Friday, December 22, 2006

Monday, November 06, 2006

Gilligan's Island - The Pilot TV Theme

Just when you thought that the suckiest of all suck efforts at songwriting had either been recorded by Kevin Federline or buried for all time, you find the actual original theme song for the pilot episode of Gilligan's Island. I defy you to find anything worse.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Jared Jeffries -- Um, No Out one or two months after having to have wrist surgery. Also in the category of "overpaid forwards who are injured" let's toss in Darius Songaila -- out 10 weeks after back surgery.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Is Jeff Bagwell a Hall of Famer?

The Astros finally dumped Jeff Bagwell today. Here are his career stats....... Look at some of the players to whom he compares: Ken Griffey, Jr., Mickey Mantle. OK, now no one would ever question the HOF credentials of those players. But then look at some others -- Fred McGriff, Gary Sheffield, Andres Gallaraga -- guys who probably don't make it. So suppose Bagwell never plays again. He certainly had a better statistical career than Willie Stargell or Orlando Cepeda. But Bagwell was only an all-star 4 times (compared to 7 each for Stargell and Cepeda). Based upon his clear statistical superiority to Stargell and Cepeda and Tony Perez, I think Bagwell gets in, but expect a lot of old crusty HOF ballot-holders to ask how we keep McGriff or Gallaraga out if we put Bagwell in....

Social Value of Porn Thoughts?

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Bert Blyleven -- Suspended From Announcing

Twins announcer Bert Blyleven noted during an opening segment before a recent Yankees tilt: "We gotta do this f***ing thing over again, I just f***ed it up." He then said, "Oh, we're live?" Now, Bert's failure to notice that his intro was live is probably worth the two-game suspension he got. However, due to the Draconian laws passed after the Janet Jackson incident, the TV station who aired the broadcast could face a fine of ----------------------------------$325,000!!!!! As someone recently noted, you can lip-read the word on every football player and coach, and the Little League World Series featured a 12 year old asking his team for "one f***ing run!!!" but the FCC has the right to pursue a fine of almost 1/3 of a million dollars for a sentence that probably 1,000 people actually heard and understood?

Friday, September 01, 2006

End of 3 -- USA down 12

My strategy of watching the movie did not work. Tuned back in with us down 14. Can't stop Greece. We're down 12.

Halftime -- USA Down 45-41

I tune in to see the USA up 33-23. Fran Fraschilla is bemoaning the fact that a Greek player is going to the line after being fouled for the SECOND time on a 3. He hits all three, the Greeks start on a layup parade led by fat-John-Williams lookalike Shortsanitis. My viewing karma leads Greece on a 22-5 run. Down 45-41 at half. I go upstairs to get the Netflix rental "Memento" -- I may end up watching a lot of Memento and not much hoops after 3:32 a.m. USA needs to get something from the big guys and needs to start pounding it inside on the offensive end.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Knicks Sign Jared Jeffries to $33MM deal

OK, we all know Isiah has no idea what the f he is doing (etc.). Jeffries' agent apparently turned down a 6-year deal with Washington for $33MM. Rumor is that Jeffries prefers to be in NY for the endorsement deals. Jared Jeffries, endorsement deals. Um, OK, I guess there is SO much money in NYC that you have to have SOMEONE endorse your products, but my goodness gracious.....Which bring me more to my more salient point -- Jared Jeffries sucks. He is a 6 point a game scorer who struggles to shoot 58% from the line. Yes, he can catch the ball on the break and lay it in the basket. But he isn't teamed with Steve Nash, he is teamed with Marbury/Francis/Crawford for the foreseeable future. He won't be seeing the ball. I have seen NYC blogs where (obviously desperate) Knicks fans tout this as the signing of a great defender who guarded LeBron James one-on-one in the playoffs. A) Jeffries' defensive stats in his career are about equal to those of Mike Dunleavy, Jr.; B) Recall that the Cavs WON the Wizards series b/c the Wiz absolutely could not guard LeBron and he went off for something like 35 a night! Being assigned to a good player in close games does not make you a good defender, it says a lot about either your coach or other available options (Arenas/Jamison anyone?). Jeffries' 2006 stats compare unfavorably to the 2006 stats of Kwame Brown and Mike Dunleavy has had a FAR better career (see below). If you want a crappy, overpaid player, why not go out and get one of those (clearly available) guys? Another just ridiculous Isiah signing.

