Saturday, April 30, 2011

Movie recommendation - Fast Five.

If you like action movies you will not find many better. Suspend your disbelief or any knowledge you have of wire cables.

But - awesome stuff.

Friday, April 29, 2011

Peja Stoyakovic and Emeka Okafor Put Up 0 Assists For An Entire Playoff Series

It has only happened 7 times that a player has played over 125 playoff minutes in a season and registered 0 assists.

Okafor's 188 minutes places him 3rd on the all-time list (behind Tyrone Hill and Charles Jones).

Peja's team advanced, so at 141 minutes he has a pretty good chance of surpassing Happy Hairston for 4th (just needs 9 assist-less minutes) and, at his current pace, he will blow by Charles Jones in Game 4 of the Lakers series.

Charles Jones played in 19 games without registering an assist. While his minutes were obviously limited, he clearly knew his role, attempting only 13 shots in those 19 games and turning it over only 5 times total.

Peja has 4 steals in the playoffs!?!?!? That is a blistering pace for him. His career stats per 36 minutes is 1.0, and he has not reached that level in any season since 2005.

Dwight Howard Playoffs -- Worst Playoff Assist to Turnover Performance EVER!?!?

Howard in 6 games had 33 turnovers and 3 assists. That is an assist to turnover ratio of 0.09.

For a big man, 1-1 is outstanding, 1-2 is acceptable, 1-3 is well, getting pretty bad. When you get down to 1 assist for every 4 turnovers, you really should be getting the ball far less than you are.
So, let's put the filters at 30 minutes per game and 6 total playoff games:

Okafor's performance this year netted the Hornets 0 assists and 12 turnovers. So his ratio was infinite. But still, Howard had 21 more turnovers than Okafor:

Peja had a year with 18 turnovers and 3 assists:

Shawn Kemp had a year with 4 assists and 27 turnovers -- but a better ratio than Howard and 6 fewer turnovers in 3 more games (80 more minutes).

There have only been 18 guys since they started keeping turnover stats for playoff games who have averaged greater than 5 a game for an entire playoff season.
(19 times - Dwyane Wade has done it twice).

(By the way, welcome back, Super John Williamson -- 7 turnovers a game in the 1978-79 playoffs, worst ever).

Only Kevin Duckworth and Alonzo Mourning were under 2 assists a game, and only Howard is under 1.3 assists a game.

To be fair to Howard, I sought out even sucky big men with under 0.4 assists and over 2.0 turnovers per game.

Tree Rollins, Benoit Benjamin, Stanley Roberts - all had 10 or 11 turnovers per assist, but none were above 2.2 turnovers a game.

Simply put -- Dwight Howard has just had the absolutely worst assist-to-turnover performance in a playoff season since they started keeping records.

All-Time Worst rankings:

7 and 6. (tie)
Super John Williamson and Peja -- you are really just shooting guards, you cannot turn it over 7 times a game, sorry John, RIP...and Peja -- 18 turnovers and 3 assists? Really?

5. Okafor (infinite turnovers per assist in 6 games and a lot of minutes) -- his 0 assists is the terrible part, 2 turnovers a game isn't quite so bad.

4. and 3. (tie)

Duckworth and Zo -- both terrible performances where they had 5+ turnovers and under 2 assists. You guys are better than that....or were in Duck's case....RIP.

2. Shawn Kemp -- very, very bad, and only shot a little over 47% despite a ridiculous turnover rate and paltry assist rate.

1. The Worst -- Dwight Howard -- there just isn't any real argument.

Dwight Howard -- 43 Minutes Per game, Under 0.6 Assists Per game

Remarkably terrible assist numbers -- Moses, Laimbeer and Tarpley are the only 3 to reach or come close to Dwight.

I guess when you are shooting 63%, it is awfully tough to pass.

Keeley Hazell -- Still Alive In KFAN "Babe Bracket"

Just FYI.

Iguodala -- Still Due Over $44MM

Iguodala still has 3 years left on his contract, which will pay him $13.5 million next season, $14.7 million the next season and $15.9 million in 2013-14.

I hate to doom the guy to the NBA outposts of the world, but isn't his career about to the point where he should just go become the star on a shitty club like the Timberwolves? Right? I mean, look at Zach Randolph -- signs an absolutely absurd deal with Portland (mid-level club), doesn't justify the deal, kicks around, ends up in Memphis (in a deal made of desperation by the Grizzle -- people thought they would try to move or cut ZBo) where he suddenly starts justifying his money.

Iggy will never be anything but a salary cap burden in Philly. He really is not a clutch player (how many late game shots does he take and miss? I don't think there is another player in the NBA where they go to him more late and he converts so little).

But in Minnesota -- hell, you are all we got!! Give it hell, jack up a ton of shots, no pressure. If by some miracle we get a couple other good players, you are suddenly the "veteran leader" of the club!

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Kevin Durant's First Round -- Great, Not That Great

8 guys have done as well or better than Durant's 32.4/5.6/3.6 average for at least round #1 of the playoffs (minimum 5 games).

The best season? LeBron James' 2008-09 had the most win shares. Hard to argue against Elgin Baylor's 38.5-17-4 mark. Or Kareem's monster years.

The most consistently great? Who else? Michael Jordan put up sick, sick numbers almost every year while in his prime (and I excluded his ridiculous performance in the 3 game sweep at the hands of Boston by requiring 5 playoff games to be on the list).

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

United States v. Wok Kim Ark -- Why Barack Obama Is a U.S. Citizen

So, the U.S. passed a law that stated that Chinese people could never become U.S. citizens (we are an open-minded lot, aren't we). This guy complained, stating that since he was born in the United States and was not born to a foreign diplomat, he was a U.S. citizen under the Citizenship Clause of the 14th Amendment which states that anyone born or naturalized in the U.S. is a United States citizen.

