Friday, December 30, 2011

Jennifer Aniston Lives Up to #1 Seed -- Advances to Sexiest Woman Final




Katy Perry -- Back On The Market

http://blog.music.aol.com/2011/12/30/katy-perry-russell-brand-divorce/?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl2%7Csec1_lnk3%26pLid%3D123936

Wait, this means she will have a reason to get even HOTTER looking!?!??!

Iowa -- Ouch.

http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2011/12/observations-from-20-years-of-iowa-life/249401/

Top 20 Players -- Most Win Shares Since October 2001

All played October 2001-December2011 unless otherwise noted.

Dirk
Nowitzki

138.2

Kevin
Garnett

124.6

Tim
Duncan

122.2

Kobe
Bryant

121.8

LeBron
James

October 2003-2011
119.9

Chauncey Billups
109.1

Steve
Nash

101.4

Paul
Pierce

100.7

Pau
Gasol

98.8

10
Shawn
Marion

94.0

Ray
Allen

90.5

Jason
Kidd

83.7

Dwyane
Wade

Oct. 2003-2011
82.9

Elton
Brand

82.1

15
Dwight
Howard

Oct. 2004-2011
80.2


Manu
Ginobili

Oct.2002-2011
80.0

Jason
Terry

77.8

Chris
Paul

Oct. 2005-2011
76.7

Rashard
Lewis

76.1

Amare
Stoudemire

Oct. 2002-2011
75.9

Voters Prove They Are Not Racist -- Halle Berry Voted as One of Three Sexiest




Men's Health's decision to rank her 35th is a real head scratcher. She makes her way through the play-ins (64 through 33 had to play into the final 40), down to the final 10, and now down to the top 3.
Outstanding work, especially since she will likely face the ##1 and 2 overall seeds in the finals!

A Proud Day For My Readers -- Raquel Welch Voted One of Three Sexiest of All-Time




Great job, voters!

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Suckiest NBA Early Season Performers

http://bkref.com/tiny/IK79j



http://www.basketball-reference.com/play-index/psl_finder.cgi?request=1&match=single&type=totals&per_minute_base=36&lg_id=NBA&is_playoffs=N&year_min=2012&year_max=2012&franch_id=&season_start=1&season_end=-1&age_min=0&age_max=99&height_min=0&height_max=99&birth_country_is=Y&birth_country=&is_active=&is_hof=&is_as=&as_comp=gt&as_val=0&pos_is_g=Y&pos_is_gf=Y&pos_is_f=Y&pos_is_fg=Y&pos_is_fc=Y&pos_is_c=Y&pos_is_cf=Y&qual=&c1stat=per&c1comp=lt&c1val=8&c2stat=mp&c2comp=gt&c2val=40&c3stat=off_rtg&c3comp=lt&c3val=90&c4stat=def_rtg&c4comp=gt&c4val=110&c5stat=&c5comp=gt&c6mult=1.0&c6stat=&order_by=wsNote -- 3 Celtics.

How about JRich's NEGATIVE 50 spread between offense and defense!?!? Steve Nash -- not playing well, to say the least. And I am sure the Pistons are ecstatic that they paid Tayshaun Prince all that guaranteed money.

Why Are the Celtics Losing?

Paul Pierce is hurt-- similar players to Paul Pierce: Rick Barry
Adrian Dantley
Dominique Wilkins
Bailey Howell
Chet Walker
John Havlicek
Scottie Pippen
Larry Nance
Kevin McHale
Elvin Hayes

The Celts are playing Sasha Pavlovic in his place. Similar players to Sasha Pavlovic:
Bucky Bockhorn
Quinton Ross
Ronald Murray
Jeff Judkins
Mike Evans
Shammond Williams
Jon Sundvold
Marcus Banks
Mike Barr
Greg Minor

Nuf said.

Two Best NBA Players So Far........LeBron James and......

Manu Ginobili. In under 30 minutes a game, Manu is getting 29/5/5 with 2.5 steals plus blocks. He leads the league in Win Shares per 48 minutes. His assist to turnover ratio is 10 to 1.

His PER is 40.5 and James' is 40.8. James is shooting almost 60%.

Note to Eric Spoelstra -- you cannot play LeBron James 39 minutes to get a one point win over Charlotte in December. You eventually are gonna kill the guy. He is 6'8" and weighs 255 lbs. He should not be playing 39 minutes in a road game with Charlotte. Now is the time to find and build a bench.

HM

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Natalie Kane (Nyhus) as a Timberwolves Cheerleader


Timberwolves Dancers


I would say that this is the best squad in many years, at least since Natalie Kane left several years back.

Newest Iowa Poll a Mixed Bag For Romney





Mitt has to like the fact that he is running a strong second to a guy who is 76 years old and who is a complete crackpot on certain issues (he is also completely at odds with GOP leadership on military issues).

What he cannot enjoy is 1) the fact that he just cannot clear 20% support; and 2) the idea that some actual possible white male candidates (Perry, Santorum)might be able to vault up to, say, 3rd place and actually present a viable option for GOP southern voters.

RIP Disco Fink


My high school buddy the Disco Fink died this week. When you look at the summer sky this year, you may see it as a far brighter shade of polyester blue, as the Disco Fink is reunited with his 1980 blue disco pants in heaven (the pants having been burned in his back yard after one ill-fated wearing).
RIP Big Fella.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Jonny Flynn Log

J. FlynnDNP - Coach's Decision

Why Katy Perry Is Ridiculously Hot

http://www.aol.com/video/katy-perrys-sexy-bikini-christmas-without-russell-or-ring/517236986/?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdaily-buzz1%7Csec2_lnk2%7C123321

LeBron's Season Opener Stats -- Historically Great

37points/10rebounds/6assists/2steals/2blocks.

It has been done only 45 times since 1987
http://bkref.com/tiny/cqccg

If you sort by active players, these stats have been reached in a game only 18 times:

Dirk - 1
Amare - 1
Kobe, Vince and Wade - 2 each
TMac - 4
LeBron - 6

LeBron put up his 37/10/6/2/2 in 36 minutes, which was done before....one time, by Hakeem Olajuwon on April 6, 1993.

LeBron's current PER -- 46.2

LeBron led the league last year in PER at 27.3, and the highest full-season PER I can find is Wilt at 31.8, followed by Jordan and LeBron at 31.7. So yeah, pretty awesome game.

HM

League Record for Consecutive Double-Doubles? Wilt, Wilt and then Wilt.

The NBA record for consecutive double-doubles is held by Wilt at 227. He also holds the second and third longest streaks at 220 and 133.


http://www.nba.com/2011/history/features/12/26/giants-wilt/index.html

Newt Gingrich 2006 -- "I Love Romney-Care"!!!

http://web.archive.org/web/20060822061158/http:/www.healthtransformation.net/News/E_newsletters/index.cfm?newsletterid=20

This Romney achievement, as we all know, is the basis for the individual mandate under ObamaCare (which Gingrich supported in 1993, in 2006, and which -- though no one seems to notice -- he included as a requirement in his plan for Church-going illegal immigrants to stay in the U.S. (that they needed to purchase health insurance)).

Hard to understand why the handsome and arrogant Romney is unpalatable while the fat, arrogant Gingrich is the flavor of the month.

Sinead O'Connor -- Nothing Compares to Divorce

http://thecelebritycafe.com/feature/sinead-oconnor-and-husband-split-after-18-days-marriage-12-27-2011

It's been 7 hours and 18 days.......now I'll throw your ring away....

Mars Needs Moms -- Worst Money Loser of all-time?

From the Wall Street Journal

7. Mars Needs Moms
> Company: Disney

Following the release of Avatar in 2009, Hollywood had a new cash cow in the form of 3-D films. This all changed with the release of director Simon Wells’s Mars Needs Moms — a flop of epic proportions. Disney (NYSE: DIS), of course, was expecting another hit. The film cost $175 million to make. In its opening weekend it brought in just $6.9 million. According to movie data website The Numbers, Mars Needs Moms lost an estimated $130 million in worldwide gross sales, the biggest money loser of all time. Journalist Brooks Barnes wrote in the New York Times, “In the movie business, sometimes a flop is just a flop. Then there are misses so disastrous that they send signals to broad swaths of Hollywood.” Mars Needs Moms signaled that the market has become saturated and that digitally animated family films are not the sure thing they once were.

Oh, Truman the Tiger...

Monday, December 26, 2011

Vanessa Bryant Claims Kobe Cheated On Her With 105 Women

Jason Whitlock on Twitter suggests 600 might be a more accurate number. 105? 600? Further proof that Wilt (10000) was the greatest player ever!!!

Friday, December 23, 2011

Rounding Out the top 10 Sexiest -- Angelina Jolie

Vote hard folks, we are going down from 10 to 3 and from 3 to 1.

We have three brackets:

The Brad Pitt Bracket (Aniston, Jolie, Marilyn Monroe); The Low Seeds Bracket (Richards #61, Ireland #48, Berry #35, and Decker #50); and the Other Bracket (Welch, Portman, ScarJo).

I give the voters big props for 9 of the picks, one baffles me, but she has solid support from somewhere....



Top 10 Sexiest Finalists -- ScarJo, Kathy Ireland, Halle Berry and Brooklyn Decker

Note to voters -- outstanding work so far.







Christmas When I was a Kid

When I was a kid, I believed in Santa 100%, despite the fact that some mean kids would try to tell me he wasn't real and my parents gave me the presents. I would imagine I believed in Santa until I was around 15. (This willing suspension of disbelief would also lead to my love of pro wrestling, which I believed was real until I was about 18).
So great was my love of Santa, that I even accepted as Gospel the fact that Santa would come early on December 21 or 22 just to deliver my family's presents because I would be gone for Christmas. You see, ever year the Maven family hit the road around December 21 or 22 and took a two-week car trip to some part of the country. Looking back, I cannot imagine the Hell that my parents endured during these adventures. I do recall some vomiting and car sickness and peeing into coffee containers and laying on the floor of the car. I recall my dad's car defroster not working one winter and us getting stopped by the police because he could barely see through the windshield. "You see officer, we are headed south and the sun will burn off the frost soon." Don't know why the guy let us continue. We had like 3% visibility in that car.
And I remember the 500 mile drives and the sharing a milk at McDonald's and the efforts at eating a 400 degree McDonald's fried apple or cherry pie. The roof of your mouth was ruined for 3 days.
But the trips were always to colleges and to historical sites and to places that everyone should see. These trips are why I love America and American history so much.
But anyway, another thing that it taught me was that Christmas season isn't necessarily about being home and eating and sitting by a tree. It is about being with your family and doing things that are family traditions, whatever they may be.
So Merry Christmas to my loyal readers. I hope that Christmas finds you with the ones you love, keeping or making traditions that you will have all of your life.
HM

Derrick Rose Rule

To qualify for the [additional salary] bonus, a player must be named league MVP, be voted in as starter to two All-Star games or earn [1st, 2nd or 3rd team] All-NBA honors twice within his first four seasons.
Qualifiers Thus Far:
Rose won MVP last year
Kevin Durant has been an All-NBA First Team selection each of the past two seasons.
Thunder guard Russell Westbrook was Second-team all-NBA last year, so he would be eligible for the same bump if he's named to an All-NBA team this season.
Good News So far for Wolves and Clippers:
Neither Blake Griffin nor Kevin Love has ever made an all-NBA club, so they would not become eligible this year unless they won the league MVP.
The Rose Rule does give a player four years to become eligible, so Love and Griffin could still make it with two straight all-NBA selections.

