Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Res Ipsa Loquitur

Read first link first.

Then note picture of alleged wrongdoer.

I will be expecting (nay, "praying for") a fundraising call from West Chester University Foundation.......

"HM, what is this gift to WCUF for $10,000"???

Monday, September 28, 2009

Vikings -- Winners (Plus More HM Travails)

(Play the Music while you read the post).

So I get four free tickets to Vikings/SF. Two in Section 100; two in Section 105. Two are from a guy I referred work to; two are from a vendor.

I attend with my two daughters and one of their friends. Young one is going to sit with me in 105; the 15 year olds will sit together. We get to the game at about 11:45, which is far too late as I know now. Anyway, we get in line around 11:50 to go in. The Dome now has a "female" lines and a "male" lines, like Disneyland, presumably so they can search women's purses. With three girls, I go in one line and they are in the girls line.

I get to the front, hand the guy my ticket. Yeah, not valid. Scan again -- nope. So I pull out the Stub Hub e-mail that they gave me "in case there is a problem." Ticket guy -- "Yeah, that doesn't help you any." The guy in line behind me is now really pissed because he is going to miss kickoff because my ticket will not scan. He says, "Here, I have an upper deck ticket that I won't need. Just let him in." He gives me the ticket, I get in.

My daughters are 20 feet away, but they give me their story later. My very bright 15 year old has her ticket scanned (section 100) -- nope. Then her friend gets scanned (section 100) -- good. Huh? Of course my 11 year old gives the Section 105 ticket to the person and it is also bad.

So I was given four free tickets to a Vikes and of them were scannable at the gate. OK. Bad.

So I walk in and there are the 3 girls. My eldest says, "Wow. That was bad. The lady asked us if we went out and came back in. Then she asked us if we stole our tickets. She said that she was going to let us in, but only "on trust.""

Well, this is probably just a scanning error. So I sent the two girls to 100 and Diabetes Maven and I went to Section 105. There is a huge fat guy and his chunky Asian girlfriend in our seats. They have computer printouts showing their seats as being......exactly where they are sitting.

So I go to an usher and ask for the section for fan relations.

We go to section 110. Now, if you are ever in my situation DO NOT DO WHAT I DID. You are in the building. Look around for a couple empty seats in the lower deck and sit there. I almost ended up out on the street.

DM and I go up to the lady at the ticket office (35 or so, medium build). I explain my problem and give her my tickets and my Stub Hub e-mail. Here is our conversation:

HM -- "So, I have two tickets here that a lawyer friend spent $300 on and someone is in our seats."

Lady -- Yeah. You have been duped. The people in your seats have valid seats and you do not.
You were duped.

HM -- "Well, the e-mail says I should show you guys the e-mail if there is a problem."

Lady -- "Yeah, that is worthless. It means nothing to us. Call Stub Hub and tell them you have been duped."

HM -- "Well, I came her to watch a game."

Lady -- "And you were duped. I am sorry you were duped. But we have tickets still for sale. You could buy two."

HM -- "I will not be buying two tickets to a game where someone paid $300 so I could go. Can I speak to someone back there?"

Lady -- "I guess. Let me see if you can speak with Chuck."

Chuck is a guy with a buzz cut, around 5'7", 155, coiled steel. Chuck is the kind of guy who you would start a fight with because he is little and in about 11 seconds you would be lucky to be alive.

Chuck -- "So here is what happened. You were duped. This guy sold these tickets to Stub Hub and then re-sold them to someone else. The second guy got the e-mailed tickets. Once tickets are e-mailed, the originals become worthless. Yours are worthless. So, yeah, you were duped."

HM -- "Please stop saying I was duped. I was given tickets by an attorney friend. I paid $0 for these tickets. I was never DUPED. So please stop saying I was duped. Is there nothing you can do for me, Chuck? I have two young kids in the game sitting in a different section."

Chuck -- "I will walk back and get you two tickets."

HM -- "Thank you, Chuck."

So I get Section 224, Row 1. We walk up and I show the usher my tickets -- "You have to walk around to the other side. The seats are on the other side." Walk the semi-circle. Show the fans over there -- "You have to go to the other side, they are on the other end."

Ask the same usher. "Do they say ROW 1!?!? I thought it said Row Z. Yeah, you are right there. (points)."


In any event, we had OK seats, for free, so I don't want to bitch too much. But what happens at the end of the game? Favre to Greg the end zone where I could have been sitting, in the corner where I would have been. (click on section 105).

...........Instead I am 300 yards away texting my wife to see if she thought the guy was in or not.

I would like to see the guy who double-sold his tickets punished in some manner. Example -- castration.


