Arielle Kebler? Maybe?

Who'da Thought.......

that home liposuction could ever go awry?!!? http://articles.news.aol.com/news/_a/couple-charged-in-home-liposuction/20060731143009990011. More proof that hard-working immigrants will do the jobs that I won't do..........

John Tucker Must Die Movie Poster

I don't know if the movie is any good, and frankly I do not care, because THIS is probably the greatest PG-13 movie poster of all-time. Now the damned thing won't upload!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARRGGGGGGG. Try a different one...Amanda Beard -- nope. Look it up yourselves. http://www.empiremovies.com/posters.php?id=11449&johntuckermustdie.htm

Maybe I Have Finally Found Myself a Church?

I was raised Methodist until I was 9, at which point my dad said, "If you want to go to church, I will take you and sit with you. But if you would rather stay home, that is fine, too." I stayed home. When I was in elementary school, one day a week kids would be let out for "religious instruction" for 90 minutes at one of two churches in Silver Springs, NY. The one Jewish kid in class and I both stayed in school. The school's first response to us staying behind, "Well, you are going to get additional school assignments during that time unless you go." I told my mom that; that didn't happen. We just were required to read leisure reading or play quietly. I now attend Catholic Church with my wife and kids, but I just go b/c I like to sing the songs. :-) Anyway, I saw this item today -- what a refreshing change.... http://news.aol.com/topnews/articles/_a/disowning-conservative-politics-is/n20060729212509990001

Movie Review -- Nacho Libre

Boy does this movie struggle. "Napoleon Dynamite" is one of my favorite movies. I love professional wrestling. I actually understand the whole "Luchador" history and cult-like following. And I really like Jack Black. But I give it a 5 out of 10 stars. That really is about all you need to know. Probably 5 funny lines in the whole film. My favorite (he lives outside a tiny little Mexican town) -- "Tonight, I wrestle 7 of the strongest men in this town...........maybe the world." I saw it for $3 and I was upset that I didn't go to the $2 matinee...

Worst of Both Worlds

I arrived here in this distant Midwest outpost for the summer of 1988. It was a drought summer and temps regularly topped 90. But the 18 years since 1988 have seen a ridiculous rise in humidity. We are seeing dew points in the mid-70s now. Couple that with one week a winter at -10, and you basically have the weather portion of Hell. Needless to say, I am not having much fun this summer in Houston-North. Please, God, let it rain and cool down for your chunky humble servant...........

Mel Gibson -- Part II

From the "truth is stranger than fiction" category, Gibson actually DID make slurs against Jewish people after his arrest!!!!!!!!!!! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mel_Gibson#Alcoholism_and_drunk_driving_arrests. The guy is only .12 (basically a rural dad's walking-around BAC on a Saturday while watching golf) and he starts calling female cops "sugar tits" and starts to urinate on the floor?!!?!?!? Sound like rehab will involve a whole lot more than Mr Al K. Hall....

Jesus Take the Wheel -- Part II

http://www.tmz.com/2006/07/28/exclusive-mel-gibson-busted-for-dui. Said booking officer Shel Goldsilverbergstein, "He deserved it."

Frank DeFalco

As promised to a loyal reader..... While Frank's absence in the PWI 500 makes him ineligible for my prior lists, he certainly deserves some pub'
--2nd row, 2nd from the left. He is also, I believe, the Commissioner of AWA-BCW.

1978-2003 Wrestler Ratings

I evaluate pro wrestlers on a few factors: 1) actual ring skills; 2) believability (do I believe that they could actually win a match against top real competition); 3) microphone skills; and 4) general personna and "pop" -- the ability to impress and carry a crowd to the reaction you want. A key criterion for these two lists (10 best, 5 worst) is that the guy must have appeared as a wrestler on the PWI 500, which is a list by Pro Wrestling Illustrated Magazine ranking the top 500 wrestlers for the time period 1978-2003. So, off we go:

10 Best

10. and 9 (tie) Mick Foley -- aka Cactus Jack, aka Mankind -- gotta put someone on the list who personifies the style of all-out extreme wrestling where you put your life at stake every night. Was a deeply disturbing character as both CJ and Mankind, but was funny and clever as plain old Mick Foley.


and....Randy Savage -- Hogan was so powerful and so controlled the WWF that no one could bump him off, Savage came closest. Very funny, great athlete, RIP to his late wife, the lovely Elizabeth....

8. Curt Hennig -- RIP Mr. Perfect....there was a reason they called him Mr. Perfect. Probably top 5 all-time as a ring technician. Great at acting arrogant and dispicable.

7. The Undertaker -- I can tell you, when he first came on the scene he scared the shit out of everyone, huge man, tremendous athlete, could rank even higher but for lack of mic skills.

6. HHH -- I just think ya gotta give the guy his due. The fact is he is a believable champion, has a huge fan base and so pervaded society that Brett Favre ran around the field taunting Koy Detmer with a crotch chop shouting "suck it."

5. The Rock -- gone too soon and I doubt he will ever reacquire the taste for the road and the bumps that come with wrestling. Next to Flair, maybe the best mic skills of all time.

4. Bret Hart -- Now, you have to stay with me here, Hart would rank very low in some categories (3 and 4), but there is no one who knew mat wrestling and could actually amateur wrestle any better than Bret, great at singles, great at tags, tough as hell, you could believe that Bret could beat anyone.

3. Sting -- now, this is sort of like putting Sandy Koufax or Gale Sayers at #3 on an analogous list, but Sting before his first knee injury was the best and most charismatic wrestler that I ever saw. Big and strong, unbelievably quick and explosive. If you can get your hands on any Sting match footage 1987-1990, watch it.

2. Hulk Hogan -- category #1 is just too low of a score; Hogan had basically no ring skills but would rank 1-3 in every other category.

1. Rick Flair -- The Nature Boy - I saw him wrestle in 1978 on a 10-inch black and white with me and my brother putting each other in a figure-4 leg lock. I saw Flair wrestle in person at the Dorton Arena in Raleigh in 1988 before a Labor Law final exam; the Flair/Hogan debate is one that will never be settled. Flair is eons ahead of Hogan in category 1, slightly behind in #2, but 3 and 4 are very close. So I gotta go with Flair.

WORST ON THE TOP 500

5. Disco Inferno (#374) -- ya see, his gimmick is he likes Disco, and no one likes Disco ya see, get it? No.

4. Kendall Windham (#444) -- Barry Windham was a great wrestler. Barry Windham's father Blackjack Mulligan was a very good wrestler (Once said, "If Sheriff Joe Bob Jones saw ya puttin' the boots to a man in that situation, you'd be in down in the jail that night, by God..."). Kendall Windham? Um, I guess genetics don't always carry the day.

3. David Sammaratino (#480) -- his dad was a great wrestler, etc....(see above)

2. Mark Henry (#472) -- now suppose that you signed a guy to a 10-year guaranteed contract in a pre-scripted "sport" -- wouldn't you find some way to make him a champion for a decent stint? Um, Henry was/is so bad that the WWF/WWE could never promote him as a believable championship level performer........in 10 years of trying very hard.

1. El Gigante (#498) -- also wrestled as "Giant Gonzales" -- physique was so poor that the WCW had him wrestle in a body suit featuring fake muscles. Once donned a gladiator-type helmet and armor for a ring entrance. I am still not sure why. Former hoopster, drafted by the Hawks, 7'6" but you still could not believe that he could actually win a match. The worst.

