An Old Pre-Cell Phone Story

I saw a picture of myself from 1982 today and it reminded me of an old story.  My kids often ask me what it was like before cell phones.  I often tell them that the chances of sitting around waiting for someone who never arrived were much higher than today.

(Note - "The Irishman" features a lot of discussion about how long you should wait for someone who is late.  One guy says 10 minutes.  You'd have to have had a really strong self image to wait for someone only 10 minutes - I'd often wait 15-30 minutes to see if people would arrive.)

Anyway - even weirder circumstances could arise.

In 1982, I was dating a girl named Michelle who lived 40 miles away.  She had a couple friends - Tracy and Cindy - who went to her school and who also knew me.  So, one Saturday I am going to Michelle's house so I call her Saturday morning.  "Look, I have stuff to do with my family until 3, but why don't you drive out to say hello to Cindy and Tracy, they always complain that you never visit them."  Um, OK.  If I left the house by noon, my dad would generally not have farm chores he would assign me, so I always tried to leave by 10 or 11.  So I go to Cindy's house, hang out for around an hour, get her mom to make me some food, leave.  It was fine, a good visit.

So, buoyed by that experience, I get out the directions Michelle had given me to Tracy's house.  She lives WAY out in the sticks.  But hey, I got some time, nothing else to do.  Now, to make this situation clear, I am about 5'9" tall, OK looking guy.  Tracy is like 5'11" tall, red hair, absolutely beautiful.  Head cheerleader at her school.  Used to love singing certain parts of "Hungry Like the Wolf" with a lot of people around.  Anyway, she wants to see me, I am told, so I drive over to re-live the good experience I just had with Cindy and Cindy's mom.

I get to her house. 

Outside, I see a woman who is probably her mom.  "Hey Mrs. _________?  (yes).  I am a friend of your daughter Tracy.  Is she around?"  It was at this point that my discomfort would begin to rise significantly.  "No.  She isn't here."  OK, well, do you expect her back?  "Look, I have no idea where she is.  She left a while ago and said she'd be back in an hour.  Do you want to wait?"

So, it is about 1:00 p.m., I am in Nowheresville, USA and I really have nothing at all to do until 3PM.  I have eaten.  There is no Facebook, no Internet, no Twitter.  I haven't brought a book.  So..."…….Sure, I will wait."  OK.  noone is inside, so obviously I will be waiting outside in or by my car.

About 10 minutes later, up the dirt driveway come a car.  "Oh, thank God!"  Car drives up, door opens - a big heavy guy about 50 years old.  "Son, what can I do for you?"  Are you Mr. ____________?  "Yes."  Well, I am a friend of your daughter's, I understand she is going to be home soon.  "Um, maybe.  What do you want?"  Just stopped by to say hello.  "Well...….(looks at me, obviously disappointed someone like me would want to woo his daughter, which I didn't want to do anyway) yeah, you know Tracy. she probably won't be home for a LOOOOOOONG time.  I am not sure we will be seeing her."

It was at that point that I, if I were acting reasonably, should have got in my car and left.  If there was anything that these people would have loved, it would have been for me to leave.  But then the dad made a mistake.  "Look, I am going in to watch college football.  Do you like football, or...…..??"  I think the next words on his mind were probably "or are you gay" or some such thing.  It was clearly not a friendly statement.  I do not reply.  "OK, well..."  Guy gets to the screen door, turns, "Look, do ya want to come in or what?!?"  Now, in the area where I was raised, if someone asked you to watch sports and you stated that you did not want to watch sports, that was about the biggest error you could ever make.  The story would be told for years about, "This weird kid who was all dressed up for some reason came to my house on a Saturday.  I asked him to watch football and he wouldn't even do that!"  So, I am in a tough spot.  I am thinking - the gears in my head are grinding to a halt.

"Kid!  Hey!"
Yes sir.
"Do YOU (points to me) want to come IN (points inside), or what?"

Sure.

We proceed to watch Nebraska beat the hell out of someone for 20 minutes.  The mom comes in and offers me some super hard cookies out of a box, which I, of course, eat and try to pretend they are wonderful.  I try to engage in some friendly conversation with the dad.  Nope, that will not be happening.  When the clock hits 1:30, I say "Well, tell Tracy I came by."  Now, as I am driving down the long dirt driveway, up comes a super crappy car that a teenager would be driving.  It is Tracy.

I pull off on the grass (probably another faux pas - even though the grass there was mostly dirt) and get out of the car.  "What are you doing here!?!?"  Michelle said I should drop by. "Um, why?"  She said you'd like to see me.  "Uh, OK.  So.....hi."  Look, Tracy. I just spent 30 minutes with your mom and dad, I am just about worn out from stress.  It is good to see you.  I will tell Michelle you said hi.  "Yeah, thanks for coming. (gives me a small hug).  I am amazed you found my house."

So I left.  I do not remember at all what I did for the next 90 minutes.  But then I got to see my GF.  She asked how my travels went.  My summary was that Cindy and her mom were super nice but I didn't get to see Tracy much as she was busy.  Of course, this very misleading story was eventually busted, as I received a call Tuesday from Michelle.  "Nice work at Tracy's house.  Oh my lord, that must have been rough."  It was.  "Tracy's dad is still shocked you came into the house and didn't leave.  He says he has never met such a weird kid,"  Thanks.  Can we let it drop?  It never really dropped.

In 2020, I would have had Cindy and Tracy's cell numbers and just texted them that I needed something to do for 2 hours, and we would have either made plans or not.  I would have been spared the SUPER awkward interactions, and even if things fell apart during the day, I could have at least taken solace in the internet.

But then, of course, I wouldn't have this 38-year-old story to tell.

January 8, 2020 Points + Rebound + Assists Leaders - Over 45,000 total

10.  Dr. J -- 45, 727 (ABA guy)

9.  Tim Duncan -- 45,812

8.  Elvin Hayes -- 45,990

7.   Kevin Garnett -- 46,178

6.  Kobe Bryant -- 46,996

5.  Moses Malone -- 49,350 (has ABA stats)

4. LeBron James - 51, 659

3.  Karl Malone -- 57,144

2.  Wilt Chamberlain -- 59,986

1.   Kareem Abdul-Jabbar -- 61,487 (only guy on list in top 50 in career points, rebounds and assists)



Worthy of note:

LeBron has 10,789 in the playoffs as well, so he is over 62,000 in his career.

But he is still WAY behind the top 3 guys, all of whom have 7-8,000 of their own.  It will take a couple really good years for LeBron to pass Karl Malone, 3 good years.  3-4 very good years for him to pass Wilt and KAJ.

Wilt's counting stats production per game is insane.  Kareem is #2 in career Games Played.  Karl Malone is 6th.  LeBron today is 38th.  Wilt?  111th.  Wilt played fewer games than Marvin Williams.

While Wilt is 9th in career minutes played, he is 7,000 minutes behind Karl Malone and 10,000 behind Kareem (who are 1 and 2 in MP).