The Supreme Court ruled 6-2 that, in fact, the Chinese kid was a U.S. citizen, having been born in the U.S. to two foreign parents, neither of whom was a foreign diplomat at the time of his birth. (There is some repeated reference in the summary to the fact that the parents were running a business, not sure why that matters, if at all.)

Obama was born to one U.S. citizen parent and one foreign parent. He was born in the United States. No evidence that either parent was a foreign diplomat at the time, so, ender Wok Kim Ark, Obama is a U.S. citizen for 14th Amendment purposes. No act of Congress can take that away.

Now, the other argument made is that Obama is not a "natural born citizen" -- I don't see any validity at all to this argument. A natural born citizen, in the strictest sense, is a person who is not a naturalized citizen. For example, Mitt Romney's dad was born in MEXICO -- I think a pretty solid argument can be made that he was a U.S. citizen, but NOT a "natural born citizen." He moved to the U.S. he was not born here

Schneider v. Rusk, 377 U.S. 163 (1964): The Court voided a statute that provided that a naturalized citizen should lose his United States citizenship if, following naturalization, he resided continuously for three years in his former homeland.
We start from the premise that the rights of citizenship of the native-born and of the naturalized person are of the same dignity and are coextensive. The only difference drawn by the Constitution is that only the 'natural born' citizen is eligible to be President.

The argument that Obama is not a "natural born citizen" appears to be 100% bogus. He ran against John McCain, who clearly was not born in the U.S. (he was born in Panama somewhere, it is argued he was born outside the Canal Zone and also argued that the Canal Zone really was not U.S. property when he was born -- did the concept of national borders even exist when McCain was born? Did they get a 8 year old boy to watch you being born and break his arm so he would always remember the day?) so just on the basis of "but for Obama we would have had..........." the whole thing is bullshit. "I demand we instate the Panamanian guy over the Kenyan guy!"

Anyway, a little history for you.

As I predicted........"Or so they SAY!!!"""

Obama Long-Form Birth Certificate

Oh sure, where is the videotape of the birth?

Where are the hospital pictures?

He is still black-skinned after all, right?

Why are there parentheses? Who and where is David Smialin? Why is his signature so shitty? Why is it on the wrong day?

Look -- this will prove nothing to true racist haters of our President. You could dig up Elvis's bones and submit them to DNA testing in front of Priscilla and Lisa Marie with Nick Cage pointing out fractures that occurred during the King's life, and people would still swear they saw him at a Kum and Go in Livonia, Michigan last night.....and he still looked 42 years old.

Nice try Barack -- but it won't help.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Nikki Haley -- She Bangs!

So, when the GOP rolls through South Carolina and everyone is trying to curry favor with her, ask yourself, in the words of Bob Dole -- where is the outrage!!?!?

Oh, I am sorry -- Nikki Randhawa Haley -- no wonder she is so in favor of outsourcing sexual conduct away from her husband.....

King & Spaulding -- No Longer Defending Defense of Marriage

Look, folks, it is all about the almighty dollar for large law firms. If they can receive $1 more by defending Lucifer himself, they will do it. But if Coca-Cola says, "Defend Lucifer and you won't be seeing any new business from us" then poor old Satan is out in the cold.

I am a little surprised, by the by, that $500,000 is sufficient to defend the Defense of Marriage Act. First off, there is probably a lot of discovery, etc. on the reasons behind the Act and whether there is a "rational basis" (or some higher standard) being met. There will be expert testomony and depositions, etc.

No way you can get this up to the U.S. Supreme Court at a large firm like King & Spaulding for $500,000.

Be that as it may, when your $40MM a year client (Coke) says, "Don't do that," you are likely to listen. The guy who left K&S to do the work anyway at a smaller firm says that the sure way to be on the wrong side of history is to abandon an unpopular client.

Uh, I don't think you understand the whole concept of "unpopular client" buddy. Read Caroline Products footnote #4 -- those discreet and insular minorities who are out of favor are the "unpopular clients" whom you should avoid screwing over. You aren't going to be on the right side of history, for example, by arguing for (and winning) Japanese-American internment camps were a good idea during WWII. I don't think anyone is out there saying, "Wow. Thank God that guy stood up for what is right and just!"

When I was at a large firm, a guy from a major corporation came in and argued in favor of hiring quotas. It was amazingly unconstitutional! "When I have a job posted, I say go get me five black candidates for this job....if they bring me only one, they are not doing their job. We need more black faces." Oh my lord. Some young associate (not me for once) questioned whether the blatant use of racial quotas was a legal business practice. The guy informed the firm's managing partner that "you guys have a long way to go" and demanded that the firm associates receive diversity training or he would pull his account.

So I got diversity training -- it was taught by some incredibly hot white woman, and it basically stated that "there is great value in diversity." Someone asked if she was advocating hiring quotas for black men and she stated, "No." OK -- lesson failure.


Rachel Bilson -- Gains Some Weight, Looks Much Better

Roger Goodell -- "Waaaaaa, I Like Things the Way They Are!!! Waaaa...!"

It is hard to identify anyone who has taken upon themselves more power over the lives of others than Roger Goodell. Accused of a crime you did not commit? Suspended without pay. Might be accused of a crime -- better talk to the Commissioner. Fail to talk to the Commissioner -- suspended without pay. No evidence you ever did anything wrong except hang out with one or more crazy chicks -- suspended without pay.

Of course no one has ever been able to tell Goodell that his heavy-handed assholish behavior is improper (to his credit, to my knowledge at least, Goodell has stopped short of demanding
jus primae noctis, although I am sure he believes he enjoys such a right).

But now that two federal judges in Minnesota have twice told the Dictator that he cannot do everything he wants to do, what does he say? "Oh, man, that is not right. The players want to destroy the league....." First, Roger, the players agreed to give back over $100MM to the billionaire owners of the NFL. Nope, we demand more. In light of the fact that the NFL owners will not allow players to work and earn a living unless they give back $300MM or more, what would a reasonable person expect the players to do versus what would a good dictator expect them to do?