David Hasselhoff Video

If you have only 4 minutes to live, watch this entire video. It will make those 4 minutes seem like an eternity..............whoa...http://www.gethasselhofftonumber1.com/video.htm

Worst TV-to-Movies

AOL has a list of worst movies made out of TV shows. Now, the list does not include the abysmal McHale's Navy or the worse Leave It to Beaver or the terrible Beverly Hillbillies, so the list obviously sucks. I will go through their list with fan poll results and comment. They couldn't even get 50% correct:
The Dukes of Hazzard 26% -- come on. The show wasn't that good and I watched every week. The movie was above average and had Jessica Simspon in a red bikini. Wrong - 1

Bewitched 15% -- Did it take the screenwriter over 15 minutes to write this gem? Terrible. On "Family Guy" Stewie flew to L.A. just to punch Will Ferrell in the face for this dud -- it wasn't Will's fault, but I get the point. 1 right, 1 wrong.

Wild, Wild West 13% -- show wasn't very good either, movie was unwatchable. 2 right, 1 wrong.

Fat Albert 11% -- I thought the movie was kinda clever and sweet, sorry. 2 wrong, 2 right.

The Flintstones 6% -- I am torn, young Halle Berry with almost nothing on is a huge plus, but it cannot overcome the unforgiveable act of casting fat lesbian Rosie O'Donnell as every boy's dream girl Betty. 3 right, 2 wrong.

Inspector Gadget 6% -- cartoon sucks, movie was great. 3 right, 3 wrong.

Lost in Space 6% -- can't agree, movie is actually pretty good, show was "kitschy" meaning it was so bad that people watched it to ridicule it.........great........3 right, 4 wrong.

The Avengers 5% -- arguably the worst TV-to-movie ever made......4 right, 4 wrong

The Mod Squad 5% -- never seen it, will take their word for it....5 right, 4wrong

Scooby Doo 5% -- movie was a 9 out of 10, the AOL guy complains about the CGI dog.......um, did he want a REAL dog? 5R, 5W

SWAT 2% -- I would recommend the movie to anyone who likes a good action flick or who (like my wife) enjoyed seeing Colin Farrell with his shirt off. 5R, 6W.

Fill in your own comic comment

Girls Gone Wild" Case Evidence Tossed Out --- The hours and hours of videotape that deputies had seized in a 2003 search of "Girls Gone Wild" producer Joe Francis' condo – the bulk of evidence in the state attorney's case alleging that Francis used underage girls in his videos – has been suppressed by the judge in the case.Deputies seized 700 items that was to be used in the case, but Circuit Judge Dedee Costello yesterday tossed all evidence gathered during the searches. Francis' attorneys argued that the search warrants were not specific about what deputies were looking for in the condo. The prosecuting attorney acknowledged that the decision was a blow to his case. "The obvious strength of this case is that much of the illegal conduct alleged is caught on videotape," said Florida State Attorney Steve Meadows.

Floyd Landis -- Manly

http://sports.espn.go.com/oly/tdf2006/news/story?id=2531225. One wonders why he could not learn something from Lance Armstrong! (Take that comment however you will.)

Donning the Cleats -- Anecdotes

Our Wednesday softball team: 1) two guys could not run past first base and needed courtesy runners when they reached base; one guy was about 325 and not injured, one guy was ripped like a white LeBron but "I have awful shin splints from running last week." Um, what? You run until you basically cannot walk for a week? This is a good workout regimen? How about you gear it back a notch Frank Shorter? 2) I got to hang with the type of guy I hate the most -- the guy who sees you are a good player and wants to (incorrectly) tell you how good he is. Our second baseman threw softer than my daughter and went 2-8 on the night with a bunch of soft flyouts (the worst possible likely result in a softball at bat). A few of his nuggets, "I just keep hitting it too hard." "You and I need to go 4 for 4 in Game 2 to carry the rest of these guys." "When we played in a the nationals a few years back, I think we could have won had the young guys not been partying too late." "Man, we could have turned 2 there if I had just got it out of my glove sooner." "The heat is really hurting my swing." Arg. Kill me. 3) Shook hands with the third baseman. Smallest hands of any adult male I have ever met. Perhaps, just perhaps, third base in softball (given the large ball) is not the best spot for this guy. Throwing style made A-Rod look like an instructional video. Around 7 errors on the night on maybe 12 chances. Range? Step and a half. Played nearly on the outfield grass. 4) First baseman, a nice guy, but had a habit of walking to a spot between the pitcher and first base after every hit. Why is a complete mystery to me. No one on, single to left center, walks to a random spot between the base and the mound. Batter rounds first, falls, I go to throw to first. Can't. No one covering. 5) The third baseman explains between games that if he plays next year he really wants the number 73 as his uniform number. "I always liked 7 and I always liked 3. But a lot of guys want those numbers. So I went with 37. But sometimes guys wanted that, so I went to 73. No one ever wanted that. But a couple years ago the young fellas started to want the higher numbers................................etc." This monologue goes on for 5-7 minutes uninterrupted. I mean, exactly what are you supposed to say? "OK, but I want 4"? 6) In Game 2 we got to play against "That Guy" -- you know the guy, the guy who is 24 and should be playing A or B league, but shows up and hits homers and plays the outfield in D league. Why? You are 24, seek out a better league. Do not work on your HR trot in the D league...............................................So, at least I got some good stories out of it and I will end the year hitting .625!

Donning the Cleats -- Part 2

Play a little catch to warm up -- no running, no stretching. Game time weather -- 93 and humid. So, where am I playing? Batting first, playing shortstop. Again, bad sign -- acquire fat 42 year old guy who hasn't played in a year and he is automatically assumed to be your best hitter and fielder. Unfortunately, the games bear out this assumption. We lose 10-4 and 24-10. I go 3-4 and 2-4, triple, score 4 runs, turn three double plays. We can ignore my 3 errors (2 throwing, 1 fielding) for purposes of this Blog entry. I am easily our best guy. In short, we suck, but I pick up a few good anecdotes to share.

Donning the Cleats -- Part 1

Now, I am about 5'8" (doctor says 5'9" but no one believes that) and, sadly, 210+. But, even in my advancing years and poundage, I have always been a very good softball player. This year I was forced into retirement by PM's traveling baseball schedule. My baseball experience this year has been toting around a scorebook and occasionally playing catch with PM. Anyway, from 1990 to 2004, I played on a team of personal injury attorneys (I am an attorney, but do no PI). We won the league a couple times, finished in the upper half most years. So, I don't play this year. I see the captain of the team at lunch and he asks if I can play the last two games. Game 1 gets rained out and rescheduled as a double header 7/26. Here we go. Show up. I know........................one guy on the team. "How are you guys doing this year?" "1-9." Uh oh...

Justin Morneau - Most Underrated Player in Baseball

Other than his annoying decision to do a reverse Tony Dorsett (it is now said "MOR-no," not "Mor-NO"), you gotta hand it to this big British Columbia native. There is no one having a better year and getting absolutely no pub' at the same time. Morneau -- not on the all-star team. Morneau -- to my knowledge has not even featured on Baseball Tonight. I bet his name recognition is about 1% amongst casual fans. Yet he is in the top 5 in the league in RBI, top 10 in homers, top 10 in slugging percentage, top 10 in on-base-plus-slugging percentage. At or near the top 10 in batting average. Total guys in AL with CLEARLY better stats? None. Number of guys in AL with arguably better overall stats? 6. Vernon Wells, Hafner, Thome, Ortiz, Manny, Jermaine Dye. That is it. So, while I am sure that it will jinx him to the point where he goes back to hitting .240 and striking out twice a game, I will say it -- as of July 26, 2006, Justin Morneau is the most underrated player in baseball and, if the season were to end today, he deserves the AL MVP.

