Friday, August 07, 2015

A Western New Yorker's Guesses on the Patrick Kane Rape Issue

Apparently, Patrick Kane of the Blackhawks may be under investigation for rape.  We have been provided VERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRY few details by the media despite the incident occurring a week ago.  But, given my knowledge of western NY, I will tell you what I bet happened here.

1) Kane is from South Buffalo -- who knew?  I have always hated the little MF'er and I never knew he grew up 50 miles from where I grew up.  I guess I should pay more attention.

2) In the off season, Kane lives in "Hamburg" in a 6,000 square foot mansion that he bought from another rich guy after the guy took two houses and made them one.

3) I put Hamburg in quotes because Kane doesn't live in the gritty blue collar part of Hamburg that most people consider Hamburg.  He lives on Lake Erie.

4) Kane allegedly got into trouble at a bar in the "Town of Evans."  "Town of Evans" is about as helpful as saying "on Manhattan Island".  When I was told this, I surmised that Kane was actually at a bar in Angola, which is the place inside the Town of Evans where a wealthy punk like Kane would be to drink with other wealthy dinks and wannabe wealthy folks.

5) One report has Kane drinking at Mickey Rat's Beach Club.  Um, well, I guess for non-defamation purposes, I should note that my guess in #4 appears to be correct.

6) The idea that the 20-something Kane, who lives half the year in Chicago, surrounded by super hot women, would want or need to rape a woman in the Buffalo area (in what was first reported to me as "Hamburg") seems almost impossible to believe.  Look, I have some fond memories of western New York, but if you are a wealthy late 20s guy, it isn't exactly the place you go trolling for hot chicks.  The average woman in a Hamburg bar would be 30ish, 5-2 to 5-6 and above 155 pounds.  I was confused, but then I hit upon a secret of Western NY.

7) Generally, Western NY women are really their best looking between 16 and 23.  I am not sure why, but that is just how it is.  There are a lot of very good looking WNY women in that age group.

8) So, my guess is that Kane went to some douchy rich kids' bar on the water and met a young girl from a wealthy family who looked hot.  He then watched as she got intoxicated and took her back to his mansion and had sex with her.  Probably a great deal of sex (police were supposedly looking for a video tape/camera). 

9) She may be under 21.

10) She may be under 18.

11) She could be down there around 16.

As I said in item #1, I have no love lost for the guy.  And he clearly showed poor judgment by trolling around a bar filled with douchy folks looking to find some intoxicated young girl.  You aren't 18-22 anymore, Kane.  You can actually have dates with women and maybe impress them with your house, money, etc.  You don't need to find the hottest drunk chick and have sex with her on your floor.

But if you asked me to guess based upon what I know now, I would guess that the girl voluntarily went back to Kane's house, had sex with him, and then eventually told her parents where she was and they grew very upset.  Her dad (rumored to be a lawyer) escalated the situation and we are where we are. 

If Kane roofied or raped the girl, I hope he goes to prison forever, is castrated. and never plays hockey again.  He can forfeit his nice lake home to me.  But based upon what I know, I would say it is a 75% chance that Kane never gets charged with anything and the whole thing goes away.

Just my guess.

No comments: