Friday, April 27, 2012

Delmon Young -- Arrested

In Delmon's defense, he probably thought the guy was a fly ball and just accidentally dropped him.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

LeBron Posts Another One of the Greatest Offense/Defense/PER Seasons Of All-Time

Criteria -- you need to have a PER of over 27, an offensive rating of at least 118 and a defensive rating no higher than 102. Also, your spread between offensive rating and defensive rating needs to be at least 21.

Here are your guys since 1985-86:

Michael Jordan* 1987-88 PER 31.7 Offensive Rating 123 Defensive rating 101 Spread 22

Michael Jordan* 1995-96 29.4 124 100 24

Michael Jordan* 1990-91 31.6 125 102 23

David Robinson* 1995-96 29.4 120 96 24

David Robinson* 1991-92 27.5 118 94 24

David Robinson* 1993-94 30.7 119 98 21

David Robinson* 1994-95 29.1 120 99 21

David Robinson* 1990-91 27.4 119 96 24

LeBron James 2008-09 31.7 122 99 23

LeBron James 2011-12 30.7 118 97 21

  and........... Dirk Nowitzki 2006-07 27.6 123 102 21

  Where is Kevin Garnett? Kevin had several years with PER over 27, but in those years he never had a 118 offensive rating. In his MVP year he had a 118 ORtg, but his PER was only 25.1. Tim Duncan has never had an Offensive rating over 118. Even if he had, he barely squeaked above 27 PER three times. Hakeem Olajuwon had a PER of over 27 one time. He NEVER had a 118 ORtg, and his best ever season was 114!!! Only guys completely capable of carrying a team all by themselves make this list - because, as you see, except for Jordan, they do not tend to win NBA titles in the years in question.

Quickest NBA Foul Out

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Apple -- Now Holding $110 Billion in Cash

Current U.S. population -- around 314,000,000:

Apple could provide everyone in the U.S. with $350, have $100,000,000 left over, and then (at its current pace of business) replenish its cash in around 18 months.

Just remarkable.

Killa Karisma's "Jackin' Off to You" Video

Do NOT give up on this video at least until he starts representing about "my lotion." The kid loves his lotion.

Girls Gone Wild Offering 4 Week U.S. Senate Internship to Winner


Well, let me tell you what I know about internships -- Monica Lewinsky.  Oh, plus when i was an intern in 1985 in state government I had pretty good info that 15+ female interns were, um, "dating" their male legislator-employers.

So, if the winner of this contest wins a political internship, she had BETTER be the hottest girl in America because she will have more sexual opportunity than any "sorta hottest girl" could possibly handle.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

RNC Chairperson -- We Are going Back to Bush's Economic Plan

Wow.  So, the worst President of my lifetime, and possibly the worst two-term President of all-time (maybe Grant?) is your blueprint for your economic message.

Note - GWB was NOT for "limited government" - he expanded Medicare and expensed two wars off the books.  He was for "limited" taxation of the wealthy while spending huge amounts of money.  But he was white, so those diligent Tea Party folks never seemed to protest his fiscal wherewithal.

Megan Fox - Is Pregnant

I can certainly see how that would happen, given how often her husband probably did things that could cause it to occur.

John Lovitz on Obama -- No Word yet on How Tim Kazurinski Feels

Monday, April 23, 2012

Where I Grew Up

That blue and dark blue you see?  Snow, and heavy snow.

KFAN Babe Bracket Moves Into Second Round (Round of 32)

Some great matchups today. #4 Scarlett Johansson #5 Elaine Alden WEST REGION: #3 vs #6 #3 Candice Swanepoel #6 Sara Jean Underwood SOUTH REGION: #3 vs #11 #3 Nicci Pisarri #11 Bar Rafaeli NORTH REGION: #8 vs #16 #8 Arianny Celeste #16 Rosie Huntington-Whitele

Metta World Peace -- "Accidental" Elbow

Jon Huntsman -- Republicans are a Bunch of Wackos

This is akin to the "water wet, sun rises in the east" sort of comment you would not expect to make the news....

Gotta hand it to Huntsman's wife.  Perhaps she should run for office?

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Vikings to Fans -- Contact Your Legislators

I am not sure I would have led off the announcement with "we need a place for major League Soccer" but to each his own, I guess...

Oh, so close...

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Pat Summitt = Quitter

Alzheimer's disease has taken its toll.


As someone who has coached girl's basketball, I have to guess that she must have put up with a ton of ridiculous behavior over the years and yet somehow managed to coach forever...

Dick Clark - Dead

Howard Stern Will Get NOTHING and Like It

If I were Judge Kapnick, I would make sure I did not listen to Channel 100 on the satellite radio on Monday...
It is a very, very interesting legal issue, and both sides did a very poor job of drafting the agreement. We are talking hundreds of millions of dollars at stake here, people. Maybe you try a little harder to define exactly what happens if you force XM to merge and acquire 9 million more subscribers.

Jessica Dorrell - Paid $14,000 to Go Away

4,300 text message in 7 months "some with video or picture content." You gotta give 1,000 year old Bobby Petrino a lot of credit - that is a lot of young woman to handle. Hopefully all of the content featured ONLY her.

More Evidence that LeBron James Is Better Without Dwyane Wade

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

11 guys You Play Pickup Basketball With

I am "Player/Coach" - since they do not have one for "old white gunner."

Bobcats Quietly On Their Way to All-Time Worst NBA Record

The remaining tilts:

vs Chicago - certain loss

vs Memphis - certain loss

vs Sacramento - this is the possible win. Sac has been awful of late and they have no reason to try to win and the bobcats will be ending a long home stretch. They could win.

@ Washington -- another possible win.

@ Orlando - likely loss

vs New York - possible win. It all depends whether the Knicks have anything to play for. If they don't, they likely will rest Melo and play nothing but scrubs. If the Bobcats need the win to avoid infamy, they will be playing super hard while the Knicks could be playing basically not to get injured.

The all-time worst mark is 9-73 by the 1972-73 Sixers, though the 1999-2000 Grizzlies had only 8 wins (8-42 in a 50 game season). So, unless the Bobcats win 2 more they will share at least one NBA record for futility.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Twin Unveil Ridiculously Skinny Hrbek Statue

OK, come on guys. Puckett was about 225 at his heaviest as a Twin and his statue resembles a bear.
Hrbek appears to be about 205 in the statue with matinee good looks. In other news, the Twins have announced he will be played by Zac Efron in an upcoming film.
Look at an actual picture of the two men as rookies and see who had a wider build -- Hrbek. Even as a young man, Hrbek's waist had substantial girth. Even in his best LeBron James pose, his waist isn't going to shrink away to nothing.

Hustler Writing Style Guide

Whenever you have to describe the wild Chicago single life of the guy who operates, this will come in very handy.

Included, such important usage disputes as:

— blow job vs. blowjob
— porno vs. porn
— phone-sex vs. phone sex
— girl next door vs. girl-next-door
— cover babe vs. coverbabe

Bar Rafaeli

Friday, April 13, 2012

Michael Beasley Wants to Stay In Minnesota

If you agree to let me show up for work 75% of the time, only do the 1/2 of my job that I enjoy, never learn anything you are teaching me, and also pay me a "qualifying offer" of $8.2 million, I would also enjoy returning to my job. The Twins Cities are, undoubtedly, a great area in which to live, especially as a multi-millionaire.


Tuesday, April 10, 2012

How Terrible Was Lamar Odom in Dallas? Pretty Terrible.

Similar players who played 20 minutes per game, were 6'9" to 6'10" forwards, and had negative .88 Offensive Win Shares.

All very mediocre players (Darius Miles twice). Joe Wolf was listed as a forward-center, so his similarity of Odom was discounted, but the mere mention of his name should be enough to let you know how bad Lamar was.

Malik Allen













Stephon Marbury gets a Statue

In my opinion, there has never been a guy who has become more successful by demoting himself to low-B and C level talent than Stephon.

His statue is basically looks like Tiger Woods (are black guys really that hard to sculpt? I mean Michael Jordan looks like Terry Porter, Kirby Puckett looked like a bear (and now looked unrecognizable)).