Jessica Biel and Juston Timberlake Engaged

And they did it in that Mecca of romance......Wyoming.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Brook Lopez -- Broken Foot

How are they ever going to replace his 5 rebounds a game?
The good thing for Lopez is that foot and leg injuries heal so easily on 7' 250 pound men (Ilgauskas, Walton, Yao, Oden).
Kris Humphries -- welcome to the world of playing NBA center!!

For Mark Sanchez, Every Day Is Kate Upton Day

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/21/mark-sanchez-kate-upton_n_1163046.html

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Disgraced Minnesota Lawmaker Amy Koch, "I Will Not Resign"

She claims errors in judgment caused her to commit adultery and bang a male staffer.

Look at Amy, then look at the male staffer. You tell me who was guilty of multiple errors in judgment....




Gay Navy Kiss

The U.S. Navy, "Presented to you by Howard Stern..."




Broncos to Gay Kids Considering Suicide -- "Not Our Problem"

The Great Problem For Romney is Not Gingrich

If it comes down to Gingrich/Romney/Paul as some of these polls seem to imply it may, then eventually Mitt will wear down the two old men with no money and little campaign infrastructure.
The biggest fear Romney should have regarding Iowa is that the Iowa result somehow invigorates Perry or gives hope to Santorum. (I think GOP men recognize Bachmann for the kook she is, so they will never allow her to win).
If the Oven Mitt has to go to the South facing someone like Perry or Santorum, suddenly backed by power brokers and now receiving new cash, he is done. Recall that in 2008 Romney finished THIRD in most primaries in the South. McCain, Huckabee, then Romney.
Romney would be happy with a 3rd place in Iowa if it went Paul 30; Gingrich 27; Romney 23; Perry 8; Bachmann 7; Santorum 5.
If, instead, Romney wins and it goes Romney 26; Paul 25; Perry 21; Santorum 14; Gingrich 12; Bachmann 2 then Willard has some real problems ahead.

Denise Richards Wins Tiebreaker With Claudia Schiffer -- Advances to Top 10 Sexiest

Let me make one note here for those voting in the future re:Miss Richards -- all of her Playboy pics are on the net, and they are....significant...


Next Tie Will Be Broken By Al Swearengen

In light of his half-way valid protest of the RKG vote for Jennifer "Anniston", I will make it up to Al by allowing him to break the next tie we have.

And it looks like we may very well have a potential tie brewing in our one remaining Wednesday-closing poll.

Advancing to Top 10 Sexiest -- Marilyn Monroe, Raquel Welch and Natalie Portman




Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Um, Not an Obama fan

But remember -- the Tea Party is not an ignorant redneck group whose calling cards are 1) a lot of misspelled signs (or "mizpelld sins" if you prefer) and 2) racial hatred.
They are just nice and friendly Americans who want the entire country to become.............the Deep South circa 1951.
Wow.
JSH

Wolves and Lynx Wish Me Happy Holidays!


Perry v. Bachmann for 4th Place In Iowa and For Corn Dog Eating



Gingrich Obtains Key Endorsement -- AshleyMadison.com


Rumor -- Steve Jones Fired From X-Factor

Thank God! This guy is the absolutely worst host ever.
He used to date Keeley Hazell!! So don't feel too sorry for him.
My favorite comment on the general suckiness of Steve Jones comes from my wife, the Accounting Maven -- "He is the host? I seriously thought he was just a family member mulling around in the back with the rest of the family..."

Minnesota Sunrise and Sunset -- We are about to turn the corner

Dec 20, 2011

Sunrise
7:47 AM

Sunset
4:33 PM

Hours of daylight
8h 46m 03s



Dec 21, 2011
Sunrise
7:48 AM

Sunset
4:34 PM

Daylight
8h 45m 58s


Dec 22, 2011
7:48 AM
4:34 PM
8h 45m 58s

(the change in daylight from the 21st to the 22nd is stated as less than 1 second -- in other words, they really cannot measure it to say if it is more or less daylight)

Dec 23, 2011
7:49 AM
4:35 PM
8h 46m 03s

Increase in daylight
+ 05 seconds



Dec 24, 2011
Sunrise
7:49 AM
Sunset
4:35 PM
Daylight
8h 46m 13s

Increase in daylight --
+ 09 seconds

Monday, December 19, 2011

Latest Iowa Polls -- Good News for......Ron Paul!?!?!


Insider Advantage

12/18 - 12/18

391 Likely Voters Polled

24 Paul

18 Romney

13 Gingrich

16 Perry

10 Bachmann

3 Santorum

4 Hunstman

--

Paul +6



PPP

12/16 - 12/18

597 Likely Voters

23 Paul

20 Romney

14 Gingrich

10 Perry

10 Bachmann

10 Santorum

4 Huntsman

--

Paul +3



Jennifer Aniston Advances -- One of the 10 Sexiest


Wins tie in a shootout.

Clarification on Tiebreaker

The comment can be made into THIS comment section or the one below. They each will have a time stamp.

If by some miracle there is a tie in time of posting, then I assign the following teams in tonight's game to the women:

Pittsburgh -- Aniston
San Fran -- Cruz.

Tiebreaker Info -- Wow -- What a Battle between the Aniston and Cruz Fans!!

We have just a little while remaining in the titanic Penelope Cruz and Jennifer Aniston battle. The voter(s) for each woman are intent on getting the win, evidently voting from as many gadgets as they can find.

So, here is what we will do in the event of a tie. ONCE THE VOTING IS COMPLETE (so not before the poll closes -- I know when the poll closes and your comment will have a time stamp on it -- don't jump the gun)BE THE FIRST TO COMMENT BY JUST LISTING THE NAME OF YOUR FAVORITE INTO THE COMMENT SECTION and that person will be the winner.

There may be no tie -- in that case, the one with the most votes wins. But if there is a tie, that is how it will be broken. I am not giving away my vote in a Final 10 qualifier.

HM

Jesus Visits Tim Tebow to Tell Him to Stop Being All Up In Everyone's Face

Top 64 Sexiest Women -- Tourney Update






Our bottom 32 have been boiled down to 8:
Denise Richards, Diane Lane, Jessica Alba, Brooklyn Decker, Kathy Ireland, Claudia Schiffer, Halle Berry and Miranda Kerr.

I have to say -- really surprised by the love for Claudia Schiffer.

The one current poll and three others I will post today are polls for spots in the Top 10 sexiest.



Friday, December 16, 2011

Vanessa Bryant to Divorce Kobe

The basketball icon, 33, looked miserable at a recent Jay-Z concert and is willing to do whatever it takes to the save the marriage,
When Vanessa replied, "OK, just stop banging chunky white female hotel employees" Kobe amended his statement to say, "Whatever it takes.....within reason...."
a source told TMZ. Vanessa Bryant is asking for joint custody of the couple’s two daughters Natalia, 8, and Giana, 5, along with spousal support.
Vanessa added in her Petition, "Plus, now that Chris Paul isn't coming, I want nothing to do with the Lakers anymore....I am a Clippers fan now!"
I felt that last bit was a tad unnecessary.
Kobe is in a hotel room right now, doing "his thing" in some random white chick's face. http://forums.projectcovo.com/showthread.php?t=1006325 When he is done he will ask her to get washed up and get the fuck out of his room. Truly just another day for Kobe Bean Bryant....

Kathy Ireland Advances to Top 40 Sexiest

I am calling it early so I can get another poll up and running.

Absolute babe.


Barry Bonds Gets -- Practically Nothing

I just despise prosecutions based upon "elusive" responses/testimony. Here is an idea -- do you fucking job as an attorney and ask specific factual questions and keep asking them until you get a reply that is either true or false.
Clinton case -- "Did Monica Lewinski ever put your penis in her mouth?" "Did you ever insert a cigar into her vagina?"
Bonds case -- Do you now admit that you took steroids? Do you claim you were taking them without knowing you were taking them? Did you ever tell ________ "boy, I really love being on the juice"? You know, shit like that.
Do your fucking job. I just cannot believe that a prosecutor can do a horsehit job as an attorney (basically commit malpractice) and then CRIMINALLY prosecute someone who gives an evasive answer.
It appears that this judge feels roughly the same way I do -- "Ooooh, 30 days house arrest, ooooh..."
if I were Bonds I would serve the effing 30 days and be done with it -- appeal or no.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Brooklyn Decker Advances to Top 40 Sexiest


Hey, let's admit it, Kim Basinger in 9 1/2 Weeks is amazing, but now imagine Brooklyn Decker in that role!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Sorry, wow, forgot what I was doing there:

Jessica Alba Advances To Top 40 Sexiest

The Dark Angel.....

She was listed two spots below Carrie Fisher????? Carrie Fisher had one sexy 20 minute movie stretch. Jessica Alba had about 8 Top 5 years.






Diane Lane Advances to Top 40 Sexiest




Folks, let me explain something to you. If you take off the safe-search function and search for "Diane Lane hot" you will find out exactly why she advanced. Failing that, go rent "Unfaithful."

Rush Limbaugh -- Rich Wing of GOP Doesn't Care About the Poor Wing

Really? No kidding? This just became apparent to Rush Limbaugh? So establishment candidates like Newt Gingrich who have had three wives and who have taken $1.5MM from the government-run entities the Tea Party rails against don't really care what happens to the poor white trash who votes for them? Knock me over with a feather....

More Painful Commentary Re: Wolves Sending Pick to Clippers (and Now Hornets)

Even if the Wolves improve, the pick figures to be a good one in a deep draft --
the Timberwolves have not drafted below seventh since 2005.

Oh my lord. We haven't been better than the 7th worst team in the league for 6 seasons...

2006 -- Brandon Roy (traded to Portland)

Craig Smith

Bobby Jones (traded to Philadelphia)

Loukas Mavrokefalidis

2007 Corey Brewer

Chris Richard

2008 -- O. J. Mayo (traded to Memphis)

Nikola Peković (from Miami via Boston)

Mario Chalmers (traded to Miami)

2009 Ricky Rubio (from Washington)

2009 Jonny Flynn

Ty Lawson

Wayne Ellington (from Boston)

Nick Calathes (from Philadelphia via Miami)

Henk Norel (from Miami)

2010 Wesley Johnson

Lazar Hayward

2011 Derrick Williams

Malcolm Lee

Yet despite this multitude of picks, plus aquiring two overall #2 picks for nothing (Darko and Beasley) the Wolves were the worst team in the year last year.

Fox News Replaces Romney with Obama Pic

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Chris Paul to Clippers?

Paul for Eric Gordon, Chris Kaman, Aminu and the Wolves' number 1 (note to fans of Hornets and Clips - glad to be of help).

As part of the deal Paul agreed to opt in for 2012-13.

