Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Ranking Ten Women from "Bachelor In Paradise 2"

I am a huge "Bachelor" and "Bachelor In Paradise" fan, so I was chatting today in the office about favorites and least favorites and so I decided to break it down a bit more methodically.
The 9 main women thus far have been – Carly, Tenley, Ashley I, Ashley S., Lauren I., Jade, Juelia, Jillian, Clare, and I will throw in Samantha at #10 cuz she is really good looking

Obviously I have never actually met these women, so I can only go off what I have seen thus far on TV.  There are really only two ways to rate a potential date -- looks and personality (some women I know would add MONEY but I am a guy, I really do not care if they are poor).  
So, I rank them based upon Category 1 (which is basically personality) and Category 2 (which is straight out looks - they could reveal a love of Hitler and admiration of Sarah Palin and I could still rank them at the top of Category 2).  So, here goes. 

My rankings Category 1 (seems like someone who is nice and fairly normal)

1st Place Carly - seems like the nicest, most normal person in the world.  Hilarious, sarcastic.  How she got dragged into this ugly world of The Bachelor I have no idea. 

2nd Place -- Jade  - seems like a nice Midwestern girl who decided to sow her wild oats and take advantage of how hot she was/is.  Playboy deal bothers me not one iota.

3rd Place Tenley –  my law partner thinks she is manipulative and evil.  She seems pretty sweet and decent to me.  I mean, she got a guy to stay with her for 5 years recently.

4th Place -- Samantha   while she has said virtually nothing on her Bachelor episodes, she gains points because everyone below her is, in my opinion, kind of crazy.  Merely being "unknown/neutral" is good for 4th place.

5th Place -- Clare --  You just kind of feel bad for Clare because she comes from a family where she is like Marilyn Munster.  I mean, wow.  She is a 9 or 10 out of 10 for looks, yet she cannot find a man in the Sacramento/Bay Area metro areas?  She is just a little cray-cray and her mood snaps WAY too fast for me.

6th Place Juelia  I just don't care for her, and she obviously has poor taste in men

7th Place -- Ashley I.  How could you date a 27 year old virgin who cried ALL OF THE TIME!?!?  I mean, geez.  The thing that dives me most crazy is that happiness for her lasts 20 seconds and tears last hours.

8th Place Ashley S.   - may literally suffer from mental illness.

9th Place Jillian  If she just had a mediocre personality, and just seemed fairly normal, you would say "all-American girl."  Instead, she just bothers me and I think she may possibly, in my opinion, become a lesbian.  She was booted in show #1 and will not be missed at all.  Even being literally mentally ill is better than having Jillian's personality.

10th Place Lauren  Ashley's sister who dates a guy who is dating someone else (and calls herself a "mistress") commits the #1 sin that I cannot abide -- she refuses to try.  There is nothing more frustrating than dating a woman where you have to do everything to keep her interested in the date.  I dated a woman named Pam one time, end of the first date, Me, "Would you like to go out again?"  You can call me.  "And you would LIKE to go?"  Well, it depends on where we would go. 
We had 3 dates - never got any better.

My ranking Category 2 (just purely good looking without opening their mouth)

Samantha - strikingly beautiful

Jade -- she looks good with no makeup, she looks good made up, looks good classy, looks good dressed down, looks good in all circumstances.

Ashley I.  - give the devil her due, you'd want to kill yourself after a while, but there is no denying her amazing looks.

Clare -- 26 year old Jared said, "You are 34, but you still look really good."  Amen to that. 

Ashley S.  -- there is no denying that she has a pretty face and a very strongly built body with 3%body fat.

Tenley -- very attractive, like the girl you think you will surprise everyone with and say, "You know who is sneaky good looking?" and everyone in the group says at once, "Tenley."  Uh, yeah.

Lauren - not bad looking.  And you have to also say that she never tried, so she may be even better looking than she showed.

Juelia -- Not bad, above average.

Carly --  she has a poor self image and always complained on The Bachelor that she was overshadowed by the better looking girls.  She is correct.  She is a 5 1/2 on a show where the top 4 are clearly 9+ and the next two are 8s.   It is a tough league to play in.

Jillian - I find nothing about Jillian attractive.  Sorry.  I recognize that she could argue for a spot below Tenley, but I don't see it.

Giving 10 points for a 1st Place and going down by 1 point per position, down to 1 point for last, then adding two category scores together:

The Best Group - "Yeah, Like I Ever Had a Shot"
Jade - 18
Samantha 17
I Would Ask Them Out
Tenley 13
Clare 13
Carly 12
Ashley I. 12
I Might Go Out With If I Heard They Were Obsessed With Me.
Ashley S. 9
Juelia 8

Not At All Interested
Lauren 5
Jillian 3

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