Reasonable person -- sue the bastards;
Roger Goodell -- bend over more, grab your ankles harder, and accept your lot in life you poor black servants. We white overlords are your masters, and we are above the law because what we have created is so awesome.

See any similarities between Goodell and other egomaniacs? Recall how Bill Gates through unfair and illegal trade practices put more and more competitors out of business and then defended himself at the antitrust trial by saying, "Well, we are so great, of course everyone is jealous." Mark Zuckerberg -- screwed his best and only friend out of hundreds of millions of dollars and then justified it because, well, what MZ created is so great.

Goodell -- takes the same position. OK, so what if 70% of what we do is a blatant violation of antitrust laws, so what? Don't you beer-swilling tube-jockeys want to see football?

Look, Roger, if you want to run your anti-competitive league, you need a players union to say that it is OK. If you want a players union, stop trying to fuck them over at a time when you have one of the most reliably profitable business models in the world.

I am really sorry, Roger, that someone has actually told you that what you are doing is illegal (funniest Goodell quote "the players chose litigation, which we were prepared for...." Um, Rog, obviously not very well prepared for -- your $4B in TV money is stuck in escrow and you have been ordered to let all of your players show up for work; what would have happened if you and your attorneys were UN-prepared? Would the players own the 32 franchises by now?).

I realize, Roger, that you believe anything you do is legal, just as a matter of divine right. But, sadly, some day it happens to everyone -- you wake up, and someone tells you that you are not God Almighty. I recognize that you take the position that this is wrong, but it has happened to you just like it does to everyone else....amazing, you are just like all the little people!

Tough shit. Make a deal with your players, bite the bullet, and get back to suspending people for "conduct unbecoming a football player" or "failing to talk to me" or whatever new thing you can invent so you can suspend large black men without pay or any semblance of due process. That will make you feel better.


Monday, April 25, 2011

Averaging 25 Points and 11 Assists for An Entire Playoff Campaign -- No One Has Ever reached the Third Round

Bad news for Chris Paul (25 and 11 so far against the Lakers). History teaches us that if you need this much out of one guy, you just cannot win it all.

Out of 7 times this has been done -- 4 first round exits, and Chris Paul is on the fence.

Averaged 32 Points and 17 Rebounds and Lost A First Round Playoff Series

Dwight Howard currently averaging over 32 points and 17 rebounds a game in the playoffs.

That has happened a total of 7 times:

Wilt 4 times, Kareem once, Elgin Baylor once. Only once has the guy ever lost in the first round:

Wilt in 1960-61 averaged 37 and 23 and lost in 3 games to the Syracuse Nationals.

Dwight -- at least you will be in good company.

It's That Time Again -- KFAN "Babe Bracket" In Full Swing

Keeley Hazell going at it today. So to speak.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Donald Trump -- Typical Real Estate Developer

I used to sue real estate developers for banks and insurance companies. Here is a typical asset deposition of a real estate developer, circa May 1992:

Q. So, here is a financial statement you provided to a bank in January of 1992, correct?

A. I guess.

Q. Is that your signature? Did you fill this form out?

A. I guess.

Q. Well, is there someone out there filling out forms and signing your name without your knowledge?

A. No. That is probably my signature.

Q. So what does this balance sheet say your net worth is?

A. About $3.7 million.

Q. And the balance sheet you provided today says your net worth is negative $6.9 million?

A. Yes.

Q. How has your net worth plummeted so badly?

A. Well, the real estate market really went down.

Q. In 4 months you have lost almost $11 million of net worth?

A. It is a bad market.

Q. What happened to the $750,000 of cash you listed in your January application?

A. I spent it.

Q. On what?

A. Dinner, nights out, living expenses, stuff like that.

Q. Isn't it actually the truth that you began hiding those assets from my client since the day you got sued?

A. No.

My general opinion of real estate developers -- lying sacks of shit.

Swiss Senior Women's Curling Squad Headed for Medal Round

On my way back from Chicago recently I chatted with the Swiss Women's Senior Curling team -- they advised me they were the second best team in the world, behind Canada.

They are currently third after 9 rounds of round robin play, ensuring at least a 4th place finish and a semi-final birth. They could finish 2nd or 3rd in opening round play, then they will play team USA in the semis. Despite my patriotism, none of the U.S. women has ever chatted with me in an airport, so I say go Switzerland!!!

Memorable Idol Performances

Heart & Fergie - Barracuda (Idol Gives Back 09... by chickone71

American Idol - Ruben Studdard by classics007

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Slovenian Melenia Knavs, er, Melania Knauss, er, Malania Trump (OK -- Donald's Third Wife) Demands Proof That Barack Obama is a U.S. Citizen

If I were Melania Knavs/Knauss/whatever her real name was when she was allegedly born in Slovenia:

1) I would be a lot better looking than I am.

2) Despite #1, I would be banging someone a lot WORSE looking whenever that hideous troll wanted to bang me.

3) I would try to spend LESS time worrying about whether the U.S. President is a natural born citizen (or is, in fact, some foreigner who is just taking advantage of the U.S. after moving, you know, like me); and

4) I would spend a lot MORE time worrying that on April 26 I turn 41 - with a body now ravaged by age and pregnancy. Trump divorced his first fashion model wife when she turned..............43.

Syracuse Wins My "Best Upstate NY City" Poll With 67% of the Vote

Rochester limps in for a poor 2nd place with 20% of the vote.

Thanks to the person who said that the best city is wherever I am at any particular time.