Clips have Paul and Chauncey and Caron Butler and Mo Williams and Blake Griffin and DeAndre Jordan.

Hornets have,well, the guys they just got.

Denise Richards Advances to Top 40 Sexiest Women of All-time



Despite a 5-5 tie with Tyra Banks, since I voted for Tyra I will elimnate my vote and allow Denise to win 5-4.

As the Denise pic demonstrates, not exactly the WORST thing ever, but young Tyra fans would disagree.

WTF??

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Kwame Brown -- $7 MILLION!!!!

Ken Berger: Kwame Brown has agreed to a one-year, $7M deal with Golden State, source confirms to @CBSSports. Twitter


Uhhhhhhhhhh........wow............Kwame Brown, 1 year $7 million. Reminds me of when Mr. Pewterschmidt on "Family Guy" placed $20,000 in a blender, blended it, and drank the result.

He noted, "I am literally going to piss away $20,000." Quagmire replied, "Are you gonna bet on the Knicks?"

Monday, December 12, 2011

NBA Happenings


1) Wolves outbid everyone by $10MM on Jose Juan Barea: "Honestly, (the decision) was not so difficult...." said Barea.

Barea supposedly had offers from New York - one for $5 million and two, the other for $9 million in three years.

2) Pacers amnestied James Posey and his $7.5 million contract. To this item the proper response is, "I wondered where the hell James Posey was toiling in obscurity."

3) Clippers win amnesty bid for Chauncey Billups -- source tells ESPN that Clippers' winning bid in waiver auction for Chauncey Billups was just over $2 million.

4) Jason Richardson stays with Orlando --
Richardson, 30, said. "There were some other teams out there, but I thought this was the best fit." The Magic also committed four years to Richardson, about 3 years too long.

5) Rip Hamilton buyout was huge -- Hamilton was due to make $19 million guaranteed over the final two years of his contract in Detroit. He was bought out for $11 million

If you are gonna pay the guy $11MM, why not just amnesty him and hope someone else picks him up? Hamilton is expected to sign with the Bulls. Um, old.

6) LeBron's Mom Can still Get Some Nice Dinners because == Delonte West's one-year deal with Dallas Mavericks is said to be for $1.18 million. West said he felt unloved by Boston and, since Akron doesn't have an NBA team, he went to Dallas....

7) Mikhail Prokhorov to run for president of Russia??? What next, Rick Perry named Wolves President of Basketball Operations -- oh wait, I think he might be....

8) Marc Gasol four years and $58MM with Grizzle. Gasol, "I can't wait to get on the court with all my teammates!" He must be married or he would be saying, "I cannot wait to get to one of the Memphis strip clubs that the police have yet to close down, right after I stop by and cash $4,000 of my signing bonus."

9) Clippers retain DeAndre Jordan -- Clippers matched DeAndre Jordan's offer sheet from GState, so they owe him four years and $43.2 million. Better hope he is Tyson Chandler and not Joel Pryzbilla. Eleven million dollars a year for a guy who will never average 13 points a game and who shoots under 50% career from the line.

10) Vince Carter -- Maverick -- a THREE YEAR DEAL!!!!!!!!!! "The deal starts at about $3 million, which was all the Mavericks had to offer under terms of the new collective-bargaining agreement. The final two years are partially guaranteed." Insert own joke here.

11) League apparently told Chauncey to stop bitching about being amnestied and to stop saying he would not report -- The NBA “is reserving all of its rights to take appropriate action against the player for his efforts to undermine the waiver process and the contractual rights of both the waiving team and any claiming team. Please also be advised that the NBA will fully support any team that claims Mr. Billups’ contract in the amnesty/waiver process and that subsequently believes it has grounds for discipline of Mr. Billups for breach of that contract.”

In other words -- we will void your ENTIRE contract if you refuse to show up after getting amnestied. Should we call it WAH-mnestied in light of all of the whining???

12) Anthony Carter signs with Toronto. I had no idea where he went after he left the Vikings

13) Bonzi Wells -- Wolf -- I had no idea that the Wolves had a 35 and over team! Good to see Bonzi alive and........well, alive...

14) Josh Howard was a Wiz last season?? I thought that after all of that time protesting the national anthem and white folks in general that he had gone on to "Occupy" some major city street. Word is he wants to sign with SA or Utah or re-sign with the Wiz. Similarly, I would like to bang either Scarlett Johansson or the 5th woman through the first revolving door I see tomorrow downtown...or just stay with my wife if she has any interest in keeping me at all.

15) Why are the Timberwolves still mentioned in the battle for Jamal Crawford? Reports like this: "a Knicks official met with Jamal Crawford -- the Knicks want him to take a $2.5 million exception." I think the Wolves can outbid the Knicks by $10MM+, just like they did for Barea.

16) From the "WTF" file -- Sam Amick: Source says former UCLA guard and 43rd pick in the draft, Malcolm Lee, has signed a 3-yr guaranteed deal with Minnesota. 3 year guaranteed deal for a second round pick????????

17) The Boston Celtics traded Big Baby Davis for Brandon Bass and THEN also acquired Chris Wilcox in a one-year deal? Are they starting a "Looks like Tarzan and plays like Jane" club??? "Hey, these guys can all dunk, and they look great while doing it 3 times a week."

18) Cleveland Cavaliers guard Baron Davis may have a herniated disk in his back. WHUH!?!?!? a player with Davis's awesome work ethic and lack of injury history with a bad back??? Seems almost unthinkable!!


19) NBA lawsuit was dismissed. Another Minnesota-related item in our list of 19.

K Is Out Buying More and More Toys As We Speak

Sexiest Woman Tourney

I am gonna use the Men's Health top 64 as a tourney to determine the top hottest woman ever based upon my readers' opinions.