Sweep

I am not sure things can sink any lower for White Sox fans and their homophobic, media-baiting, head-hunting manager. Carlos Silva??? Carlos Silva?? Carlos Silva?? This is basically like scoring 4 runs in a 9-inning slow pitch softball game. Joe Mauer (hitting a measly .375) did not even play for the Twins! The Twins' miraculous comeback from nowhere continues (34-8 in the last 42..........810 winning percentage in that stretch). But dropping 3 straight to a Twins team that is still poor on the road (22-30 overall) is pretty abysmal. The Twins now have to go to Detroit and face a Tigers team who is playing much better ball than the ChiSox, so the Sox could regain the wild card lead with decent play against the lowly combo of Orioles and KC. But the Reigning Champs have let the Yankees back in this thing, brought the Twins back, let Toronto have a shot, etc. And August will really be a bitch for the Sox as they have 20 of 29 against about the best that the AL has to offer (TO, NY, MN, DET, LAA).

NBA Free Agents

http://www.insidehoops.com/free-agent-rankings.shtml. Do the words "slim pickings" mean anything to you????

Harold Reynolds -- Fired

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harold_Reynolds (see bottom). For Reynolds' sake, I hope that he did not lose a lucrative job because he decided to defend A-Rod (a guy worth $100MM+ who can certainly defend himself). An alternative rumor is a history of harassment claims.

Rate a semi-celeb

Christie Brinkley homewrecker Diana Bianchi (left) and her non-celeb' blonde friend:

USA Basketball Team For 2006 Tour

In International ball you need guards who can keep their men in front of them, forwards who can get up on the shooters and big men who can shoot and play dirty inside.......You need unselfish players who can hit wide open 3s........We need a LOT more shooting than we have on this roster (Wally, Redd, Redick, Morrison would be good candidates). Based upon these criteria and the guys who were picked, here is who I would play:......................................................STARTERS:
Kirk Hinrich (perfect international PG), Dwyane Wade (can play any type of game), Brad Miller (big and dirty and can hit open shot), LeBron James (see Wade), Elton Brand (not the typical int'l player -- you'd prefer Garnett or Duncan here, but the best option you have)

Bench
Chris Paul (scorer and penetrator), Joe Johnson (shot 48% from 3 as a Sun, good assist to turnover, good defender), Dwight Howard (best option available), Shane Battier (winner), Bruce Bowen (good defender, can hit open 3)

Never Play -- Carmelo Anthony (selfish, poor shooter, poor defender), Antawn Jamison (confirmed loser who can't D up even if the spirit hit him -- which it never does), Amare Stoudamire (sucked in round 1 of his int'l play, now he has a blown knee), Gilbert Arenas (a nightmare pick, come ON, a scoring point guard who won't pass or play D and who will bitch when he doesn't play...), Chris Bosh (confirmed loser, 1.8 steals+blocks/game, Elton Brand had 3.6 with fewer fouls, too skinny to guard inside, but never has been a perimeter defender)

Christie Brinkley Story

Seemingly, I am a step behind everything today (later I will report on a report I just heard that we once were at war with Japan), but better late than never. Peter Cook says that he is sorry and wants Christie Brinkley back. Here is what he did -- went to a toy store, found a semi-hot 17 year old store clerk. Told her he was hot for her. Hired her at his company and had sex with her for about a year. Her step-dad doesn't like what is going on, goes up to Brinkley after a high school graduation speech she makes and tells her, basically, "Peter Cook is banging my 17-19 year old step-daughter and I thought you should know..." Well, glad I gave THAT speech!

Alex Rodriguez

Much, much criticism of A-Rod of late. 20 errors, 6 for his last 32. Look, the guy has an awful throwing motion (ugly underhand flip) so he is going to have some errors. He also has never really been a clutch player who dominates good teams, so why expect that? If you are NY, you just have to live with the fact that A-Rod will always be a slightly better Scottie Pippen. He will win you 30 games a year by himself, 25 of which will be against sub-.500 squads and 5 of which will be against good squads. There is value to that in a 162 game season. You need 95 wins to make the playoffs and this guy will win you 30. Your other guys just have to account for 65. Now, it would be nice to also have a Jordan so you can win 115 games a year, but A-Rod ain't Jordan. What the Yankees truly lack is consistent pitching. That isn't A-Rod's fault. The most similar batters to A-Rod through age 29:
Ken Griffey
Mel Ott
Mickey Mantle
Hank Aaron
Frank Robinson
Eddie Mathews
Jimmie Foxx
Rogers Hornsby
Vladimir Guerrero
Al Kaline .........................................So, I guess, based upon that pedigree, Yankee fans can put up with the guy for a few more years....

Richard Hatch -- In OKC Pokey

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Hatch_%28reality_TV%29. Ok, so I am WAY behind the curve on this one, but Hatch failed to pay taxes on his "Survivor" earnings and then defended the criminal charges by asserting that he thought CBS agreed to pay the taxes? Can you be any more of an idiot? OK, maybe Kenny Mauer could...........http://espn.go.com/nba/columns/hughes/1141856.html

Christian-Islamic Map

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Christ_Islam.png#file. So, when WWIII starts, you can have an easy visual scorecard to figure out who is on the side of whom, who will be sitting it out, and who will have civil war........................

Some Support for the GOP

To my GOP readers who complain that I never toss a bone their way, I provide you with a pic' of my favorite staunch GWB supporter, Miss USA 2004 and Miss Universe runner-up Shandi Finnessey. Why am I suddenly feeling kinder to the "red" states?

Movie Reviews -- Rentals

"The Family Stone" -- a nice movie about a dysfunctional but sweet family. Poorly marketed and underrated by critics, it would make a nice Christmas movie for the family (it is a soft PG-13) or a nice movie for after your teenagers bring home loser dates. TFS -- 9 stars out of 10................"Cellular" -- basically the same kidnapping movie that you have seen made 25 times. Jessica Biel's bod is woefully underutilized. The film ends VERY quickly (DVD extras show that the director had a better ending but felt that the 1.2 extra minutes "gave us too many endings" -- ever see "Return of the King"??? Won the Oscar, had about 6 endings.......). Cellular -- 6.5 out of 10.

Bonds hits 722, etc.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/300-300_club. You can hate the guy, but you can't dispute his greatness as a player. If you believe "Game of Shadows" Bonds was 34 and at about 370 homers and near the top 50 in all-time HRs before he started juicing. So, give him 30 HRs a year for 6 more years, retire him at age 40 and he ends at 550. He still makes the Hall. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Top_500_Home_Run_Hitters_of_all_time. We watch the NY crowds cheer admitted steroid user Giambi (hmm, suddenly regained his form, hmmm, wonder why?) and yet people feel the need to pursue Bonds as if he were Jean Val Jean.

British Open Lunch

Went over to see Phil play his final 6 holes during lunch -- awful. I saw 6 holes, he hit 3 good shots. He still is tied for 22nd at -4, but he might as well have missed the cut since he has no chance of winning (playing poorly and 8 shots behind Tiger). John Daly goes to #18 at -2, gonna make the cut. Tee shot -- out of bounds. Fourth shot -- out of bounds. Triple bogey, +1, misses the cut. Straight out of "Tin Cup." Also missed the cut -- Singh, Monte (so not all bad)...................Eldrick has it set up like he wants it. Barring a hurricane during Tiger's play, the WORST he can do is go -2/-2 over the final 2 rounds (Mickelson was -1 today and I doubt he could have played much worse). So, you gotta go -16 to have a 10% chance of making a playoff with Tiger. Anyone at -6 or lower is done. At -7 you have Adam Scott as the only one in my opinion who could go -16. Then Goosen at -8 and DiMarco at -9 and Els at -11 then Tiger. 5 guys. Assuming Tiger hits -20 (which he should) you are left with only Els. Els has never been able to beat Tiger head to head. Looks like Major #11 for Tiger, with Jack's 18 one step closer...

Rick Santorum -- Yikes!

http://www.philly.com/mld/philly/news/15086895.htm. OK, when Nikita K. took that shoe off and shouted "we will bury you" it was treated as comedy? Is that why kids practiced hiding under their desks at school? We should begin to basically recognize a shadow minority government in Iran (a position even Condi Rice finds too far out)? No wonder this guy is a popular GOP Presidential candidate. There is a "war" against the war? I support freedom of the press, I just wish they would support our freedom? Translation: I support the freedom of the press to report only on what the President says they can........

Michael Strahan -- Alternative Lifestyle?

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20060721.wstrahan21/BNStory/Sports/?page=rss&id=RTGAM.20060721.wstrahan21. Recall how Brett Favre laid down for him..... Well, the former Mrs. Strahan now says she did not mean to imply that the Chunky Soup spokesman was gay. Uh, OK... She might want to stay more consistent in her attacks -- she has accused Michael of cheating on her with three different women and secretly taping her sister undressing (hardly the acts of a gay man). New Jersey is a no fault divorce state -- why is the judge allowing this evidence AT ALL!?!?

Officer, Can't We Work Something Out Here???

http://news.aol.com/topnews/articles/_a/cops-night-job-as-hooker-is-nixed/n20060720064109990015?cid=936

Tiger at -12

I guess my prediction of minus 20 was too conservative. The projected cut line is -2. A major championship, cut line -2. Chris Dimarco at -7 for today's round. Tom Watson at -4 through 16. I thought that the John Deere Classic already took place?

Tiger Set To Roar

Look out rest of field, Tiger Woods shoots -5 and is one shot off the lead. Tiger hit the 18th green (a par 5 hole) with iron-iron and knocked in a 25 foot eagle. The forecast for the week shows mild and calm weather. Wind is generally a British Open course's only defense against Woods' power and (with no wind) -5 per round might be a very likely score for El Tigre. Phil at -3. In 13 efforts at "The Open Championship" Phil has finished in the top 20 twice and in the top 30 only four times. Not his cup of tee...............

"Rate a Celeb" -- Next to Last Edition

Christina Aguilera:

More Nash Pictures With Buzz Cut

Never thought I'd say it -- but please grow the hair back!!!

Steve Nash Picture With Buzz Cut

Secret love child of Bob Weiss??????

Steve Nash

I am trying desperately to find a shot of Nash's new buzz cut (which does appear in the newspaper today, but for some reason is not on-line). I stumbled upon this site on drunk athletes: http://drunkathletes.synergyofsports.com/2006/05/22/steve-nash-drunk.aspx. Steve, um, well, I will leave it to you to comment. Until I find the Nash pics, enjoy this one of Nash lookalike Tom Cavanaugh...

Snakes on a Plane

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snakes_on_a_plane. I saw the trailer this weekend. It looks awful, but after reading this wikipedia item, I may have to see it. "There are MF snakes on this MF'ing plane!!!"

Marcus Banks -- Sun (The Rest of the Story)

http://www.azcentral.com/sports/suns/articles/0719suns0719.html. Marcus Banks is a good bench point guard. He is streaky, so if he is going well, leave him in. If not -- don't play him much that game. Good pickup if you want a streaky guy to help a top-end playoff contender 10-20 games a year. His defensive prowess is BADLY oversold (the last two years his steals have declined substantially) and he struggles to pass the ball in the set offense (I am talking basic entry passes). But the true story here is NOT the Suns' acquisition of someone to replace Eddie House..................................................... The true story is the continued incompetence of the Wolves' front office. The Wolves make a trade with Boston -- Wally, Kandi, and a #1 pick for Ricky Davis, Mark Blount, Marcus Banks, Justin Reed and 2 #2 picks. At first blush, an awful trade by the Wolves. Wally is the best guy in the deal, Blount sucks and has an enormous contract and the Wolves part with yet another #1..................But Kevin McHale says, "Banks is the key to the trade." Oh, wait, the "key" to your trade is a guy whose deal is expiring and whose full Bird rights you don't own? (The Celtics had not exercised their option on Banks.) Here is a basic idea -- maybe, before you trade for a guy, you read the league rules???................But failure to know NBA rules isn't the true culprit here, it is lack of common sense. Let's say that I have $7,000 and want to buy a low-mileage Honda Accord. Let's say that I see an ad for an auto auction in 2 weeks where I can bid on a 2004 Accord. Do I: A) keep my mouth shut, tell no one where I am going, and show up early at the auction with my $7,000; B) tell everyone I know that there is this sweet car that I am going to go buy at the auto auction for WAY less than it is worth; or C) go rent the car for two weeks and drive it around in the neighborhoods of known bidders at the auto auction with a sign on it that says, "Car will be sold at the ________ auction in two weeks. I can only pay $7,000. Can you pay more?" McHale chooses Options B AND C. He trades for Banks, tells everyone how kick-ass he is and then starts him for 30 games so everyone in the league can see how great it would be to sign Banks. WTF?????? I mean, how do you keep your job? How?

Rate A Celeb -- Part 4

(I will stop at 6 or so, I promise) Jenna Fischer, Pam from "The Office":

"Rate a Celeb" -- Part III

Current CBS anchorwoman (and last entry for today) -- Katie Couric:

"Rate a Celeb" -- Part II

The two girls from "That 70's Show" -- Laura Prepon (red hair) and Mila Kunis (brunette).

"Rate a Celeb"

Scale is 1 to 100. 1= truly awful, awful hideous, would murder myself before having relations with her; 25= if she was the last one in the bar at last call, I'd buy a magazine; 50= I am not proud of it, but yeah, I have made out with worse; 75= I'd be proud to date her; 100= would ask her out on a date right in front of my spouse or significant other......................................................................................First up -- The Food Network's Rachel Ray.

Ranking of All-Time Greats

Here are 15 NBA all-time greats. Please rank ONLY your top 10 in the comments section and then place the others on the "Trash Heap."
1. Wilt Chamberlain

2. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

3. Magic Johnson

4. Michael Jordan

5. Dominique Wilkins

6. Shaquille O'Neal
7. John Stockton

8. Karl Malone

9. Larry Bird

10. Isiah Thomas (as a player)

11. Hakeem Olajuwon

12. David Robinson

13. Charles Barkley

14. Tim Duncan

15. Kevin Garnett

Oprah -- More Than Friendship

http://news.aol.com/entertainment/tv/articles/_a/oprah-winfrey-says-she-and-king-not-gay/20060717143309990001?ncid=NWS00010000000001. Um, OK. Wouldn't "She's my best friend and I don't think she's stealing from me" suffice? Certain things are just too disturbing for me to consider 1) Oprah having sex; 2) Oprah having gay sex; 3) Having the constitution amended so GWB remains President; and 4) watching 20 consecutive D-Rays v. Cubs interleague tilts. I am sure there are others. But these are the first 4 that come to mind..........

Raptors Acquire John Salmons

Now, I know that the Suns also wanted the 26 year old swingman, but you have to ask yourself why there is so much interest in Salmons (5 years $23MM) when the Timberwolves cannot unload Trenton Hassell for anything. They are the same exact player: http://www.basketball-reference.com/labs/comp.cgi?I=salmojo01%3AJohn+Salmons&y1=2006&C=hassetr01%3ATrenton+Hassell&y2=2006&s=r&t=g&submit=Compare. Also, rumor is that J.R. Smith is moving to Denver for Howard Eisley and a couple ##2's. This is the best the Bulls could get for J.R. Smith? A guy who they may cut plus a couple #2s? Couldn't get, say, the talent-poor Lakers to toss you a mid to low #1? Toronto apparently needed an off guard... Odd.

Pirates -- Still Roaring at the Box Office

http://www.boxofficemojo.com/alltime/10day.htm. The issue of passing $500,000,000 and going after "Titanic" at $600,000,000+ will be decided in September. Shrek 2 ripped its way to $400,000,000 in 44 days. It could not sustain its appeal long enough to even make #2 and fell way short of "Titanic." "Titanic" did no worse than $25,000,000 per week through its first 7 weeks at the box office and just kept going thereafter.

Movie Review -- "Click"

It is very, very difficult for me to rate this movie. Kate Beckinsdale consistently on screen in boxer shorts and tank tops -- 10. Dog/duck running gag -- 0. Actual value lesson in the movie -- 10. Farting scene -- 2. So, there are awful, awful holes in this movie (not the least of which is that it is marketed to kids when it is made for 30-45 year old men fearing their own mortality and thinking they have wasted or are wasting their lives). But I have to tell you, as a 42 year old guy with three kids and aging parents I really enjoyed the theme of the show and the fact that the movie is just loaded chock full of uber-hot babes (Kate B., swimsuit models Sophie Monk and Michelle Lombardo, plus Katie Cassidy -- the new Lucy Ewing actress (and Keith Partridge's daughter)). So, I will give "Click" a 9 because it was made for guys like me. But be forewarned. My wife said 4, my kids didn't understand 1/2 of the movie and my father thought it was in poor taste................................................................HM

Beat the Heat

No matter how hot it gets this weekend, it cannot possibly get any hotter than this pic of Amanda Beard from the early days of the Blog. My lord.......

Late Note -- Have A Drink on Me

http://articles.news.aol.com/business/_a/brewing-magnate-coors-arrested-for-drunk/20060713192809990007?ncid=NWS00010000000001. I'll toss the GOP guy a bone here -- .088 is not drunk. Sorry. The guy is a block from his house and gets hauled in for .088. Now, his decision to blame his arrest on a worldwide Jewish conspiracy.........(just kidding, Pete, ya lush)...............

Have a Nice Weekend

It is going to be boiling hot here in the upper Midwest. So, maybe a good weekend to watch some beach volleyball from the shade. Let Holly McPeak (or your local equivalent) do all the sweating....................................HM

Comparison -- Hezbollah versus Dishwalla

Hezbollah -- http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/meast/07/13/hezbollah/index.html -- terrorist group calling for the annihilation of Israel, supported by Syria and Iran, name means "Party of God," led by Sheik Hassan Nasrallah, base of operations: primarily Southern Lebanon. Dishwalla -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dishwalla. Post-grunge alt-rock band calling out desperately for fans, supported by people who miss the glory days of grunge, name refers to the act of stealing and selling satellite signals, led by lead singer J.R. Richards (not the Astro hurler from the 1970s and early 80s), base of operations: Santa Barbara, CA or Rib Fests throughout the nation or wherever people will pay to hear them. Two Key Distinctions -- Dishwalla most known for really wanting to hear all of our thoughts on God. Hezbollah -- not at all interested. Dishwalla -- urges you to "Pet Your Friends." Hezbollah -- urges you to kidnap and shoot rockets at your enemy. There should now be no more confusion!

Contacts Trickling In From Upstate

2006 has resulted in a couple e-mail contacts from Upstate NY people whom I have not heard from in 20+years. First, my very loyal reader, RKG, sends an ex-GF my way. Next my HS friend Chris N. sends me an e-mail ripping me for the National League's recent losing streak in all-star games (I grew up as a huge Reds fan). 20+ years and you get ripped by e-mail for a sports position you took in 1980-82! I guess people remember me because I am "unique" (stealing from Del Griffith, "What, is that Latin for 'asshole'"?).................................You do get a little bad news tossed into the e-mail re-contacts -- my old summer girlfriend from 1984 "died several years ago in a car accident -- she had been married, divorced and had a daughter." That's a bad piece of info. On the plus side, I guess that I can always recall her in my mind as she was in 1984 -- the greatest summer of my life.

Evaluating Chris Wilcox

I am a bigger supporter of Clipper/Sonic Chris Wilcox than most people I know, but when I hear that he is seeking a contract in EXCESS of the mid-level exception, I am stunned to hear that anyone is interested in giving even $4MM a year to him. The good -- Chris is a very good rebounder, only 24 years old and an above average athlete, he shoots a very high percentage. The bad -- he isn't 18 or 20, he has been in the league a lot of years and has been mediocre for a long while. I see no reason to believe that he will suddenly become Kevin Garnett or even Al Harrington. The ugly -- Wilcox in his career per 48 minutes shoots only about 5 free throws a game, has a .63 to 1 assist-to-turnover ratio and is 3 times as likely to foul as he is to get a block or steal. So, he is basically an undersized Eddy Curry, as the stats demonstrate. http://www.basketball-reference.com/labs/comp.cgi?I=wilcoch01%3AChris+Wilcox&y1=&C=curryed01%3AEddy+Curry&y2=&s=r&t=m&submit=Compare Maybe Isiah will get involved?

Stock Market

"Buy the index funds," they say. "GOP President -- good for investors, good for the market." http://finance.aol.com/usw/quotes/charts?dr=CUS&compidx2=on&compidx3=on&symbs=&ag=&index=&te=line&se=default&hs=on&vs=on&sym=%24INDU&exch=USA&state=1&settings=1&vl1=off&ss1=off&dv1=off&hs1=on&vs1=on&scs=0&daysb4=&fromdate=01%2F22%2F01&todate=07%2F13%2F06&freq=1&timeframe=100. Clinton Presidency charts: http://finance.aol.com/usw/quotes/charts?dr=CUS&compidx2=on&compidx3=on&symbs=&ag=&index=&te=line&se=default&hs=on&vs=on&sym=%24INDU&exch=USA&state=1&settings=1&vl1=off&ss1=off&dv1=off&hs1=on&vs1=on&scs=0&daysb4=&fromdate=01%2F22%2F93&todate=01%2F22%2F01&freq=1&timeframe=100. Why couldn't Al Gore win Tennessee in 2000?

Missouri Porn Theft

http://us.video.aol.com/video.index.adp?mode=2&guideContext=65.73&pmmsid=1676473. You would think that with what they are paying general counsel in St. Louis these days that GC Boy would not have to sink to such depths. On the plus side, he is svelter and more flexible than I recall....

Greatest Show of All-Time

VH-1's "World Series of Pop Culture" is on at 10/9 Central I thought that I knew a lot about popular culture. Geez, these nerds must have never seen the light of day because they just have me completely in awe! I was able to excel in song lyrics (nailing "In a Big Country") and got the "What's Happening?" question correct (how could they have forgotten the classic line of "What Doobie You Be?" But far too often I was left speechless by the movie questions. Despite losing, I have to give the best team name award to "Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky and Mike" -- any New Edition reference is just fantastic. Tomorrow's Episode features "We're What Willis Was talking About." Another unfortunate losing squad (I did not see their loss) was dubbed "Sexual Chocolate" which not only was the name of a fictional funk band in "Coming to America" but also wrestler Mark Henry's nickname at one point in his WWE career.