The Fertile Kenny Anderson -- Deadbeat Dad

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Mike Tirico -- His Sexual Harassment Past

Harold Reynolds was fired for incidents of sexual harassment. Is what he did WORSE than Mike Tirico's past acts??? But I can't just post the link. Here is the text, enjoy:

The first Tirico story involves him hitting on a woman and stalking her after a house party in fall 1992. The woman was a production assistant and 'considered an up-and-coming talent,' and Tirico went up to her at the party and said 'you're the most beautiful woman in here.' She walked away, but he kept following her around the party until she finally snapped, 'Why don't you fuck off? Get away from me.' As she and friends hopped in their car and pulled out of the party, Tirico stepped in front of the car and made the woman stop. 'You're the most beautiful person I've ever seen and I think I'm in love with you,' Tirico said. She tried to roll up her window and take off, but Tirico stuck his hand in and tried to wedge it between her thighs. She got away, and the next morning, when they saw each other in the ESPN parking lot, he walked up to her, and she expected him to apologize. Instead, he said, "all I did all day was think about you."

"In another story, one female producer -- who had been to dinner with Tirico and his fiancee -- was startled to receive an email from him saying that he wanted to sleep with her. Later, when the staff went to a bar after a late night covering the NCAA tournament, Tirico approached her and said, 'I wish I was single. If I were, I'd throw you on the table right here and fuck your brains out.' After she tried to excuse him as drunk, he persisted: 'I know you want to screw me. So let's leave.' Later, he followed her on the highway and tried to get her to pull over, unsuccessfully.

"Tirico was ultimately suspended for three months and is interviewed in the book, where he, like Reynolds, calls the incidents 'misunderstandings.'"

Friday, July 28, 2006

Frank DeFalco

As promised to a loyal reader..... While Frank's absence in the PWI 500 makes him ineligible for my prior lists, he certainly deserves some pub'
--2nd row, 2nd from the left. He is also, I believe, the Commissioner of AWA-BCW.

1978-2003 Wrestler Ratings

I evaluate pro wrestlers on a few factors: 1) actual ring skills; 2) believability (do I believe that they could actually win a match against top real competition); 3) microphone skills; and 4) general personna and "pop" -- the ability to impress and carry a crowd to the reaction you want. A key criterion for these two lists (10 best, 5 worst) is that the guy must have appeared as a wrestler on the PWI 500, which is a list by Pro Wrestling Illustrated Magazine ranking the top 500 wrestlers for the time period 1978-2003. So, off we go:

10 Best

10. and 9 (tie) Mick Foley
-- aka Cactus Jack, aka Mankind -- gotta put someone on the list who personifies the style of all-out extreme wrestling where you put your life at stake every night. Was a deeply disturbing character as both CJ and Mankind, but was funny and clever as plain old Mick Foley.

and....Randy Savage -- Hogan was so powerful and so controlled the WWF that no one could bump him off, Savage came closest. Very funny, great athlete, RIP to his late wife, the lovely Elizabeth....

8. Curt Hennig -- RIP Mr. Perfect....there was a reason they called him Mr. Perfect. Probably top 5 all-time as a ring technician. Great at acting arrogant and dispicable.

7. The Undertaker -- I can tell you, when he first came on the scene he scared the shit out of everyone, huge man, tremendous athlete, could rank even higher but for lack of mic skills.

6. HHH -- I just think ya gotta give the guy his due. The fact is he is a believable champion, has a huge fan base and so pervaded society that Brett Favre ran around the field taunting Koy Detmer with a crotch chop shouting "suck it."

5. The Rock -- gone too soon and I doubt he will ever reacquire the taste for the road and the bumps that come with wrestling. Next to Flair, maybe the best mic skills of all time.

4. Bret Hart -- Now, you have to stay with me here, Hart would rank very low in some categories (3 and 4), but there is no one who knew mat wrestling and could actually amateur wrestle any better than Bret, great at singles, great at tags, tough as hell, you could believe that Bret could beat anyone.

3. Sting -- now, this is sort of like putting Sandy Koufax or Gale Sayers at #3 on an analogous list, but Sting before his first knee injury was the best and most charismatic wrestler that I ever saw. Big and strong, unbelievably quick and explosive. If you can get your hands on any Sting match footage 1987-1990, watch it.

2. Hulk Hogan -- category #1 is just too low of a score; Hogan had basically no ring skills but would rank 1-3 in every other category.

