Lighten Up, Francis

The new Pope has decided to go with "Pope Francis," which reminds me of the movie Stripes, which reminds me of this story:

1984, summer.  I used to play tennis with a group of old high school friends (as previously reported, summer of 1984 was the greatest summer of my life, I weighed 168 pounds).

Anyway, playing tennis one night, the one girl who played with our group most nights was wearing 1980s terry cloth shorts.  1980s terry cloth shorts for girls were never designed to provide full coverage unless the girl stood completely still.  They were basically Hooters shorts, just terry cloth.

So anyway, this girl and I had been friends in high school, but I was still bitter that I hit on her in 8th grade and got rejected.  She ended up with a 25 year old boyfriend named Burt who, by all accounts, was a completely horrible person.  My friend Chris loved her (we will call her Terry) but she just tormented him as in the movie "Just Friends" and he was stuck in the friend zone.  Meanwhile, reports were that Burt enjoyed the blessings of having a 16-18 year old girlfriend with low self-esteem as a 25 year old guy.....a lot.  She dumped Burt at 19.

Moving on - playing tennis, she is 20 and just remarkably hot.  Or I was 20 and just remarkably desperate, or some combination thereof, cuz I just cannot stop staring at her ass.  Tennis ends.  I drive away.  As I am leaving the park, I see that she is awaiting a ride, so I stop and say hi.

"Nice of you to stop and say hi.  I guess that is the least you can do since you stared at my ass the whole night."

What!?!?  Oh come on.

"Come on, my God, how obvious could you be?  You are awful."

Well, your shorts don't fit real well.

"Does that mean you can stare at my ass?"
OK - well, gotta go home.

"Why is it that you think staring at my ass is OK, but you cannot even sit and talk to me?"

I thought you viewed me as a disgusting pervert.

"Hey, idiot, I am trying to get you to make some sort of move."

Uhhhhhhhh - would you like to go to the movies Friday?

"Drive in?"

Sure.

"I guess."

So, showing was a double feature of Ghostbusters and Stripes.  I had already seen Stripes, since it was 3 years old.  About halfway through Ghostbusters, she said, "This is the worst movie date I have ever been on."

OK.

"And I want you to know that I always hated you in high school.  You were such a pathetic know-it-all."

OK.

"So, do you have anything to say?"

Why are you here?  Did you need to see the movie?

"I have seen both movies, HM.  I am bored, I need something to do.  Why don't you keep me occupied?"

She then stuck her hand inside the top 2 buttons of my shirt and her tongue in my mouth.  We made out for probably two hours, stopping only for air and to try to wipe steam off the windows.

That was the start of a great summer. 

I learned in 2005 or so that Terry had died in a one car crash.  She apparently was a pretty big drinker (insert joke at my expense here) and it caught up to her.

As old as I am, it was well more than half a lifetime ago, in a world where I drove a 1970 Olds and was 168 pounds.    Wild what your memory can bring up when you even just hear a name like Francis.