I am a big believer in giving top seeds a lot of leeway, so here is what I am gonna do. I am gonna go with the bottom 32 to play off in groups of 4 until there are 8 of them left, then I will play down from 40 to to 10, then 3, then a winner.

At every stage, I will try something to help the highest seeds, but at some point they will need to earn their keep and win their way through.

Remember, you are voting for the sexiest chick IN HER PRIME, the fact that Jane Mansfield is dead should not cause you to vote against her corpse.

So -- I gave you 61-64 and I voted for the enormous young breasts of Tyra Banks. Begin.

Men's Health's Top 100 Sexiest Women of All-Time

1.Jennifer Aniston
Raquel Welch
Marilyn Monroe
Britney Spears
Madonna
Ursula Andress
Betty Page
Pam Anderson
Jane Fonda
Angelina Jolie


11.Sharon Stone
Scarlett Johansson
Catherine Deneuve
Megan Fox
Jenny McCarthy
Christie Brinkley
Anna Nicole Smith
Shakira
Heather Locklear
Heidi Klum


21.Monica Belluci
Salma Hayek
Carmen Electra
Cameron Diaz
Gisele
Kim Kardashian
Natalie Portman
Ann Margret
Anna Kournikova
Jane Mansfield


31. Farah Fawcett
Penelope Cruz
Beyonce
Claudia Cardinale
35 -- Halle Berry
Betty Grable
Claudia Schiffer
Teri Hatcher
Cindy Crawford
Mariah Carey


41.Miranda Kerr
Brooke Shields
Erin Andrews
Aishwarya Rai
Michelle Pfeiffer
Paris Hilton
Sophia Loren
Kathy Ireland
Jenna Jameson
Brooklyn Decker


51. Kim Basinger
Carrie Fisher
Lauren Bacall
Jessica Alba
Mae West
Bo Derek
Pam Grier
Rita Hayworth
Diane Lane
Jennifer Lopez


61. Denise Richards
Veronica Lake
Tyra Banks
Kylie Minogue
(that is the top 64 for tourney purposes)

Nicole Scherzinger
Alicia Silverstone
Jean Harlow
Tawney Kitaen
Elizabeth Taylor
Natashia Kinski


71. Cheryl Tiegs
Suzanne Somers
Jane Russell
Demi Moore
Brigitte Bardot
Anita Eckberg
Kelly LeBrock
Jane Seymour
Kim Novak
Elle MacPherson


81. Clara Bow
Audrey Hepburn
Lily St. Cyr
Loni Anderson
Sasha Grey
Grace Kelly
Christina Hendricks
Dorothy Dandridge
Phoebe Cates
Barbara Eden



91. Susan George
Dolly Parton
Linda Ronstadt
Kathleen Turner
Julia Roberts
Mila Kunis
Cybil Shepard
June Wilkinson
Tina Turner
Catherine Bach

Newt -- GOP Frontrunner


$19MM for J.J. Barea? Wow, that is a lot of Pesos for an Interpreter

ESPN's M. Stein says sources are confirming Barea's offer from T-Wolves as 4 years, $19M. No wonder J.J. doesn't mind going from 1st to last

Why, by the by, is this just conformed as an "Offer" -- doesn't Barea HAVE to accept it? The Mavs offered him 1 year and basically nothing.

The background reason -- he speaks Spanish, as does Rubio. There are no qualified interpreters in Minneapolis? I realize that Spanish is such an unusual language that no one speaks or studies, but still......


Most similar player to J.J. Barea -- Robert Pack: http://bkref.com/tiny/MhwSp
As someone who used to watch Pack torch the Wolves, I like that. As someone who used to watch Robert Pack suck the big one after being acquired by the Wolves -- I like in awful fear (Pack's playoff PER for the Wolves in his one year here -- negative 15.4).

Friday, December 09, 2011

David Stern -- Why I Vetoed Chris Paul Trade

NBA commissioner David Stern released a statement Friday on his Thursday veto of the league-owned New Orleans Hornets' trade sending All-Star point guard Chris Paul to the Los Angeles Lakers.


"Since the NBA purchased the New Orleans Hornets, final responsibility for significant management decisions lies with the Commissioner's Office in consultation with team chairman Jac Sperling. All decisions are made on the basis of what is in the best interests of the Hornets. In the case of the trade proposal that was made to the Hornets for Chris Paul, we decided, free from the influence of other NBA owners, that the team was better served with Chris in a Hornets uniform than by the outcome of the terms of that trade."

If Brandon Roy retires, could the Wolves eventually win the Roy for Foye Trade?

The Wolves traded Brandon Roy for Randy Foye and something like $1,000,000.

Roy was a 3 time all-star and once finished 9th in MVP balloting. Foye, on the other hand, has been kicked around to awful teams and has never really done much. he has been a 5th-8th man on bad teams.

So, the Wolves lost that trade.....or did they?

Foye was traded to Washington, along with Mike Miller, for a ton of shitty players and the draft pick that became Ricky Rubio.

So, Mr. Rubio, it is up to you. 3 all-star appearances and one top 9 MVP balloting and we can say that, for once, the Wolves actually won a trade.

I am not going to bet on such performance, but wishing based upon slim hope is a time-honored tradition for Wolves fans.