Holly Webber -- Don't Say I never did anything for you male readers

Um, 5'7", 107 pounds, 34D-23-34. There was a big article the other day on the fact that Barbie dollas, if life sized, would be like 44-18-32 at 5'9" and 100 pounds. So, yeah. Holly Webber. Um, solid. 10 stars out of 10.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Dwight Howard, Kevin Durant, Chris Paul -- On Historic Playoff Paces

Chris Paul's 30-10 effort against the Lakers means he is only 1 of 2 guys to ever average that in a playoff stretch. The other is Iverson in 2004-05.

Only 4 players have ever averaged 39 points a game for a playoff series. Jerry West (11 games), Michael Jordan (3 games) and

Dwight Howard (2 games)
Kevin Durant (1 game)

While these sample sizes are, admittedly, tiny, it is amazing how these performances stack up to some of the all-time greats.

Howard, for example, is averaging 39.5 points and 19 rebounds. 35 and 19 for a playoff stretch? Only Wilt and Howard (Wilt went 37 and 23 one year and then 35 and 26.6 the next year) have ever done this.

If you drop it down to 35 and 15, you still only get Wilt, Baylor, Kareem and Hakeem.

The bad news for Howard -- Wilt had a first round elimination with these stats, as did Hakeem.

LeBron, by the by, best ever playoff year was 2008-09 where he went 35-9-7. No one else has ever gone 35-7-7. If you drop it down to 30-7-7, you get Jordan, Oscar Robertson and.....................................Chris Paul (1 game this year).

LeBron also goes over 29-7-7 on a career basis in the playoffs. Others to do one. Jordan went 33-7-5.5.

Government Takes Away Your Religious Rights? No Damages.

I am sure that plea for injunctive relief will be real helpful to prison....And if they violate the injunction, well, then, time for MORE injunctive relief.

Bill Walker's 3 for 16 in 25 Minutes a Game -- Worst 2-Game Stretch of Playoff Shooting Since 1989

While there is still time to recover for old Bill (possibly 5 more games), for a guy who is playing 25 minutes a game, he is shooting at a historically terrible rate.

Thankfully for Bill, Hersey Hawkins shot 3 for 24 in a 3 game stretch in 1988-89. I am unsure why this shows up, because Hersey did NOT average 25 minutes a game (24) but I guess the computer did not want to leave Bill Walker hanging out there with only guys from 30 to 60 years ago.

How about Bill Tosheff!?!?! Two straight years in the playoffs, two straight 2-game sweeps (getting swept). He averaged 33.5 MPG and yet shot a combined 3 of 34 in the two years!!! He heads the list for worst shooting percentage and most minutes played of this group of 10 terrible playoff performances.

I guess the Indianapolis Olympians had no one else to turn to other than this 6'1" guard. He did make 10 of 10 free throws in those two years combined....leading me to wonder why anyone would ever foul him instead of risking his sterling 9% shooting percentage from the floor.

Timberwolves Money-Saving Ideas???

Here is a great comment string from the same Web site (paraphasing):

-- Kurt Rambis and David Kahn continuing to have a job is Glen Taylor's way of saying "Fuck you" to me and all other Wolves fans.

-- I would rather have him fire those two and then come right up to my face and scream "Fuck you." I would probably say "Thank you" numerous times.


122nd Birthday For.........Adolf Hitler

Since I am sure some conspiracy theorist has him still alive and living in Brazil, I will note that at 122, Hitler must be showing serious signs of aging.

Adolf -- made the trains run on time; oh wait, that was Mussolini.

Adolf -- made Jesse Owens a bigger star.

Adolf -- decisive.

See, you can say something positive about anyone.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Study -- Men Shouldn't Provide Oral Sex -- OK to Receive

Men have a greater chance of contracting the HPV virus from oral sex than women do from the same behavior,

though researchers aren't exactly sure why.

Oral cancer has a low survival rate because it is generally not discovered until it has spread to other areas, according to the CDC. Only half of people who've been diagnosed with oral cancer will live longer than five years

Wife -- "It's not going to kill you...."

Husband -- "Wrong, it is not going to kill YOU!"

Some news items just need to be circulated........

Rick Adelman -- Fired -- Boy, Talk About Wrongful Termination!

The Rockets GM says Adelman agreed that he was not the guy to take Houston to an NBA title. Well, yeah, I would expect NBA title with Yao out for yet another season and with Houston's best player being Kevin Martin and with Houston trading Shane Battier (one of the game's greatest winners) for............Hasheem Thabeet.

I mean, what the hell is Rick Adelman doing not using Thabeet to win an NBA title?!?!? Good riddance. Maybe he couldn't figure out how to use the Brad Miller/Chuck Hayes/Jordan Hill juggernaut that had been handed to him!?!?

When you hire Rick Adelman, you should know what you are getting:

1) Great offensive coach (Rockets were third in points per game, 8th in pace of play, 4th in offensive rating). This despite having no all-star or all-NBA candidates on the active roster for much of the year.

2) Guy who cares little about defense (19th in defensive rating, 22nd in points allowed per game).

3) Guy who has always won (43 and 39 this year, 1561 NBA games, he has had 2 1/2 losing seasons).

4) Guy who isn't a miracle worker (give him a good team and he will do well, give him a poor team and he will always do a little less well -- he is an above average coach).

So, Kurt Rambis -- still has a job. Rick Adelman -- nope.

2) he does

Jan Brewer (!?!?!) Vetoes Arizona Birther Bill

When even Jan Brewer thinks your bill is stupid, you really have fallen way to the far side of crazy.

If I am a U.S. citizen, and I cannot for some reason get a birth certificate, I can show that I was circumcised!?!? THAT is good enough? Or that I was baptized (yeah, since the Catholic church is so tough on illegal immigrants)?

As the commenters note -- even a stopped clock is right twice a day.

Cindy Crawford -- "Sometimes Mommy and Daddy Just Need a Quickie"

Pictured -- a pre-marriage Crawford.

I was watching TV last night with Diabetes Maven -- the 28 year old guy on "Baggage" revealed that he had not had sex in 2 years. I said, "ooooh!" DM says, "What are you laughing about, Dad? I doubt you do any better...."



