "fundamentally immoral" for a person to go without coverage, show up at an emergency room and demand free care.


During the keynote address to the Greater Detroit Area Health Council's annual Health Trends Conference in April 2006, Gingrich said he would require Americans earning above a certain income level to buy health insurance or post a bond;


In a June 2007 op-ed in the Des Moines Register, Gingrich wrote, "Personal responsibility extends to the purchase of health insurance. Citizens should not be able to cheat their neighbors by not buying insurance, particularly when they can afford it, and expect others to pay for their care when they need it." An "individual mandate," he added, should be applied "when the larger health-care system has been fundamentally changed."


In 2008's "Real Change," he wrote, "Finally, we should insist that everyone above a certain level buy coverage (or, if they are opposed to insurance, post a bond). Meanwhile, we should provide tax credits or subsidize private insurance for the poor."


In 2005's "Winning the Future," he expanded on the idea in more detail: "You have the right to be part of the lowest-cost insurance pool and you have a responsibility to buy insurance. ... We need some significant changes to ensure that every American is insured, but we should make it clear that a 21st Century Intelligent System requires everyone to participate in the insurance system."


According to a July, 21 2005 Gannett News Service article, the Georgia Republican also said that he would have Congress mandate physical education five days a week for all elementary and high school pupils as a way of combating obesity and diabetes.



[Gingrich, like Romney, has now flip-flopped and takes the exact opposite position]

Gaddafi's Death Means Viagra Sales to Plummet

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/14/gaddafi-viagra-women_n_1092485.html?ref=world&icid=maing-grid10%7Chtmlws-main-bb%7Cdl3%7Csec1_lnk3%7C112538

To Examine Herman Cain Harassment Allegations, Fox News calls Upon...........LeeAnn Tweeden!?!?!?!?




I am flipping around the channels and see LeeAnn Tweeden and say, "What is this?" It is a Fox News "Great American Panel" debating Herman Cain and sexual harassment. LeeAnn Tweeden? Really? Was Pam Anderson unavailable? I think it would have been FAR more entertaining to have Herman Cain comment on LeeAnn Tweeden and her-ass.

One other panel member offered this tremendous bit of analysis:

"Look, we have had reports of Barack Obama doing far, far worse stuff than this. Far worse. Did we EVER report upon those allegations? Of course not, because they were such outrageous reports. But Herman Cain -- oh, everyone reports THAT. I think the real scandal is the media scandal."

So, reporting that a person was actually accused of sexual harassment and did, in fact, make someone pay out money as a result is bad. NOT as bad as what Barack Obama allegedly did (which is far, far worse) and WE would never say anything about that -- (apparantly because it was not true).

Great report by Rachel Maddow tonight on how Cain has not hired basically any campaign staff in any key state yet and has really never indicated that he ever will. He, like Gingrich, is just trying to sell books. Neither man really ever thought they would stand any chance of actually being President.

Herman Cain On Libya

I am put in mind of the nerdy kid who you ask "Which current bands do you like?" and he replies, "Well, I like all sorts of different music. I don't really focus on specific bands."
Translation -- I don't know shit about what you are asking me about.

NBA Players Say "No" To Owners' Proposal, Then Decertify

This "strategy" tells you all you need to know about the intelligence of NBA players and also the brilliance of the advice that they are getting.

The 8th Circuit ruled in Brady v. NFL in MAY (of 2011) that decertifying a union does not allow an injunction be issued against a lockout!

The 2d Circuit in 1995 in NBA v. Williams (1995) stated that NBA owners may maintain the status quo after a lockout and a bargaining impasse and that decretification means nothing.

The owners already filed a civil action in federal court asking for a declaration of rights in the event a decertification occurred -- the court was thinking about dismissing the case (because no decert had actually occurred) but NOW??? How do you dismiss on ripeness grounds now?

So, the players have said "fuck you" to a compromise deal which would have netted a 72 game season and a 50-50% split with some softness to the cap and few cap exceptions.

What exactly is their end game here?

-- they won't get an injunction

-- the law, as it sits, allows owners to submit new work rules EVEN IF YOU DO decertify

-- decertification will just piss off the owners and make them reduce their current offer

-- the season, if any, will be shortened and will net everyone less money

-- if, as the players want, the owners get abuse from the fan base, the fans won't show up and the pie (which you want 52% of) will be smaller. So, if you succeed, the $4B pie shrinks to $3B, and you go from a $2B piece to a $1.56B piece. NICE strategy!

Assume that I am a young man who is both an alocoholic and a sex addict. I am walking around a town where the only bar within 30 miles closes in an hour. So, I can either drive three towns over where I know the women are all ugly and will only sleep with one of the 65 best looking guys in the world (*not me), or I can go to the one open bar here and buy their $10 Bud Lights and (based upon past experience) KNOW someone will sleep with me who is way better looking than the girls three towns over.

What should I do if I am acting reasonably? Swallow my pride and pay the $10 per beer and find someone really good looking to sleep with me.

What have Billy Hunter and Derek Fisher done on my behalf? They have complained about the $10 price of beer, asked for a better bar stool for me, complained that the women at the bar don't really love me. They have told the bar owner that I may leave the bar. The bar owner has said, "OK, $9.25 beer, I will ask half of the women to be nice to HM, and that is my best offer." Billy and Derek reply, "No thanks...he will sue you."

Get the hell out of my bar, HM.

So, I am left with a situation of where I have no beer, no woman, and I am out on the street of a one-bar town with the right to sue the bar owner who won't sell me beer for under $9.25 or give me a nicer bar stool.

When I show up tomorrow and say, "OK, I will go with the $9.25," the bar owner will reply, "Yeah, fuck you. It is $15 now and the women will now sleep with you only 35% of the time."

So...........yeah. I showed him. Thanks Billy and Derek!



Look, at the end of the day, the players will never collect a dollar from the NBA owners. If they get a $30B verdict, the owners will just shutter the league and say, "We cannot afford to pay that." Or if the players "win" enough and get good enough work rules, there will be 10 NBA teams, 150 jobs, and 300 unemployed guys who should be making $400 million who are making next to nothing. Hey, congrats! That is what a union is for!

The best thing that can possibly happen is the players get a $2B verdict and use it to bargain back rights that will NEVER be enough to get them back to the money they had in the season they lost. That is best-case. I cannot be clearer here. The players best-case result is to end up in a worse financial situation than they are in now.

The worst-case scenario for the players is they end up paying $15 for a beer and the owners tell them that they are lucky it isn't $100.

Well, at least it should be fun seeing all of the bankruptcy filings between now and February 1.

HM

DA Who Did not Prosecute Sandusky in 1998 -- Killed? Maybe Committed Suicide? Fled?

Doesn't this give someone some serious concern? I mean, the guy was known as a real tough on crime prosecutor yet agreed not to prosecute a guy whose history of pedophilia was almost certainly right out there to be discovered pretty easily?
Then in 2005 he just disappears? In central PA? I can tell you, I grew up in southwestern NY, a very similar area. No one ever got kidnapped. No one ever went missing. There were murders, but it was generally just some guy taking out a gun and emptying the gun into the other guy in broad daylight. We didn't have adult males just disappearing.
"No one ever got a bye [on this DA]." Um, I bet at least one guy did.
Wow.

Rick Perry SNL Skit

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Sandusky Rumor: Donate to Charity -- Get a Young Boy

We now just have to cross check the donor list to see if certain famous religious leaders or politicians are on the list. Then we will know if the rumor is true.

Why Do These Fashion People Try To Ruin My Life?

Erin Andrews is 33 years old. Wearing a fairly conservative mini skirt is "age inappropriate"???? I BEG my wife to wear less conservative and more form fitting outfits to show off her hard work of working out every day at 5:30 a.m. -- nope, not appropriate. She is 45.
If she ever sees THIS commentary, we are going to go into the world of mumuus and house coats and floor length skirts with enormous poofy arms and Victorian collars.
Come on, people. If EA can't wear a miniskirt, we aren't gonna be seeing many miniskirts on hot women above the age of 18.