Per TEG -- "Rick Santorum, Quitter"

Ozzie -- 5 Game Suspension,0,146145.story

Noted Ozzie in his apology:

-- "Fuck, 5 games? I can do that standing on my head. Boy Marlins management are a bunch of pussies."

-- "Cuban exiles? Shit if they were any good at anything, Castro would have kept them around."

-- "I guess I have to say I am sorry. I am not sure for what, but these are the words they told me to read."

-- "I am sorry that I won't get some miniscule portion of my pay just because like 20% of the population was offended by comments."

-- "What about the people who LOVE Castro and hate Cuban-Americans? Aren't THEY entitled to representation?"

-- "It is not like I said I love Hitler. I mean, I know how touchy the damn Jews are about that guy."

-- "Mussolini made the trains run on time. Hitler briefly revived the economy, and Castro lived a long time. All true statements. It isn't like I said that blacks are inferior to whites or anything like that. But I will if it will get me even one more hour of publicity."

Sportwriters everywhere jumped to Ozzie's defense, claiming his 1st Amendment rights protected him from any punishment whatsoever.

Love Hewitt Breast Reduction (Photoshop)

Doing this should result in jail time.

Monday, April 09, 2012

Lamar Odom -- Out of Work

No one except John F. Kennedy had a worse time in Dallas.

Note that Mark Cuban did 100% the correct thing here - he knew Odom desperately wanted to return to the Lakers. Not only did he not send him to the Lakers, but he refused to release him until after the March 23 deadline to be on a playoff roster.

AND Cuban also retains Odom's rights so he can move him as a salary in an off-season deal.

Good work -- way to screw the Lakers.

Rick Warren -- Mitt Romney Is NOT a Christian

Facebook to Acquire Instagram

As a 48 year old guy, I guess the proper reaction is - whuh? My next thought is - have we returned to 1999? A company that, as best I can tell, seems to basically break even is sold for $1 billion; largely because the enterprise value of the buyer is so ridiculous?


The KFAN Babe Bracket Has returned!!

Friday, April 06, 2012

Bynes - Hit a Cop car,,20585014,00.html?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl2%7Csec1_lnk3%26pLid%3D149872

Oh Amanda.

Man Bites Dog -- Allen Iverson NOT In Bad Financial Condition!?!?

He has $32MM in a trust and gets roughly a 3% return per year to help him live, and he won't get to take out the $32MM until he turns 55!!!

Whoever his agent and financial advisor is/was, is a GENIUS!!! Iverson made approximately $160MM in NBA salary, so $80MM after taxes. Having saved $32MM given his reported entourage and lifestyle is pretty awesome work.

Good job, AI.

F-18 Crashes Into Apartment

Let me get this straight -- you knew your airplane was going down into a residential area, so you two safely ejected? Um, I guess maybe there was nothing the guy could do anyway to avoid a crash, but the idea that as a pilot you will save yourself while letting your plane careen wildly into a residential area unpiloted doesn't seem to qualify you for "Profiles in Courage" recognition....

Amanda Bynes - Drunk

Why set Amanda Bynes' bail at $5,000? Is she really a flight risk? What purpose is really served by that? "Well, hot drunken 26 year old chick - we are very concerned that when you get out of jail you will drive to Vegas and become a stripper and never come back to L.A., which is the only place you have ever earned a living...."

Monday, April 02, 2012

Happy birthday to Amanda Bynes

  1. Becoming more age appropriate as she reaches 26.
2. Very good actress.

3. Do an images search - that is an amazing body.

Katy Perry Trailer

This may give a whole new meaning to the use of "3D" - any issue of whether KP is "real", stop it about 8 seconds in.

Sunday, April 01, 2012

Adam Sandler Sweeps 10 Awards at The Razzies

The previews for Jack and Jill looked so awful that I have even refused to pay the Redbox fee.

Ryan Leaf -- Stealing Pain Pills -- May See 10 to 20 in Texas State Prison

As Payton Manning signs one of the biggest contracts in NFL history, Ryan Leaf is stealing from someone he knows to feed his drug addiction. Let's hop that neither Andrew Luck nor RG III end up on the Leaf side of the equation.