Monday, April 18, 2011

Friday, April 15, 2011

Kevin Na -- Takes a 16 on a Par 4

In case you were wondering, Na will miss the cut by around 10 strokes, so a par on the hole would have him in contention to finish top 20.

Welcome to My Syracuse Readers

Jonny Flynn and Donte Greene had bad publicity here today, but that has not hurt my readership from upstate NY sports fans. So, here is to you with a pic of a lovely young Syracuse fan.

JaMarcus Russell -- Thrown Off His Life Coach's Team

Russell then wadded up a piece of notebook paper and threw it at his life coach, injuring a person standing 15 feet to the right and 10 yards beyond the life coach.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

How Historically Bad Was Jonny Flynn's 2010-11 Season? 4th Worst In the Past 26 Years.

7.1 PER 85 offensive rating 114 defensive rating Played over 800 minutes. Negative win shares for the year. It really is hard to find such a terrible season for a guard since 1975-76:

You can argue that Charlie Scott's age 31 season was worse (negative 1.4 win shares). But you would have to ignore that his PER, O rating and D rating were all better). You can argue that DeShawn Stevenson and Stephen Graham were worse (lower PER, DeShawn shot worse) but that whole usage rate deal hurts you -- these guys are off guards, they won't have the ball as much as Flynn, so all other things being equal they will have lower PER.

DeShawn's O rating and D rating are also 29 points apart, the same as Flynn -- which is, quite frankly, horrific.

How terrible was Flynn this year?

If you take off the sort for "guards" but continue to search only for players who have played over 400 minutes in a season and who has recorded both an offensive rating worse than or equal to 86 and a defensive rating worse than or equal to 113, here is what you get:

1 Uwe Blab 1989-90 TOTNBA 531 minutes, 3.3 PER, 83 offratg 114 defratg -0.4 win shares
Negative 31 offensive rating versus defensive rating.

2 Lancaster Gordon 1985-86 LAC 704 minutes, 7.8 PER 86 ORTG 113 DRTG -1.1 win shares
Negative 27

3. Donte Greene 2008-09 SAC 725 minutes 5.2 PER 84 ORTG 116 DRTG -1.1 win shares Negative 32

4 Sasha Pavlovic 2009-10 MIN 877 minutes 83 ORTG 113 DRTG -1.2 win shares negative 30

5 Jonny Flynn 2010-11 MIN 983 minutes 85 ORTG 114 DRTG -1.3 win shares Negative 29.

Verdict: Jonny Flynn has just put up the 4th worst season since 1985-86 for a player who played over 400 minutes.

The Worst? Donte Greene. I am sorry, you go negative 32 between offense and defense, shoot 32% and put up a 5.2 PER with a 116 defensive rating, you are terrible.

Runner Up -- Uwe Blab
-- 3.3 PER!?!?! Negative 31? At least he only played about 500 minutes.

3rd Worst -- Pavlovic -- believe me, I watched him play, he was as awful as the stats show, a shooter who cannot shoot.

4th Worst -- Flynn

5th Worst -- Lancaster Gordon. You need to give some cred to Stephen Graham and DeShawn Stevenson too, so maybe they tie Lancaster for 5th.

2010-11 Timberwolves Sorted By John Hollinger's "PER" Stat (includes offensive rating, defensive rating and Win Shares Per 48)

Now, I am not saying that the "Advanced" statistics on are the be-all and end-all of judging a basketball player, but let's just say this: they are a very rough indicator of performance, becuae the guys you expect to be way, way at the top are generally way, way at the top and then there are 40-50 guys in the next set where you only have 5-6 outliers that make you say "man, those stats are kinda fucked up." In other words, if you went to a bar and saw 100 women, the stat would give you the top 15 hottest, then 40 of the next 45 hottest, then at the way end the bottom 15. You could quibble with rankings 61-85 and say "Hey, that chick you rated a 3 is more like a 5 1/2" but you don't get a "2" up there with a "10" or vice versa. Recognizing the rough evaluation method, here are the Wolves players ranked best to worse by PER. Comments are mine.

Age G MP PER ORtg DRtg WS/48

Kevin Love 22 73 2611 24.3 123 108 0.210

Now, 20th in the league in each category is 21.1 PER, 118 Offensive rating and 102 defensive rating and .175 win shares per 48. Love is a top 20 player except........he isn't a good defender. I would go so far as to say that Love's 108 defensive rating (lower is better) is distorted to the positive by the fact that he plays so many minutes so his rating is going to be close to the rating of his club for the whole game....and it is hard to have a defensive rating much above 111 (MN's rating is 111, 27th of 30 clubs). So Love is a piss poor defender and if he never had to venture to that end of the floor, he would be a top 10 NBA player.

Anthony Randolph 21 23 463 18.5 101 108 0.069

101 offensive rating? For a guy who has scored 20+ a few times for the Wolves? that is not a good rating, that shows he shoots and handles the ball WAY more than he should.

Michael Beasley 22 73 2361 15.5 100 112 0.035

100? For a guy who takes a million shots? Again -- not good. And a WORSE defender than Love!

Luke Ridnour 29 71 2159 15.0 112 113 0.089

Excellent on offense, terrible on defense, generally a more winning player than most of the Wolves.

Anthony Tolliver 25 65 1362 13.3 122 112 0.115

A scrappy hard working player who is very productive offensively. Unfortunately, also not a good defender. At least he will score you more than he gives up! And look at his win share rate -- better than every single Wolf but Love.

Martell Webster 24 46 1094 12.4 111 113 0.077

Well, a very, very bad defender, plus he is no better offensively than Ridnour and well worse than Tolliver.

