Why is it too harsh? Because it says a bunch of stuff that really seems to have no basis in fact. The refugees are getting Social Security? When? How? They are mostly young terrorists, right? I mean, like 99% of them are young male terrorists (or murderers and rapist), so they will get Social Security......when? 2060? I think our system can maybe ramp up for a time 20 years after every baby boomer is dead.
And who are the people riding the train? Are these immigrants to America? Riding in on a train? Doubtful. But if they are flooding in via train, why not just have a train stop like 500 yards from the border? Do we need a wall?
Why is it too soft?
Well, you are saying "In Hillary Clinton's America...." Basically in her America, terrorists run free. But why? What has she specifically done (or will do) to permit that? Don't you sort of need to play a clip of her saying something or show some headline about "Clinton will accept 40 billion terrorists sight unseen"? Do you really not have that ready?
So, putting to one side the ridiculous fear mongering and the claim that Trump (really without saying what he will do - I guess he will have more choppers and personally ride around enforcing the border - that is what the ad implies) somehow can overcome dozens of years of illegal immigration, it isn't a good ad.
The only reason to run such an ad would be that the powers that be in your campaign believe that there are a lot of old women out there who are already scared and can be further scared into voting for you. I know from experience that there are such people, but it seems tough to believe that they can be so numerous that they can overcome Trump's current large deficit.
I think the better Trump ad would be the generic "I want things to improve" ad where you say "I love jobs, I will create jobs. I love people, let's all get together and hold hands. I want to cut your personal taxes. I want to spend more on a wall and infrastructure programs." Just sugar coated crap. Then just allow the media debate to focus on Hillary and all of her awful warts. When they ask you for comment, just say, "hey, I am being positive. I just want things to get better." make the election a vote for Hillary or a vote against her. Your job is to be, basically, "Other/Not Hillary."