1. Rick Flair -- The Nature Boy - I saw him wrestle in 1978 on a 10-inch black and white with me and my brother putting each other in a figure-4 leg lock. I saw Flair wrestle in person at the Dorton Arena in Raleigh in 1988 before a Labor Law final exam; the Flair/Hogan debate is one that will never be settled. Flair is eons ahead of Hogan in category 1, slightly behind in #2, but 3 and 4 are very close. So I gotta go with Flair.


5. Disco Inferno (#374) -- ya see, his gimmick is he likes Disco, and no one likes Disco ya see, get it? No.

4. Kendall Windham (#444) -- Barry Windham was a great wrestler. Barry Windham's father Blackjack Mulligan was a very good wrestler (Once said, "If Sheriff Joe Bob Jones saw ya puttin' the boots to a man in that situation, you'd be in down in the jail that night, by God..."). Kendall Windham? Um, I guess genetics don't always carry the day.

3. David Sammaratino (#480) -- his dad was a great wrestler, etc....(see above)

2. Mark Henry (#472) -- now suppose that you signed a guy to a 10-year guaranteed contract in a pre-scripted "sport" -- wouldn't you find some way to make him a champion for a decent stint? Um, Henry was/is so bad that the WWF/WWE could never promote him as a believable championship level 10 years of trying very hard.

1. El Gigante (#498) -- also wrestled as "Giant Gonzales" -- physique was so poor that the WCW had him wrestle in a body suit featuring fake muscles. Once donned a gladiator-type helmet and armor for a ring entrance. I am still not sure why. Former hoopster, drafted by the Hawks, 7'6" but you still could not believe that he could actually win a match. The worst.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Alex Rodriguez

Much, much criticism of A-Rod of late. 20 errors, 6 for his last 32. Look, the guy has an awful throwing motion (ugly underhand flip) so he is going to have some errors. He also has never really been a clutch player who dominates good teams, so why expect that? If you are NY, you just have to live with the fact that A-Rod will always be a slightly better Scottie Pippen. He will win you 30 games a year by himself, 25 of which will be against sub-.500 squads and 5 of which will be against good squads. There is value to that in a 162 game season. You need 95 wins to make the playoffs and this guy will win you 30. Your other guys just have to account for 65. Now, it would be nice to also have a Jordan so you can win 115 games a year, but A-Rod ain't Jordan. What the Yankees truly lack is consistent pitching. That isn't A-Rod's fault. The most similar batters to A-Rod through age 29:
Ken Griffey
Mel Ott
Mickey Mantle
Hank Aaron
Frank Robinson
Eddie Mathews
Jimmie Foxx
Rogers Hornsby
Vladimir Guerrero
Al Kaline .........................................So, I guess, based upon that pedigree, Yankee fans can put up with the guy for a few more years....

Monday, May 01, 2006

Flirting -- Part II

See below for Part I. Now, my six pieces of advice for single women -- 1) be extremely obvious -- single men are often very dense and/or suffer from low self-esteem, if you like them, make it so obvious that anyone can tell; 2) try to know something about sports or other interests men generally have -- look, you don't have to like all sports, just pick one you can stomach and try to become moderately fluent in its lingo, for some reason hockey seems to be a female fave; 3) try to get past first impressions -- the available guys often make a poor first impression, try to see if there is something beyond the obnoxious outer shell; 4) emphasize the positive in your appearance -- hey, different strokes for different folks, five guys may not like your large chest, but five may; 5) move along -- a corollary of #3, if you give the guy a shot and he is a loser, move along, you are missing out on other opportunities -- far too many women say, "Well, he really isn't SO bad." Um, if you are offering that assessment up after 3-4 dates, he really is. 6) repeat #1 -- I don't think women truly get how obvious they have to be for guys to pick up on the fact that the woman is interested. After a very short attempt at subtlety say, "Hey, I like you and would like to go out some time. You?" You may get crushed, but at least then you can do #5 and waste no more time.