Darko Milicic 25 69 1686 12.2 91 107 0.007

You aren't going to win much because Darko is playing. Pekovic (see below) contributes 5 times more wins per 48. A 91 offensive rating is just remarkably terrible. If a player has a 91 defensive rating he is the best defensive player in the league many years. His above average defensive rating cannot make up for that 91.

Nikola Pekovic 25 65 887 11.2 100 111 0.035

Pek improved, a lot. I like Pek with decent coaching in coming years. Better offensively than Darko. Compare his ratings with Beasley's. They are almost identical. I would guess Beasley's PER is better due to the fact that Hollinger gives points for "Usage" which is how much you control the ball.

Lazar Hayward 24 42 419 10.8 101 112 0.035

Very mediocre, but not that much worse than Darko, Pek or Beasley who played good minutes.

Sebastian Telfair 25 37 711 10.5 98 114 0.008

I am surprised Bassy's numbers are so much worse than Ridnour's.

Kosta Koufos 21 39 336 10.4 90 109 -0.004

Um, terrible offensively, OK defensively, if he was on the court, he was helping you lose.

Corey Brewer 24 56 1362 10.3 96 110 0.023

Off guard -- 96 offensive rating -- that is the stuff of backup power forwards and centers. And he isn't that great defensively either. Martell Webster is roughly twice as good......and he isn't that good.

Wesley Johnson 23 79 2069 10.2 101 112 0.030

This is why I undertook this analysis in the first place. I heard Wesley's PER number was the same as Kosta Koufos. It isn't. It is worse. Now, on the plus side, Wes is better offensively than Brewer, but worse defensively, and I am certain his USAGE rate is poor (he can't dribble and he is not aggressive with the ball, so how much is he gonna have the ball?).

Maurice Ager 26 4 29 10.1 94 114 -0.015


Wayne Ellington 23 62 1181 8.6 100 115 0.010

Played 1,200 minutes and had a 115 defensive rating. The #20 player in the league in offensive rating is about 117. So every time Wayne was on the court the other team all played like the 30th best guy in the league. Denver's team offensive rating was 112.3 -- #1 in the league. When Wayne played every single team was better offensively than the Nuggets. Yikes.

Jonny Flynn 21 53 983 7.1 85 114 -0.064

These are historically horrible numbers. 85 offensive rating for a point guard!?!?!? 85!!! Everyone knew he was a midget and a zone defender coming of of Syracuse, but an 85 offensive rating!?!? 5 worse than Koufos? 11 worse than Brewer? Wow.

This requires its own entry.

Sundiata Gaines 24 8 65 4.9 79 112 -0.102


Jobs Bill? What Jobs Bill???

Monday, April 11, 2011

More Winklevoss

For all of the bad shit that "The Social Network" said about Zuckerberg, it was worthwhile to prove what worthless business competitors the Winkle-vi were, at least to the 9th Circuit: The Winklevosses are not the first parties bested by a competitor who then seek to gain through litigation what they were unable to achieve in the marketplace. And the courts might have obliged, had the Winklevosses not settled their dispute and signed a release of all claims against Facebook. With the help of a team of lawyers and a financial advisor, they made a deal that appears quite favorable in light of recent market activity............ For whatever reason, they now want to back out. Like the district court, we see no basis for allowing them to do so. At some point, litigation must come to an end. That point has now been reached.

Busy Day In The Ninth Circuit -- Arizona Cannot Regulate Immigration; Winklevoss Twins have to Settle For Simply $65MM in facebook Settlement and

Obama Trying to Be Bill Clinton? The real answer here is "Sir, you are no Bill Clinton."

Say what you want about Clinton -- while he clearly did some stupid stuff (or, I guess, the better statement is "had a stupid chick do HIM"), he knew what people truly cared about and his "turn" to the center was consistent with his general history as a moderate southern Democrat. Obama was given the Dem nomination because everyone on the left believed he was far more liberal than Hillary Clinton. He hasn't been.

And he has a VERY disturbing tendency to simply give up on things that he campaigned in favor of (closing Guantanamo, trying terrorists in civil court, letting the Bush tax cuts expire).

Clinton was hated by his party for not pushing the party agenda. Obama is hated by the party for basically lying about what he would do when he got in office. Clinton was never viewed as a weak leader. Obama has been a remarkably weak leader AND yet, somehow, still gets ripped for being the devil incarnate by the GOP (at times, literally).

The country breaks down roughly 20% whacked out liberal, 50% center, and 30% whacked out right wing (e.g., Michele Bachmann supporters and the people who still thought in 2008 that GWB actually was doing a good job as President). Clinton could appeal to the 50% in the center and win despite losing many of the 20% on the left. Obama cannot do so. He will have to win the whole 20% and scrimp together 30.00001% elsewhere. Unless the GOP puts up Bachmann or Palin, it is hard to imagine Obama getting the full 20% or the 30.00001% given his current "negotiation by capitulation" strategy and his past claim to being champion of the liberals.


Jason Day Photo Album -- My Apologies

They apparently got sick of folks visting the Day wedding album link, so now it goes nowhere. Here are some pics of Day's wife Ellie:

Holly Sweeney Overtakes Erin Andrews for My Blog Lead ....Barely

Over the past week, "Rory McElroy's Girlfriend Holly Sweeney" has brought me over 5,200 page views. Ms. Sweeney's presence has been so powerful during the Masters that her entry has even surpassed the pic of Erin Andrews by about 300 hits on my all-time list. Generally this phenomenon goes away quickly, but for now, Erin -- take a back seat, Holly Sweeney has moved to #1 on my blog's history!! Even though it appears she may no longer be his girlfriend......... Shhhh, don't tell anyone!

Jenn Sterger -- I Want My Life Back

Then when the commissioner of the NFL came to you and asked for an interview, you probably should have just said, "Um, no. I don't work for you and this was not a big deal. So fuck off."

I don't think anyone ever needed to hear those words more than Roger Goodell.

Her life back? Like in the picture? That life?