Friday, September 25, 2009

Hit On After Cardiac Rehab

I went to my 7:30 a.m. cardiac rehab appointment today. Yesterday I was out all day because I got a back molar extracted (and since I am on Plavix, I kind of bleed a lot). But anyway, my molar extraction pain made it so that I basically ate nothing yesterday and this morning, then I got to treadmill for 40 minutes today. So by 9AM I was going to look as thin as I will ever look in the near future.

Last night I was feeling really bad and my whole left side felt swollen from the tooth pain, so I took my wedding ring off. I forgot to put it back on this morning.

I am in line for a bottled water and a blueberry muffin (they say "low fat muffins" on the sign, but I am skeptical) at the hospital coffe shop. My duffel bag is at my feet. I move up in line, kicking the duffel bag ahead of me on the tile floor. Female voice, "You must have played hockey or soccer didn't you." Turn around -- short little doctor lady, about 5'3," blonde hair, accent, probably 40. Yeah, no, I was a basketball player. "Well, you just showed so much skill in moving that bag, those looked like some trained feet!" No. And I really do not care for soccer. "Oh, that is too bad because I bet you would be really good at it. Plus I love soccer." [Place my order]. "I played two years of volleyball at university in Australia and I was really good.........just too short I guess. The coaches seemed to prefer the new recruits -- taller girls." I know what you mean about the too short thing. "Well, you seem plenty tall to me. I bet you were quite an athlete."

My lord. I finally said so long and walked away.

Note to self -- remember wedding ring every day for cardiac rehab. But wait, bad economy, single lady doctor -- damn, I blew that one!

Monday, September 21, 2009

Blake Lively Red Dress at 2009 Emmys

For those critics who reviewed the red dress and said "too much skin" I reply -- for a church picnic perhaps.

Also featured -- Blake Lively in orange.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Dan Marino -- Extremely Overrated

Dan Marino's career playoff stats (courtesy of wikipedia):

10 Years

18 Games

8 Wins (ergo, 10 losses)

385 Completions

687 Attempts

56.0 Completion percentage

4,510 Yards

6.6 Yards per attempt

32 TDs

24 INTs

77.1 passer rating

15 rushing attempts

1 total rushing yard

0.07 yards per rush

1 rushing TD.

So Dan Marino was a below-.500 playoff QB and his rating was 77.1. Tarvaris Jackson's career rating as an NFL QB? 76.4. So come playoff time, Marino was barely better than T-Jack.

Apologists for Marino claim he was hampered by the fact that he played with a poor defense. That would not explain his 77.4 T-Jackish rating. But let's examine this claim versus, say, Jim Kelly who led the Bills to 4 Super Bowls. As one commenter noted on

The Bills and Dolphins each split their Reg. season games in '90, '92, and '95, yet Kelly and the Bills beat Marino and the Dolphins ALL 3 YEARS in the PLAYOFFS. The icing on the cake---the Dolphins had the HIGHER RANKED DEFENSE in both '90 and '92. Plus, Kelly led the Bills to the S.B. in both years. One other thing--Kelly also led them to the S.B. in '91 and '93 and his Defense in both of those years was ranked 27th out of 28 Teams.

Look at 1991 and 1993 -- Bills defense was next to last in the league and yet they reached the Super Bowl.

When Marino was backed by a defense ranked 24th or worse, he made the playoffs....................................once. In 1997 the Dolphins had the #26 ranked defense, eked into the playoffs at 9-7 and then proceeded to lose to New England. Well, I am sure the score was 54-51 or something, right? Well, no. Try 17-3. Marino's line? 17 for 42 with 0 TDs and 2 picks. Scored no touchdowns.

To further refute the ridiculous claim that Marino was victimized in the playoffs by his team's defense, let's look at the number of points he managed to put up in his 10 playoff losses:

20, 16, 14, 34, 10, 21, 22, 3, 3, 7.

You are not going to win many playoff games scoring an average of 15 points. If you remove the high and the low (34 and 3) you end up with 113 points in 8 games -- 14 points a game, even worse.

Much like A-Rod, Dan Marino was a far better regular season player and well, let's face it, a pretty T-Jackian playoff performer. When his team lost, it was generally because Dan failed to put up many points.

Does he belong in the Hall of Fame? Sure, just like someone like Rafael Palmeiro (steroids aside) belongs in the Hall due to very good regular season play over a very long period of time.

(You need to sort of ignore the fact that Marino had a Hall of Fame coach, came to a playoff team when he was drafted and yet made the playoffs only 10 of 17 years (59%) -- Troy Aikman came to a 3-13 team and yet made the playoffs 8 of 12 years (67%); and Jim Kelly came to a team that had been 2-14 and then made the playoffs 7 out of 11 years (64%)).