Flirting Advice Um, I don't think anyone could give more mediocre advice than stated there, so I will offer up 6 more basic tips for single guys: 1) talk -- sitting silently provides no hope; 2) don't be clueless -- if a woman talks to you more than one sentence, she may be interested; 3) be aggressive -- much like in Texas Hold'Em poker, aggression is often rewarded; if you are holding 7-2 offsuit, maybe you have to bluff a lot more than the guy holding a pair of aces, but the woman might say, "Well, he asked me out and at least HE thinks he has something to offer, maybe I am missing something"; 4) be shameless about touting your job -- if you have a good job in any way, shape or form, inform the woman of that fact; this puts you a small step ahead of the many guys without good jobs; 5) be funny -- easier said than done, but even the stupidest joke shows you are at least trying; 6) dress well -- outside of the top 15% of men, women generally know we are all pretty hideous anyway, so dress up -- at least the woman will feel that you look good with clothes on.

Vicky Marshall (Anna Nicole Smith) Wins One

2006 WL 1131904 is your citation for you lawyers out there. The interesting thing about the opinion is that Pierce Marshall may have a legal malpractice claim if and when he has to hand over $89MM to Anna Nicole. 1) Anna Nicole files for bankruptcy protection -- she makes no claim at all against the old dead guy's estate; 2) Pierce screws up and files a defamation claim against Anna Nicole in her bankruptcy; 3) OOOPS, by filing a claim, Pierce subjects himself to a counterclaim in federal court -- Anna Nicole sues him for $44MM saying that the old dead guy would have given that to her had Pierce not interfered (which certain facts show that he did); 4) Federal court awards her $44MM compensatory and $44MM punitive for Pierce's wrongful acts; 5) state court rules that old dead guy's will is valid and Pierce gets it all; 6) Pierce argues that the federal judgment against him is invalid; 7) Ninth Circuit agrees with Pierce; 8) Supreme Court agrees with Anna Nicole and sends the case back to the federal courts (who have already ruled for her) for further legal proceedings on different issues. If Pierce does not file the spiteful claim in bankruptcy court, he is home right now spending all of his dad's money! He did, however, file a meaningless claim against a bankrupt woman just to mess with her. So, in my opinion, he deserves what he got. And his lawyer (if the lawyer made the decision to file the bankruptcy claim) better alert its insurer...

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Kellie Pickler -- Boot

While I am still upset that Paris did not get booted (there is always next week), the decision to vote off Pickler was justified by the awful performances given in the last two weeks (one of which I scored as worse than Bucky Covington, so, 'nuf said). While Idol fans have some random voting problems (Jasmine Trias, Diana DiGarmo), the appeal of the show, in part, is that so many people vote that the best singer has always eventually won. Paris Bennett (really from MN) and Kat McPhee (admits to being from CA) form 40% of the final 5. No Idol from a blue state has come in the top 2 since Juston Guarini (PA) in season 1. Since then we have had Alabama over NC; NC over Georgia, and Oklahoma over Alabama. Texan Kelly Clarkson's win in Season 1 also means that no Idol winner has ever come from a blue state.

Monday, April 24, 2006

Nick Lachey -- Pathetic

Anyone who ever watched "Newlyweds" always felt sorry for Nick Lachey haveing to live with the complete idiot Jessica Simpson. Their post-breakup behavior has led me to feel very sorry for JESSICA!,19736,1186627,00.html. Good lord, man, have a smidgeon of pride and self-esteem. STOP with the "oh, I was blind-sided..." and "I still love her" crap. Go get drunk on a nightly basis and end up with a different starlet every night of the week. Then I might not consider you the biggest wuss known to man... Of course maybe if I was missing the pictured bod, I might not be any better...

Monday, March 27, 2006

George Mason

UConn coach Jim Calhoun waives good bye and George Mason himself gives the hint of a smile as the Patriots proved too much for the most talented team in the nation. Calhoun allowed the Patriots to walk the ball up and slow the game down through the last 13 minutes of regulation and overtime even though GM was only playing 5 guys that entire time. His excuse? UConn's numerous McDonald's All-Americans couldn't stop penetration one on one. Were any man to man defensive principles taught at UConn practices this year? Or was "how to avoid laptop theft claims" the more pressing matter?

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Eddy Curry

I have been searching the recesses of my mind to find a player that Eddy Curry reminds me of. Bingo, Steve Johnson. Both guys have a history of being very good offensive shooters, can't jump, can't rebound, play terrible defense, and would foul out every game if you tried to play them over 30 minutes a night. Curry's assist-to-turnover ratio this year? Almost 10 TOs for every assist. 14 assist, 137 TOs. So, having played against Steve Johnson, one would think that Isiah would have maybe remembered that it isn't worth 2 #1s to trade for a Steve Johnson with a heart problem. I guess not....