Dwight Howard Wants to be Traded to the Nets

The Nets' best trade bait -- Brook Lopez, whose similarity scores are as follows:

Brook Lopez 7.9 6.3 5.8
Marc Gasol 87.8 8.4 7.9 6.4
Bob Rule 82.8 7.8 6.4 5.2 2.4 0.5 0.3 0.1 0.0
Don Otten 82.5 8.5 5.8 4.9 1.7
Gheorghe Muresan 78.8 8.0 5.3 4.1 1.3 0.3 -0.1
George Ratkovicz 77.1 9.3 6.0 5.2 2.8 -0.1
Joakim Noah 76.4 6.7 6.4 6.2 3.8
Mike Lewis 67.3 7.9 7.5 4.0 3.8 1.1 0.0
Andris Biedrins 66.9 8.0 6.7 5.4 2.9 2.6 1.6 1.2
Jamaal Magloire 66.0 7.6 6.7 5.7 2.6 2.0 1.3 1.1 0.6 0.6 0.3 -0.6
Ralph Sampson 65.9 6.2 6.0 5.0 2.2 1.1 0.6 -0.2 -0.3 -0.6

So, yeah, not exactly getting value for Dwight Howard.


Lopez at over 7 feet tall averaged 6 rebounds a game while playing 35 minutes a game last year. Of 7" players who have averaged 30 mpg in a season, there are only 5 guys who have ever failed to get at least 6.3 rebounds a game -- http://bkref.com/tiny/b52cr
We should call it the "Andrea Bargnani Stat" because he has done it 3 times!


Chris Paul -- WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I Wanna Pway in Wos Angewes!

Thursday, December 08, 2011

League Vetos Chris Paul Trade

Owners of the Hornets - other league owners.

Lakers Get Chris Paul; Rockets Get Pau Gasol, Hornets Get Everybody Else

I think the Lakers are going to find out that when Bynum blows out another body part that they are awfully thin and defenseless up front.
The Hornets get a ton of above-average bodies.
I am not sure why Houston would sell out so hard to get Pau Gasol, who could not carry a team by himself when he was a much younger man. But he is a good player, and no don't will be happy to be free of Kobe -- look for some good quotes there.

Tayshaun Prince ($27MM), Caron Butler ($24MM) and Mike Dunleavy ($7MM)

Insanity Returns to the NBA -- Tayshaun Prince Signs With Detroit for 4 Years and $27 Million!!!!!!

If you said to me that Tayshaun Prince (age 30) had a 4 year and $27 million contract, I would tell you that he was very likely to be the victim of the newly-enacted "amnesty clause" which allows teams to cut players and not have the contract apply against the salary cap.

Instead, what I am forced to tell you today is that the Pistons re-signed Prince to this ridiculous deal: http://www.sbnation.com/nba/2011/12/8/2621208/tayshaun-prince-detroit-pistons-nba-rumors-free-agency
They did so, despite the other rumor out there that they also signed Jonas Jerebko to a 4 year $16M deal. So, you have two guys -- one of whom is young and one of whom is not. They play the same position. You sign....both!?!? And you sign the older guy to a far bigger deal?
Now, I thought that perhaps I had underestimated the greatness of Tayshaun Prince, so I asked this question -- of forwards between 6'8" and 6'10" who were over 28, who had seasons similar to Prince's year last year, would I sign any of them to a 4 year $27MM contract???
Here is the list of similar-sized forwards who had similar seasons over the past 10 years -- http://bkref.com/tiny/B3yc8. Wow. Would you go 4-$27MM on a 34 year old Toni Kukoc? On a 29 year old Keith Van Horn? On Chris Wilcox? Tracy McGrady? (the last two guys named actually were Pistons last year with Prince -- way to corner the market Joe D.) Donyell Marshall? Monty Williams? I mean, come on.
This is a terrible, terrible signing. Oh, but Tayshaun is a great defender! Since basketball-reference.com has been keeping records of defensive ratings, for forwards who played over 25 minutes a game, since the ABA-NBA merger, only four forwards have logged a defensive rating of over 115. Tayshaun Prince's defensive rating last year puts him in the pantheon of great "defenders" such as Andrea Bargnani, Kiki Vandeweghe, Rashard Lewis, Mike Miller and Don MacLean.
Prince was ranked as the 105th best player in the NBA by the ESPN #NBARank system. That is kind. But even if you accept the claim that he is slightly better than Michael Beasley, do you see an upside to a 4 year deal for a guy who will be 34 at the end of the deal?
The owners spent all of the time on the lockout to turn around and make deals like this?

Stephen A. Smith Drops the Big N-word on LeBron



It is right where Skip Bayless starts talking over Stephen A. After "This..."

NBA Rumors Roundup

The Heat are going to sign Eddy Curry!?!?! Did they feel they took on too much positive character with the Battier signing and had to quickly offset it?
Richard Jefferson -- amnestied in San Antonio. Was Newt Gingrich involved? At least now Rick Perry might get confused an offer to pay for his education.

GOP Primary Polls

Let's explore the numbers, starting with the Republican primary:

NATIONAL (Fairleigh Dickinson): Gingrich 36, Romney 23, Cain 8, Perry 6, Bachmann 4, Paul 4, Santorum 3, Huntsman 2
NATIONAL (Gallup): Gingrich 36, Romney 23, Paul 9, Bachmann 6, Perry 6, Santorum 3, Huntsman 1


The lesson -- if you love illegal immigrant amnesty and divorcing your cancer-stricken wife, you are a good choice for nominee of the "law and order" and "moral values" party.