Jenn, I think the only thing stopping you from doing what you do best is the $5,000 needed to reinsert your old implants.

Friday, April 08, 2011

Golfer Jason Day -- The Greatest Day of His Life

And you can buy a copy for under $50!!!

Rory McElroy's Masters Performance, And His Girlfriend Holly Sweeney Are Just Powering My Blog Traffic

Chicks (and gay dudes?) are obviously trying to find out whether Rory is available. In the last 2 hours, my blog entry on Holly Sweeney has had 60 hits! For the day? Hundreds.

Here are some more Holly and Rory pics for you voracious searchers....

Challenging at The Masters -- Fred Couples?!?!?!?

Um, old. Jack was 6th at the Masters at age 50 and at age 58, so if you know how to play Augusta, it seems like you never forget. HM

My World Makes No Sense -- Pia Eliminated, Paul McDonald Being Stalked by Nikki Reed!?!?!? Pia's elimination is the worst ever Idol elimination -- you take the #1 singer in the group and eliminate her in 9th place? The judges seemed stunned, well, they could just use the Judges' Save.........oh wait.......used it in Week 12. Nikki Reed loves Paul McDonald? What next? Jessica Alba starts texting Scott Savol?

Thursday, April 07, 2011

American Idol -- Final 9 -- Boy Do I Miss Simon Cowell

It has been hard for me to watch American Idol this year. When you have 9 performers getting 27 positive judge comments (despite several very mediocre efforts) your show is no longer a talent competition, it is a Variety Show. Everyone comes out and performs and you get someone to say something nice about them and then they move off stage.

Last night Paul McDonald performed "Folsom Prison Blues" as a happy danceable Rockabilly number. This is akin to opening up Johnny Cash's coffin tossing in an American Flag, and vomiting and urinating on the flag, then setting the entire coffin, etc. on fire. Then taking a dump into Cash's burned and desecrated skull. Judges comments -- "Boy Paul, that was great." Folks, it is a whistful song about going to prison after killing a man. It is not a happy dance number. Adam Lambert's bizarre "Ring of Fire" number was a sycophantic photocopy of a Cash song compared with this horrific display.

My ratings: 9. Paul McDonald -- Terrible every week. Just terrible. Has been the "Vote For The Worst candidate since they had 13 left. Awful, just awful. 23 out of 100

8. Stefano Langone
- I get so tired of his "I am a lesser David Archuleta with an ethnic look" act. American voted him off once before and he was picked as a wild card. Time for him to go again. MILES better than McDonald. 46 out of 100.

7. Lauren Alaina
-- a chubby, not real bright girl with an above average voice, any love of singing has apparently drained from her soul as her performance of "Natural Woman" almost literally put me to sleep.

59 out of 100.

6. Haley Reinhart -- is the exact opposite of #7 -- actually kinda hot, really enjoys performing, can be fun to watch, mediocre voice.

61 out of 100

5. Casey Abrams -- is reportedly banging Haley. Extra points for that. I don't care for Casey, but his performance of "Have You Ever Seen The Rain" was the best of the night last night. Received the judges' save in Week 12 (amazingly). Weird dude, weird beard, weird voice, idolizes Joe Cocker. Can be really good.
65 out of 100.

4. Jacob Lusk
-- Has a huge range, but not an enjoyable singer or performer. Sort of a male Jennifer Hudson. Maybe he can take one of the leads in Dreamgirls??? 70 out of 100.

3. Scotty McCreery --
country crooner, above average voice, but really a one-trick pony. I do not care for Scotty, or his desire to be this generation's Buck Owens, but give the devil his due. 74 out of 100

2. James Durbin --
or, as I call him, "Fake Adam Lambert." Take Adam Lambert, PG-13 him down, make him (allegedly) not gay, take away 12% of his talent, and you have James Durbin. 80 out of 100.

1. Pia Toscano (pictured) --
Katherine McPhee with a far stronger voice and a little more junk in the trunk. She has absolutely no dancing or movement ability, so watching her do a Tina Turner song was bizarre. But she has a huge voice and hits 99% of her notes. Has that whole Kardashian tanned and smoky look with the big guns leading the way.

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Britney Spears New Video I love me some Britney, but she seems intent on keeping the extra 10 she has packed onto that area several inches above her hamstrings. Oh well, 8 instead of 10 is all she is shooting for I guess.

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

Audrina Patridge and.................Mom!?!?!?!?!?

What I always tell the boy -- look at the mom, look at the mom.

Brandon Jennings -- Bucks Front Office Sucks

Maybe, Brandon, maybe you are correct. But I have run your similarity scores, and, well, maybe you should concentrate on your own game. I really love remembering Super John Williamson, but other than that fact, your similarity to a 33 year old Iverson, a washed up Ron Boone,and something named Wilbur Holland does not inspire confidence:

31 Bobby Jackson 6-1 2002-03 age 29

32 Gail Goodrich 6-1 1974-75 age 31

33 Jason Terry 6-2 2003-04 age 26 ATL

34 Vinnie Johnson 6-2 1986-87 age 30 DET

35 Wilbur Holland 6-0 1977-78 age 26 CHI

36 Mike Bibby 6-1 2006-07 age 28 SAC

37 Brandon Jennings 6-1 2009-10 age 20 MIL NBA 82 82 2671 451 1216 145 388 223 273 49 233 282 470 105 18 200 191 1270 .371 .374 .817 15.5 3.4 1.3 5.7 4.2

38 Lucius Allen 6-2 1974-75 age 27 TOT NBA

39 "Super" John Williamson 6-2 1977-78 age 26 TOT NBA

40 Brandon Jennings 6-1 2010-11 age 21 MIL NBA 57 55 1956 327 844 90 277 176 222 40 173 213 277 77 19 130 116 920 .387 .325 .793 16.1 3.7 1.4 4.9 3.3

41 Allen Iverson 6-0 2008-09 age 33 TOT NBA

42 Ron Boone 6-2 1977-78 age 31 KCK NBA

Bill Simmons On The Bottom Half of The NBA

There are a few issues I have, but I will stick with two:

1) Simmons for years has tried to promote Mike Miller as a free agent or trade for a winning team. Now Miami has him and Simmons rips him. At least if you are going to go so hard after a former favorite, admit that you were wrong initially.