GOP Debate

While Rick Perry is a complete mornon who cannot remember his own 3-step plan to abolish departments, that came as no surprise to me.
Here, however, are Some Just AMAZING Comments made last night:

1) Cain answering every question with 9-9-9 (including, "Did you ever harass 3 German women").
He also showed how nice he generally is to women by calling the former Speaker of the House, in an angry and misogynistic tone, "Princess Nancy." To Cain's credit, he stopped short of stating he would "rape bitches like that" if he got the chance.
2) Romney saying he was a man of consistency, which everyone knows!!
3) Romney saying he was a man who would govern as President "consistent with my faith" -- so, we are going to be run by the Book of Mormon.
4) Newt Gingrich -- "I wasn't paid $300,000 as a lobbyist, I was paid $300,000 as a historian."
5) Bachmann -- our biggest [deficit] problem today is ObamaCare --- um, doesn't really go into effect until 2014....
6) Romney -- I would tell the WTO that the Chinese are currency manipulators and have them branded as such -- uhhhhhhhhhhh, OK, and then................what??
7) Perry -- I will abolish the energy and commerce departments -- Then who will regulate Interstate Commerce and foreign commerce??? The states? Can Oklahoma start building that wall between Texas and Oklahoma now? Energy is his #1 job creator -- so, we will allow everyone to drill an oil well in their back yard, but there will be no federal regulation. Will Wyoming and Idaho crack down real hard on these enormous companies?
8) All -- we need less regulation of businesses and fewer laws.
All -- we need to force the 6 large banks to split up (!)
All -- how you regulate bad business behavior is you have a President who will enforce the existing laws (which, see part 1, we all want repealed).
All -- what you need is business people who will stand up and obey the laws.
It is a complete joke to watch these people. I mean, they were all asked to come up with one idea that they had that some Democrat might endorse. Romney, "What you need to do is convince someone." True, OK, convince them about WHAT idea of yours? "Well, I have convinced people of things in the past." OK -- like RomneyCare? "Thanks for bringing THAT up, moderator, geez."
(He literally did say the last part).
HM

RIP Joe Pa's Career

I would have let him coach out the season. This would have avoided the student riot, pepper spraying and turned over TV truck at least. It also would have avoided having everyone in the nation watch the Penn State students riot.

Analysis from the Board of Trustees guy:

-- Are you doing an investigation? -- Yes.

-- Is it complete? - No.

-- Do you know the extent of Paterno's involvement in the crime/coverup? -- No.

-- So???? -- "We thought it was in the best interest of the school to fire him."

In other words, "The national media was giving us a hard time, so we did the easiest thing -- which was to fire the guy over the phone when we hadn't yet established he had done anything wrong."

A real profile in courage.

Erin Andrews CMAs

Only Shania twain is missing from this awesome photo.


Wednesday, November 09, 2011

JoePa at Practice -- November 9, 2011

RyanAir -- Soon to Show Porn On Flights

Wow.
Look, this will NEVER happen. Why do 99.9% of guys watch porn? To jerk off. So, you are going to encourage your male customers to jerk off while watching porn YOU provide.
OK, so, let's line up the people who will either sue you or quit:
1) flight attendants
2) any woman passenger or passenger under 18
3) the clean up crew
4) the person sitting next to the porn watcher
5) female pilots
6) anyone who is ever fired and who is going to then say it was because they objected to the porn and the jerking off.
It will not happen.
Plus, the budget for tissues would just explode, um, grow enormous, um, begin to stick out, oh forget it.
HM

Chris Korman -- Paterno has Always Been a Covering-Up Scumbag

So, Chris and Sally Jenkins appear, for the time being, to be the bookends of public opinion on Joe Paterno.

Sally Jenkins -- JoePa Not to Blame

I guess my belief that he should quit at year end was too harsh........How about a contract extension?

JoePa Statement-- OK, I Will Quit At the End of the Year, Leave Me The Fuck Alone

I tend to agree with JoePa -- let the guy run out the string, let the investigation and criminal proceedings take their course and then he will get what is coming to him (even if it is nothing).
What good actually comes from firing the guy now? What if (as he says) he was never told the true extent of what Sandusky had done? What if he is, basically, innocent?
Do I believe that he knew Sandusky was benging young boys? I do. Does my opinion based upon 4th hand information mean enough that we should demand the guy not coach 3 football games? I don't think so.
HM

Monday, November 07, 2011

Herman Cain -- "Hey Baby! I Got a new 69-69-69 Plan."