But is Dan Marino one of the most overrated players in NFL history? Yes. No doubt.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Susan Boyle -- "Wild Horses"

Start at about 2:30 in.

I am no big fan of America's Got Talent (I think that this year's winner cannot sing as well as I can -- I mean it), but I watched last night because I wanted to see Shakira and Susan Boyle.

Shakira was lip synching, but Susan Boyle was amazing. She might be a train wreck with a lot of baggage, but she can sing.

Back in the early 1970s when I was just a little kid this sort of TV performance was not unusual -- you dress up a female star in a designer gown and have her sing with an orchestra. I was amazed at how old fashioned the performance was, but, again, it was beautifully done.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Is Kanye West Gay?

Given his outburst last night:

Kanye West Storms The VMA Stage

we have to wonder what psychological problem Kanye West has.

It has often been opined by people who study these things that denial of sexual identity can cause you some very serious mental issues:

West is rumored to be gay and he vigorously denies it:

I am sure that Kanye is as straight as any person can possibly be, so I definitely believe him. But suppose that someone took the exact opposite position and disbelieved Kanye (who is obviously not gay -- after all, he said so).

One might say that by denying his sexual identity, West has caused himself such emotional and mental anguish that he feels that he has to make up for his self loathing through outrageous conduct. Of course, that person would be wrong, because Kanye West is not gay. But like Fox News, I am trying to be "fair and balanced" here and present both arguments so my readers can decide for themselves whether Kanye West is a self-loathing person who is really gay. (He is not. He said so).


Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Mike Duvall: 1) Spanker; 2) Quitter

My Goodness, Olajuwon and Robinson Were Awfully Good

I took Kevin Garnett, one of the greatest players of our generation, and asked to compare his stats through 14 seasons with those of Hakeem and David. Result -- no contest, those two guys were WAY, WAY better.

While KG is a better passer than either of these two, he holds no other significant statistical advantage. Robinson and Olajuwon basically double KG's blocks per game number AND they outscored him AND their PER rating is better.

Robinson's greatness as a player is cemented by the fact that of the three great players, he had the best Offensive Rating (116 points created per 100 possessions) and the best defensive rating (96 points surrendered per 100 possessions). He also is #8 all-time in Win Shares (despite the fact that he entered the league at age 24 and played only until he was 37. Every guy above him played many more games.

Summary -- KG has been excellent, but still nowhere near the player than the other two guys were for their first 14 years.

Thursday, September 03, 2009

Most Errors at Each Position Since 1950

Since players were not even required to bring their gloves off the field with them until 1954 (!!), it probably makes sense to look at the time period when gloves were decent and you could run around without tripping on someone else's glove:

1b Dick Stuart Boston Red Sox 29 errors and a .979 fielding percentage

2b Rod Carew Minnesota Twins 33 .960
Juan Samuel Philadelphia Phillies 33 .962

3b Butch Hobson Boston Red Sox 43 .899

SS Roy Smalley, Sr. Chicago Cubs 51 .945

lf Lou Brock St. Louis Cardinals 9 assists 19 errors .936 percentage

cf Willie McGee St.L. Cardinals/Oak. A's 14 assists 17 erros .962

rf Chili Davis California Angels 10 19 .942
(tie) Vladimir Guerrero Montreal Expos 15 19 .948

c John Bateman Houston Astros 23 errors .971 percentage
(tie) Thurman Munson New York Yankees 23 .972

Info taken from:

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Ricky Rubio -- His Word Is Worth.....Well....Shit

David Kahn says, "Rubio fucked us over."

On Saturday night, an agreement was reached between Dan Fegan, the agent for Ricky Rubio, Jordi Villacampa, the president of Joventut Badalona, and myself on behalf of the Minnesota Timberwolves to buy out the last two years of Ricky’s contract with Joventut so that he could play in the NBA next season.

While the term sheet was being finalized Monday night, Ricky informed me that, despite considering us his first option the previous weekend - and, admittedly, after some back and forth throughout the summer - he preferred to stay at home to play for FC Barcelona, which earlier this summer had made a buyout offer to Joventut. He also reaffirmed that it was his intention to join us in Minnesota two years from now when he will be 20.

This morning I met with Ricky and his parents and told them that I understood Ricky’s decision. It was clear to me yesterday and in this morning’s meeting that the pressure surrounding Ricky and his family to remain in Spain for at least two more years had only intensified as the summer wore on and was weighing heavily on them.

Ricky Rubio says, "Heck, I lie all of the time, so why not end with another whopper for those inbred dolts in frigid Minnesota.":

Ricky Rubio:“The reason leading me to take this next step is to have a period of preparation to better take the challenge of the NBA in better conditions as a player. The Minnesota Timberwolves continue to be my first option and I wish to play with them in the near future.”