A Few NBA Notes

1) Judge relents, allows Hawks to sign free agents for up to 4 years (per article I saw quoting Andy Miller, Al Harrington's agent). 2) Hawks are considering an Al Harrington deal with Golden State. GState being the only team suffering from a longer playoff drought than the Hawks (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Active_NBA_non-playoff_appearance_streaks). Would the Hawks be willing to take on Baron Davis????? I doubt it. So maybe they try Troy Murphy and Pietrus? If the Warriors really wanted Al, they should have KEPT Derek Fisher since he would have made good trade bait for a team with no reliable point guard. Oops. Pacers also in the hunt for Al. Again, Hawks, steer clear of Jamal Tinsley!! Maybe you ask for Jon Bender and Anthony Johnson or Bender and Danny Granger?? 3) Nuggets to acquire Iverson? Now, I am a big AI supporter and think he has a lot left in the tank, but why are people always trying to pair him with other big scorers (Paul Pierce, Chris Webber, Carmelo Anthony)? AI needs to be surrounded by a bunch of hard-working players whose primary skill set is NOT scoring. Recall that Philly almost won the title when Larry Brown put AI with guys like George Lynch, Eric Snow and Mutombo.

Materazzi/Zidane Exchanges

The best we have so far -- http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/1,,2006310771,00.html. So, per this report, Materazzi told Zidane that Zidane was shit, the son of a terrorist whore and that Zidane should go fuck himself (or go fuck off) and that Zidane's female relatives had liked it when MM twisted their nipples. So, he brought out the big guns. Must have been watching an old VHS of the 1979 film "Fast Break."

Scamming Baseball Blogger

http://serafinisays.blogspot.com/2006/07/dont-believe-half-of-what-you-see-and.html. Perhaps a reason why radio underlings are paid so poorly..........

Mike James Audio

I refer you to http://www.kfan.com/cc-common/podcast/single_podcast.html?podcast=KFAN_Hartman.xml and Part 1 of the Mike James Interview. Fast forward to the 10 minute 30 second mark to hear Mike's comparison of his life in the NBA thus far to the treatment of a "cheap prostitute." Very entertaining.......From now on I have to remember to refer to Mike as "NBA champion Mike James." Recent Pistons titles with Mike James -- 1. Without him -- 0.

Novak Confirms Karl Rove's Role in Outing Plame

http://articles.news.aol.com/news/_a/novak-says-karl-rove-was-a-source-in/20060712004009990001?ncid=NWS00010000000001. Knock me over with a feather. Karl Rove!?!? No! Let me get the orthodoxy correct here: 1) Newspaper publisher tells people that their government is sorting through their private records without a warrant -- traitor and deserving of the death penalty; 2) out a covert CIA agent -- no punishment at all. Just so I know the rules............

Mikes James Video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FIXwkkZyi9k. Seems like a nice enough guy. Stops just short of saying "Well, the Pistons are good and we suck..."

Thank God! Mike James Signs With Timberwolves

http://aol.nba.com/news/307226.html. A rational man might say, "Why do the Wolves need a 4th point guard?" Or, "Isn't $84MM in point guards over the next three years a tad much?" But, as a desperate Timberwolves fan, I recognize that signing a guy who actually is an NBA-level starter means that the Wolves' roster now includes two actual starter-quality players and maybe even 3 if you count Randy Foye. Now, if you can steal a starter on the cheap (Reggie Evans, Lorenzen Wright) and combine them with the 8 guys you have who are good 7-12 bench players, you might even start looking at 42-40 (OK, that might require a coaching change, but I can dream......). HM

Bad Boss Article

http://jobs.aol.com/article/_a/the-worst-of-the-bad-bosses/20060519154209990002. Contrary to what the article implies at the end, I have determined that being a bad boss is not at all an indicator of your chances of success in the world. Being a bad boss will increase the turnover in your department, but it has little if anything to do with your ability to advance. Why? Here is what my law firm experience teaches me: 1) the people who advance and get paid are the people who bring in customers/business/sales, so the fact that they bring in money makes their bad behavior less of an issue for the people in charge; 2) you don't have to be nice to your EMPLOYEES, you have to be nice to your CUSTOMERS, if you have customers loyal to you, your employees are 90% fungible; 3) You really can advance by walking on a pile of the bodies of others. I have seen some very mediocre lawyers advance quite far, basically by stabbing underlings in the back; 4) a bad boss actually can lead to a good relationship between the other co-workers who all hate the boss -- people will actually say, "Gee, I hate to leave because we all get along so well." In another situation, they may not actually get along well at all, but they all enjoy ripping the bad boss. Place this in the "what life has taught me" file along with the understanding that potential employers care about appearance and presentation FAR more than they will admit.

Tough Night To Be A Dad

Well, the Playstation Maven's baseball league is officially over as his squad fell 7-3 last night. PM took the loss as pitcher, allowing 6 runs on 3 hits in 3 innings of work (as you can probably figure out, there were a bunch of walks). He also made the final out with the bases loaded. After 2 innings the score was 1-0. The opposing coach made the decision that his bottom three hitters would stand in the far back-left corner of the batter's box and not swing -- 3 walks. Leadoff hitter fanned. Second batter fanned. Third batter tripled and then scored on a wild pitch (there were a bunch of those, too). Overall, when you consider that this team had beaten the PM squad 25-5 and 12-2, a 7-3 loss wasn't that bad. But still a tough night for (as PM will sometimes calls me) Big Papi........

Answer to the Mystery Athlete Quiz

http://people.aol.com/people/article/0,26334,1211649,00.html. I have to say, good work surgeons! http://www.goodplasticsurgery.com/archives/005682.html

Bill Simmons' Worst 25 NBA Contracts

25. Antoine Walker -- 5 years, $45 million remaining -- should be higher
24. Rasho Nesterovic -- 3 years, $23.4m -- agreed
23. Jamal Crawford -- 5 years, $43m -- not close to one of the worst 25 (Troy Hudson anyone?)
22. Brian Scalabrine -- 4 years, $12.4m -- amen
21. Jamaal Tinsley -- 5 ys, $33.6m.................................................................................................. --20. Kyle Korver -- 5 years, $23.4m -- disagree, gives you SOMETHING at least
19. Adonal Foyle -- 3 years, $26.8m -- top 6
18. Darius Miles -- 4 years, $34m.........................................................................................................17. Brian Cardinal -- 4 years, $24.3m
16. Etan Thomas -- 4 years, $26.4m -- always makes me say "who?"
15. Eddy Curry -- 5 years, $52.5m -- I am sorry, there aren't 14 worse contracts than Eddy -- he has a heart condition and could die on the court tomorrow.........................................................14. Zydrunas Ilgauskas -- 4 years, $45.8m -- yep
13. Sam Dalembert -- 5 years, $50m -- bad contract
12. Nene -- 6 years, $60m -- in my opinion, #1. At least the guys above him were ONCE good!!11. Quentin Richardson -- 4 years, $33.2m-- Suns knew when to unload
10. Raef LaFrentz -- 3 years, $35.4m-- Ainge unloaded this awful dog and the #9 deal of..........9. Mark Blount -- 4 years, $27.5m
8. Marko Jaric -- 5 years, $35m-- at least the Wolves only gave up a starter and a #1 to get him. Wolves have 2 in top 10 plus Troy Hudson at 4 and $24MM -- if NY wants Troy for Crawford, I would do that deal.
7. Erick Dampier -- 5 years, $50m -- may retire before the end of the deal
6. Jerome James -- 4 years, $25m-- I have to disagree, JJ sucks, but at $6MM per, is he a worse investment than Etan or Rasho or Toine????...........................................................................5. Chris Webber -- 2 years, $43m-- strongly disagree, a lot of teams would welcome an all-star level player (#17 in Efficiency rating in the whole league) whose deal expires in 2 years.
4. Steve Francis -- 3 years, $52.7m-- note that Isiah has both #4 and #3 (OK -- and ##6, 11, and 15)
3. Stephon Marbury -- 3 years, $59.2m
2. Zach Randolph -- 5 years, $73.3m-- who knew? The guy was an extremely hard worker for two years. A left-handed Elton Brand. Who knew he'd become a younger Othella Harrington so soon???
1. Kenyon Martin -- 5 years, $71m -- you know a guy is overpaid when the Wolves are said to be interested in him...........................WHERE ARE LARRY HUGHES AND DONYELL???????

Summer League

http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/columns/story?columnist=stein_marc&id=2515040&lpos=spotlight&lid=tab3pos1. Bargnani -- quick feet...........on the scoring end of the court........

Mystery Athlete

This mystery athlete used to be a world-class amateur athlete who competed both as an individual and as part of a team. I never thought she was much to look at 10 years ago, but time, a new hairstyle, and possibly a new nose and chest have really brought things around. For you single guys out there, her divorce just became final! Guesses?

I Guess "Long Duk Dong" Was taken

http://news.aol.com/topnews/articles/_a/teens-name-changed-after-years-of/n20060707082509990005?cid=936

Pirates of the Caribbean -- Dead Man's Chest

It sets the all-time opening-weekend and all-time one-day box office records. In 3 days it blows by successful films like "Click" and almost gets to the 3-week numbers of "Superman Returns." www.movies.yahoo.com has now expanded its list of all-time box office movies to the top 150: http://movies.yahoo.com/mv/boxoffice/alltime/. A trend that is developing and I think will be finalized about 2010: Top 10 movies will require $400,000,000 U.S. box office. $300,000,000 will get you top 40 status, and you won't see the top 100 unless you do $220,000,000.

Zidane Named Best Player

Ironic.............http://sports.yahoo.com/sow/news?slug=ap-wcup-goldenball-zidane&prov=ap&type=lgns. Based upon what I saw in the final, he was the third most dangerous offensive player on his own team! I would say Ribery and Henry were both more dangerous with the ball (but perhaps not with their head).

Respect

This weekend I gained more respect for: 1) Rafael Nadal -- playing Roger Federer in a match on grass that Nadal could have easily tanked, Nadal showed great skill and heart. A 5-set U.S. Open match on hard court should be the truest test of the two (Nadal clearly better on clay and Federer noticeably better on grass). 2) French soccer -- despite the Zidane fiasco, France was clearly the better overall team, clearly in better physical shape, clearly better coached. One drawback -- the French goalie was abysmal (as was evidenced by the fact that the French players repeatedly swarmed the front of their own goal to help him out). How France managed to get to the finals with this guy in net is a miracle. 3) LeBron James's agent -- reports late Sunday from ESPN noted that James's agent was not going to have him sign a 5 year deal with the Cavs, but rather a 3 year deal with a 4th year player option. This give James greater flexibility in escaping if need be, plus he is only about $18MM short on guaranteed money (which he can make up if he continues to be good and can re-sign a 6 year deal at age 25). 4) My friend TEG -- when I call his cell phone voice mail it says, "This subscriber is not taking any calls at this time." If he had just added "from you" he would have moved to #1 on this list.....

Can You Hear Me Now?

http://articles.news.aol.com/business/_a/cingular-accused-of-deceiving-customers/20060707025609990001?ncid=NWS00010000000001

Judge Rules That Hawks Cannot Sign Long-term Free Agents

The Maryland judge who last month ruled Steve Belkin is entitled to buy the Atlanta Hawks and Atlanta Thrashers from his former co-owners added a new twist to the ongoing feud Thursday. Montgomery County (Md.) Circuit Court Judge Eric Johnson ruled the current ownership and management team should retain control while the appeals are heard. But the good news for the Atlanta Spirit group also included the judge's stipulation that will prevent the Hawks or Thrashers from signing a free agent to a contract longer than one year. The AP reports: The ruling also doesn't affect any negotiations already under way, including the Hawks' agreement to sign free agent point guard Speedy Claxton. The deal, believed to be for four years, cannot be officially announced before Wednesday. Atlanta-based Michael Gearon Jr. of the Atlanta Spirit ownership group applauded the ruling. How can David Stern allow this to continue? Shouldn't it be a requirement of buying an NBA club that there has to be one clear owner? Shouldn't it be a requirement of owning an NBA club that any ownership dispute is decided quickly by an arbitrator appointed by the Commissioner? This dispute could last 2+ years in the Maryland courts. During that time will the Hawks be unable to sign ANY long-term free agents? Arg. By the way, the Hawks officially dodged bullet #1 in the Joe Johnson/Boris Diaw deal when the Suns ended up with Rajon Rondo (whom they traded to Boston for Cleveland's 2007 first rounder). The Hawks have now received Joe Johnson for Diaw and likely a very low #1. Unfortunately, here comes bullet #2. The Suns get the Hawks' pick in 2007 if it is not in the top 3. If it is, they get the Hawks' pick in 2008, even if it is #1. Better see some vast improvement in Atlanta soon (why is Mike Woodson still their coach???). Currently nbradraft.net projects the Hawks' pick at #4 and UNC freshman Brandan Wright. Ouch.

Ashley Judd Spends 47 days to Stop Being Too Perfect

http://people.aol.com/people/article/0,26334,1210150,00.html?cid=recirc-top5-2-1210150. Never let it be said that treatment centers aren't good marketers. 1) Get Winona in to treat "food addiction" (summary, please stop eating, you are fat -- or as Monica was told on "Friends", "eat as much as you want...but it's not love"); 2) sis comes to visit, get her in for 47 days for some sort of perfectionist syndrome. 47 days -- LT just went and played 36 holes of golf!!

Chad Lowe -- substance abuser

http://people.aol.com/people/article/0,26334,1210148,00.html?cid=recirc-top5-1-1210148. The funniest part of the article is her comment that her success did not cause the breakup --- it was his LACK of success that caused the breakup!!!!

Catching You Up On All Things NBA

Based upon the reports below, it looks like I have a lot of catching up to do. Here is a first effort using nba.com and related links..............................................
'NET REPORTS: TRADES & DEALSOFFICIAL MOVEMENT-->
Atlanta: Hawks get Claxton from Hornets -- better than nothing, but wouldn't Foye have had a greater upside? We know what Speedy can do (30mpg, above average backup, average starter)

Boston: Iverson would put C's back on map -- Yeah, but Wally for AI won't get it done.

Chicago: Big news: Bulls land Wallace -- already commented on this below.

Chicago: Chandler to Hornets -- I like the deal for both teams, Bulls cut salary commitment and add assets, Hornets add another good young player (Hornets badly overpaid for Peja, but they have added Bobby Jackson, Peja and Tyson Chandler)

Cleveland: Cavs quick with offer to LeBron -- fear and loathing at Quicken Loans Arena (per the road sign on I-90, "THE Q"), LeBron maybe doesn't want to be shackled to Hughes and Donyell as his best teammates for the next 5-6 years. Danny Ferry, "Our key off-season objective is re-signing Drew Gooden." Based upon that comment, look at what the Hornets have done (above) and tell me which team LeBron would prefer to play for....

Cleveland: Gooden plays waiting game -- cuz he sucks

Dallas: Terry stays put with a 6-year deal -- I wondered why Jason Terry was all of a sudden good. He was in a contract year!!!!!!!!! 6 and $50MM!?!? I guess when you are so close to the title you have to do it...

Dallas: Mavs' Mbenga gets multiyear deal -- "very impressed" by his improvement?? What, in practice? Dampier and Diop are better and you will owe on Dampier forever. I guess you could use Mbenga as trade bait. Wither Pavel Podkolzine?????????

Denver: Melo to the "max" -- In September 2009 you will see the Nuggets pushing for the "Carmelo Anthony" amnesty rule. A necessary evil here, but how do you explain.......

Denver: Nuggets commit to Nene -- If ever there were an illegal Joe-Smithian under the table deal agreed to, it is this one. Guy wasn't very good BEFORE he blew out the knee, blew out the knee, gets a BETTER deal!!!!!!!

Detroit: Mohammed might fill void -- Related news -- New York: Mutsui hurt, Crosby might fill the void.

Golden State: Draft may set up trades -- yes, now that a draft has occurred the worthless overpaid dross held by Golden State suddenly turns to gold.

Houston: Mike James game no slam dunk -- because they might lose him to the Hawks or Minnesota -- bad sign for Houston if they have fallen so low in the pecking order

Indiana: Croshere to Dallas for Daniels -- Dallas dumping salary, good pickup for Indiana

Indiana: Harrington has Pacers in mind -- bad news for Hawks fans

L.A. Clippers: Thomas in, Cassell back -- Cassell at 2 and $13MM is OK; Tim Thomas at 4 and $24MM is ridiculous. Note that the Suns (the team he actually played well for) made no attempt to keep him at that level.

Miami: Posey opts to stay -- takes $6.4MM option and will delay free agency one year -- good for the Heat.

Miami: Undrafted Gansey signs 2-year deal -- some had him as the second best shooter in the draft, undrafted.....They also have Pittsnogle in camp.

Milwaukee: Ford for Villanueva -- good deal for both clubs, Raptors didn't need Bosh, Bargnani and Charlie -- and Ford proved not to be the answer in Milwaukee.

New Jersey: Cliff glad to get second shot -- get busted for testing positive during the playoffs, ensure your teams' ouster, get re-signed. Add this to the roster of Vince Carter (quit playing to force a trade), Jason Kidd (wife beater) and Marcus Williams (fat computer thief) and the Nets have become the Raiders of basketball

Philadelphia: Iverson to Golden State? -- yeah, for Troy Murphy, yeah, Billy King could instead choose just to simply put six bullets in the chamber and play Russian Roulette.

Philadelphia: Try Iverson for Boozer -- try Iverson for newly-signed D.J. Mbenga or Mike Gansey.......Good lord, did AI kill someone while I was on vacation????

Phoenix: Piatkowski signs for two years -- good shooter, not particularly fast though, Nash will have to dish WAY back for the EP threes.

Portland: Przybilla coming back -- I was hoping for another Portland trade.

San Antonio: Mohammed leaving for Detroit -- we hardly knew ye, sad to see a great NBA champion leave....

Seattle: Wilcox, Sonics likely far apart Chris wants to be paid in valid American currency, Sonics have offered unlimited lattes.......

Toronto: Busy summer of buy and cell -- clever pun....look at the Raptors' roster, it still sucks and it still includes Raptor-for-life Mo Peterson!!!!!!!!

Utah: Jazz trade with Warriors for Fisher -- Warriors' signing of Fisher never made any sense, they now unload him to Utah for three guys who suck (Devin Brown anyone???) . Utah acquisition of Fisher still makes no sense, he is worthless on a team not in the 45-65 win range, and I don't think reacquiring Harpring and bringing in Arujao makes the Jazz a 50-win squad. Sorry, D-Fish, another lost season. D-Fish would make a good Heat....By the way, why was Mike Montgomery NOT fired?????? Wasn't he rumored to be fired in January? Still the coach? No good college jobs opened up? Clever entry twoard the end of this wiki -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mike_Montgomery

Eddie Griffin

Having been sccoped on this story due to my vacation, I offer up the actual civil Complaint against one Eddie Jamal Griffin: http://static.wcco.viacomlocalnetworks.com/~wcco/Documents/Griffin_Lawsuit.pdf. Hey, why take a shot at the guy for poor play ON the court in the lawsuit -- that is a little low!!!!!!!!! HM

Ben Wallace to the Bulls

An interesting set of postings from Pistons fans: http://need4sheed.blogspot.com/2006/07/bye-bye-ben-wallace-to-sign-with-bulls.html. The fact of the matter is that the Pistons were in a no-win situation. They had a 32 year old center who was making about 0% of his playoff free throws who wanted 5 years and $70MM to stay. He also hated Flip Saunders (Flip being an offensive coach, Ben being a defensive player). What probably made the most sense was for the Pistons to do a sign-and-trade with the Bulls (who have a ton of young talent to give) but Ben stuck it to the Pistons by leaving while giving them nothing in return for a top 20 NBA player. The signing of Nazr Mohammed doesn't do much for me and I anticipate that he will rarely play 20+ minutes a game for Flip (Flip being an old CBA coach who does not stress D, he really has no use for average big men). The move means that the Bulls move WAY up the list of Eastern Conference teams (they do have to try to make one more move (preferably 3 or 4 of their guys for one guy) to clean up their roster though, you really can't have J.R. Smith as your 12th man, it is not good for team chemistry). The Pistons, as I predicted a month ago, begin their slide toward playoff mediocrity (think Wolves 2000-2005)......................

Remaining NBA Free Agents

http://www.hoopshype.com/free_agent_rankings.htm. The pickings are getting mighty slim..............Hawks sign Speedy Claxton??? Um, OK. We could have picked Randy Foye, but Speedy is more our guy....... Typical Hawks. The Hawks own Al Harrington's Bird rights, let's see if they can f that up..........Rumor regarding the bizarre Roy-Foye fiasco: Wolves were picking Brandon Roy for Houston (who would send #8 and Randy Foye to MN plus Luther Head), but Portland wanted Roy and found out that the Wolves were trying to screw them and give Roy to Houston. So, Portland completes its trade with Boston, gets to #7 and picks Randy Foye (thus making a Houston/MN deal impossible). Houston is left out and has to make the Battier/Gay deal. Minnesota now has the guy Portland wanted and Portland had Minnesota's guy. They swap the two and Portland gives MN cash for PR purposes (it would have been funny in a sad sort of way to see McHale have to actually GIVE something to get a guy he passed on at #6). In any event, that is the rumor.

Wimbledon Update -- Bad Day to Be A Girl

Nadal advances. It looks like a bad day to look feminine at The Championships -- Clijsters has already lost to Henin-Hardenne and Sharapova looks ready to fall to Mauresmo. The faces on the winners would scare even the kindest child. Tremendous shape, hideous appearance -- go figure..........

Soccer Update

We have come down to France and Italy, two nations that since 1914 have excelled at soccer and little else. If you throw in Brazil, it appears that the key to being a soccer power nation is a hard-partying lifestyle and a great interest in food and love making. Hey, I guess I should start encouraging U.S. soccer interest more here on the Blog!! Of course I will be supporting Italy in the final. I prefer Italian cuisine to French. A good pasta dish is awfully hard to beat. To my Argentine reader -- tough break against the Germans, only made worse by the fact that the German guy got in a cheap (albeit wussy) sucker punch on an Argentine player. First Ginobili commits that awful foul, and now this! Nalbandian not quite getting it done in the grand slams either.

I'm Back

Having traversed 2,500 in the minivan, I now return to work and my high-speed Internet (booked a hotel room on my dad's computer, which only took me 53 minutes on priceline.com). With my pile of mail staring me in the face, I now proceed to try to make money rather than spend it. Even with gas prices at $3 a gallon, trekking 5 Maven Family members to Syracuse was far cheaper than flying. Special thanks to K (author of k-line.blogspot.com) for taking care of us for a few hours in Chi-town on July 4. I see your comment, K and it was nice to see you as well. Kids say, "K is really funny and he likes to talk a lot." :-) HM