Cain's best line, "You want the job, don't you?"
Smoooooooooooooooooooth operator.
Wonder if he followed up with, "And I want a job also..."
HM

Jerry Sandusky Indictment

Unbelievable. "Yeah, they said they were just horsing around...."
The reason Sandusky was still sodomizing young boys at Penn State -- he was a "professor emeritus."
Awesome. And the folks who paid for the new football building with sauna -- ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww..............not using that sauna anytime soon.....I suggest burning the entire internal structure of the sauna and then washing it with hydrochloric acid or some stronger solvent.
I agree with the guy who said that he had seen awful things in the Korean War, but THIS??? Way worse.

Bill Clinton "Helps" Rick Perry

"I agree 100% with Rick Perry -- a GOP primary vote for Rick Perry is basically a vote for me, Bill Clinton. So when you go to vote in the primary, remember, Rick Perry is basically me."
Rick Perry is thinking -- well, nothing.
Rick Perry should be thinking -- "Bill, get off of my side."

Jerry Sandusky -- Defensive Coordinator? No, OFFENSIVE

"Hey, Coach Paterno, I saw your long-time friend whom you allow to use the team facilities jerking off a 10 year old boy in the shower...."
JoePa -- "Yep, I will tell my boss, who will do nothing and allow this to continue for 5 more years. But at least I have done everything I possibly can to help end the sexual abuse at issue here!"
Time to retire, JoePa.

May The Lord Be With You....

I have 20 days to keep saying, "and also with you..." I will make the most of it.

Friday, November 04, 2011

Wait! A Black Guy Sitting Next to Erin Andrews Was Masturbating!?!?

This is clearly false.
1) Erin Andrews is not good looking at all.
2) No one has ever masturbated to Erin Andrews' image.
3) Black guys don't go for white women.
4) Black guys especially do not care for blonde women.
The whole thing just doesn't have the air of believability....except for the whole "jerking off under an iPad" deal -- who doesn't do that??

Mel Kiper -- Andrew Luck Better Than Peyton Manning

How about the NFL GM's comment that if Manning's name "were Peyton Jones he would be a 3rd round pick."
You wonder how some teams are constantly shitty? They have GMs like that guy...

Jennifer Love Hewitt -- If You Got It...


Thursday, November 03, 2011

Phil Simms -- Andrew Luck Blows, Has No Arm

I guess he is no Chris Simms (career passer rating under 70).
I don't think Luck has ever been able to get himself acquitted fo driving while stoned.....

Best Single Scoring Seasons By Players Under 6 feet tall -- By exact height

5'3" -- Tyrone "Mugsy" Bogues, 11.1 ppg

5'4" -- no one ever played at this height

5'5" -- Earl Boykins, 14.6 ppg
5'6" -- Spud Webb, 16.0 ppg
5'7" -- Keith "Mr." Jennings, 7.4
5'8" -- either Dino Martin of the BAA (12.2 ppg) or Charlie Criss of the NBA (11.4)
5'9" -- Calvin Murphy, 25.6 ppg
5'10" -- Michael Adams 26.5 ppg
5'11" -- Dana Barros, 20.6 ppg
Heights and stats used from www.basketball-reference.com

Herman Cain -- Doesn't Know The Difference Between China and North Korea


10/31/2011:
JUDY WOODRUFF: Do you view China as a potential military threat to the United States?

HERMAN CAIN: Yes, they're a military threat. They've indicated that they're trying to develop nuclear capability and they want to develop more aircraft carriers like we have. So yes, we have to consider them a military threat
.


China developed nuclear capability 6 months after I was born....in 1964.


596 (nuclear test) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
The first Chinese atomic bomb, code-named 596, was detonated on October 16, 1964 at the Lop Nor nuclear test site. It was an implosion-style nuclear weapon



Kim Jong-Il, the Chinese, they all look the same anyway, right Herman? And they are terrible drivers. Herman also wonders why we allow Kim Jong-Il to own the brooklyn diner......oh wait, that is just an actor on "2 Broke Girls"???

Tug Toner

Available at Walgreen's..........


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2ewsEKVJVA

Tuesday, November 01, 2011

Erin Andrews Speaker Fee -- Updated November 2011



Rate is now $15,000 to $25,000. Doubling her fee from 2 years ago.
Oh Erin, you have forced 99% of us out of the market for your services. Can we start "Occupy Erin Andrews!"

Ace Frehley -- NOT Back in the New York Groove

And baby, ya better believe....

A Trend I REALLY Hope Continues




Tulloch tebowing