2) Simmons criticizes Mike D'Antoni for not getting any use out of Corey Brewer who, allegedly, was swarmed with interest when Corey was cut.

Here is Corey Brewer's Game Log With Dallas, since March 1:

Apr 3 @ POR L 96-104 0 04:20 4 points
Mar 20 GSW W 101-73 0 11:04 2 points
Mar 12 LAL L 91-96 0 07:24 4 points
Mar 10 NYK W 127-109 0 16:50 7 points
Mar 7 @ MIN W 108-105 0 05:53 2 points
Mar 6 MEM L 103-104 0 09:59 6 points
Mar 4 IND W 116-108 0 05:21 0 points

In over a month he has played in 7 games, totaled about 60 minutes and scored 25 points. If "everyone" wanted Corey Brewer, then "everyone" was stupid.

Climate Change Denier Shows Up and Testifies -- Yeah, Global Warming Is Occurring Oops. Oh well. What is most damning about the guy's testimony is that he was NOT really seeking to figure out whether global warming was real or pretend, he was just asked to look at the worst parts of the current pro-warming reserach and explain why they biased the results. For example -- many weather monitoring stations are near paved parking lots, large buildings, and in urban areas -- so yeah, those stations, if thrown out, would prove there is no warming. Right? Well, no. You see, the rural stations in the middle of nowhere and the urban statiuons both showed the same level of warming. At best, had the urban stations been rural, they would have registered the same level of change, just not the same temperature (so, a rural MN station would show change from 40 to 42 degrees while an urban one might show 48 to 50 degrees). Needless to say, this is not good news for climate change deniers. The problem with using credible experts is that they have this great need to remain, well, credible experts. In the gay marriage cases working their way through the 9th Circuit, several of the experts put forward by the anti-gay forces actually gave good testimony for the pro-gay forces. They were not called at trial, but their testimony was read into the the pro-gay forces. I guess the best thing to do here is to simply put a guy through school, get him a degree, and hire him for $1,000,000 to be a climate change expert and always spout your position. Sure it isn't the cleanest way to do things, but when the damned smarties show up and testify the wrong way, you need a Plan B. (The current Plan B is to use a retired TV weatherman -- not sure that is the best way to go).

Lovers of the State Farm Commercial Decide -- Kirsten Dunst Wins Most Overrated

At 10PM last night, 92 people desperately searched to find out who the girl in the State Farm commercial is, and 3 of them voted that Kirsten Dunst was the most overrated "allegedly hot" actress.

Monday, April 04, 2011

Anti-Gay? Lady Gaga Kicks Adam Lambert Out of Her Party! Shame on you, Gaga -- he was Born This Way!

DOWN the Stretch We Come!!! (In the "Not So Hot" Actress Poll)

With 17 hours to go, Natalie Portman, Kate Winslet and Kirsten Dunst each has 3 votes, Milas Kunis = 2. "More Than 4 of the Above" has garnered 2 votes, while a kinder, gentler readership has registered 2 votes for "None of the Above". Isla Fisher and Amy Adams (if you can tell them apart) has/have registered no individual negatives, meaning that they are basically as hot as other people think. Anne Hathaway should not be Catwoman per the opinion of one unhappy voter.

And Who Said I Won't Get a Job Once My Law Firm Fires Me!?!?!? Hey, I know it is really unfashionable to say anything good about the economy whether you are a Democrat ("Obama is a tool of the right wing") or a Republican ("Obama is a socialist") but when ANY employer in the country says it is hiring 50,000 people, publicity stunt or no, that is a great sign. I bought a used car on Sunday -- dealer told me 2011 has been a ridiculously good year for selling new and used cars. Asked a client dealer how the car business was -- "March 2011 was the highest volume month we ever had since we opened many years ago." So, there are signs of life.

Friday, April 01, 2011

Kenosha Kickers

Sold 623 Copies. Led by Gus Molinski.............. Polka, Polka, Polka; Twin Lakes Polka; Kiss Me Polka; Polka Twist; Fairly big hits in the early 70s.

Jalen Rose -- Drunk Whiskey bottle, brand new car, oak tree you're in my way.........

One more drink, fool, would drown you
(Hell, yeah)

Fort Myers Trip - Recap

Fort Myers - 85 and overcast. Sun never shined. Received the WORST map of all time from the rental car counter. One inch on the metro area map was about 50 miles. Road placed less than half an inch apart could be 5 miles apart or could be 17 miles apart. No idea.

No one knew how to get anywhere - maybe they were all drunk, but the general answer to questions about directions "yeah. That is a long way away. I don't know.". Hotel is filing for bankruptcy - which I did not know. Nice hotel.....just no hot water. At any time during the stay. So cold I may have Shrunk to say - only 8 or 10 inches.

Ate dinner with my parents at a great diner in Sebring FL. My two nieces and my sister came. So I was the 4th youngest person in the place. By about 17 years.

White population in diner - 100 percent.
Senior citizen population 99 percent with 40 people waiting for dinner

Sat next to a girl on the plane to Cincy who looks like a 155 pound Scarlett Johansson. Just a stunning girl, but could probably post me up.

Bought coffee and a bagel for 4.36. At the airport!!!! Wow. Coffee served at around 200 degree. Haven't had any in 10 minutes

plane leaves soon to Minny - we expect snow this weekend.

Gophers play baseball outside today.

PM made the sophomore baseball team.

All for love - I mean, all for now.