NATIONAL (YouGov/Economist): Gingrich 31, Romney 15, Paul 11, Perry 9, Santorum 7, Bachmann 6, Huntsman 6, Johnson 2

IOWA (CNN/Time): Gingrich 33, Romney 20, Paul 17, Perry 9, Bachmann 7, Santorum 5, Huntsman 1

FLORIDA (CNN/Time): Gingrich 48, Romney 25, Paul 5, Bachmann 3, Huntsman 3, Perry 3, Santorum 1

NEW HAMPSHIRE (CNN/Time): Romney 35, Gingrich 26, Paul 17, Huntsman 8, Bachmann 3, Perry 2, Santorum 2

SOUTH CAROLINA (CNN/Time): Gingrich 43, Romney 20, Perry 8, Bachmann 6, Paul 6, Santorum 4, Huntsman 1

Recent Vacation Photo of HM


For those of you who wonder who I am and what I look like, I recently vacationed in Mexico and here is a photo that was snapped.

I will admit, it was a good body day for me.

Albert Pujols -- 10 Years $250MM For Angels

Wow.
I hope the contract is front-loaded where he gets like $30MM over the next 5 years and then $20MM after that.
HM

Tuesday, December 06, 2011

Rick Santorum -- I Hate Gay Sex

For example, I hate it when _____________
And I hate when he ___________
and then I hate it when __________
When he does __________ that isn't good.
Geez, Rick, I think someone has a problem, and it may not be the admittedly gay men....

Drunk Dialing Dwight Howard

Yikes.
I was waiting for the CEO to say, "I guess next you are going to tell me that asking about the size of a guy's schlong is wrong also!"

Jerry Rice's Gift Wrapping Room


Marlins go 10-years $200MM + with Pujols

Is DeAndre Jordan Tyson Chandler? Joel Pryzbilla? Sam Dalembert?

Most similar players in the last 10 years to Jordan are these three guys, and Jordan is smack dab in the middle.
The reported offer to Jordan is 5 years $40MM. That is a lot of money.
1) Best Case -- he is young (like Chandler in the year he had the same stats, DeAndre is 22). Therefore, you might expect some improvement with age and work and growing co-ordination.
2) Worst case -- if you look at his career stats, the fact that he gets more minutes does not make him more productive per minute. In fact, he often becomes LESS productive per minute. This indicates that the role he may be best suited for is a 20 minute a game stretch off the bench. He doesn't improve with extra minutes. And his free throw shooting remains horrendous at 46%. Ben Wallace (the worst free throw shooter in NBA history) had years where he hit 47% and 49%, so Jordan (41% in college) may never be someone you can rely upon to make a free throw.
Worth $40MM?? Well, the problem the Clippers have is that Blake Griffin does not try at all on defense. So you cannot play him with anyone other than a huge defensive-oriented center. The Clips may have no choice but to sign Jordan to avoid Griffin giving up 45 a night to opposing power forwards.

Sunday, December 04, 2011

Herman Cain "Suspends" Campaign

$100,000 Pyramid final category --

"Things That Are Suspended"

Go:

disbelief
salt in water
a misbehaving student
a fireman's red pants
professional athletes
PacMan Jones
insubordinate workers
some ceilings

Nope, still don't know -- pass! Time is up.

Dick Clark, "Oh! Too bad! You should have said Herman Cain's Campaign"

OH!!!! Things that are suspended.

Herman Cain Admits to Quoting Pokemon

But for Ginger Rice, he may have become our President.
In other news -- Rick Santorum up to 6% in Iowa. He is receiving the "Oh lord, isn't there SOMEBODY else?" vote. Former McCain aid once called Santorum the dumbest person he ever met in the Seante. So, I guess with the Pokemon poet "suspending" his campaign that Santorum might fill (or become) that void.

Thursday, December 01, 2011

A Brief History of Political Affairs

When I worked in the New York State Assembly in 1985, I would estimate that 50 percent or more of the politicians were cheating on the wives. Some had steady mistresses who they walked around with. Some had girlfriends who would just show up at the right time. Some just banged the most available and willing female interns.

Being a very naive young man, I was astounded that this practice was so rampant and that it was not used to campaign against these guys. I went so far as to ask, "why doesn't the other side bring this up?". Answer - "they let us slide, we let them slide.". Well, in 1988 Gary Hart made the mistake of daring the media to follow him around to see if he was banging anyone. He was - Donna Rice. He was urged to stay in the race. He did not. In 1992 Clinton has Jennifer Flowers, but he stayed in, claimed it was in the past, and won.

The GOP hated Clinton - a hard personal hatred - so they pursued his personal life until they found that he hit on the hideous Paula Jones and got blown by the chubby Monica Lewinski. He was impeached, basically, for being a good deposition witness. I have deposed 50 guys who were way more guilty o perjury than Bill Clinton.

Of course the pursuit Bill Clinton was VERY inconsistent with the unspoken "let it slide" rule that applied 1985 and before. So long as the chick you were doing wasn't stripping in the reflecting pool on the National Mall while u were going at it, no one talked.

Oh, but Clinton changed that forever. When Clinton got hit, w then saw Hyde and Gingrich and Livingston all resigning. And we now have a de facto requirement that the President shouldn't have "bimbo eruption" problems.

Against this background, it it unfathomable for me to hear Herman Cain' attorney saying that his client's sex life is nobody's business.

There was an article written once on how the best recent Presidents were the least faithful ones. Our most faithful President - Jimmy Carter, probably the 2nd worst. Does anyone thing GW Bish was banging anyone? He wa pobably the worst. Be that as it may, the new requirement is "keep it in your pants or we are telling". Herman Cain is failing.

Mitt Romney -- Can't handle Fox News Interview

Say What You Want About What an Insufferable Prick Kris Humphries Is -- He Gets Good Legal Advice

If he can establish that the entire marriage was a sham, the PR effect on the Kardashian empire is devastating. Therefore, Kim & Co. will have to come to him and offer him something to just have a quiet divorce, not claim sham, and go away.
Brilliant maneuvering.